Exploding Into Existence

Mother and Daddy were fighting again. Sirius and Regulus sat on the floor of the library, holding each other in fright. Sirius remembered Snuffles telling him to never ever interrupt a fight. Snuffles had showed him what Mother and Daddy had done to him and it scared Sirius.

"It's gonna be okay, Reg," he said. It was more important for Reggie to feel safe.

"Why?" Reggie asked, and Sirius understood what the question was.

"I don't know why they fight, Reg. Maybe they are sad." He pulled Reggie further into his embrace.

"Mummy sad?"

"Maybe."

"Daddy sad?"

"Maybe, Reg. Play Dragon?" Reggie nodded and Sirius found Snuffles. "Snuffles is the dragon. He's nice though. Snuffles will save the day! Look out for the evil monster, Reg!"

Reggie screamed with delight and evaded the invisible "monster".

"Oh no, it got you! It's okay, I'll save you!" Sirius pretended to fly on Snuffles and "rescued" Reggie. "You're safe now! Uh oh, it's the Tickle Monster!" Sirius tickled Reggie and they both fell to the floor laughing.

"Not in the library!" The exasperated voice of his Mother came from the doorway. "Sirius, you know better than that. Go to your Father and tell him what you've done."

Sirius' eyes widened. He knew what that last sentence meant. His Daddy was going to be really scary. "No, Mummy please, I'll be good, I'm sorry! I'll never do it again, please!"

"Don't be a baby. And don't cry," she snapped, and once again he found himself desiring the look she used to have in her eyes when she saw him; the look she now reserved for Reggie. He hadn't seen that look directed at him in two years; since Reggie was born. He thought maybe she only had enough love for Regulus and only enough hate for him. He wished she'd have a little of both, as it was only fair. Or maybe that she'd love him every once in a while. But then he thought that maybe if he was a Good boy she'd love him. After all, Reggie didn't know not to play in the library. He was too little. Sirius was four years old. He should know.

Sirius was a Bad boy. He didn't want to be. He even tried to be good, but he still got yelled at. He wished that his Mother could be proud of him for something. He couldn't remember the last time she had been.

No, Sirius wasn't completely a Bad boy. Only the Snuffles part of him was. Snuffles made Sirius do bad things like waking up his Mother and Daddy at night when he had bad dreams. Snuffles made Sirius tell his Mother that she was a Meanie-Head, even when Sirius knew it was a Bad thing to do. Snuffles was a very Bad part of Sirius.

"Go," she said in her scary voice that meant he'd better get his backside moving. Sirius kept his head down as he passed her so that she wouldn't see his tears. If he had to cry like a baby, he at least was not going to be even more of a Bad boy by letting her see.

His Daddy's feelings were very scary when Sirius entered the kitchen. He could almost see them around his Daddy's head like smog. His Daddy was thinking angry things like how in the bloody hell is Ah Brack Suss going to talk his way out of this one? And I'll kill that buggering sonofabitch. Sirius hugged himself, wishing Reggie was there.

"Daddy?" he called through the smog.

"What?" His Daddy sounded like he didn't want to hear bad news.

"Mother said tell you that Reg and me were playing in the lie-berry." He couldn't stifle the tremble in his voice.

Now his Daddy was thinking I really don't care about the goddamn library. It's her library, why doesn't she take care of you? "Well you shouldn't then," his Daddy said in a toneless voice.

"What's going on here?" His Mother had just entered the kitchen. "Sirius, I thought I told you to tell your father what you've done!"

"Walburga, I don't care. It's your library, not mine. You deal with him."

Sirius tuned out of the conversation until his Mother started yelling, then wrapped his arms around his Daddy's leg. She yelled that Sirius needed to be taught a lesson and that he would never learn if he wasn't Diss Uh Plinned. His Daddy yelled that he didn't give a shit and would Sirius' Mother shut the bloody hell up because his ears were bleeding? This worried Sirius, and he looked, but he didn't see any blood coming from his Daddy's ears.

"Sirius," his Mother finally snapped, yanking him closer to her by the hair and eliciting a yelp of pain, "I'll straighten you out. Follow me." Her grip on his hair left him with no choice, so he followed her out of the kitchen, up the steps, and into the spare guestroom.

Snuffles may have been Bad, but he was always there for Sirius when scary things happened. He would take Sirius away so Sirius wouldn't have to be scared. Sometimes he showed Sirius the scary things that were happening from a corner of the room where his Mother couldn't see him.

This was one of the times when Snuffles showed him the scary things. Sirius stood with Snuffles behind his Mother, watching her hex him while he lay on the floor, and he felt no pain. He was very grateful that Snuffles could do this, since it was Snuffles who made him play in the library.

Sirius was lying on the floor, out of breath, and with his hair strewn about him messily. He didn't have the energy to hide his tear-streaked face. His Mother snapped for him to get out of her sight and he left without hesitation. Then Snuffles left him and Sirius felt only the remnants of pain and exhaustion.

Reggie was sitting in his bedroom, playing with his own stuffed animal, Bibbles. But Bibbles wasn't like Snuffles. He was only a stuffed animal.

"You sleepy, Reg?" Sirius blinked his eyes and lay on the floor of Reggie's bedroom and was followed by his little brother. Falling almost immediately into sleep, Sirius clutched the two things that he knew he would always have: Snuffles and Regulus. And he loved them both.