An Alternate History

Sixteen-year-old Lily smiled at her two-month boyfriend as they snuggled together on the Gryffindor lounge in front of the fire. Behind them, three of the four Marauders debated some kind of life-affecting discussion. The couple were just about to move into a kiss, when the head of James Potter poked up over the back of the couch, and a hand to match the head hit Sirius on the head. "Padfoot, man, we knew something was wrong! We need your sarcastic humour! You're sitting here, having the time of your life, snuggling up with Lily, while we are plotting a potentially dangerous and life threatening act.."

Peter snorted. "Prongs, it's just an argument about whether we prank the Slime Man or Golden Boy. Nothing that we /really/ need Padfoot's help with."

Sirius leapt up from his position on the lounge. "Man, Prongs, be a bit more gentle. That hurt my head! And if you don't mind, we were kind of in the middle of something here?" He waved his hand at a very put out Lily.

"Come on, Padfoot!" Remus begged. "Just tell us - who should we prank next? After you answer that, you can do whatever you want with Lily.."

Peter shuddered. "Not /whatever/ he wants, Moony. Not here in the common room, anyway." James, Remus and Peter all sniggered.

Sirius took his seat again and turned away from them innocently, arm around Lily. "I'm insulted, Wormtail! I'd never do something like that in the common room with Lily, after we've been dating /two/ months."

"Uh-oh, Padfoot is never this innocent..." James muttered.

Sirius turned to James and winked. "I'd take her to the dorms first." Lily whacking him on the head punctuated this sentence.

"SIRIUS!"

Sirius rubbed his head. "You never quit, do you? Anyway, Moony, I'd say Golden Boy. Didn't we get the Slime Man yesterday?"

"And Golden Boy twice in a row before that!" James protested, shaking his head. Finally, he shrugged. "Look, whatever, Padfoot. We'll leave you with Lily now," he turned to walk away, but quickly turned back, "in the far corner," he did the same thing, "and most certainly not watching and listening to your every move."

Sirius nodded. "Good to hear, Prongsy."

The Marauders all sniggered and went to the far corner to plot Lucius Malfoy's demise, and hopefully spy on Sirius and his girlfriend at the same time. As they took seats around a couple of desks, Remus was secretly watching them, giving a running commentary under his breath. "Sirius 'Padfoot' Black leans towards his two-month girlfriend, Lily 'Raggedy Ann' Evans."

Peter turned to look at Remus. "We never call her Raggedy Ann.."

Remus shrugged. "Well, it's time you started. Anyway.. is this what we're waiting for? No - he's just brushing a strand of her beautiful, silky, long red hair out of her eyes. Her hair falls in a shining, red sheet down over her shoulders, waving slightly and moving as she tilts her head. I wonder what shampoo she uses..." James just stared at him for a moment. "What? Even lycanthropes can have love interest. Padfoot smiles at her and says something, apparently very funny because Lily laughs and tosses her fine, silky array of hair over one shoulder..."

"Moony has a hair fetish. Moony has a hair fetish," James chanted, also under his breath.

Remus pretended not to hear and continued with his commentary. "For a second time, Sirius leans towards her. Boys, this could be it. A strand of glossy hair is pushed out of Lily's eyes and her arms weave around Sirius neck. Three.. two.. one.. we have contact! Now," he turned to the other two, grinning, "whose turn is it to interrupt them and get brutally mauled by a giant black dog?"

Peter and James exchanged a look. "It's my turn," Peter confessed. "But I think I'll let Prongs do the honours."

James shook his head, standing up. "You're a coward, Wormtail. You don't even have the guts to interrupt Padfoot while he's making out with Lily. Lucky for you, I do."

"Bet he goes down in two minutes flat," Remus whispered to Peter as James walked over to Sirius and Lily.

"Padfoot, can I borrow your red ink?" he asked. No answer, or even any recognition of his existence. He decided to try again. "Lily, can I borrow your Fwooper quill? The really nice one?" He blushed, but still they failed to recognise that he was alive and standing right behind them. He was getting a bit irritated. Sirius was never this hard to interrupt. Finally, he stepped around to the other side of the lounge, and kicked Sirius. Hard. "Earth to Padfoot, Earth to Padfoot. Come in Padfoot."

It made James sick to his stomach watching them pull apart and sit up. I suppose it'd be completely pointless to say that James had a major crush on Lily, because we all knew that. Lily tossed her hair a second time (like she always does when she laughs) and laughed softly. "Well, how's my stomach taste, Siry?"

James snorted at the nickname. Sirius shrugged. "Uhh... like stomach acid? I don't know." He then looked up at James with feigned innocence. "Well, what is this? Hurt Padfoot As Much As Possible Day? Why aren't there buttons about it?"

James blinked at his friend. "Eh?"

"It's a Muggle thing." Sirius replied. "You, my pureblood pal, would not understand. When Muggles have a special day to represent something, like Red Nose Day, or Daffodil Day, they make buttons about it and sell them."

"Red Nose Day?" James repeated. "What, do Muggles have a special day where they paint their noses red or something? You're right, I don't understand, my halfblood homie."

"Kind of." Sirius laughed at his friend's inability to understand the world of Muggles. "Anyway, I know you didn't come over here to talk about red noses and yellow flowers. What can I do for you, Prongsy-poo?"

Lily collapsed with laughter and fell off the lounge. She was shaking with laughter as James and Sirius looked at her as one might look at a slightly.. no, make that completely mad person. She sat up, still laughing to herself. "James, you are just so... so... ignorant! Red Nose Day is a day that Muggles have to raise money for a charity. They buy red noses from stores and wear them around to raise awareness about.. stuff. And for God's sake, Siry! Prongsy-poo?" She repeated the nickname and fell backwards again in loud laughter.

James stared at her a moment. "It's not that funny, Lily," he told her, turning bright red. "I bet you didn't know about Two Sickle Day."

"Eh?" Sirius peered at James. "Prongs, /I/ don't know about Two Sickle Day."

He shook his head. "Never mind. Anyway... oh yeah. Padfoot - can I borrow your red ink?"

Sirius thought over the request carefully. "No - I don't believe you can. See, mine dried up, so I swapped it with yours, but yours was dry too so I swapped yours with Wormtail's, but that was empty, so I was going to swap his with Moony's, but then I remembered that his bottle smashed so I was going to swap Wormtail's with Lily's, but she only has pink ink and no red, and that's too femme for me, so I was going to swap with.."

"Doesn't anyone in the school have frigging red ink?" James asked, facepalming irritably.

Sirius raised a hand. "I wasn't done, Prongs. So I was going to swap Wormtail's with Frank Longbottom's, you know, the prefect, but he caught me in the act and took five points of Gryffindor. So I was going to swap with Professor Dumbledore, but he /also/ caught me but didn't take any points off. So finally, I went to the Slytherin Commons and.. erm.. 'borrowed' Golden Boy's. And so, Prongs, you see.. you already have my ink, so I can't lend it to you. But I will gladly lend you Golden Boy's." He produced the promised inkbottle, and James snatched it away.

"Might I ask," James asked, "why the hell couldn't you just add water to your ink to undry it?"

Sirius shrugged. "That might make sense."

James shook his head sadly. "Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot. Anyway, Lily, can I borrow your Fwooper quill? The special one?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "I save that quill for special occasions, James. I only use it for... for..." She paused. "What do I use it for?" She thought carefully. "That's right! I used it for my first love letter to Siry! And... yeah, that's it. So unless you're writing a love letter to Siry, I can't let you borrow it."

James raised a brow at Lily. "Mmhmm, yeah, you see, I'm madly in love with my best friend and I want to write him a love letter to tell him once and for all how I feel."

Sirius leapt to his feet dramatically. "Oh, James, I didn't know you cared! I have been secretly harbouring my feelings for you ever since I first met you!"

Lily giggled, but James continued the act, dropping to one knee and holding out one hand. "Sirius, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Prongsy-p.."

"You call me Prongsy-poo again, Padfoot, and the wedding's off," James warned him.

Sirius grinned. "Okay, then. Yes, Jamesy-poo, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life at your side."

James heard a thump behind him, followed by a series of uncontrollable giggling. "Padfoot, I think your girlfriend is laughing at us."

Sirius looked highly offended. "Lily! You shouldn't laugh at me. I think I have found true love, and all you have to do is laugh?"

"Hey guys." It seemed that Remus and Peter had decided to join them. "We saw James on his knees in front of Sirius, followed by Lily cracking up, and decided that we couldn't miss this," Peter explained.

"Nice hair," Remus commented to Lily, before taking a seat on the lounge. "So what did we miss?"

Lily sat up, still shaking in silent laughter. "Let's see.. James confessed his undying love for Sirius, Sirius confessed his undying love for James, James proposed to Sirius on the condition that Sirius never calls him 'Prongsy-poo' again, Sirius was offended because I laughed at him."

"Prongsy-poo?" Peter and Remus repeated in unison, staring at Sirius and James blankly.

James stood up and casually put his arm around Sirius. "What, you have a problem with guy-guy relationships, Moony, Wormtail?"

"I think we should be insulted, Prongsy... I mean, Prongs," Sirius told him.

"We should," James replied, and they both turned and walked away, breaking out into loud laughter as they left the other three staring blankly at their retreating backs.

"Well," Remus began, "as long as Sirius is engaged to James, I suppose you're free, Lily?"

Lily turned to him, smiling. "Eat your heart out, Remus."