Disavowals

Chapter Four: Mysterioso

"Where are we?" asked Theo, looking around. He and Professor McGonagall had appeared in the garden of what seemed to be a very ordinary house, with nothing to tell him where in Britain he might be.

"You're going to be staying with your aunt," McGonagall informed him. "It's the last place anyone would look right now, and it should be safe enough for the next week. Especially since I doubt many people will remember you have an aunt."

Theo froze. "But I just ran away from my aunt's house!" And this wasn't Wales, or not the part of Wales he'd come from.

"Your other aunt, Theodore. We wouldn't send you back to Karena Amberley."

Theo stared at her, simply confused. "My other aunt? I only have one aunt!"

"Professor, you made it on time." Theo looked past his teacher to see an unusually tall brown-haired witch emerging from the house. She looked vaguely familiar. "I hope there weren't any problems."

"None at all," said McGonagall crisply. "Although we have discovered that your brother-in-law neglected to inform your nephew of your existence."

"I'm not surprised." The witch crossed the lawn, giving them a friendly nod. "He didn't even speak to me at Addie's funeral, after all. You must be Theodore." The last was addressed to Theo.

He nodded, unable to think of anything to say.

"Uh...yeah. Yes. Um...thank you for offering to, er, take me in." Courtesies were safe. He could rely on them.

"Oh, well, it wasn't so much offering as an old friend asking me if I wouldn't mind hosting Adrienne's son for a week," the witch replied with a laugh. "I couldn't say no to that. I hadn't seen you since you were eighteen months old."

"We'll leave Mr. Nott to your care, then, Mrs. O'Neill," McGonagall interjected. She turned to Theo. "The O'Neills will make sure you get on board the Hogwarts Express safely. Someone from...someone will be around to check on you in the next week. I assume your owl will find you here. Which reminds me." She pulled out her wand, and placed the tip lightly against Theo's forehead. He automatically shied away, but not before she spoke.

"Nunquam indagando."

Theo felt the light shiver of a spell running over him, but nothing else. His - aunt, was it? nodded approvingly. "I should have thought of that myself."

"Wha-" Theo got out.

"A spell to stop anyone following an owl to you," McGonagall told him. "That's the last thing we need."

"Oh. Good," Theo managed. "Er - thank you, Professor. For...well...you know." He shrugged. "Helping me."

She allowed herself a slight smile. "Really, Mr. Nott, do you think we'd permit a student to get himself killed before he'd sat his NEWTs?" Her face darkened. "We've lost enough students as it is. Do endeavour to stay alive. I'm sure Professor Snape has told you that already."

"Oh yes," Theo said.

His teacher turned to the brown-haired witch. "Good day, Mrs. O'Neill, Mr. Nott," she said politely.

"You as well," replied Theo's apparent aunt. Before he opened his mouth to answer in kind, Theo's last connection to anything he knew had Apparated away.

"I'll take that, shall I?" said his new relative, lifting Theo's trunk with a flick of her wand. He picked up his broomstick, feeling very lost. "Come on inside now and I'll show you your room. We've got plenty of space," she continued as Theo followed her silently in the back door. "I don't suppose you'd know, but my three all left home years ago. My eldest daughter's got two children of her own, now. They come and play here sometimes. Watch the doorframe."

Theo ducked obediently under it, missing his head by an inch or so. Being tall was a pain, sometimes. They had passed through a tidy kitchen and were now proceeding down a hallway.

"Here we are." They turned into one of the rooms. "This was my son Liam's room when he was living with us. Take down the Quidditch posters if you want, I've always meant to get rid of the things but Liam's never come back to claim them." The room was small, but it reminded Theo painfully of his own. The similarities were superficial - a faded Puddlemere United poster next to a Ballycastle Bats one, which was even older, a desk with neatly stacked books, a bed next to the window. But it felt like a dim echo of home.

He was appalled to find his voice sounding rusty. "This may sound a little odd, ma'am, but - what's your name?"

His aunt, who was brushing the desk off with a frown, turned to face him.

"We haven't been properly introduced, have we?" Her voice was soft, and a little sad. "I'm Monique O'Neill. Monique Jugson was my maiden name. Adrienne Jugson was my older sister. Your mother."

Operating once again on the old courtesies, Theo held out his hand. "Theodore Nott."

His aunt took it with a smile. "Oh, but you do remind me of Adrienne. All legs and arms and quiet voice. Mind you, none of our family has ever been short, and neither is your father if I recall correctly."

"No, he isn't." The formalities were protecting her as well, Theodore guessed. Then a memory hit him.

You look like your mother.

And like Mo-

Monique Jugson, not Mortimer. I look like her. But why didn't they tell me that?

"I don't suppose..." He gathered a breath. "Why have we never met? I don't have much family as it is - I thought I didn't have any, now -" he took an iron grip on the impulse to talk. "I would like to know."

Monique O'Neill nodded, sharp blue eyes examining him. "Well then, why don't we step into the kitchen for a cup of tea, and we can have a nice long chat about family."

Theo wondered how many cups of tea he was going to be offered in the next week.

"That would be lovely, Mrs. O'Neill."

His aunt chuckled. "None of that; Aunt Monique will do nicely, or just Monique if you're up to it. My husband's an only child, so I've never got used to nieces or nephews."

"Uh...sure, Aunt Monique." First name terms with an adult he'd met five minutes ago was just a little beyond Theo's grasp.

*

"Sugar?"

"Yes, please." Theo accepted the brightly-coloured mug his aunt wafted over to him. The kitchen was very unlike the low-beamed, stone-floored one of his childhood; it was sunny and wooden-floored, with a row of carved cats along the windowsill. Monique O'Neill seated herself at the table across from Theo.

"So, where do we begin? I suppose with your mother and me."

"You're her older sister? Younger sister?" Theo asked, taking a sip of tea.

His aunt leant her elbows on the table. "Younger. That's where it all began, really. Our family were a lot like yours - old, pureblood, arrogant, feeling their control of the wizarding world slipping away. Addie and I were the last generation of Jugsons - well, there's our Uncle Mortimer, but he's off being a Death Eater. I was the rebel of the family, in a way. I went off and married a half-blood - and one with a Muggle parent, at that." Theo's eyebrows shot up. No wonder he'd never heard about this!

Monique's lips twisted at his expression. "Yes, well, you probably can guess what reaction that got. I was only two years out of Hogwarts, and there I was eloping. Addie - Adrienne - was always better than I was, but after that she had to be perfect. I think that was hard for her."

" So my mum - she married dad when she left school because it was a proper marriage?"

"Merlin, no." Monique shook her head. "Addie went and got a job editing books for a big publishing firm. Quite the intellectual, your mum was. She was the Ravenclaw; I was the hardworking Hufflepuff. I could never quite match up, and we all knew that. Maybe that was partly why I rebelled. I was sick of being the youngest and not quite as pretty or smart or good as Addie."

"You were in Hufflepuff?" Theo exclaimed.

"We can't all be in Slytherin. At least, I assume you are."

"Yes, but - that is - my girlfriend - um. She's in Hufflepuff." Theo snapped his mouth shut, feeling a blush rising. He was almost as bad as Terry, today!

"Nice to see some inter-House co-operation," said his aunt wickedly. "I married a fellow Hufflepuff, myself. Callum O'Neill. You'll meet him when he gets home from work. Anyway, Addie disappointed my parents a bit by not getting married, but at least she wasn't openly disgracing the family - she did well in her job, got promoted quite a lot - so they were happy with her. She even visited me, sometimes." Monique looked wistful. "Then when she was thirty she met your dad. He was twenty years older than her, but it didn't stop them. Our parents weren't happy. He was perfect in every other way, of course, but they told her she'd never be happy with someone that much older."

"Was she happy?" Theo asked softly.

"She was. Oh, but she was. The family gave in, in the end. It was a good match, after all. And then she died and left Eric to bring you up alone."

"But if my mum still talked to you, why didn't my dad ever tell me about you?"

"The times." Monique shrugged. "It was just after You-Know-Who's downfall when Addie died. Your father lost his war and his wife within a year of each other. He wasn't going to call a blood traitor family. Addie counted blood pride for a lot, but not enough to stop speaking to her sister. Your father - well, you know what he is or you'd not be sitting here. I doubt he even knew Addie was still talking to me. In fact, I don't think he did. The Amberleys might have suspected. They knew Addie and me from school, knew we were close."

Theo looked down at the table for a second, wearily wishing for the thousandth time that his father wasn't so...what he was. "Did your parents still speak to you?"

"Barely. They're dead now, anyway." Monique took a sip of tea. "Addie always felt guilty about being the good girl of the family, so she tried to make it up to me by not cutting me off. You have to remember I married Callum three years before anyone had even heard of You-Know-Who. Things were...different then between purebloods and everyone else."

"How could they be?" Theo tried to imagine a world where purebloods...where some purebloods didn't despise anyone with Muggle blood. Where Muggles and Muggle-borns were accepted. He came up very short against a storm of memories and the very reality of why he was sitting here.

"For your generation, maybe you can't see that. If that's true, we're never going to get out of this war even if the Death Eaters lose."

"But that's just the way things are. I mean, I used to think like some of the Death Eaters - that is - I was wrong, well, mostly wrong, but - people always want to think they're better. Family is the easiest excuse."

"Ah, but when I was growing up, no-one said it. My parents despised Muggle-borns as much as the next good pureblood, but it wasn't the done thing to mention it. You didn't talk to them, or socialise with them, and for Merlin's sake you didn't marry them, but you tolerated them. Things were getting better, too. The old families have been dying out for centuries - well, so everyone says - so we were getting to the point where everyone had a bit of Muggle blood. It was looking up when I married my husband. I suppose that's why I dared."

"So what happened then?"

"He Who Must Not Be Named happened." His aunt sighed. "It was like...he was saying and doing what all the old families were thinking. Suddenly there was a way out; it was all right to say in public - to act in public - on feelings people had been forced to keep private. That's why there was so much violence, I suppose. All those repressed feelings of misuse coming to the surface. It was the last chance for the purebloods to regain their dominance, and they knew it."

"You mean people like my father just walked out and started..." Theo couldn't even find words for it.

"No, no." Monique shook her head. "Some of the Death Eaters were just thugs and murderers, or insane. Some were after the power. Some were young and acting on everything they'd been taught but not allowed to say. And some - like your dad - found a leader to give them their old world back. I met your father a few times. He believes, I think. He really believes Muggles threaten everything we stand for. That's the most frightening thing. I remember talking to Addie - your mother - just before she died." She bowed her head. "Addie truly, honestly believed her husband had done the right thing for your future, Theodore. They thought it would be better for you."

"I know - I know they did." Theo forced the words out. "I know. That - don't you find it frightening that people believe things that can drive them to murder and never stop to ask why? I mean - I did. I wondered. I did a very good job of sticking my head in the sand, up until I was fifteen, but I did think. I know lots of Death Eaters, and the scary thing about them is that they aren't stupid...well, most of them...or ignorant. They're intelligent, articulate, clever people who believe heart and soul that they're right."

Monique chuckled, but there was an edge to it. "That always is the frightening thing - for me. Callum was always more worried about the fact they existed, but a lot of Death Eaters were people I knew and grew up with. And I suppose the next lot of them will be people you go to school with. Not easy."

Theo swallowed. "I'm not all that keen on sharing a dormitory with four people who probably have orders to kill me."

"Oh, they can't do anything while you're at school," his aunt assured him. "My Liam was in Slytherin just after the war, and half his class were still smarting from their families turning up on the wrong side, but he was fine."

He shook his head. "Mrs. O- Aunt Monique, I'm not worried about petulant children. I'm worried about Death Eaters. I was supposed to be a Death Eater, and I'd be willing to be bet they are by now. Maybe they won't risk trying anything at school - but I'm not looking forward to spending every minute of every day watching out for them. I don't know how I'm going to sleep."

"Cautiously," his aunt rejoined. "At least you'll be safe in this house."

"I know." He looked down at the table. "The thing is - I was safe where I was, too. Right up until last night. I was welcome, and I threw that back in their faces. It wasn't very polite."

"Very polite." He looked up to see Monique gazing at him...consideringly. "You are like Addie."

"She was polite?"

"Depending on who you were, yes. I was more thinking of the tendency to worry about the strangest things."

"Worrying about offending your family isn't strange!"

"Under the circumstances..." his aunt pointed out. "It would be very easy for you not to bother."

Theo drained the last of his tea, remembering Anne's admonition not to blame his father, because it wasn't fair. "It would be easy. So I have to try and - not. I mean, okay, my family probably think I'm a horrible traitor, but it doesn't mean they didn't - didn't love me. Don't, even."

"Very like Addie. Tell me something, Theodore. When did you decide to run away?"

"It's Theo, actually," Theo told her on impulse. Everyone in his - well, Monique O'Neill was blood kin, but everyone in the family he'd grown up with called him Theodore. Now was as good a time as any to make a break. "About - about a year ago, come to think of it."

Monique raised an eyebrow. "A year. I was wondering. You do seem like you'd had a lot of time to work yourself up to this."

"I wasn't planning, well, this, I just - I wasn't going to leave. I thought..." Theo stared at the fluttering curtains for a moment. "I thought, or I did two years ago, that I could not be a Death Eater and still get along with my family. Then I made friends with Anne - my -that is - anyway, she's Muggle-born, and things sort of...I realised, one day, that I couldn't stay forever, because somehow it had become expected that I'd be a Death Eater. I kept quiet so I wouldn't upset my family, and then all of a sudden -"

"- it was too late, and there was no way you could ever explain to them. So it was set your mind on going, or change your mind, and the second is near impossible."

Theo looked back at Monique. "Yes. Yes, I - is that what happened to you?"

"Pretty much. I was going out with Callum, and I kept meaning to explain it to my parents - and then I decided they'd never accept it, so I might as well marry him and work it out later. I was so sure that a grandchild or two would bring them around. Then came the first war, and...You-Know-Who's responsible for a lot of tragedies, but not all of them involved murder. I always thought watching families fragment was the worst."

"Yes," Theo agreed quietly. "Sometimes it is."

Because you don't have to die to be dead to your family.

There was a moment of silence, before Monique looked at the clock. "Goodness, I'd better start getting dinner on. You probably want to go and unpack, or something."

"Is there anything I could do to help?" Theo offered, out of sheer reflex. Karena Amberley had never expected him to, but the point was that you offered.

To his surprise, Monique O'Neill took him up on it. "Do you think you could manage peeling potatoes?"

"Well - I'll try. But, er, you'll have to show me how."

"It's really easy," Monique assured him.

It took about ten minutes and a nasty cut on his thumb, but Theo felt quite proud of himself for mastering a piece of Muggle technology. Even if it was a potato-peeler.

Monique, in response to casual query, was quite happy to tell him all about her family as she prepared dinner. Theo listened carefully, a skill developed over six years of sharing a dorm with Draco Malfoy. If he had been given the unexpected gift of relatives who would still talk to him, he wasn't going to waste it.

Apparently, Monique herself was a clerk at a small law firm Theo had never heard of (not that he knew many law firms), Diggle and Fawcett. She skimmed around names and details, but Theo received the strong impression that someone else in the firm was a member of Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix, which was how she had been informed of his situation. Her husband, Callum O'Neill, worked as an announcer ("for lots of different things, he just fills in where they need him") on the WWN. The name did ring a bell somewhere in Theo's mind - he'd heard it, but couldn't quite place it. He said as much. Monique laughed, and told him that one of the things Callum filled in for was reading the hourly news. Theo knew he'd heard that often enough.

Monique's eldest daughter, Jan, ("Janet really, but none of us call her that") was currently at home raising her two toddlers, Evan and Leonora. According to Monique, she'd been working in a restaurant along Diagon Alley, but had decided to give it over until her children were older. "Makes perfect sense. I went back to work once Cat started Hogwarts - after all, we're not like Muggle women. If they waited for their children to grow up, they'd barely have time to work at all. We've got plenty of time."

Cat was her youngest child, Catriona, "seven years older than you, so you just missed out on being at school together. She was in Slytherin, as well - Jan was the only one of mine who wasn't. Bit of a shock for Callum and me." The middle child, Liam, was an Auror, "which is worrying, with the world as it is now - but it's what he wanted." Monique spoke of her children as if they were still young, but Theo worked out mentally that Catriona was twenty-four, and the oldest, Janet, close to thirty. It threw into stark relief just how old his father was, compared to his peers' parents. Old enough to be his grandfather, not just his father. It had never bothered Theo, but now it was one more thing he'd never thought about or spoken of.

*

Callum O'Neill arrived home just before dinner was ready. Theo's very real uncertainty as to how he would take Theo's sudden appearance faded away as they ate. Callum was a quick-tongued, good-humoured man, although his easy assumption of familiarity could take getting used to. He listened curiously to Theo's brief explanation of why he was there. Monique was his mother's sister, but he wasn't sure he wanted to go over it too much to a relative by marriage. Callum just nodded, though, and quickly turned the conversation to other things - Quidditch, how frightening NEWTs were, the few times he'd seen Theo as an infant. Not the war, anything but the war, although that was an almost impossible task. Theo found himself talking more than he normally did. Perhaps it was just the sheer relief of not lying, of not having to keep up a watchful pretence every second of the day. Perhaps it was Callum's skill with words - Theo could now recall hearing him do morning interviews on the WWN (mostly politics, so Theo had never listened hard until this summer). He was certainly good at getting people to talk, and Theo could recognise that even as it worked on him.

"I don't suppose you're much for music?" Callum asked at one point. "I remember hearing your mother was."

"The harp, wasn't it?" Theo said. "I think we still have - I saw it, once or twice, up in the attic."

"Oh, yes, Addie and her harp." Monique smiled. "I teased her something dreadful about that - it was so easy to. She was always threatening to get you started on it as well, when you were old enough."

"I play the piano," Theo informed them. "It's not...I know Dad wanted me to start playing something, because of Mum, but I think the harp would have been a bit close to home. And - well, really, the harp?"

Monique shook her head. "That was all Addie's idea. She was set on it from when she was about eight. My mother decided it was time for her to learn an instrument, and Addie declared right then and there that it was going to be the harp. She got away with it, too."

"What about you?" Theo asked politely.

Callum laughed out loud. "Monique and music? I don't think so."

"He's right, I'm practically tone deaf. Callum's the only one with any musical talent in this household."

"Really?"

"Which means, in context, that I made some attempt at the violin when I was quite young, but then I went to Hogwarts."

"There're plenty of places to practice there," Theo objected.

"There are? I never found them, and I couldn't be bothered. There was more than enough trouble to get in to as it was."

"I always found the practice rooms an excellent way of avoiding trouble, myself," Theo said. "There's been more than enough of it going around these last couple of years."

"I wish some of my children had taken that approach to things," Monique commented dryly. "They spent far too much time taking after Callum here."

"I think that's because their trouble was the kind you get into, and Theodore's is the kind that happens to you," her husband reminded her.

Theo tried to imagine a Hogwarts where trouble did not involve the possibility of an early death. Maybe in his first year. It seemed a very long time ago.

"What kind of trouble did you get into, if you don't mind me asking?"

Monique sighed. "Don't get him started, please."

"Well..." Callum said, eyes twinkling, and launched into a complicated tale about spying on the Ravenclaw Quidditch tryouts. It was far removed from the ugly tension of the Quidditch games Theo had seen at Hogwarts, and he listened wistfully to the story of a more peaceful time.

It wasn't until he was climbing into bed in the room with the faded Quidditch posters that night that he realised it was hours past the time when he had been supposed to...to swear his oaths.

It's been a very long day, hasn't it? This time last night I was - I was talking to Dad...

No point thinking about that. No going back now.

No going back.

Theo turned the damp pillow over before he went to sleep.