Harry Potter and the Clog of Death

Harry Potter and the Clog of Death

Harry: What the-?

Mandy: The Clog of Death!

Harry: I thought you had another crazy idea about me.

Mandy: You are correct, sir! Somebody give him a cookie!

Ron: Then what do I have to do with any of this?

Mandy: Hehehehe.

Ron: Should I be scared?

Harry: Yes. Very. ::Ron gulps in fear::

Mandy: Oh, relax. Nothing lime or lemon in this. I don't think you two would ever work. ::Harry and Ron sigh in relief:: But that doesn't mean that Draco can't come in this!! Hehehehe.

Harry: NO! PLEASE!! He's still upset from the insanity thing.

Ron: Yeah, yeah! What he said!

Mandy: Oh please. He can't possibly hold a grudge for something like that.

Harry: Watch him.

Mandy: Ah, he'll come around. Anyways, on with...THE CLOG OF DEATH!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!

Ron: Is she always like this?

Harry: Worse.

It was a nice day in Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts. Umbridge was still giving the students hell for being the "almighty high inquisitor", and let them tell you, she was a royal pain in the ass. Anyways, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were in Gryffindor tower, relaxing after one of the toughest Potions test Snape had ever given them. Hermione even thought it was a little difficult. "What a bloody bitch," Ron said.

"RON!" Hermione reprimanded.

"Oh calm down. We all know that's what he is," Ron said.

"Well, he's not a woman," Hermione commented.

"At least we all hope. I mean, have you seen his hair?" Ron said.

"He has hair on his face," Hermione argued.

"Hello! Ever heard of those bearded women they have in the sur-cis? I think that's what it's called. Maybe Snape escaped from the sur-cis," Ron disputed

"And it's circus. It's where Muggles go as a form of entertainment in a weird-" Hermione lectured.

"Come off it, Hermione. We all know how smart you are," Harry said, coming out of his spaced-out mode.

"HE SPEAKS!!" Ron shouted.

"Well yeah," Harry said.

"Well, Harry, do you think Snape escaped from the circus?" Ron asked.

"Ron, that is the stupidest thing anyone could ever think up," Hermione said in exasperation.

"No, it isn't," Harry said. "It's actually quite believable." Hermione sighed in frustration. "I mean, if you think about it. I'm no ring master, but he's like one weird bearded woman. With the long hair, and the dress, and the beard. It all makes sense!" Harry and Ron both laughed wholeheartedly. Hermione just smiled. She never really laughed come to think about it.

"Well, let's be glad that tomorrow is the start of the weekend and we don't have the ::cough, cough:: bearded woman, so Ron testifies. I'm going to the library to start on my Arithmacy homework. Talk to you all later," Hermione said as she took her book bag and exited the common room. Ron and Harry continued to amuse themselves about the possibility of Snape being an escaped bearded woman from a Muggle circus.

Long time after that, and when everyone was asleep, Harry had a call of nature and ran to the bathroom to take care of it. As he entered the bathroom he saw Ron at the sink of the bathroom. "I DIDN'T DO IT!! Oh, Harry, it's only you," Ron said. Harry didn't have time to ask Ron anything. He took care of his business and he saw that Ron was still looking horrified at the sink.

"Ron, what did you do?" Harry said suspiciously.

"Who? Me? Uh, nothing! Nothing at all!" Ron hurriedly said.

"Ron, just tell me."

"Uhhhhh..."

"Stop hesitating and just tell me."

"OK, fine! You see this sink?" Harry looked at the sink in which the water was filled with dirty grey water. Harry shivered just looking at it.

"And..."

"Well, I was minding my own business..."

"Yes..."

"And..."

"And?"

"There was hair in it."

"AND?!"

"Well..."

"JUST TELL ME ALREADY!!"

"ALRIGHT!! Easy! Anyways, there was hair inside of it, not my own, but I thought I would just wash the hair down the drain, but that didn't work as well as I thought."

"What do you mean?"

"The damn sink is clogged, Harry, but that's not the best part! Since because all the sinks lead to one pipe..."

"Don't tell me..."

"All the other sinks are clogged, too! Ho, YES!"

"Oh God."

"We better get to work. This could take a while."

"WHAT?! This is your bloody mess, Ron."

"Oh, come on. Friend to friend?" Ron said with giant puppy eyes, which quickly turned into eyes of evil. "Besides, if you don't help me, I'll tell Hermione what I saw about you and-"

"OK! OK! I'll help! Just don't tell her about that."

"I knew you'd see it my way." Ron had a huge grin of satisfaction on. Harry looked at the sink and had a sudden tick in his lip as his eyes grew wide with horror.

"So...::tick, tick:: what do we have to do?" Harry asked, fearing the answer.

"Well I tried every spell I could think of to get the bloody clog out, but nothing worked."

"Shit."

"Hey I got an idea!"

"Yeah?"

"Put your hand down the drain and see if you can pull it out." Harry had a series of other ticks before he replied.

"Not no, but HELL NO!! You expect me to reach my hand down that bloody sink and pull out somebody else's bloody hair ::tick, tick::?!?! Are you mad?!?"

"OK, calm down. We have to think of something." Ron sat on the cold bathroom floor thinking, and Harry was pacing the floor. Then Ron sprang off of the floor like a bomb had just exploded in him, which scared the hell out of Harry. "I HAVE IT!!" Ron dug in the pockets of his pajamas and pulled out two small round balls that were black with red stars on them. "BEHOLD!!" He held them in the air as if he discovered a bag of galleons. Harry tilted his head in confusion.

"What the bloody hell are those? And why were they in your pajama pockets, of all things?" Harry asked.

"Fred and George sent them to me from their new joke shop. They're called X.P.L Bombs. They told me they were highly explosive and good to use on Umbridge's seat in her office if I ever wanted revenge on her. I was saving them for that same exact reason, but this might be better."

"Are you suggesting we put bombs inside this sink pipe in order to get rid of a clog so you can save your ass from Umbridge?"

"Yep."

"Why didn't I think of that?!"

"Because you don't have the level of intelligence as I do."

"Sure. Gimme' one of those," Harry said and picked up one of the X.P.L Bombs and ran to the opposite ends of the circle of sinks. "Ready?" Harry said loudly.

"Ready! NO! WAIT!" Ron replied. Ron gripped the edge of the sink and put a foot on the pipe that ran down into the main pipe. "Alright! Ready!" They both pulled the little black strings and threw them down the drain. Ron still hanged onto the sink. Harry ran to Ron and waited for a little pop. Nothing happened. A few more minutes passed by and still nothing happened. Ron looked at his watch. "This is getting boring," he said, still holding onto the sink.

"Maybe your brothers gave us some faulty ones."

"I wouldn't doubt it. They are-" *BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM* Harry and Ron were thrown through the door of the bathroom, through a bit of wall, and halfway through the common room. They fell flat on their backs, char-grilled to a crisp, with Ron holding one of the sinks in his hands. "Bloody hell! Let's do that again!" Ron said excitedly. Harry shook his head and figured he had broken every bone in his body. Everyone and everything in Hogwarts heard the Big Boom. All the teachers in the other houses told their students to stay in their houses while they went to see what all the commotion was about. McGonagall was the first to arrive besides every single student in Gryffindor Tower to see Harry and Ron almost turned into roasted chickens.

"Too bad Umbridge wasn't with us then. Might have damn well killed her," Harry whispered below all the chatter. Ron nodded with the sink still in his hands. "You do realize that you have a sink in your hands, right?" Ron looked down at where his arms lay. A look of excitement and shock came across his face.

"Blimey! I do! Isn't that neat?" Ron said. He was obviously not in right state of mind. "Hahaha. Harry, you look funny! Hehe. I like blue hair. Harry! You never told me you were a blue sheep!" Harry lied back down, still feeling pain throughout his entire body.

"POTTER! WEASLEY! WHAT DID YOU DO?" McGonagall questioned. Ron looked up at her.

"WHERE'S THE LEAK, MADAM?! SOMEBODY CALL A PLUMBER!!" Ron shouted out randomly. "Hahaha. Harry, I think we got rid of the evil ball of fur that possessed the sink," Ron said.

"Professor, pardon Ron. He is not in his right state of mind," Harry stated.

"I can see that, Mr. Potter. Now tell me, what happened?" McGonagall said. Then she whispered, "And make it fast before Umbridge shows up."

"Um, um, uuuummm briiiiigggeeee. Hehehehe. That's a funny word. Oom-breeeegggg. Hahahaha," Ron was still blabbering with the sink still in his hands. McGonagall ignored him. "NO!! MY SINK!!" Ron yelled as someone tried to take it away. He embraced it like it was his long-lost brother.

"What happened?" she asked again.

"Orb of fluff. Fluffy fluff fluff," Ron babbled

"Fixing the sink," Harry said, laughing his ass off at the event that just happened.

Harry: That was the corniest line anyone could end with.

Mandy: Oh, you wanna' write the stories?

Harry: Hmmm... I wouldn't mind writing something about you and Draco.

Mandy: Neither would I!!

Ron: Hahaha. Draaaaaaccccooooo. Hahaha. That's a funny name.

Mandy: Ron, the fic's over. You can stop that now.

Harry: Thanks a lot. Now look at what I have to deal with.

Mandy: Hehehe. I know.

Harry: ::rubs temples:: I'm surrounded by stoners.

Draco: Hey! Why did you suggest me and HER in a story, Potter?! ::Harry shrugs and gives a half smile::

Ron: You must be Roxie! ::Draco Death-glares at Ron::

Draco: Watch it, Weasley, or I'll have your neck.

Mandy: Oh, uh, hey...Draco... How are... things? You still aren't mad... are you? ::Draco now Death-glares at Mandy and pulls out his wand::

Ron: Yeah, I think he's still mad.

Mandy: Ron! You're not acting stoned anymore!

Ron: When was I? ::Mandy smacks forehead::

Mandy: Now I'm surrounded by stoners. ::Draco continues to threaten Mandy. Mandy turns to Draco:: I have power beyond belief, Draco. I could write some awful stuff about you...worse than that Insanatus Curse.

Draco: What could possibly be worse than that?

Mandy: A seriously rated-R fic involving you and Snape!! ::Draco immediately surrenders, but continues to Death-glare at Mandy:: That's what I thought.

Draco: You are more evil than me.

Mandy: EBS to the END!! Hahahaha!! Hey people!! If you thought this was cool, well, COOL! Please leave a review. I would love what the public thinks about all my stories. So...until another crazy idea from me, Mandy!

Draco: That was so Mr. Rogers.

Mandy: I like Mr. Rogers. ::gets all teary-eyed::