Exploding Into Existence

Pre-Hogwarts: Sirius age 5

Sirius screwed up his face against the pain of his mother's grip on his hair. The five-year-old stumbled in her wake, struggling to remain on his feet as she dragged him away from the attic. The hair in her other hand belonged to his three-year-old brother Regulus, who was currently shouting his head off.

"What did I tell you about leaving during a party?" she snapped. "You're supposed to stay by me and act as a proper pureblood should! Do try not to disgrace the Black family name!" She relinquished her grip and they both rubbed their heads.

The three were walking past the decapitated house elf heads at this point, and Sirius' mother forced her expression to become that of the haughty and noble, rather than angry. "Lucky Kreacher is loyal to me," she muttered to the two boys behind her, yet retaining her dignified expression. "If he hadn't told me where you two were, who knows what irreparable damage you would've done..."

Walburga Black continued to scold the boys, but Sirius wasn't listening. "Hey, Reg!" he whispered behind his mother's back so that she couldn't hear.

Regulus directed his attention to the left without hesitation. Sirius was two and one half years older than him, practically a grown-up! "What?" he whispered as quietly as a three-year-old could.

Sirius said nothing, but pointed to their mother's robes. Glancing at them, Regulus saw that poking out of the pocket nearest him was her wand. He eyed it in awe.

Sirius poked him and motioned for him to take it. Regulus' eyes traveled from the wand, twitching tantalizingly with every step his mother took, to the mischievous glint in his brother's eyes, and back again.

It was too good an offer to pass up. The child's curiosity surpassed his fear and Regulus snatched the wand before he could change his mind.

Sirius was nearly skipping with glee. He took the wand from Regulus' hand and waved it the same way he had seen his parents do it, at the unsuspecting house elf, Kreacher, the one who had ratted on them. The elf in question was carrying trays into the kitchen nearby.

To Sirius' surprise, Kreacher floated into the air. He dropped the trays in a panic as his arms flailed.

Sirius and Regulus hid their laughter behind their hands at the sight.

However, it was not difficult for Kreacher to undo the spell and reappear on the floor. He gathered the trays, and said, "Kreacher is most sorry, Mistress. He will punish himself most grievously for this." He shot an angry glare at the boys and bustled off.

The boys straightened their faces in order to appear innocent as Walburga turned to them in a mountain of rage. Sirius held the wand in the back pocket of his own robes.

"Boys," she said in a frighteningly calm voice, "We will talk after the party." Sirius' heart pounded as she felt her pocket for what he knew wasn't there. "What did you do with it?" she demanded.

Walburga was doing pretty well--in most cases, she was reduced to screaming long before this point. Because of the party, she was determined to keep up appearances. A Black was not supposed to have such an ignoble thing as emotions. It was unfortunate that the Black family was notorious for their temper.

"What did you brats do with it?" she repeated through her teeth. She was aware of how large the possibility was that a guest could overhear her from the other room.

Regulus covered his ears with his hands and Sirius hugged himself and took his thoughts away from the scene, as his old Clabbert, Snuffles (how he wished he still had that warm stuffed animal, his first friend!), had taught him to do. Neither spoke.

Walburga leant to face Sirius. "Tell me where it is," she ordered. The boy bit his lip, but shook his head.

She turned to Regulus and shook him roughly by the shoulders, voice raising, "Where the f--"

"Walburga!" a man's voice warned. "Control yourself!"

Sirius' Daddy, Orion, stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, separating the family from the party.

"The insolent snotrags took my wand!" she snarled. "I'm only getting it back! Where is it, boys?"

His Daddy sighed. "Sirius has it in his back pocket," he said without even looking.

Walburga forcibly turned Sirius around, snatched her wand, and settled for giving him a shove just hard enough to knock him to the floor.

His Daddy lightly put a hand on her arm. "Deal with him later," he said.

She submitted, but before returning to the party, she ordered, "You two had better get out here and be mature. I want people impressed!"

Then the brothers were alone in the hallway. Regulus' lower lip was quivering from being shouted at, shaken, and from fear that his older brother was hurt. Tears formed in his eyes and he hugged himself unsurely.

Sirius was not hurt, and he returned from his away place, where he didn't have to know or be afraid of what his mother did to him. He picked himself up and held his brother tightly, and Regulus began to weep.

"Siwius," he moaned into the bigger one's shoulder.

"It's okay, Reggie," he promised. "Now c'mon, we gotta go be good." Sirius used his sleeve to wipe away the tears from Regulus' eyes, then took his hand and led him towards the sound of chatter.

"Sirius, Reggie, where were you two?" Bellatrix called as they passed the entrance. She and the boys' other cousins, Narcissa and Andromeda, were accompanied by someone whom Sirius didn't know.

"Hi, Bella, Andy, and Cissy." Forgetting he was supposed to be proper, he asked the stranger, "Who are you?"

Bellatrix put a hand on the stranger's shoulder and said, "This is my boyfriend, Rodolphus." Then, "Shut it or I'll make you," she added in response to Narcissa, who had been giggling.

"Ooh, music!" Narcissa squealed, for band had begun playing.

"We'd better snag partners "like proper purebloods" before Aunt Wally gets her panties in a bunch," Andromeda told her sisters, and Sirius giggled at the nickname for his mother.

Narcissa, who was nine years old, stuck out her tongue. "Yuck! Dancing with boys?"

Andromeda chuckled. "Even kids have to act proper when Sirius' mum is around. If finding some yucky old bloke means she won't yell at us..."

Narcissa grimaced again.

"I'll dance with you, Andy," Sirius offered. "And Reggie can dance with Cissy! And then you won't have to dance with that yucky bloke!"

The girls laughed. "Sounds like a plan," Andromeda said. She bent forward uncomfortably so she could reach Sirius' hands.

Narcissa carried Regulus in one arm and held his hand with the other. She was just big enough to lift him.

When the song ended, Sirius jumped up and down and clapped. Regulus imitated him, still in his cousin's arms.

They found a table in a corner of the room and Narcissa sat down with Regulus on her lap. Sirius pulled up a chair for Andromeda with an exaggerated flourish. "M' lady," as he'd been taught to say, although the effect was ruined by his smirk.

"My, what a gentleman!" Andromeda put a hand to her heart. "How simply delightful it is to be in your company!"

He sat beside her and tried to occupy himself by picking at the tablecloth, but it wasn't long before the four children grew bored and began to fidget.

Andromeda was tapping her chin with her index finger and gazing out at the dancing couples, when Walburga emerged from a chattering cluster of adults. She snapped at Sirius. "Come, come, I need you to make a good impression," she said.

"Ah, Barty Crouch. This is my son, Sirius."

"Hello," Crouch said, sounding bored at the prospect of being introduced to a child.

"Good evening, sir. How do you do?" Sirius asked mechanically, extending a small hand.

Crouch ignored the question, seemingly eager to end the conversation, but wanting to keep a good impression with the purebloods. "And how old are you?"

"Five. How old are you?"

"Sirius! My apologies, Barty, you know how children can be." She added unconvincingly, "Silly boy! You shouldn't say such rude things!"

Sirius managed to disentangle himself after a few moments. His cousins and Regulus had been replaced at the table by several grown-ups. Other than Bellatrix, who was still dancing with her boyfriend, none of them could be found.

It was a great deal quieter outside of the ballroom, and Sirius was soon yawning. He lounged on a cushioned chair in the hallway and his eyelids drooped.

He was awakened suddenly by a harsh slap to the face. He gave a startled yelp, but his mother was already speaking.

"How dare you embarrass this family during a party?" she screamed. She ticked off with her fingers, "Wandering off, taking my wand, mouthing off to influential people, falling asleep!" At these last two words, her volume rose to a roar and Sirius winced.

"We let you live in this house, you ungrateful little brat. You have the duty to keep our family name! You are the heir to the family. You will pick up your act!"

"Yes mother," Sirius mumbled, but she could tell it was only to satisfy her.

"Accio Inkless Quill!" she shouted, waving her wand behind her, and a quill

shot out into the hallway into her outstretched hand. "Come," she said, and Sirius knew better than to refuse. He wondered for a moment where Regulus was as they crossed the ballroom, still strewn with the remnants of the party. Half a dozen elves were cleaning the mess, and Sirius spotted his favorite, Millie. He waved at her behind his mother's back, and she gave a large smile.

He paused as his mother opened he door to his Daddy's office. He wasn't allowed to go in there.

"I told you to follow me."

"Yes mother."

Sirius had been expecting a spectacular and dangerous reason for why he wasn't allowed in the room, but he was disappointed. It was, in fact, just a boring office with little more than a desk and chair for furniture.

Sirius knew how to read and write of course--for what pureblood didn't?--but the parchment strewn about the floor held no interest for him.

Walburga directed him to the chair and set a new sheaf of parchment in front of him. She tapped the quill with her wand and handed it to him.

"You will write: "I will respect the power of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black"," she ordered.

This isn't so bad, he thought, but then he wrote the sentence once. He gasped in pain and clutched his left leg. Feeling something damp, he glanced at the palm of his hand and saw blood.

"Keep writing," Walburga demanded.

Reluctantly, Sirius released his trouser leg. His quill hovered over the glittering red words on the parchment. He chanced a look at his mother; her fear inducing expression told him he had no choice.

Slowly his hand lowered to the page and he continued to write. He called Snuffles to him in his head (after all, Snuffles had made him fall asleep and steal his mother's wand, so it was only fair for Snuffles to help him) and his vision grew hazy as his hand repeated the mindless pattern of words.

In no time at all, he was jarred back into reality when his mother said, "You're crying, you pathetic sod? Get out of my sight!"

In one rough motion, she yanked the chair out from beneath him, and with a thump his bottom hit the wooden floor.

Sirius didn't move from his position, but dropped the quill and swiped viciously at his eyes. Pathetic, rang throughout his head. What a coward he was, crying like that.

"Get up," Walburga said sternly. "Go clean yourself off."

Sirius trudged back to his room, hanging his head in shame and self-loathing. He and Snuffles had done a bad thing and something had happened...something he couldn't recall, that made his leg bleed and hurt badly.

To his surprise, Millie the house elf was waiting for him in his room, steaming towel in hand. He smiled at her wearily.

"Millie has a towel for Master Sirius. She thought he would need help. "

"Thanks Millie," he said, allowing himself to collapse on his desk chair, and she began to mop up his bloodied leg.

"Millie was knowing Master Sirius was hurt and Millie wishes she could help him!" She continued her fussing as she bandaged his leg.

"It's okay, Millie." Sirius rubbed his eyes again with his sleeve. "Where's Reggie? I hope he's okay!" He hopped off the chair after Millie finished, ignoring the soreness in his leg. He was not going to fall to pieces about that.

"Millie is thinking Master Regulus is in his bedroom."

The three-year-old was indeed in his bedroom, but was not asleep despite the lateness of the hour. "Siwius!" he shouted upon the sight of his brother appearing in the doorway. He clumsily climbed from his bed and hugged Sirius. "Why you cwying?" he asked.

Sirius sniffed and looked away. "Don't be stupid, I'm not crying," he claimed. "You should go to bed, Reggie, it's late. You're gonna be tired."

Regulus always obeyed his brother over everyone else, and so he crawled into bed. Sirius tucked his little brother in and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodnight," he whispered.

Sirius woke up screaming, with his hands clasped around his head and tears flowing steadily down his face. He didn't stop as a house elf, knowing what his parents would do, entered the room and tried to shush him so that they wouldn't wake. Even as voices could be heard, saying, "Not again," and, "If that bloody kid doesn't shut up I'll kill him," Sirius continued to scream, seemingly unaware of his surroundings.

"Will you shut your sodding mouth, boy!" his father said, bursting into the room and waving his wand to switch on the light. But the screaming went on unabated. Sirius rocked back and forth as he sat upright in his bed.

His father backhanded him and Sirius awoke at last, disoriented and confused. His Daddy flicked off the light and slammed the door, leaving Sirius to cry silently, trying to return to reality on his own. He pulled at his hair in sadness and frustration as finally cognizance seeped in.

Sirius gave a soft whimper of unrestrained sorrow. Snuffles hadn't been there for him.

His mother had disposed of the toy Clabbert a few months ago, after Snuffles had made him hurt Regulus. Sirius had been afraid that his other half would leave along with the animal, and was overjoyed the next time Snuffles took him away from his Daddy when Daddy was being mean. Yet despite the fact that he still had the Snuffles part in his head, it had always been a comfort to squeeze the toy's soft tummy.

Sirius held his pillow tightly in his arms as a substitute, longing for a companion and his mother's embrace. He did not fall asleep for several hours, and when he rose at seven, he had no recollection of the incident.