To Hope for Happiness

To Hope for Happiness

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The Father's Agony

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The Day, Part II

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Harry was unable to say anything. He just stared at his godfather, his jaw hanging open.

Sirius looked back at him. "There are potions and spells to make men able to carry children," he explained. "And we wanted a child, so Remus took a Male Fertility Potion. We didn't know if you were my son or James's - although now we know, considering your appearance."

"My appearance?" Harry echoed. He couldn't say anything clever yet. He was far too confused. All these shocking news were too much for him to digest at the same time.

"Yes," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "You look just like James. You must know that, since everyone keeps telling you that. Only your eyes aren't from him. But they're not from Lily, like you've been told - they're from Remus."

"His eyes are amber," Harry pointed out. He knew that his reply wasn't very much more intelligent than the last one.

"Yes, they are," Sirius said and smiled sadly. "They haven't always been. I've seen photos of him before he was bitten, and believe me - his eyes were the most stunning green I've ever seen in my life. Besides yours, that is."

"Oh." Harry couldn't say anything else. His picture of the world had just been broken, broken as completely as it had been when he'd been told of the real fate of his parents - or one of his parents and a friend of his parents', if they really were now telling him the truth. And why would they lie about a thing like this?

But they had lied for his whole life. His life had been only a big, dirty lie with not truth on the bottom.

"Harry --" Sirius started, but the teenager wouldn't let him continue.

"Shut up!" he roared, unable to control himself anymore. There was hurt in Sirius's eyes, but he chose to ignore it. He was simply too upset to care. "You've lied to me this long! How long were you going to continue lying to me?"

"We didn't mean any harm to you," the Animagus said quietly, his eyes locked at the floor. "We just tried to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" asked Harry bitterly. "From the Dursley's abuse, maybe? Or having to grow up alone with nobody caring whether I lived or died? Never knowing about my true inheritance? I could have lived with Remus! I could have had a happy life! But no, none of you ever told anyone! Apparently I wasn't important enough for you to admit that I was your son and not only James Potter's!"

"That's not true."

"Well, neither is anything I've ever been told!" With this, Harry stormed out of the room. Seeing Remus further down the corridor, he spat in anger, "And you! Just how sick do you have to be to sleep with two men at the same time? You didn't even know for sure who was the other father!" After that, he disappeared to his own room.

.-*-.:´¨':.-*-.

The teenager's enraged words still echoing in his ears, Remus turned on his heels and hurried to the master bedroom. Sitting down to the bed, he drew a deep breath in order to calm himself, but sadly to no avail.

The werewolf felt tears running down his cheeks. This long he had been able to hide everything. He had left all fathering and the like to Sirius, playing the part of another godfather, a friend of the father's, not even as close a friend as Sirius had been.

It hurt. Merlin, it hurt so much.

When he had first saw Harry on his third year, he had felt like his heart had been torn off from his chest. The first time he had really seen Harry was when he had been lying unconscious on the floor of the Hogwarts Express. He had immediately recognized James's son.

His own son.

Every time he had seen Harry after that had been pure torture. He had wanted to run to him, to hold him, to tell him everything. To feel that he was real, alive, and couldn't be taken away from him anymore.

His little son.

And still he knew that he couldn't. He was just Harry's teacher, one professor among the others - maybe the favourite professor, but nothing else. Not even his father's friend, or a Godfather.

Leave alone one of his parents.

When he had got Sirius back, he had been more delighted than ever before. Now when Sirius was there, they could maybe find a way to deal with their son, he'd thought. He had got a part of his soul back, and it made everything so much easier to him.

When Pettigrew had escaped, his world had shattered into pieces again. And it had been his own fault - his own damned stupidity for not taking his potion in time.

Remus had lost their son again, lost every opportunity to be near him.

Sometimes they had thought that it would all be easier when Harry'd be older. When he could understand more. But they had seen how every day made him more and more Lily's son, and not theirs. They knew he was James's - when he had been young, they hadn't known whether he was Sirius's or James's son, but now his appearance made it more than clear - but they also knew that he was Remus's, not Lily's. And Harry himself didn't know, and it hurt.

When Sirius had been set free, Remus had dared to hope - hope that he could at least have his son near to him, see him, talk to him, if not let him know who really was his other parent. That all he had got, and more. He had become so much more important to Harry, as important as Sirius had already been. In some situations, even more important than Sirius.

And now he had seemingly fucked up it all.

He remembered how it had been when Harry was born. The tiny baby on his arms had stolen his heart immediately. Little, pointed nose, a soft tuft of black hair on his head, and the deep blue eyes of a newborn baby. Harry had been so beautiful all the time, from the first days of his life.

Sirius and James had been so proud, both of their son and of Remus, who had carried him for nine months. And they had all loved each other so much.

Those had been dark times. They had already set up a fake marriage between James and Lily, who was complete by herself and didn't mind acting his wife. If the times had been different, they could have been able to be publicly together, but they didn't want to do anything that could have attracted people's attention on them. Of course they hadn't been ashamed of their love -- why should they have? They were soulmates, after all -- but it had been best to hide everything, to be like everyone else. It had been the only way to stay alive. Still, they had lost each other.

And now their son seemed to hate them for not telling him earlier. Or for telling him at all, Remus couldn't really say.

Their son. James's son, and his son.

His poor little child.

He couldn't stop crying.

.:´¨':.( ').:´¨':.

"Remus?"

The werewolf turned around. His eyes were full of tears, and he therefore didn't see very well, but his other senses helped a great deal. He immediately recognized Sirius's voice and scent. He also recognized Sirius's arms when the taller man wrapped them around him, holding him near himself.

Remus pressed his face against Sirius's chest and sighed deeply. The smooth material of Sirius's shirt felt cool against his skin in contrary to the warmth of his arms around him.

Sirius petted his hair soothingly. "Shhh," he murmured in his ear. "'S okay, honey. Calm down, Moony, love. I won't leave you. I promise."

"Sirius," he sobbed. "I - I feel so miserable."

"Don't worry, dear." Sirius held him tightly, making him feel safe. "Harry needs some time to understand everything. He's a clever boy, eventually he'll come around."

"I hope so." Remus managed a little, yet shaky smile. "I really hope so."

"With fathers like you and James?" Sirius grinned. "Shit, I'm surprised he hasn't already written a book about it."

"Sirius," he scowled. "Stop that." He still couldn't help but smile. Sirius always knew how to make him smile.

_-=^=-_