Solamente en la Noche

Chapter One

As I sat alone against the stone wall of the Entrance Hall, I looked up at the first years, thinking how young and innocent they were. I watched them walk out through the heavy oak doors and onto the spacious grounds. Perhaps they circle the lake and talk with each other about random things that didn't really matter in the greater scheme of things? Perhaps to go marvel at the Whomping Willow in all its violent wonder? Or maybe, just maybe, to go tell the person that they've 'loved since first laying eyes on them' so?

I suppose it doesn't really matter. We all have a chance to be happy, don't we? It's my own fault that I didn't take mine when I had the chance.

I stared and I thought, my expression blank and lifeless. Then I saw him, coming out of the Great Hall, walking towards me. Would he say something snide? To hurt me like he always did? I didn't think he knew just how deeply his words cut me.

"What's wrong with you, Potter? Hearing your mother's voice again?" he said with an icy laugh.

My green eyes stared up into his blue ones, and then trailed over his perfect blond hair and back over the walls, finally resting on the great marble staircase.

"No... I was just thinking.... What business is that of yours, Draco?" I spat, hoping he would catch that I had called him by his first name.

"Thinking? I didn't know you were capable of such a feat," he replied lightly, his hands brushing his hair back out of his face.

"Just leave me alone," I whispered helplessly.

I stood and pushed past him, deliberately brushing my shoulder against his. I loved the electric feeling it sent through my body, even though his face showed a disgusted stare as I touched him.

"Walking around the lake... will help," I thought to myself as I walked further away from him, his insults still ringing in my ears.

"Hearing your mother's voice, Potter? Oh look, here comes Potty and the Weasel. That's why all the Slytherin's sing.... Weasley is our king...."

"SHUT UP!" I shouted aloud as every horrible thing that he had said to me ran though my mind, hurting me, confusing me.

I never did understand my obsession with the blond bully. I'm still trying to figure it out. Why do I always lay awake thinking about him? Why can I never get him out of my mind?

I can't sleep and I dream about him.

It's driving me mad. Really. I can't stand it. I need to get him out of my head.

"Harry?" came Hermione's voice, prying into my thoughts and wrenching me back to reality.

I had obviously been a little more out of it than I thought. I was laying face down on the grass, pounding the ground with my fist and screaming loudly.

"Harry?" she said again. I couldn't ignore her any longer.

"Yes, 'Mione?"

"Are you all right?"

All right? All right?! Is she crazy? Do I look all right?

"Yes, I'm fine, just... stressed. With Sirius being gone and the Death Eaters being active...I've got a lot on my shoulders right now."

I figured that was a pretty adequate reply, but no. Of course not. It never is.

"Oh Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing me tightly.

"'Mione! Get off," I grunted, not being able to do much else as she had me in a sort of headlock.

"Sorry Harry, but I'm worried about you. We all are," she whispered.

She had let go of me just in time for me to see a silver tear run down her face.

"We?"

"Yes, we. Ron, Luna, Neville, Ginny, me! We!" she said in that tone of urgency that she had mastered and made her own over the years.

"Well, you can tell 'we' that I'm fine," I said, standing up haughtily and taking note of the dark grass stains on my knees.

I left her to stare after me as I crossed the grass, the frost crunching under my feet and leaving shallow prints.

"We're worried about you, Harry. We just want what's best for you, Harry," I muttered angrily to myself.

All their wanting what's best for me is depriving me of my privacy.

Winter was usually a beautiful time at Hogwarts, but all it meant to me was having to stay inside. Trapped with Malfoy and the others who seemed sent by Merlin to scorn me.

I stare out the window of my dormitory when I can get a moment to myself. The snow would swirl around in white clouds and then fall gracefully to the ground; it left me wondering why I couldn't be like that. Free.

"Harry, what are you doing?"

Ron. Again. Does he never know when to not?

"Ron, what does it look like I'm doing?" I snapped irritably, shaking my head and turning back to the open window.

"It looks like you're wallowing in your own self pity again. Harry, seriously, what's happening to you? You used to be so... Happy," Ron said lamely.

"Happy?" I snorted with contained laughter.

I turned from the window again and crossed the room to face him, my feet thudding softly against the light gold carpeting.

"You expect me to be happy?" I heard the malice in my own voice. It scared me a little, but at that point, I didn't care anymore. "How can I possibly be happy? My godfather, the closest thing that I ever had to a real parent, has been dead for over a year, yes, Voldemort is gone, but the Death Eaters are still around! How in the bloody hell do you expect me to be happy? I don't think you'd exactly be all laughs and giggles if a scare on your forehead was so constantly in pain that you can't sleep, you can't think and at times can't breathe. On top of all that, there is something confusing me that I'd rather not talk about, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find somewhere where I can be alone."

With that I stalked out of the room and down the stairs. When I crossed the common room Hermione asked me to come sit with her, but I ignored her as though I hadn't heard her.

I just walked on and on, not paying attention to where I was going. Not until I walked slam into Malfoy, anyway.

"Potter, do watch where you're going," he said, brushing himself off dramatically as though he had fallen in the dirt and was ridding himself of the dust.

"Sorry," I muttered, probably blushing, but I couldn't really tell. I was numb to it all.

"Sorry," he snickered, tossing his head in a way that made his blonde hair fall beautifully into his perfectly blue eyes.

I didn't reply. For the first time I was noticing how easy it was to get lost in his eyes. In this light they didn't look that steel gray, but more a gentle watery blue.

"What on earth are you staring at?"

His voice brought me back to reality and I blinked a few times.

"What? Nothing, sorry," I muttered again and started to walk away.

Every encounter I had with Draco Malfoy was unpleasant, yes. But strangely enough I always looked forward to seeing him in the hallways. Why? I don't know. I don't understand it. I'm sure it's nothing. No matter. He's my enemy, we should look forward to tormenting each other.

"Ahh, but you don't torment him, do you? It is in fact he who torments you," came that voice in my head that has a way of making me think quite the contrary of what I'd like to be thinking.

Again, I found myself so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't notice where I was until I ran into something. This time it was the wall of the astronomy tower and I had nearly fallen out the window.

I curled up against the wall and stared out the window, the snow still swirling around, pouring into the room and spilling onto the floor when the wind blew it just right.

Hours passed, thoughts passed. Same thoughts as always. Sirius falling through the veil, Bellatrix cackling madly, Voldemort's high-pitched squeal of pure delight when he thought he had had me cornered.

"Ron's right... I shouldn't torture myself" I muttered and stood up, starting back down the stairs to the main corridor.

~*~

"Do you love me, Harry?"

"Yes..." I moaned, leaning in for another kiss that I needed so badly.

The kisses were so intense. So real. It was amazing. I couldn't believe I was living this.

I wasn't.

"Harry, wake up! It's nearly lunch time," Neville said, prodding me in the arm rather painfully with his wand. Looking back on it and considering that it was Neville doing it, I'm rather lucky to still have full possession of my right hand.

I tried to remember the goings on of last night as I grunted a reply to Neville, who seemed satisfied and walked away.

All I remembered was being in the tower, only vaguely remembering returning to my bed well past midnight.

"Argh..." I whispered, looking around for my socks.

Finally I found them, after several moments of blindly rifling through the trunk at the foot of my bed. Yawning, I pulled on my robes and headed for the common room, nearly falling down the stairs several times.

"Hiya Harry!" came Colin Creevey's scratchy voice. It had to be the most annoying thing in the world.

"Merlin save me," I thought to myself before replying, "Hello, Colin."

I glanced around the room, taking in the sight of the stone fireplace that was surrounded by happy little first years...

I shook the thoughts off and headed for the portrait hole, slowly pushing it open and crawling out into the corridor.

_-'~'*'~_'*'_~'*'~'-_

It wasn't until much later that day that my mind drifted back to the dream I had had the night before. For the life of me I could not remember who had been in that dream with me. All I could remember was the way they had held me and kissed me, how soft the voice that whispered in my ear had been.

I couldn't remember until -

"Potter, you're blocking the door," that voice whispered, a voice I knew only too well.

"Sorry Malfoy..." I said, shock setting in as I took a step to the left, allowing him to pass through the arched door way.

"Harry?"

"What?" I said, my voice considerably more breathy then was normal.

"Why are you staring at Malfoy? Was he talking shit again?" Ron said, breaking the wonderful silence that had been surrounding me for a brief moment.

"I was just zoning out and he happened to be standing where I was staring," I lied quickly, a note of exasperation coating my voice.

"Oh, well, you do have to admit, it looked bad. You staring at Malfoy without a trace of hatred on your face. How would that go over?" Ron asked lightly, laughter lighting his face.

I turned and stared blankly at him.

"I don't care. They all think I'm a psycho anyway, so what would it even matter?"

Before he could answer I walked away, leaving him with a blank expression on his face.

_-'~'*'~_'*'_~'*'~'-_

Again I found myself walking aimlessly around the castle, not knowing or caring where my feet might take me. The only thing I had to drown out my own forlorn thoughts was the soft thud followed by the deep echo of my feet on the stone floor.

"Harry?"

"WHAT?" I screamed, turning around.

Immediately I knew it was a mistake.

"Sorry, I'll go if you're just going to be all pissy," Malfoy said, shrugging and making to turn around.

"Good choice. Go away and let me alone," I said, my temper rising.

I inwardly smirked when I saw a muscle working at his jaw line, a sure sign that his temper was also flaring.

My eyes rolled sarcastically of their own accord and I turned to walk up the steps to the Astronomy Tower.

"Potter, do you really think you can ignore me?" he said, trotting up next to me and picking up my pace.

"Yes, actually, I do," I said, stepping a little faster.

After a few moments he made a small noise that sounded suspiciously like a desperate gasp for air.

"Potter, will you slow down, I just want to talk to you!"

I stopped suddenly and stared at him. Draco Malfoy wanted to talk to me.

"Talk, or curse, Draco?"

"Talk. Just talk, Potter - er, Harry,"

"Harry? Finally got it though that thick layer of hairspray that I have a first name, did you?" I said, a smirk tugging at my lips.

Draco looked for a moment as though he would love to hit me, but he didn't.

"Yes, Harry, I know you've got a first name," Draco said, emphasizing my name in a way that made my stomach jump into my throat.

A smile must have formed on my face because at that moment Draco smiled and looked at me, for the first time since I first met him in Diagon Alley, with a non-hostile look on his face.

"Fine, I'm going up to the Astronomy Tower, I find it makes a nice place to think."

I said shortly and started walking again.

"... Thinking... and other things," Draco snickered knowingly.

I briefly thought of asking him exactly what he had done in the tower to make him know such things, but thought better of it. It just didn't seem right to me that I should be having that conversation with a hated enemy.

"Oh really?" I responded finally, a little too late for it to have any effect.

We walked in silence until we reached the long, spiraling staircase that lead to the tower, and for the first time I noticed how it was just wide enough for two people to walk closely together...

"After you," I muttered, gesturing for him to go first.

"And let you walk behind me? I think not... But then I'd be letting you go before me...." Draco said, his face showing the internal struggle.

"Walk next to me then, but it's just wide enough for us to be shoulder to shoulder, I didn't figure you'd like that," I said, rolling my eyes again.

Draco and I climbed the steps slowly. I felt him flinch each time my shoulder grazed his.

"Malfoy," I whispered, carefully keeping my eyes off him and on the never-ending stone steps in front of me, "what is it that you want?"

"Want? All I want, Potter, is to make certain that you are going to continue to retaliate when I insult you. If you don't, it makes my life boring, unpleasant, and uneventful, you see," Draco said, a sneer darkening his handsome features. For some reason that was unfathomable to me, he looked... perfect... sexy, even, in the dim torch light of the cramped stairway.

"Uneventful?" I half asked, half stated, still partially lost in the image of him; the way his shoulders were rising and falling with each breathe and step up the stairs.

"Yes, Potter," he said. Was he glaring, or just glancing at me? It was impossible to tell in this light.

Funny, isn't it, the light that makes him look so beautiful is also that light that makes him impossible to read.

We walked in silence until we reached the tower, saying nothing until he shivered in the cold.

"Cold?" I asked as another convulsion shook his body when a breeze came through the window that was carved into the stone.

"Y-yes," he replied back to me.

He looked like he didn't know whether to shiver and get the attention he needed, or to defiantly keep a straight face.

I sighed and removed my cloak and handed it to him, shivering slightly myself.

"Well, now you're cold," Draco said, his voice was different. Not hard and unfeeling, but actual concern laced through the words as he looked at me.

"I'll be fine," I whispered, crossing to the window and staring out over the dark grounds. I loved taking in the sight of the forest, hearing the sounds of the creatures that lived in it.

I think I could have stared out that window, lost in my own thoughts, forever. Forever, until Draco captured my attention once more.

He shoved me out of his way and sat on the windowsill, throwing his legs over to the outside and covering himself with my cloak. I laughed a little.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting, Potter," he drawled, "what's it look like?"

"Well, from here, it looks like you're about to throw yourself from the window, Draco."

"Well, I'm not. Don't worry, Potter," Draco said.

"Can I ask you something?"

"I suppose..."

"Why did you follow me up here? There must be a reason."

"I've told you, Potter. To make sure that you're always going to be the Golden Boy who I live to torment," he replied, a smile playing his face.

"I intend to be," I said. There was no emotion in my voice.

Again a heavy silence swallowed the room and we sat there glancing from each other to the window, then back again.

"Potter... Harry? What's it like?"

"What's what like?" I asked, even though I had a feeling what.

"Being you. Defeating the Dark Lord... The Boy Who Lived..."

"Excuse me?" I managed to choke out after a moment. Draco Malfoy, one of my several sworn enemies, had just asked me what it was like to be me.

"What is it like to be... loved?" he said. His voice was small and weak sounding. I had never thought Draco could be so... vulnerable?

"What it's like to be me? I'd tell you, Malfoy, but I don't know if I can trust you. Why I even let you follow me up here escapes my knowledge," I snapped, a surge of defensive anger igniting in my stomach.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that, really," Draco said in that same meek voice.

Draco was not behaving at all like I was used to and it was starting to make me wonder what was going on here.

"Malfoy, what is with you? You're not acting like yourself. You used to be so cold and unfeeling and now you're being so... Dare I say it? Nice?"

He said nothing. Just stared back at me, steel gray eyes boring into mine, seeing through me rather than actually taking the sight of me in.

"I'm going," he said shortly. With that, he stood and hurried from the tower, still wrapped in my cloak.