By the Light of the Moon

By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 4

Narcissa sighed, for what seemed like the fiftieth time in the past ten minutes. It had been a week and a half since she had arrived home from Hogwarts and she found herself wishing that she was back there. Most of the students relished the winter holidays, but each day to her was long and monotonous. Going to class would have been a welcome diversion. The only things that gave her pleasure here were the little talks with her mother.

Until this year, nothing at Hogwarts had been worth looking forward to. Hell, nothing in her life had even been enjoyable. But, ever since she had gotten to know Remus, found out what type of person he was... well, everything had become more bearable. But now...

She hadn't spoken to him since that night, nor had she talked to Sirius. She had woken up in the Hospital Wing with a vague memory of being carried there by a pair of strong arms, which she was fairly certain had belonged to Sirius. However, her recollection of the events that had transpired prior to that was anything but vague. The face of Remus Lupin's werewolf form still haunted her nightmares.

She didn't know what to think. He was avoiding her; that had been obvious enough every time she arrived at the meeting place for their patrols, only to be met by Lily Evans or James Potter. She had harbored hopes of seeing him each one of those days. Narcissa wanted to tell him that she didn't care that he was a werewolf, that it didn't matter. However, she was unsure whether or not that would be the truth.

That night had scared her in so many different ways. It challenged all of her perceptions of him and made her realize how many things about him she hadn't known. It hurt that so many people other than herself seemed to know that he was a werewolf. Not that he had any reason to confide in her. She wasn't certain why it bothered her so much; there was undoubtedly no explanation for that. The most unsettling thing, however, was the knowledge that that somebody so kind and gentle could become such a monstrous creature.

It wasn't his fault, though. He was a caring and wonderful person who just happened to also be a werewolf. His wolf form only came out once every month. If she could just look past all of that...

Would she be able to do that? Narcissa had been raised in a pureblooded family of the worst kind, one with little tolerance for outsiders. If they couldn't accept Muggles, they certainly wouldn't be accepting of a werewolf. Treating Remus as an equal would go against everything that she had been taught growing up. However, the unfairness of her family's principles was revealing itself more and more.

But, it wasn't as though Remus would care about her feelings anyway. He probably thought that she was a brainless, nosy, spoiled brat. Oh, why had she followed him that night?! His avoidance of her was enough to confirm it; he did not want to see her anymore.

"Narcissa, dear, are you almost ready?" Her mother entered the room.

Narcissa nodded and looked in the mirror once more. Her blonde hair went down her back in curls, and her dark blue dress robes brought out the brilliance of her eyes. She had taken extra care with her appearance today, for her parents' sake. Tonight was Uncle Alphard's Christmas party, after all, and it was expected that she look gorgeous.

She frowned. Her role was one that she loathed. Her purpose was nothing more than to sit around looking pretty while charming both men and women alike. Very few people cared about what was beneath her lovely exterior. She was expected to be submissive, but still able to make idle chatter. Trivialities such as those would make her a true lady in the eye of society.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart," her mother gushed.

"Thanks, Mum, so do you. One would hardly believe we were mother and daughter." Narcissa attempted to smile. Not only was it true, but she knew that was exactly what her mother wanted to hear. This was a skill that had been perfected as she grew older, one which caused others to be amazed by her charm. The quality of always knowing exactly what to say, in addition to her beauty and manner, was one of the many reasons she was so accepted by elite society.

Despite the renown of being one of the most beautiful and charming young women in the upper class, she had always felt reluctant about her place. Even the love of her parents didn't make up for that. Perhaps this was because she knew that one wrong choice would have drastic results. Then she would end up like her sister, Andromeda, who had been disowned because of her love for a muggle man.

Her mother gave her a small hug, which made Narcissa smile. No matter what, Mum would always love her; nothing could change that. She knew that her mother still loved Andromeda, despite Father's control over her. However, being unable to speak with her would be unbearable.

"Lucius Malfoy will be there, darling. He is quite taken with you and I believe that he'll eventually propose to you." She had a twinkle in her eye. Narcissa grimaced. At least somebody was happy about Lucius's attentions towards her. "I hope that you will give him the same regard that he treats you with."

Narcissa attempted to hide her frown. What could she do? She wanted her parents to be happy with her and if she revealed her true feelings, it would only serve to alienate herself from them.

"Yes, Mother, of course I will." Her mother left the room, leaving her feeling more isolated then ever. She had a long night ahead of her.

***********

"Come on, Moony, it'll be fun," Sirius said. "I don't want to go unless all three of you come."

Remus frowned. "You know that I don't have any appropriate dress robes," he told Sirius, somewhat embarrassed. His friends knew of his family's financial situation, but it was still humiliating on occasions such as this when it was made obvious.

"I already told you, I'll let you borrow a set. I have several that my parents gave me." After a pause, Sirius spoke. "Please, Remus? I'm only going because my uncle practically begged me, and I need as much support as possible. He told me that he wanted to meet my friends and it won't be the same without you."

"I don't know..."

A mischievous glint formed in Sirius's eyes. "I know that you're worried that she'll be there, but there will be so many people that you probably won't encounter her the entire evening."

"I assure you, I have no idea of whom you are speaking," Remus said coldly, even though he knew exactly who Sirius was talking about. Despite the detached tone of his voice, slight blush formed on his face. Am I really that transparent? he wondered.

He truly did want to see Narcissa Black... but he knew that the feeling was not mutual. She now knew that he was a werewolf--in fact, she had nearly been killed by that form of him. That was the reason that he had been avoiding her, because he knew how much she probably despised him for that. Or even if she didn't hate him, she almost certainly cringed at the thought of him. After all, she was a beautiful and rich pureblood who deserved only the best that life had to offer. He was just a low-class, half-blood werewolf, far beneath her.

After a pause, Remus finally looked at Sirius. "Fine, I'll go."

"Great. Wormtail, Prongs!" Sirius yelled as he rushed halfway down the stairs to the Common Room. "Moony agreed to come!" The other two boys ran up the steps excitedly. Remus smiled, hoping--unsuccessfully--to match their enthusiasm. His friends seemed so happy about it; and they had always done so much for him that certainly going to a silly little Christmas party wouldn't be too much for them to ask of him in return.

The four of them quickly dressed up for the party. Remus felt incredibly awkward in the expensive dress robes that Sirius had lent to him. He preferred the comfort of the older--but more comfortable--clothing that his mother always bought for him second-hand.

Remus could feel his stomach turning as the four of them walked to the gates of Hogwarts. He knew that he didn't belong with all of those pureblooded and wealthy wizards. At least Peter, James and Sirius were all relatively well off. But for him, it would be obvious to everybody around him that he was out of place. And he would be absolutely mortified if Narcissa Black saw him there.

No, he was not looking forward to the party at all.

************

When they arrived at the largest of the many Black properties in the countryside, Narcissa and her parents were immediately greeted by her Uncle Alphard, her father's elder brother. He was a jolly but sensible man who was liked by nearly everybody he met. Out of all of her relatives, he was one of her favorites. She only wished that her father was more like him.

"Narcissa, darling, you look absolutely stunning this evening," a voice said behind her.

"Hello, Lucius," she replied, allowing him to kiss her hand. Narcissa looked around for her parents, hoping for a way out, but realized that they had already left her to socialize.

"Shall we dance?" he asked her, although his voice implied that it was not a request. She nodded, allowing him to lead her to the floor. He began a rather boring monologue about himself--obviously a favorite topic of his--and all of his wonderful qualities. She was somewhat amazed by the amount of friends he had in high places. Bribery could get a person very far with the Ministry. She knew that it was bribery because Lucius didn't have the brains or the drive to advance in the wizarding world without the help of his family's money.

Finally, after an acceptable number of dances, she excused herself. His conversation was grating on her nerves. The man was a self-centered and arrogant prat. She wished he would just leave her be.

Narcissa walked out of the room, wanting to get away and get a chance to think by herself. Her musings were interrupted when somebody entered the room she was in. "Sirius!" she said in surprise. Because of his estrangement from his family, she hadn't been sure whether or not he would come. She got up to walk over to him. Although their friendship wasn't completely mended, she wanted to try her best to get things back the way they had been seven years earlier.

"Hi, Narcissa," he said neutrally.

Narcissa nearly gasped when James Potter and Peter Pettigrew entered the room. "What are they doing here?" she asked Sirius curiously. Before he could answer, the fourth member of their group walked in. She found herself face to face with Remus Lupin.

"Remus," she said, shocked, trying to ignore the way his appearance affected her. It was hard, though, with the warmth that was creeping up on her cheeks. How ridiculous of her to blush like a child at the sight of him!

"Narcissa." She wasn't sure if she imagined it, but he almost seemed nervous to see her too.

Of course he's nervous, she thought, cursing herself for her stupidity. He was worried about seeing her because of what had happened on the night of the full moon, not for the same reasons.

"Excuse me." He quickly rushed away, leaving his three friends staring after him in awe. Narcissa's cheeks grew warmer, and she stared after Remus for a few seconds, until she saw Lucius Malfoy approaching her. Great, just what she needed.

**************

Sirius was relatively amused by the scene that had transpired before him. Remus and Narcissa had been acting like shy children. It had been obvious to him that Remus fancied Narcissa, but it wasn't until now that he realized that the affection wasn't only one-sided. However, she seemed to be with Lucius Malfoy quite often. He had to find out what was going on.

James and Peter walked behind him as he covertly watched Malfoy speaking with Narcissa. She looked bored and unhappy. Sirius moved a little closer in the attempt to hear their conversation. Nobody paid any attention to the three young men in the crowd; all were too absorbed in their own discussions.

"...and I'm certain that some of the people present are not completely pureblooded. They are definitely not members of elite wizarding society; I would know them if they were. Unless, perhaps, they are nouveau riche, but I--and I am sure you agree--would never wish to associate with people of that status. The exclusivity of these gatherings leaves much to be desired," Malfoy was saying snootily.

What a bastard, Sirius thought.

Narcissa just nodded. "Lucius, can you please bring me some more to drink?" she asked sweetly, giving him a smile that seemed to win him over immediately. Malfoy obeyed and walked away. Sirius smirked. The relief on Narcissa's face was obvious.

Sirius walked away, followed by his comrades. "Peter, James, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I'm thinking that this would be a perfect time for a prank. And we just found our target," James replied with an impish smile on his face.

The trio watched as Malfoy began walking with two glasses of champagne in his hands.

"Prolaborius!" Sirius whispered, pointing his wand at a man in front of Malfoy. The man's legs buckled as he fell straight into Malfoy, the contents of his two glasses spilling all over him. The three boys couldn't contain their laughter as a soaking wet Malfoy began yelling obscenities at the poor man. Then he stalked off into the hallway.

"You know, I didn't used to like Narcissa Black, but I found myself disliking her less as I got to know her. What do you say we do her a favor?" James asked, his inquiry met with nods from his two friends. None of them spoke of the knowledge that it would also be beneficial to Remus, wherever he might be at the moment. The three followed Malfoy into a deserted hallway, all of them laughing inwardly at how easy he was making it on them.

"Stupefy!" James said. Then they quickly levitated the unconscious body of Lucius Malfoy into a nearby closet, putting a spell on the door to not allow anybody in or out until midnight that evening, three hours later. Malfoy certainly deserved it, and it was a service to all of the guests at the party.

**************

Narcissa tapped her foot impatiently. She had promised to spend the evening with that conceited, insufferable man, and she had been planning to do it, even though he irritated her to no end. So where was he?!

"This is ridiculous," she murmured under her breath, leaving the place where she had been waiting for Lucius. He had left to get a drink for her fifteen minutes earlier and had yet to return. Most likely he had found a more receptive conversation partner, who actually would care about his boastings. Or at least would pretend to. Narcissa had hoped that by not concealing her annoyance at his bragging, he would get a clue. Maybe he had?

She walked out onto the terrace, hoping to get some peace. A charm had been placed on it to prevent the snow outside from getting in. This was in addition to a warming charm, which made it a pleasant place to be.

She didn't see the figure in the shadows until she was nearly upon him.

"Narcissa," Remus said with surprise. He backed a few steps away from her. She could feel her heart sinking when he did that. Was she really so despicable that he didn't want to be anywhere near her? "I should go." He turned and began to walk towards the house.

She felt a lump form in her throat as he began to walk away. "I'm sorry, Remus," she said after him.

He stopped, and then turned around. "What are you apologizing for?" he asked softly. She stared at him for a few seconds. Wasn't it obvious?

"I should have never followed you that night! I wish I hadn't. You obviously don't feel comfortable with me knowing about it." Tears began filling her eyes.

He walked towards her. "You would have realized it eventually. It was only a matter of time before you noticed that I was always absent on the nights of the full moon, that I was always exhausted during the days following it. I only wish that you had found out in a different manner."

The two of them glanced at each other for a few moments, deep in thought.

"Does it hurt?" she whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"The transformation... is it painful?"

He stayed silent for a few moments and looked away. Then he looked back into her eyes. "The first few times it hurt a lot, but then I got accustomed to the physical changes. But the part of it that is the worst is my state of mind. I become a completely different being, in both body and mind." He paused, and swallowed. "That night when you were there, I felt like an observer, nothing more. I couldn't control my thoughts. I knew what was happening deep inside of me, but the beast took over. I could feel it, moving me forward, telling me to attack. All rational parts of my mind were screaming to stop, but it just didn't happen."

Narcissa shivered.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know how horrible it was for you. I shouldn't have brought it up." He looked down, ready to walk away.

She grabbed his arm before he could, causing him to stop in his tracks. "No!" She looked straight into his eyes, suddenly aware of his closeness to her. Her heart rate quickened. "It's horrible, but only because of what you have to go through. You don't deserve it--"

"It's my own fault. If I hadn't been so careless on that night fourteen years ago, I would have never become a werewolf in the first place."

"You were just a child! You're such a gentle and kind person. It's not fair that you have to go through this every month," she cried.

He gazed at her for a few seconds. When she looked into his eyes, she nearly gasped at the intensity of his expression, one that she had never seen on his face before. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she stood on her tiptoes, pressing her lips against his.

The warmth only lasted an instant, as he pulled back immediately.

A sinking feeling settled in her chest. Oh lord, why had she done that? It had been so impulsive, so unlike her. She had practically thrown herself at him. It was clear that her attentions were unwelcome.

"I'm so sorry, Remus." Her face turned red and tears of humiliation threatened to spill out. "I... I shouldn't have--"

He silenced her with another kiss, much to her surprise. She threaded her arms around his neck, and could feel his hands on her back, pulling her closer to him. In his arms, she felt so safe and carefree. All of her worries were pushed to the back of her mind, for none of them mattered right now.

Remus' kiss became more urgent, and she, although surprised at first by his forwardness, eagerly kissed him back. None of the other kisses she had ever experienced felt this right, nor had they possessed this much fire. Remus began running his fingers through her long, wavy hair, sending chills of pleasure down her spine. She hoped that he would never stop, never move away from her.

Eventually he pulled away, much to her disappointment. "I apologize, Narcissa," he told her, nearly out of breath. "If there's one quality above all others that I prize, it's self-control. And I'm afraid that I lost mine for a few moments. Please forgive me for it."

"Don't regret it," she told him with a lump in her throat. "Please... I don't think that I would be able to bear that." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from being reduced to a pathetic, sniveling state. She was always so composed--what was causing her emotional state?

"Of course I don't! But I know that it shouldn't have happened. I'm a werewolf, and you deserve nothing other than the richest and most pureblooded wizard around. You know that as well as I do." A bitter look formed on his face. "Lucius Malfoy is the type of man you need. I'm just a nobody."

"Remus, I like you. Not Malfoy, or any of those other rich, arrogant purebloods. Just you."

"What can possibly attract you to somebody like me? Look at you; you're one of the prettiest girls in the wizarding world, you're rich, pureblooded, and intelligent. Compared to that... well, I'm nothing."

"How can you be so cruel to yourself? You are the most wonderful person I have ever met! The times I spend with you are the only bright spots in my life; you're the only person who makes me smile and I only feel happy when you're with me. I don't think that I've encountered anybody as kind and caring as you are. And no other person has ever caused me to feel this way." She swallowed, amazed at her confession. She went on, talking softer. "As much as it scares me when you become a werewolf, it's a part of you that cannot be changed. And I am willing to accept it." She put her hand against his cheek. Although she had expected him to push her away, he grabbed her hand and stroked it tenderly as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

"Thank you, Narcissa," he whispered, as he turned his head to press his lips to hers once again.

Author's Note: The spell, Prolaborius, came from the Latin word, prolabor, which means to slide forward, slip forward, fall forward, or fall down. I'm not that good at making up incantations and I don't know any Latin, so forgive me if I butchered any part of the language.

I realize that it's only the fourth chapter and I already have them interested in each other (and I really do hate it when stories rush things), but it felt like the right time. And I still have lots planned after this.