Harry Potter and the Attack of the American Fangirls

~Chapter 5~

I was awakened the next morning by a loud tapping sound on the window. "Five more minutes..." I muttered, pulling the extremely poofy blanket over my head.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"I'm up..."

Tap-tap-tap.

"Mom, it's Saturday. Leave me alone..."

TAP TAP TAP!

"Fine! Geez, don't break the window." Suddenly, it occurred to me. Why would my parents be knocking on the window? I opened my eyes.

The sight that greeted me was not the bright yellow walls of my bedroom, but rather gray stone walls. I frowned, still half-asleep, and looked around. Where was I? Then I saw the owl, still tapping on the window, and the events of he previous night flooded back to me. I sighed, walked over to the window, and unlatched it. The owl squawked and flew in, perching on the edge of the bed. It held out its leg expectantly, waiting for me to untie the letter. I eyed it suspiciously. "You sure you've got the right place buddy?" I unfolded the letter.

Dear Miss Veronica,

I hope you slept well. Please bring Miss Beth and meet me in my office after you get ready, regarding your situation and school supplies.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts.

School supplies? Did that mean what I thought it meant? I burst into the adjoining room.

"Beth!" I shouted.

"Mmff." She grunted into the pillow.

"Wake up." I walked over to her bed and stole her turtle plushie.

"Mmff." She grunted again. "My turtle..."

I placed the turtle so its head was facing hers. "Rise and shine."

She opened her eyes. "Wha...? Yaaaaahh!!!"

"Sorry," I said. "Are you awake? We've been owled." I handed her the piece of parchment.

She read it quickly, her surprise evident on her face.

"School supplies?"

"Yeah that's what I thought. But you never know." I replied, taking back the parchment. "Hey, this wasn't there before," I said, noting a P.S.

P.S. The owl is yours to keep. He doesn't have a name yet.

"Cool," I said. "Hey Beth, we got an owl."

"What?" She took the parchment back as I examined the owl. He was a beautiful one, white belly, brown back. But the thing that caught my eye was the reddish tail feathers.

"Hey, lets call him Tobias," I said.

"Ok..." Beth said.

I explained to her that Tobias was a character in the book series I used to read, Animorphs. He got trapped as a red-tailed hawk. I really liked that character. I also liked Rachel and Marco, (Jake Cassie and Ax were cool too) and if you ask me Applegate totally screwed up the ending. The only way she could have screwed it up more is if she- ok, I'm not going to spoil it for you by ranting about the ending, so if you want to know what happened, read the books. Now this story is not an advertisement for Animorphs (cool series as it is) so lets get back to the story.

{B: You know a cool series worth advertising?}

{V: Let me take a wild guess here...}

{B: Cirque Du Freak!}

{V: Yay! Darren's so cool. ^_^}

{B: Evra's better. You know who else-}

{V: Beth, Orlando Bloom is too old to be Evra.}

{B: Not by the fourth book!}

{V: Speaking of the fourth book... I've finished it. Can I borrow the next one now?}

{B: I don't know if I should...}

{V: By the time I finish this chapter and post it on Schnoogle, you'll still be saying 'I don't know if I should.'}

We got dressed and then walked down the corridor to Dumbledore's office, stopping outside the stone gargoyle.

"Sugar Quill," Beth said.

We walked past the gargoyle and began ascending the spiral staircase.

"Those sound good," I pondered.

{S: She pondered.}

{V: Oh hello Shelby.}

"What?" Beth asked.

"Sugar quills." We walked in silence for a while.

"Hey," I said. "I wonder why the other staircases in Hogwarts like to change and this one's happy how it is."

"Maybe there's nowhere else to go," Beth reasoned.

I got another idea. "Or maybe..."

"There's a secret room that's so secret that Dumbledore doesn't want anyone to know about it so he instructed it not to change?"

I looked at her, wide-eyed. "That's exactly what I was thinking..."

We contemplated this for a couple seconds.

"Nah."

Long before we'd gotten close to Dumbledore's office, we'd heard raised voices coming from inside. But now we were close enough to make out what they were saying.

"Please, Severus, be reasonable-"

"Reasonable? Albus, those girls are dangerous!"

Beth was laughing silently.

"Dangerous?" I cracked up. "He thinks we're dangerous?"

Meanwhile, Dumbledore was still talking.

"So are most of the Slytherins, especially that Malfoy, but that doesn't stop you from favoring them, does it?"

"Ouch," I said.

"Score for Dumbledore," Beth added.

"But Albus..." If I didn't know better, I'd say Snape was pleading.

"Severus, my decision is final. Those girls will be taught magic, and you will treat them like any other students."

"Yes, of course Albus."

"But not like you treat Harry Potter and the rest of the Gryffindors. I've been meaning to talk to you about that, teachers must be fair to all students..."

He went on about teachers and how they should treat all students the same, but I wasn't listening.

Something had clicked in my brain. "He's scared of us."

"Whaaaaaaaaat!" Beth started laughing again.

"No, seriously! He heard me ranting about how they're only characters in a book and..." I trailed off.

Beth nodded. "Man fears what he does not understand."

"Yeah," I smiled. "But we don't understand what's going on and we're not scared!" I paused. "Are we?"

*Awkward silence*

We started laughing again.

"Scared? No of course not, hehehehe..."

Just then I noticed an orange lizard sitting in the corner.

"Hey reptile girl, do you like amphibians?" I asked, pointing to the lizard.

"Lizard!" She went over to it and picked it up. "Hey, I know you're the smart one,"

{B: At what point did I say that?}

{V: Umm...}

"But I've never heard of a lizard with hair before."

"Really. Hairy McLizard," I commented. Sure enough, it had a small bit of curly orange hair. "Fuzz!" I exclaimed, petting its head.

Just then, we heard a very loud sound.

"A... a... a-CHOO!"

"What the!" Exclaimed Beth.

"Heart attack! Medic!" I whispered.

From inside the office Snape's voice could be heard saying, "Bless you Headmaster."

"Thank you Severus, I believe I'm getting over a cold."

"Why didn't you ask Poppy for a potion?"

"Oh, call me old fashioned, but I prefer to deal with colds the natural way."

"Really. Fascinating..."

But we of course were preoccupied with something else.

Dumbledore's explosive sneeze must have startled the Lizard, because he jumped off Beth's hand and ran away. It couldn't have been that I'd found some pink hair dye in my bag (where'd that come from, I don't know. I don't own any pink hair dye) and dyed the fuzz on the top of his head pink. Nope, had to be the sneeze.

"Pink is the new orange!" I shouted after it.

"Run little lizard!" Beth yelled. "Go free!"

"Save the lizards!" I agreed.

"Yeah!" Said Beth. "High-five!"

We gave each other a high-five.

"Save the lizards!" We said together.

"Yes, yes. We'll print up buttons." Said an oily voice.

We turned to see that Dumbledore had finally opened the door and a certain greasy-haired potions master was standing behind him.

"Do you ever wash your hair?" I asked him innocently.

He glared at me. I glared back. His eyes flashed green for a moment before turning back to normal. I jerked back, surprised.

"What is it?" Beth asked quizzically.

"Eh..." I looked at Snape's eyes, which were their normal glassy black selves. "Nothing."

"Come in girls," said Dumbledore from behind his desk.

We walked into Dumbledore's office. Beth was still wondering about the orange-haired lizard. I was wondering what the heck had Snape done to his eyes. Must be a new type of contact lens.

{B: I want one!}

{S&V: You would.}

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" Asked Dumbledore pleasantly.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"Morning," Beth added. You know how sometimes you're awake and then all of a sudden you're sleepy? It was like that. But what Dumbledore said next was enough to make Beth's mouth snap shut mid-yawn.

"We don't know how your magical talent got passed over, but if you're from another dimension, like Sevres thought, then your magical quality wouldn't have been picked up. Technically, here you don't exist."

Beth and I looked at each other. "All righty then." I cogitated.

{B: You have no idea what cogitated means, do you?}

{V: Well you see, I'm typing this in Microsoft Word, and was trying to use a word besides pondered, so I right-clicked on it and went to 'synonym' and it said 'cogitated'}

{S: She pondered.}

{B: Geez, people are going to think that's all she says.}

{S: She pondered, she pondered, she pondered.}

{V&B: SHELBY!}

"So...?" Beth said, indicating for him to continue.

"Well," Dumbledore started, but he was interrupted by Snape.

"I'm sorry Albus, but I must depart. There is there is extremely fragile Cirrus potion I was working on and-"

"Yes, of course, Sevres. Pardon me."

Snape left.

"Anyways..." Beth and I said.

{S: Patience is a virtue!}

{V&B: Not right now it isn't!}

"Yes, we will try to find your houses to see if you exist in this dimension. Then well will try to enroll you in the American magical school." He looked at us over his half-moon spectacles. "Unless you'd rather go here of course."

Beth and I looked at each other. "We want to go here," she said.

Dumbledore smiled at us. "I'll have to talk to the other school, but I believe it can be arranged before term starts." He whipped out a piece of parchment from nowhere.

"Whazat?" I inquired.

"Transfer form," he replied. He pointed at me. "First and last name?"

"Uh, Veronica... Olsen." I gave him a fake last name.

Dumbledore scribbled this down, and then pointed to Beth. "Your name, please?"

"Beth... Kent." She also gave him a fake last name.

What? I wondered. I liked Clark Kent (Tom Welling) on Smallville. Not her. Oh, the irony!

She smiled apologetically at me. I shrugged and looked at the clock. It wasn't really that a big deal.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore still had questions. "Age?"

"We're-" Beth started to say.

Just then a tremor ran through the room. I blinked. The clock had stopped, and so had (I glanced around) everything except for Beth and I.

"Veronica?" Beth sounded bewildered. "I suddenly can't remember how old we are."

I shook out of my shock, walked over to Dumbledore, and waved a hand in front of his face. No response.

"Hey Veronica," Beth grinned. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

I smiled. "Get out your makeup kit."

About ten minutes later, Dumbledore had a salon quality makeover. Well, you know. A salon that uses Blue lipstick and stuff like that. We'd even used Beth's blue mascara to streak his hair and beard.

"Perfect," I said as I added the finishing touches to his eye shadow.

"It is our masterpiece." Beth agreed. "That'll be $39.99 plus tip. Be sure to refer all your friends to us!"

{V: Now, it's not like we have anything against the guy.}

{B: He seems really nice, but...}

{S: When an opportunity like that arises... Well, you know.}

"Wait!" I grabbed a tube of lipstick and drew a flower on Dumbledore's pink blush covered cheek. "Now he's all pretty."

"I wish I had a camera," Beth mused. She looked inside her bag. "Well, what do you know? A camera!"

Click. Click. Click. "Don't you ever try and expel us," I warned the stationary Dumbledore.

POOF.

We turned around.

Two girls had appeared. One had dirty blond hair and bluish greenish eyes, the other strawberry blond hair and brown eyes.

"Wow," said the blond. "This is the first time in a while we've been in here when we're either snooping or in trouble."

"Hey!" Said the strawberry blond. She had finally noticed Beth and I. "It's us!"

~*~

"I can see your future," Says psychic man. {}: ) "You will go now and click the 'Review' button to tell the author how she's doing..." {}: ) "You are almost there... Now you must get past the Pendulum... The Pendulum... The Pendulum..."

Psychic man and his crystal ball: {}: ) O<|

Now for your viewing enjoyment... (To the tune of the Spider-Man theme song)

Psychic Man! Psychic Man!

Does whatever a Psychic can!

Tells the future! (Well, he tries...)

Catches clients, just like flies.

Look out! Here comes Psychic Man!

Is he smart? Listen bud.

He's got radioactive mud.

Can he sing? On his head?
What does that have to do with it? [a/n Rhymes if you tweak it]
Hey there, there goes the Psychic Man!

In the chill of the carnival,
Stranger than a barnacle

His crystal ball has light!
It even tells the time!

Psychic Man, Psychic Man.
Friendly carnival Psychic Man.

Wealth and fame, wish he had more.
Laughter is his reward.

To him, life is a great big barnacle,

Wherever there's a carnival,

You'll find the Psychic Maaaaaaan!