There, There

Hermione gulped as she followed Snape to the dungeons. She began to wonder what was really going on. The Gryffindors may not have been above cheating, but why did Snape need her to "look for patterns?" She decided something was terribly wrong.

Snape was laughing inside. He loved watching her squirm. So humorous, he thought.

He had been sitting in his office, when, on a whim, he decided to pull out something he had stolen from careless Peter Pettigrew in his sixth year; a map. A map that Harry Potter had, a map that Lupin had, a map that all four of those idiots had during their time at school. A very useful map, too, thought Snape, remembering the time he played dumb with Potter during his third year. It would be better if Potter thought Snape had no idea what the worn piece of parchment was. And yet, he was oh-so-familiar with the workings of the map.

The map itself hated him, because it was four parts of those idiots, one part genius. The first time he had tried to reveal the map's secrets, so many years ago, it had called him many things unprintable in most countries. When he finally cracked the code, so to speak, the map finally surrendered. He remembered the feeling of ultimate triumph over the magnificent quartet of idiots.

From his desk, he had glanced at the map, at the idiots in the great hall pretending that Christmas had come early in the form of Halloween, when two figures not at the feast caught his eye.

Lupin and Granger.

Alone.

This is too good, he had thought, and decided that he really should go be an ass and interrupt their-moment- in order to "apologize" to Remus for accidentally not taking the doggy potion to him the night before...

Accidentally on purpose...

As they walked down the hall, Snape thinking about how smart and witty he was, he laughed at his own joke. Hermione, scared, glanced at him, and continued to descend to the dungeon.

Snape sneered at the back of her head. Stupid girl, he thought. What did she see in Lupin? As much as he thought it humorous that he had caught them in an awkward position, he was just as much jealous. Of course, he would never dig himself into a hole like that, but still.

As much as he hated to admit, he had always been much more jealous of Remus than he had been of Potter or Black. Lupin had been the smart one in a group of dunderheads, and always someone the girls fawned over. Snape wanted that. And, as much as he disapproved of schoolgirl crushes, now that Lupin had one, he wanted one too.

How childish, Severus, he thought to himself, still sneering at Hermione. How extremely idiotic to think that you should want a blundering know-it-all like Granger to have a crush on you.

But he wanted it. Not that he was particularly fond of Miss Granger, but she was apparently fond of Loony Lupin, and he of her, and Snape was fond of hating the said Lupin. So, by proxy, Snape figured, if Miss Know-it-all over here fawned over me, her red-hot Lupin would become green with jealousy.

Snape laughed aloud again, making Hermione turn around once more, now more curious than anything else. Snape glared at her again, and she turned back around, not daring to look at him again. She was afraid that if she looked at him again, she would either start crying or hysterically burst out laughing.

He's such an odd duck, she thought of her laughing professor.

She couldn't help it. She started to silently laugh, but held it back with a wide smile.

Snape heard it. "What, may I ask, is so funny, Miss Granger?" he snapped.

"Nothing, Professor Snape."

"You're lying. You laughed, I heard you. And I demand to know."

"What, is it against the law for me to find something funny?" she slightly smiled as she said this, giving him an odd look.

"No, I just wanted to know."

She was still looking at him, and he decided to take it to his advantage. He quickly Legilimensed her in a way that she wouldn't notice.

Her mind was laughing, and was begging for humor.

Eureka, he thought. Laughter is what she wants, so laughter is what I'll give her. She's bound to fall for me then. Then he remembered. But wait, I'm not funny! Not to anyone else other than myself, anyhow. So...I guess I'll just be nice to her. This is going to hurt a lot...

He put on the closest thing to a smile he could manage, and gave a laugh, still sounding slightly arrogant.

"No, Miss Granger, I do insist. Please indulge me... what is so funny?"

Hermione heaved a sigh and looked at him in that strange way again.

"Are you feeling okay, Professor? You're not acting your...usual self this evening."

Snape scowled, but thought the better of it. "Eh, no. I'm just- not in the mood ...to be mean right now."

Idiot. Idiot. No one would ever believe that.

Sure enough, Hermione threw him a look of disbelief. "Well, if you insist on knowing, I simply find it funny that you...laugh to yourself on occasion. While we walk to the dungeon, where I will be, what is it? Going over ...papers?"

Uh-oh.

He had forgotten all about the papers.

In truth, there were no papers. He had only made up that excuse in order to remove her from Remus to make him mad... and now it had come back to bite him where it hurt.

"The papers? Well, yes. The papers, Miss Granger." He put on his surlier demeanor and continued. "Well, I daresay that was what I was laughing about. I believe that I have figured out who the little, cheating miscreants are..." He observed the look of reprove on her face at the sound of him chiding her house. "...And I have concluded that...none of them are from Gryffindor."

Hermione, who was no longer scared of Snape, came to a halt in front of the dungeon door. She gave him an appraising, if uncertain smile, and said, "You mean, you have brought me all the way down here for nothing? Or...is there something else you want to ask me, Professor?"

He tried to think of something, something to make her laugh, something to pull her farther away from Lupin, but he drew a blank.

Luckily he didn't need to think of anything. The door to the dungeon behind Hermione opened, and a black, gloved hand pulled her in with no more than a scream.

Snape, in a panic, could only think of one thing.

It's Voldemort; Voldemort's Death Eaters have Miss Granger... Wait, I'm a Death Eater, too. Why didn't I know about this?

Potter is going to kill me.

The whole school's going to kill me.

Snape used every charm he thought to try to open the door. He could hear muffled voices behind the door. The high whimpering of Miss Granger, the deep, taunting baritone of Walden MacNair, a Death Eater if there ever was one.

Snape felt his face go paler, if that was possible. He was at a loss for words.

Wouldn't Lucius have told me if they were coming tonight?

And, speak of the devil; the voice of Lucius Malfoy resonated in the damp hall behind Snape. He turned to find Lucius in full Death Eater regalia, with the exception of his lowered hood.

"Severus, so lovely to see you this evening."

Snape, instead of using his normal, oily greeting, walked at Lucius, fear in his steps.

"Lucius, they have a student in there."

"I know."

"Well? Why was I not informed you were coming tonight? Couldn't you have owled me?" His heart was pounding. Hermione let out a scream behind the door. Laughter following.

"What, and ruin the fun? I thought you were more spontaneous than that, Snape."

Snape scoffed, trying not to show his fear for his muggle-born student behind closed doors. "Well, it would have been a nice gesture if you had at least flooed me. In any case, is he here?"

"Who?"

"Voldemort, you idiot! Sometimes I wonder about you, Lucius."

More screaming.

"No, he didn't think it important enough to grace us with his presence... Still planning that 'comeback' he keeps on talking about... its all talk, I tell you-"

All of a sudden, Malfoy gripped his arm in pain. "I think he heard that- in any case, will you join us?"

Snape delayed with what he thought was a wittily naïve comment, though he knew exactly what Lucius was talking about. "Join you where? Are we going to the café for a power luncheon, pray tell?"

"No, to torture the girl!"

"Listen, Lucius, I know what you mean. And if you were not doing it during school or in my dungeon, I would normally be on deck, full steam ahead. But seeing as how I will have to take full responsibility for this-"

A cold, high voice resonated from nowhere.

"Knock out the killjoy, Lucius, and join MacNair and the others."

"Whatever you say, boss," rang out Malfoy in an uncharacteristically jovial tone. Snape panicked once more for the life of Miss Granger, standing behind the doorway.

And everything went black.