By the Light of the Moon

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 7

The wedding was set to take place in the middle of July, the month after they finished school at Hogwarts. Remus had heard all about it--every gossip column in every newspaper thrived on the union of Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy, one of the biggest weddings of recent years in the wizarding world. He didn't know why he immediately turned to the society pages everyday when he opened the Daily Prophet. Probably because he would sometimes see pictures of her in there. Even in the ones where she smiled, she didn't seem particularly happy. Remus was torn between feeling relieved about that (because she possibly missed him as much as he missed her) or not. Usually when he saw her forced smiles in the newspaper pictures, he just felt miserable. It was obvious that she wasn't happy.

They no longer spoke to each other but Remus was worried about her. Every time he saw her, she seemed depressed. Dark circles were under her eyes and she looked like she had lost weight. He never even saw her speak to any of the other Slytherins. She would only occasionally attend meals and when she was there remained silent. In classes, she focused only on the lesson at hand.

Seeing her like that made him even more heartbroken than he already was.

A few days before the end of the year, Sirius cornered him in their dorm room, where Remus spent most of his time by himself. "Remus, I need to speak with you." Remus looked up. Sirius continued. "I realize that you're upset, but you have to pull yourself out of this depression. You and Narcissa have broken up and you're not getting back together. Get over it. Acting miserable all the time won't help anything."

Remus looked at Sirius, surprised at his bluntness. "I know, Sirius. You're right, of course." Remus sighed. "I'm just so worried about her! Have you seen Narcissa lately? She looks more miserable than I've ever seen her."

"It's obvious that she still loves you." Remus's heart fluttered. "But she's frantic about your safety, almost obsessed, in fact. She's worried that if anybody sees the two of you speaking to each other, her father will use Avada Kedavra on you." Remus wondered how Sirius knew what Narcissa thought. Had he spoken to her?

"I'm more concerned about what her father will do to her."

"As well you should be. One of his daughters already went off and disgraced the family. My uncle would probably go insane if his favorite, Narcissa, tarnished the family's reputation in the same way. He's a dangerous man." Sirius's voice was grim.

Remus sat down on his bed, his head hanging in despair. He sighed, a lump in his throat. "My entire life feels wrong without her. We're doing N.E.W.T.s this week, and I truly don't even care how I do. And the night of the full moon this month was one of the most painful ones ever."

Sirius sat next to him and put his hand on Remus's shoulder. "I know, Remus, and that's why you have to move past this. You can't go on forever in this state."

"I just can't imagine never seeing her smile again."

"Remus..." Sirius didn't get to finish his thought because Peter and James walked into the room.

"Remus, Sirius, Dumbledore wants to see us in his office in ten minutes."

"Oh?" Remus said. He glared at Sirius, then back at James and Peter. "What did the three of you do this time? Did you do something horrible to Severus Snape?"

"Who, us?" James asked innocently. "We never do anything wrong! Especially to our dear friend, Snivellus!" Remus snorted, almost smiling. "Actually, I don't know what it's about. He asked Lily to come along too."

Interesting, Remus thought. What could Dumbledore want?

The four of them met Lily in the common room, and then walked to Dumbledore's office together.

"Ah, just who I was waiting for," Dumbledore said as they arrived. "Come in and sit down." His desk had five chairs in front of it instead of the usual two.

"I suppose that you are all wondering what I called you here for. Do not worry, there is nothing wrong." His eyes sparkled. "Quite the contrary, actually."

Dumbledore continued. "Have any of you heard of the Order of the Phoenix?"

They all shook their heads.

Professor Dumbledore chuckled. "No, I suppose you haven't. Information about the Order is not common knowledge. I happen to the organizer of the Order of the Phoenix." All five of them looked at him, interested. His voice became more somber. "As you all know, the wizarding world is not currently the harmonious place that the five of you were born into. Over the past few years, a man who calls himself Lord Voldemort has been gathering followers who he refers to as the Death Eaters. The Death Eaters will stop at nothing to bring Voldemort to power, and do not hesitate to use Unforgivable Curses on innocent people. And this is why I formed the Order of the Phoenix."

Dumbledore took a deep breath. "The Order is a group of people who fight against Voldemort and his followers. There are several dozen of us, but I am always searching for competent and brave wizards and witches to join me." His eyes twinkled as he looked at the five students in front of him. All of them looked back at him, wide-eyed. "I have been watching the five of you closely and would like to invite you all to join me."

All of them were still silent. "I will allow all of you to think it over tonight. Please let me know what you decide." Dumbledore's voice became serious. "And I beg you not to agree to this without thinking it over. Working with the Order puts all of you in a dangerous position. However, you will be able to take an active part in the fight against evil."

They all said good night, too surprised to say much else. Later that evening, all five of them sent notes to Dumbledore saying that they would accept his offer.

Over the next month, Remus did everything he could to keep his mind off Narcissa. Surprisingly, it was easier than he expected. He spent most of his spare time searching for employment and working with the Order of the Phoenix. Within two weeks, his three best friends had gotten jobs in the Ministry--Sirius in the Department of International Magical Cooperation, James in the Department of Magical Games and Sports, and Peter in the Department for Care and Control of Magical Creatures. He had applied at the same places. None had given him a really good reason for not hiring him, but he knew that it was because of his lycanthropy.

All employers had access to the Ministry's Werewolf Registry (in addition to the Vampire Registry, something that listed everybody who had ever been put in Azkaban or faced the Wizengamot, and several other registers). With a simple tap of the wand, they could find out anybody who would have special circumstances surrounding them. In other words, it was a way to weed out undesirable workers. Of course, there were Ministry laws that prohibited discrimination against werewolves, with exceptions only in cases where being a werewolf would severely impede one's performance. Not that those laws did a lot of good. Most of the people who refused to hire him had explained that they were not hiring at the moment or that they needed somebody with more experience than he had.

He had also applied for the Auror training the moment he had receive his N.E.W.T.s. Even though he had been distracted that week, he had received four Outstanding scores (in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, and Arithmancy) and three Exceeds Expectations (in History of Magic, Muggle Studies, and Potions). Despite that, he had been denied from the training. The rejection letter he received had mentioned his lycanthropy as a deciding factor--it said that he might not be able to perform necessary tasks several days out of the month.

All of his friends were asking around to try to help him find something; in fact, even Dumbledore was helping him. It didn't seem to be working. Remus figured that the only work he would do anytime soon would be for the Order of the Phoenix, which was exciting and enjoyable, but unpaid. Remus was usually sent to investigate possible Death Eater crimes with Alastor Moody, an Auror with outstanding abilities. Moody had more scars than anybody else Remus had ever seen and more experience. Because of Moody, Remus was learning a lot.

Unfortunately, his work with the Order was usually only once or twice a week, plus one meeting every week. And his friends were all very busy. James had married Lily three weeks after leaving Hogwarts, so Remus rarely saw him. Sirius and Peter were, of course, busy working. He saw the two of them about once a week (and also during Order meetings). But, since he saw his friends so infrequently, he had a lot of time to himself. And when he was alone, he thought of Narcissa. He was worried about what her future would be like. And, he was fairly certain that he'd never see her again. The thought of that saddened him. That in addition to his lack of work was enough to make him feel very depressed. The only bright spots were the rare times he spent with his friends and the Order meetings and outings.

One day after a disheartening afternoon of interviewing and being turned down from two separate Ministry jobs, Remus sat in his parent's kitchen, sipping a cup of tea when he heard a tap on the window. It was an owl, which looked very similar to the one that Narcissa used. Remus nearly spilled his tea in surprise. It can't be, he thought. But it was. Tied to the owl's leg was a note that read:

Remus,

Please meet me in the Leaky Cauldron at 7 o'clock tonight.

Yours,

Narcissa

His heart was nearly pounding out of his chest. What could she possibly want?

Remus arrived at the Leaky Cauldron twenty minutes early. He saw a group of elderly wizards drinking at the bar, a young brown-haired witch in the corner, and two children squirming while a woman he assumed was their mother spoke with Tom, the proprietor. Narcissa wasn't there yet.

The moment Remus sat down, the brunette witch stood and walked over to him. "You're early," she said.

"Narcissa?"

She gave him a small smile. "Did you forget Transfiguration already? I didn't want to be recognized. I rented a room upstairs so that we could talk in private."

Remus followed her without saying anything, still wondering why in the world she had wanted to see him. On the day before her wedding, no less.

The room was typical of the Leaky Cauldron--a window that overlooked the Muggle part of London, a bed with a brown bedspread, a rickety table and two large armchairs. They each took one of the chairs.

"Finite," she whispered, her hair and face returning to normal.

"How have you been, Remus?" Her voice had a strange brightness to it. He didn't answer. "What have you been doing since we finished school?" He wondered why she was even bothering to attempt to make small talk.

He gazed towards the window, unable to look at Narcissa. The shock of seeing her again was too much for him. He felt a flood of anger, sadness, and yearning. When he finally turned in her direction, Remus found her staring at him sadly. He realized that she was shaking and her eyes were bright with tears.

"Narcissa, what--?" Before he could finish his question, she brought a hand to her face and let out a sob. Within a second, he had his arms wrapped around her, his hand stroking her hair.

"I'm sorry that I lied to you, Remus," she cried. "When I said I didn't love you--"

"It's okay, Narcissa. I understand."

"I do love you, Remus, which is why I did it!"
"I love you too, Narcissa. I always will." She moved off of her chair and he pulled her closer.

"I can't do it, Remus. I can't marry that horrible man."

Remus sighed. He didn't know how to respond to that. Marry me instead, was what he wanted to say. But he knew that it wasn't possible. Her family was dangerous. Plus, Lucius Malfoy was now involved. Remus didn't really think that Malfoy would calmly step aside while Remus took his fiancée away from him.

"Is there any way we can...?" She looked desperately hopeful.

"Narcissa, you know as well as I do that it's too dangerous. We both only recently finished our schooling. Neither of us is a match for Malfoy... or you father." Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed that his job was forever to be the voice of reason. He was strongly tempted to tell her to run away with him, but knew that doing so would be suicidal for both of them.

"I know, I know. I wish that there was some way to avoid it," she said.

Remus shook his head. "I do too..."

"But there isn't," she finished with the same words he was thinking. They sat in silence for a few minutes, with him continuing to stroke her hair.

She sat up, looking straight at him. Her body trembled slightly and she swallowed. "Remus... I don't want my first time to be with someone I dislike. And I love you so much. I just want to have something... a memory, for the future."

Surprise hit him like a slap in the face when he realized what she was getting at. It wasn't that he never considered making love to her; only that their relationship seemed too surreal for it to actually happen.

"Narcissa, I--" He stopped. What could he say? That he didn't want to? Well, that was certainly not true. That he didn't want to take advantage of her? It was actually the opposite. She was the one who had contacted him, the one who had brought up the subject in the first place.

And what was so wrong about it? They were two people in love. He pressed his lips to hers, vaguely thinking about her wedding tomorrow. However, as he picked her up and carried her over to the bed, he thought not of Lucius Malfoy, Cepheus Black, or anybody else, only of her.

**********

Never in even her strangest dreams had Narcissa Black thought that she would lose her virginity in a worn down hotel room. She had always expected that it would happen somewhere pristine and luxurious. But she would not have taken that moment back for all the galleons in the world. She knew that in the years to come, she would look back on this night as the happiest of her life.

She had considered it days ago, even thinking of a plan to seduce him. Then she had decided against it, for it wouldn't be fair to take advantage of him. Their love was too precious for that. But, those silly words had slipped out and they had done it anyway. And it wasn't anything like the way that she had planned. In her plan, she was supposed to act like a confident and sexually experienced vamp, something that she was obviously not. In the end, she had decided that she would feel wrong even trying to act like that and that it was better to leave Remus alone.

However, something had possessed Narcissa to send him that owl. She could only explain it as an urgent and desperate desire to see him.

Remus stirred in bed next to her and unconsciously put his arm around her. Narcissa smiled at the feeling of having him lying next to her in bed.

Had anybody noticed that she was missing? The clock on the table beside the bed said that it was nearly midnight. She had left to meet Remus in the early evening, telling her mother not to expect her back for supper. Her mother thought that she was spending a night out with her female friends to celebrate her marriage. Narcissa was relieved that she hadn't asked which friends.

Giving Remus a kiss, she closed her eyes, determined not to worry about the next day until it came.

Narcissa awoke around five the next morning, knowing that she should leave soon. Remus awoke when she sat up.

"Are you leaving?" he asked her.

She nodded sadly. "Thank you, Remus, last night was wonderful. I'll never forget it." He sat up and watched her get out of bed. Narcissa began gathering her clothes and pulling them on.

"I love you, Narcissa."

She sat down on the bed next to him. "I know, Remus." Narcissa stroked his chest briefly, then put her arms around him and kissed him on the mouth. "I love you too."

After another quick and final kiss, she walked to the fireplace. "Black Manor!" she said as she tossed a handful of Floo powder. The next thing she knew, she was gone from the room, and would possibly never see him again.

The inside of Black Manor was quiet and still dark, right after sunrise. She had half expected her father to be waiting for her, demanding to know where she was on the morning of her wedding. Narcissa rushed to her room.

Thankfully, she was not caught as she crept into her room and lay down on the bed. Narcissa sighed. She had felt so happy when she was lying in bed next to him. But, that would never happen again. Still, it was enough for her to have one night with him. She would take many happy memories of Remus with her into the future.

Narcissa closed her eyes, sleeping until a House Elf woke her up two hours later. She changed into a different set of robes (it wouldn't do to show up to breakfast in the same clothing she had been wearing the night before) and walked downstairs. She was getting more and more nervous about the wedding.

"Good morning," her father said, his voice brighter than usual. Narcissa felt sick at his good mood. This was a happy day for him--in fact, he was probably the only one who would get any happiness out of this marriage.

"Good morning, darling," her mother said when she arrived at the table. "Did you have a nice evening last night?"

"Yes, very nice, Mum. Thank you for asking."

"And are you excited about today?"

"Oh, yes," Narcissa lied. "I'm so nervous, though!" At least that was the truth. Narcissa was surprised by her ability to make herself sound sincere. She had a feeling it would be useful in the years to come. She ate a few bites, but was unable to stomach anything more.

"Oh, I remember the day of my wedding. I was too nervous to eat a single thing!" Her mother said. "But it was such a beautiful and happy day. Don't you, remember, Cepheus?"

"Ah yes, the alliance of your family and mine was a happy occasion indeed."

"I'm finished," Narcissa finally said. She left the room.

"I'll be by in a few minutes to help you get ready, darling," her mother called after her.

Tears began streaming down her face as she walked down the corridor to her rooms. How could she go through with this? When she got to her rooms, Narcissa sat down at her mirror, taking deep breaths and hoping to stop the crying. She needed to--what if her father came in? After several minutes, she calmed down and washed her face. Her eyes were still red as she sat back down in front of the mirror and began to mindlessly brush her hair.

Her mother walked in and came up behind her. She took the brush from Narcissa and began brushing her hair. "I remember the day that I married your father. I was so afraid that I would not be a suitable wife for him, but in the end everything turned out well because we had you girls." Narcissa wondered if her mother had also mastered the art of pretending to be happy with her life. Maybe she was actually telling the truth. However, Narcissa could not imagine somebody as gentle as her mother being happy with a man who used the Cruciatus Curse. No, it had to be an act. She decided to find out.

"Mother... did you love Father when you decided to marry him?" she asked.

"My dear, I loved your father--and still do--just as much as you love Lucius Malfoy," her mother said.

Just as much as I love Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa repeated in her head. Not at all. Looking at her mother carefully, she tried to figure out the meaning of the words. Gone was the normal look on Cassiopeia Black's face. It was replaced with a knowing, and utterly Slytherin, expression. Then she realized that her mother had only been pretending for the entirety of her thirty year marriage. Will I have to do that for my entire life? Narcissa wondered to herself. The thought of that panicked her.

"Mum...you mean all these years--?"

Her mother nodded. "The morning of my wedding, I felt the same way that you do today. Like you, I had a different young man that I loved. But, it was not meant to be. Both of my parents were against the match. They wanted a Black for a son-in-law."

"I used to think that Father was such a wonderful man," Narcissa cried. "But he isn't. He actually used an Unforgivable Curse on my boyfriend!"

Tears began flowing freely down her cheeks. Her mother's arms went around her. "I know, sweetheart. It wasn't the first time he used the Cruciatus Curse. You'll find as you get older people with money and power think that they are above the law. Your father and his friends can buy their way out of nearly anything."

"And is Lucius like that?" Narcissa whispered.

"I'm not sure, darling. I have not heard of him doing anything like that. I realize that he may seem arrogant now, but you'll most likely warm up to each other in the future." Narcissa did not say anything. It sounded like there was little hope for her marriage.

Her mother changed the subject. "Did you know that Andromeda will be there?"

Narcissa smiled for the first time she since had awoken. "No, I didn't. Does Father know?"

"Not yet. Hopefully there will be so many people that they will not encounter each other. I contacted her about it and told her that you needed her support."

"Oh Mum, thank you!" Narcissa gave her a hug. "I haven't seen her in a long time. I've written to her recently, but she mentioned nothing about coming to the wedding."

"I just found out myself only a few days ago."

Narcissa felt warm inside. She was going to see her sister. At least there was one bright spot of the day.

Her sister Andromeda arrived about an hour before the wedding began. "Cissy! Mum!" she said as she walked into Narcissa's room, where the two of them were getting ready.

"Andie!" Narcissa said with happiness.

Narcissa's mother dismissed the witches who had been hired to do their hair and makeup with the wave of her hand. Then she walked over to her eldest daughter and took her into her arms, looking reluctant to let go. "Andromeda, I've missed you so much!"

"Mum, I've miss you too!" She finally pried her mother's arms from around her, and then walked over to Narcissa. "And you, dear sister. You look absolutely gorgeous today, Cissy."

"Thank you, Andie." Andromeda threw her arms around Narcissa, who began to cry again.

"Oh, Cissy..."

"I don't love him, Andie. I can't go through with it!" Her voice softened. "But I'm too afraid of what will happen if I don't. Father used the Cruciatus Curse on Remus."

Andromeda looked at her incredulously for a few moments. "Wow, Narcissa, I didn't know it was that bad." She hugged Narcissa again. "He was absolutely furious when I married Ted, but nothing like that..."

"Yes, well, there is nothing we can do about it." Narcissa's voice was bitter. She felt a rush of jealousy towards her older sister. How come she got to marry the person she loved?

Still, she could not be mad at Andromeda.

"Narcissa, if you ever have any difficulties with Lucius, there is always a place for you at our house," Andromeda offered.

"Thank you," Narcissa whispered. Right after she finished wiping her tears, Bellatrix barged into the room. She had a smile on her face, one that disappeared when she saw Andromeda.

"Andie, you're here." She looked at her older sister with narrowed eyes. "How lovely to see you."

"And you, Bella. If you'll excuse me," she said to Narcissa, "I should let you finish getting ready."

"Hello, Mum." Bellatrix hugged her mother. The coldness that had been present a few moments earlier had disappeared. "You and Narcissa both look so pretty!"

"Thank you, Bella, so do you. But I think the bride is the loveliest person here." Her mother gave Narcissa a smile.

"I'm so jealous of you, Narcissa! Lucius Malfoy--what a catch! I'm glad that somebody in our family is marrying him. He's the only man in the Wizarding world who is worthy of a Black. Aside from my husband, of course." She added the last sentence almost as an afterthought.

"I'm happy that you approve, Bella." Wow, Narcissa thought, I'm getting good at pretending to be sincere.

"Oh, Cissy, I nearly forgot." She handed Narcissa a book with the title, A Witches Guide to Sexuality-Related Charms and Potions. "I'm sure your sex life with Lucius will be wonderful, but this will make your life more interesting!"

Bellatrix spent a few more minutes raving about Narcissa's husband-to-be, and finally left. Narcissa was happy to see her go.

After their hair and makeup had been finished, her mother squeezed her hand. "It's time, Narcissa." Narcissa could only nod slowly.

The wedding was everything that she had dreamed of when she was a small child--with the exception of the groom. The grounds of Black Manor were decorated with thousands of fragrant flowers. Her parents had invited hundreds of the wealthiest people in the wizarding world. And her wedding robes were finer than anything she had ever owned, which was saying a lot.

Narcissa was impressed with herself for not bursting into tears at all during the ceremony. It had seemed like all she had been doing for the past few months was crying. From the day her father had used the Cruciatus Curse on Remus, Narcissa had become more vulnerable, and extremely depressed. She wondered if death would be preferable to this state. But, then she thought of her mother and her eldest sister. At least two people were on her side.

A smile stayed on her face throughout the entirety of the ceremony and the reception. But inside she was feeling dread over so many different things. She knew that she and Lucius would have to consummate their marriage that night. And that was just the beginning. Today was the start of a lifetime as Mrs. Lucius Malfoy.