Giving Him a Chance

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Giving Him a Chance

Chapter three

By duva

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I'm not quite sure how I managed to get back to the common room after that. All I know is that I had a lot of trouble falling asleep that night, and when I finally did, I was plagued by dreams of a certain messy-haired Head Boy. Not good.

When I woke up the next morning, I was shocked to realise that I actually felt a bit apprehensive about speaking to Potter. Get a grip, Lily, I told myself as I entered the Great Hall for breakfast. It's just Potter. I spotted him sitting in his usual seat. Sirius Black appeared to be reading something out of the newspaper aloud, and I decided not to interrupt. As he saw me coming, though, he stopped reading, so I decided just to say what I had to and then let them get back to the article.

'Morning, Potter,' I said briskly. He mumbled something to the ground, looking very uncomfortable. I frowned. 'I was just going to remind you about the meeting tonight. Eight o'clock.'

'Right,' he mumbled, still speaking to the ground. 'I'll be there.'

'Good,' I said, still frowning, as I walked over to my friends, even though it wasn't good. Not good at all.

*

We had a prefect meeting that night, and it turned out to be very different from our earlier ones. Instead of staring blatantly at me, Potter sat as far away as he possibly could, and he didn't take his eyes off the parchment in front of him once. I felt slightly annoyed, so once the meeting ended, I told him to meet me in the common room later that night to go over the Hallowe'en business again. He didn't seem too ecstatic about it, but agreed to it nevertheless. As we sat in the common room, though, I almost wished he hadn't. He wasn't talking at all unless I asked him something, and he hadn't looked at me once. I sighed deeply. What was his problem?

All right, so it was pretty obvious what his problem was. Clearly I wasn't going to yell at him about it, though, so I couldn't see why he was acting this way. If I ignored it, shouldn't he be able to do so as well? Apparently not, and it was bugging the hell out of me. How was I supposed to be able to work with him when he acted this way? I had to say something. 'Potter?'

'Yeah?' he mumbled, staring at the table like it was the most interesting thing ever.

'Would it kill you to look at me?' He sighed deeply, like I had just asked him to swallow a slug or something, and glanced up at me. He averted his gaze after just a second, blushing.

I felt my annoyance growing, but decided to be nice about it, as he was obviously uncomfortable. 'Is this about what happened yesterday?' His blush deepened, and he mumbled something that sounded like "Mmphlagh."

'Look, I don't want you to feel... embarrassed or anything about that,' I said quietly, and he finally gave a reaction by snorting loudly. All right, that was it. No more Miss Nice Girl. 'Damn it!' I said loudly, slamming my hand onto the table so hard it hurt. 'I don't care how embarrassed you are, we have to work together and I simply cannot work with you if you refuse to look me in the eye.' That seemed to have done the trick. He lifted his head and met my gaze. I felt my annoyance soften a bit as I saw his cherry red cheeks. 'That wasn't so terrible, was it now?' He responded by frowning, and my annoyance returned. I sighed deeply, putting my hands over my face. 'What do you want me to do, eh, Potter?' I said, not really thinking about what I was saying. 'Do you want me to turn back time so that it'd never have happened?' He didn't reply. I was getting rather desperate. What would it take to get him to start talking? 'If I kissed you, would that make us even?'

What did I just say?

Potter seemed to be thinking the same thing, because his mouth had fallen open, leaving him looking rather goldfish-like. Well, at least he had reacted. Maybe it was a good idea, too - if we were even, it might not be as embarrassing for him. A little voice inside my head was telling me that I was just making up excuses to kiss him again, but I ignored it. I started moving closer to him, looking him square in the eye. He looked rather like a deer caught in the headlights. I put a hand on his cheek, and as I leaned in, I was shocked to feel a nervous sort of flutter in my stomach. In fact, I felt rather light-headed. I didn't have time to think about what it meant, though, because Potter seemed to have come to his senses.

'No!' he said sharply, backing away so fast he nearly fell off the couch.

I don't quite know why, but I panicked. I just couldn't stay there, with him staring at me like I'd grown an extra head and this annoying fluttering still in my tummy. Feeling rather dazed, I stood up and walked up the stairs to my dormitory. I was very, very confused.

*

After hardly sleeping at all that night, I had come to a conclusion.

I was going insane.

There was no other explanation, really. I mean, I had almost kissed Potter. I was obviously losing my mind. I had thought a lot about it, and what I had come up with was slightly disturbing. I hadn't minded kissing him. I wouldn't mind doing it again. Something had to be very, very wrong. I had also realised that I should probably apologise to Potter for the way I had acted the day before. Poor lad must be terrified. So, feeling apprehensive and very, very tired, I set out to look for him. I didn't have to search for long; as he was lying on a couch near the fireplace in the rather deserted common room. Feeling suddenly nervous, I walked up to him. 'Can we talk?'

He looked at me and sat up. 'Sure.'

Sitting down next to him, I suddenly felt very foolish. What was I going to say? I stared down at my hands, thinking of how to say something that didn't make me sound like an idiot. Nothing came to mind. 'I'm sorry,' I blurted out finally, just to break the silence.

'For what?'

'About yesterday,' I replied, shaking my head. Wasn't it obvious? 'I was out of line, I know it.' I could feel his eyes on me. 'Look,' I said, finally looking up at him, and finding that he didn't avert his gaze for once. 'That... thing... that happened the other night - ' He looked back down. This time, though, it was rather understandable.

'I'm sorry about that,' he mumbled.

'Right. Well, that was... it was an accident, wasn't it?' I asked very quietly, finding myself wishing with a small part of my heart that he would say no.

See? Obviously about to lose my mind.

'Accident?'

'Just something that happened because of the circumstances,' I clarified, feeling rather stupid. 'It didn't mean anything, did it?'

'Right,' he said after a short silence.

Damn.

I looked up at him, smiling. 'I thought so. So... does this mean we can work together normally from now on?'

'Of course,' he smiled back at me, and I felt my stomach flutter a little again.

Stop it, I thought firmly. It didn't help.

*

After that, Potter actually started to act like a normal person around me again, something I was grateful for. He still seemed to be a little nervous around me, but I tried to ignore it. I also tried to ignore that stupid little voice in my head which kept reminding me how amazing his lips were, but I didn't have much success. I told my friends about this, and they all seemed to find it very funny.

'Merlin, Lily fancies James!' Faye had snorted, nearly falling off her chair and earning her a sharp glance from Madam Pince as we sat in the library.

'I do not!' I hissed at her. 'I just said he was a good kisser, that's all.'

'Sure it is, Lil,' Sadie had said, shaking with laughter. 'Keep telling yourself that.'

'There now, let the poor girl have some peace,' Catriona had told them, even though the corners of her mouth were turned up in what was obviously a smile.

I had shot them all dirty glances. 'Great advice you are.'

'Honestly, Lily,' Faye had replied with a straighter face. 'What's the big problem? Just spend some time with him - for all you know, he could be the big love of your life.'

While I sincerely doubted that, I decided to take her advice anyway. Couldn't hurt, could it?

*

As Christmas approached, Potter and I had to start planning the Christmas feast. I was going home for the holidays, as was he, but it was Hogwarts tradition, and, truth be told, I didn't really mind. If it went half as well as the Hallowe'en feast it would be a splendid success. What with all my homework and things like that, I was rather tired, though, and not really up to thinking all that hard. I yawned loudly and put the list of Christmas ornaments I had been reading on the table in front of me. I was sitting in my usual armchair in the common room, and Potter was in his regular spot on the sofa across from me.

'I'm too tired to do any more of this.'

'We still have all these to go through,' he said without looking up from what he was doing, motioning to a stack of parchment that lay next to him on the sofa.

'I know,' I said, wincing at my whiny tone. 'Let's just take a little break, all right?'

'Sure,' he replied, sounding quite relieved.

I grinned slightly at him and tried to come up with something to say. 'What are you doing for Christmas?'

'Nothing special, really,' he replied, stretching his legs out on the sofa. I tried very hard not to stare. He really had quite a nice body - lanky, but not skinny. 'Just the usual, I suppose. How about you?'

'Same,' I said, shaking myself mentally. 'My mum's best friend and her family are coming to stay with me, though, it will be a nightmare.' I frowned, earning a sympathetic smile from him.

'That bad, huh?'

'Well, she's not too bad, it's just that she has four very loud children,' I said, sighing. 'Two of which will be staying in my room.'

He gave a small laugh. 'Before we had a room fixed for him, Sirius stayed in my room for a couple of weeks, and let's just say that I know what it's like to never have any privacy. I mean, it's one thing here, where you know that you share the room with other people, but at home you have a room full of personal belongings, if you know what I mean?'

'Exactly,' I replied, a bit surprised. That was just how I felt about it. 'How come Sirius lives with you, anyway? You two that attached to each other?' It was something I had been wondering about for a while. He laughed again. He has a nice laugh, that annoying voice in my head informed me. Shut up, I replied mentally. Great. Now I was having arguments with myself.

'Well, that too. Mostly it's because of his horrid family, though.'

'Oh,' I said, not knowing what to reply to that. I had heard the stories about the Blacks, and they didn't sound like very nice people. It was no wonder Sirius had gone to live with Potter...

Suddenly, the fact that I called him by his last name seemed rather ridiculous to me. I mean, we knew each other, right? He wasn't half bad; there really was no reason for it. 'Do you have any nicknames?'

'What?' he asked, laughing slightly and looking very confused.

'Nicknames. I know that your friends call you Prongs, for some ridiculous reason, but do you have any other nicknames?' Alright, this was just plain stupid. I should just call him James and leave it at that. How was I supposed to have asked about that, though?

'How'd you know that?'

'What?' I asked, puzzled. My mind had been elsewhere.

'That they call me Prongs,' he replied, sounding very surprised about it.

I grinned. They weren't exactly subtle about it. 'I'm not deaf, Potter.' He blushed at this, causing my grin to widen. 'So, do you?' Stop it.

'Er, not really. Sirius calls me Jim sometimes, and my mum calls me Jamie, even though I have asked her a million times not to.' I chuckled. My mum was just the same; she still called me her "ickle Lilykins", which was rather embarrassing when my friends were around. 'Why do you ask?'

'Just curious,' I replied in what I hoped was a casual voice, trying desperately to end this conversation. 'Anyway, we better get back to this, don't you think?'

Smooth, Evans. Real smooth.

*

Christmas was drawing nearer, and to honour this occasion, the last weekend of November was a Hogsmeade weekend. It was designed for people to do their Christmas shopping, but I had already finished mine a few weeks ago, something I was very grateful for as I watched the crowded stores. My friends, who had scoffed at my early shopping, were not as lucky, and I had left a very annoyed Dorcas in a store which sold quills and parchment, opting for a refreshing mug of Butterbeer. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one who had had that idea. The pub was absolutely crowded, and I tried in vain to spot a free table. Not finding one, I gave up, instead starting to look for someone I recognised. A small smile appeared on my face as I spotted the back of a messy-haired head. I pushed my way over to him, tapping him lightly on the shoulder once I reached the table.

His face broke into a toothy grin as he saw me, and I felt my stomach do that annoying little flip thing again. 'Hey!'

'Hey!' I replied, half-yelling over the noise. 'Mind if I sit down?'

''Course not,' he said, scooting over to make room for me.

I gave him a thankful smile as I sat down, removing my cloak. 'People are going crazy.'

'Yeah, tell me about it. So, what did you want to talk about?'

Talk? What was he talking about? 'What?'

'What did you want to talk to me about? Does it have to do with Christmas?' he asked, and I shook my head.

'Nothing special, I just felt like spending some time with you.' I cringed a little as the words left my mouth. Why was I telling him that?

He stared at me, an incredulous look on his face, for a few moments. 'Why?'

'You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of like your company,' I replied, hardly thinking of what I was saying. 'That reason enough?' As I said it, I realised it was true. I had a good time around him. He was smart, and funny, and really quite nice. Who would have thought?

*

The day before we were going home for Christmas, we had to go over the last details for the feast. We had put it off until the last moment, and because of that, we found ourselves in our usual spot in the common room late in the evening. I really wasn't in the mood for working - I was dreadfully tired, and I really needed this vacation to clear my head. Potter seemed to have the same problem, because he was staring into space, apparently in a different world.

'You there?'

'Sorry,' he muttered.

I smiled at him. 'What were you thinking about?'

'I was just thinking about whether Dumbledore dresses up as Father Christmas and has the house elves act as his elves during the feast.'

For a few moments, I just stared at him. Then I broke out laughing. Of all the things I had expected him to say... 'Actually, I could see that happening,' I managed between bouts of laughter. 'McGonagall could be Mrs Claus, and Hagrid could dress up as... as... as a Christmas tree!' It might have been because I was so tired, but at that moment, the idea was hilarious to me.

Apparently, it was to Potter as well, because he joined in. 'He could wear an angel on the top of his head!' He was laughing just as hard as I was.

'Stop it, my tummy hurts!' I said, near hysterics with laughter. It took several minutes before I could calm down, and by then tears were streaming down my face from laughing so hard. Just as I had gotten my laughter under control, however, I met Potter's gaze, and I was gone again. 'Don't do that, I'm going to laugh myself to death,' I gasped, leaning over one of the armrests on my chair.

'Sorry,' he replied, mimicking my positing and not sounding very sorry at all. I looked at his laughing face, and at that moment, it seemed to hit me just how close we were. He was only a few inches away, looking so happy... and I got the craziest impulse to kiss that smile off his face. My laughter immediately died. Before I had time to think about what I was doing, I had closed the distance between us, putting my lips to his.

My head was spinning violently. I registered that he had stopped laughing, and put a hand on his cheek, kissing him slowly and feeling him respond in kind.

What am I doing?

Oh, I knew what I was doing. I was kissing James Potter. Not because he had kissed me first, but because I wanted to.

The realisation hit me like a bolt of lightning. I want him.

He didn't seem to object, either, if his actions were to judge. My ribs stared to hurt a little from the armrest digging into them, and, without really thinking, I stood up, not breaking the kiss, and sat down on the couch with him. I placed my knees on either side of his lap, gently sitting myself down as I moved my hand to the back of his neck, deepening the kiss.

My head was screaming at me, wondering what the hell I was doing, but I didn't care. I didn't care that I wasn't supposed to be kissing him, or enjoying it, or even really liking him. All I cared about was how truly amazing this felt. He leaned back against the corner of the sofa, making me end up half-lying on top of him. There was a loud buzzing in my head, and I couldn't seem to break away from his lips. Very faintly, I heard someone entering the room, but I neither heard nor cared who it was. It wasn't until Potter chuckled against my lips that I realised that it was Sirius.

'She's snogging someone, you twat,' I faintly heard him say. 'It'd just break his poor little heart.'

I assumed he was talking about Potter, who managed to distract me enough with his kisses not to hear the rest of the conversation. I heard the footsteps as Sirius and whoever had been with him went up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, though, and I felt Potter relax as they left. A few minutes later, I made myself draw back. If I hadn't, I feared I'd begin ripping his clothes off right there. He groaned faintly as I broke the kiss, and I stroked his cheek gently with my thumb.

'I need to go to bed,' I murmured, my voice sounding rather husky. He nodded, and I stood up, grabbing his hand and pulling him with me. I was still feeling all light-headed. 'Goodnight,' I whispered. The temptation of his lips, red and swollen from my kisses, was too big to resist, and I raised my head to give him a short kiss before backing away towards the stairs to my dormitory. As I reached the door, I stopped, thinking about what Sirius had said. I was too curious not to ask. I turned back around. He was still standing in the same spot, looking rather dazed. I hesitated for a moment before speaking. 'Would it really break your heart if you caught me snogging some other bloke?' After staring at me for a few seconds, he nodded slightly. 'Why?'

'Because I'm in love with you.'

The words echoed loud and clear through the deserted common room, ringing loudly in my ears. Shit, a part of my mind was screaming at me, but at the same time, I could feel a grin trying to surface. My heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. Merlin. I should say something, but what? I couldn't just leave him hanging...

'Goodnight, James,' I said softly, hoping he would notice the use of his first name, before opening the door and walking in. I stopped on the other side, leaning limply against the door. I had kissed him. I had enjoyed it. He was in love with me. My head was spinning. What was going on? I stood there, breathing heavily for a few minutes, before I walked up the stairs, stopping at the door to the sixth years' dormitory and knocking lightly. Sadie, looking a little annoyed, opened the door.

'Lily? What...'

'Sades,' I interrupted her, still out of breath. 'I think I fancy James Potter.'

***