More Than Just Friends

I was sitting in a tiny library, in the southern part of Hogwarts. Usually I would have been very happy there, sitting in the middle of thousands of books, but at the moment I wasn't very glad at all. In fact, I was rather depressed.

I had a very good reason for my mood. I only had to look out of the window. It was still daytime, but I could easily tell where the moon was on the moment. I was able to sense it, as well as I could tell where my own hands were.

And that meant it was the full moon coming up.

I sighed deep and returned my eyes on the book I was trying to read. I found it hard to concentrate on the book. In fact, I felt hard to concentrate on anything on the moment.

I gave up trying and pushed the book away, then crossed my arms on the desk and let my head down on them. I felt totally sad about everything. An odd, inexplicable feeling went all over me. Or not so inexplicable at all, but certainly unpleasant.

"Oh, here you are, my lonely wolf," someone said behind me.

I didn't have to turn around. I'd recognize that voice anywhere, as well as I would recognize the one who was speaking. I'd find him from a crowd of a hundred of people in less than a minute. It would have been as easy as to tell in which direction the full moon was at the very moment.

"Yes, here I am," I told him as he walked towards me. He didn't make a sound while walking. He'd always been like that, like a silent shadow, sneaking in the corners. He stopped standing next to me.

Sirius Black. The one boy I was in love with, and the one boy was in love with me. We looked at each other for a while.

Then I rose from my seat. "I didn't feel like talking with anyone," I told him quietly. "I'm not on my best mood right now." I took the book and walked to the shelf to return it to its place. He followed me.

"Oh, yes," he smiled. It was the cunning and shrewd, yet warm smile I loved so much. "It's the time of the month, isn't it?"

I gave him an angry glance. "You know very well it is," I said. "There's no reason to tease me about it. You'll only make me even more angry."

"I'm not going to tease you," Sirius said, playing innocent as well as anyone with his face could ever play. "In fact, that's part of the reason why I came here." He took something from his pocket. It was a huge bag of chocolate. He opened the bag and reached it towards me. "Fancy some chocolate?"

"I'd definitely do." I took some chocolate candies and tried to give the bag back to him, but he just shook his head.

"No need for that," he said, smiling friendly. "It's all yours. I bought it just for you." Something in him - I don't know if it was his voice, his expression, or his position, or maybe them all - made me think about a little boy, who was waiting for thanks.

I gave him them. "My thousand thanks," I said, and I really meant it. By that time, I felt like I could easily kill to get some chocolate. And he knew that. Seemingly he wasn't ready to risk his life. "It's my favourite. And best quality." I filled my mouth with oh-just-so-good chocolate.

"Only the best for my sweetheart," he told me, smiling warmly. "What did you think, that I'd buy the biggest bag of chocolate available and give you a few little candies? I like chocolate myself, but I couldn't eat a whole bar at one time. No one could be so nasty to you." He grinned. "And if someone was, I'd beat the shit out of them."

"Oh, that's my Sirius. Always so protective and brave," I said dryly. In fact, my comment meant: 'If you just have to do it to save your life, don't do it anywhere in my sight. And don't mess anyone else in it. Especially not James. And, if you only mind, don't do it at all, if you really want to please me.'

I looked at him sideways, making sure that he had understood. He had. He smiled innocently, fiercely trying to look like a little child who had done anything bad in his life. He didn't manage very well. In fact, he looked just like himself: A definitely-not-innocent, short-tempered young man who had lastly "beat the shit out of someone" yesterday. Or maybe today. I wasn't even able to count all the Slytherins he had fought with.

"Of course, my love. Always on your side, obeying your every word. Your wish is my order." He grinned even more widely. His comment, on the other hand, meant: 'If it's something serious, you can decide. But you can't force me to stop bullying Slytherins - they deserve always more than I can do.'

I nodded, not surprised, I hadn't even waited more. In fact, I had mostly waited him to tell me something with the meaning "whatever you say, I couldn't care less". At least there was still some hope with him.

Or so I still wish.

"How kind of you," I still said dryly.

"Nice to hear," he grumbled, sounding a bit weird. It was like he was... disappointed in some way.

"What's the matter now, Padfoot?" I asked, surprised. Sirius had never sounded like that, definitely not about anything I'd said or done.

"You always only say I'm kind," he said slowly.

"Yeah, because you are. What's the problem there?"

"It's... it's just that... You never call me good-looking," he said a bit childishly.

I laughed happily. "Oh, Sirius," I said. "You're always handsome. It's so obvious I usually don't even mention it. Do you tell James he has black hair every time you see him?"

"No, I don't. But he's pretty sure about it all by himself. I never know what you think I look like."

"You think I'm only with you because you're kind to me?" I laughed. "Oh, Padfoot, you're... You're just so silly!" Glancing towards him, I grinned. "And you look even better when you're blushing," I then teased him.

Sirius gave up and stepped nearer to me, reaching his hands towards me. I grasped them and let him pull me to his arms. He hugged me tightly, and his arms were so strong and muscular I thought I was going to faint, if not otherwise then only to get him keep me in his lap for some more time, no matter if I'd really feel it or not.

I raised my eyes towards his face. His eyes were looking down to me, full of excitement and joy. I wrapped my arms around his neck, keeping him nearer to me. He was so warm I thought I was going to melt, and I heard his heart beating, fast, fast, fast, as fast as my own.

Sirius bent his head to me. "I love you," he whispered, his eyes locked on my own. He raised one of his hands into my hair, to keep my head at place. He let his lips down, touching my mouth. The touch wasn't pressing, only a warm, gentle, soft brush of his lips over mine.

Opening my mouth fondly, I replied to the kiss. "I love you," he said again, into my open mouth. Then he kissed me again, now more demandingly, more hardly he kissed me. His tongue came to my mouth, examining every place there. I didn't object as he easily lifted me from the ground to his strong arms, still kissing me.

I don't know how long we kissed each other. It was maybe long, maybe not, but at least it felt like it lasted forever. I wouldn't have been very disappointed if it had, though.

We didn't get a possibility to do anything more. Just when I was trying to twist my tongue around his, we heard a bashing noise behind us, like someone had dropped his books on the floor.

We didn't hurry. Sirius slowly let me down to the floor, then looked over me towards the door. I kept my face tightly against his shoulder, waiting for him to tell who it was. We weren't ashamed about loving each other, but if someone found out, it would cause harm for many people, and that we didn't want. Fortunately, in my school robes and my hair open, to anyone looking from behind me I looked very similar to half of the girls in Hogwarts. It had saved us twice before, and was the only reason why we still went on spending time in this public library - although people very rarely came there.

"Err... I think I'd be better go now..." said a voice from the door. It was familiar voice, I had heard it maybe even too many times before. Lily. I still didn't know if she had someone with her, so I still kept my head pressed against his shoulder.

"If you want to," Sirius said cheerfully. "Don't care about us. We were just going to stop when you dropped in." He bent again his head towards me. "You can look now," he said warmly. "She's all alone."

I turned around very slowly, mostly because I didn't feel like leaving the safety of his shoulder. I still sensed his scent, but not so well. At least I leaned my back against his chest to be as near to him as only possible. "Hey, Lily," I said happily.

Her jaw dropped open. "Y... you?" She stammered. "I - I have never assumed..." She gave up. "Oh well," she sighed. "Maybe I should have guessed by now. I mean, you maybe act we're-only-best-friends in public, but you aren't able to prevent some little signs showing up, are you?"

"I assume we're not," I laughed. "It's very hard to pretend, when you love the other so much." I raised my left hand over my shoulder and sank it into his soft, black hair. "Although I really don't know why he's still with me. He could get anyone he just wanted."

"No, I couldn't," Sirius objected. "Because, I only want you, Moony." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and looked at Lily. I felt amusement coming up from him like some little waves. "Were you looking for some books or for us?"

"Both, I think," she said, and laughed a bit nervously. "Remus, I'd really have use for that book you told me about last week. That 'Full Moon and Its Effects,' you know? Can I in any way persuade you to let me have it for a few days?"

"Why not," I replied, shrugging. "I've already read it twice myself, so you can easily have it for a while." I grinned at her. "You're still rather uneasy. Something wrong?"

"Emm... In fact, yes," she replied. "You're both... I don't know, kind of... amused. I wouldn't assume it. Embarrassment, yes. Maybe not shame, not from you, but at least you should be... kind of shocked. Why you aren't?"

"Kind of used to this," Sirius simply told her. "James found out just the same way as you. And I've already had to tell two persons to get off from here. That's the reason for the rumours about me having a secret girlfriend and snogging with her in every corner."

"Well, the rumours weren't so wrong, then. Although there certainly isn't a girlfriend." Her smile turned cunning. "Or, who knows, you always spend so much time all-alone. Is there some girl, Sirius?" She asked, meaning: 'Are you only playing with the sorry little git to please him or are you serious with this?'

I felt his chest being strained against my back. When he spoke, his words and voice were both just as cunning as hers, but I was easily able to sense a little tightness in him. "I don't really think so," he said, "although I could easily try."

"Sirius!" I was shocked. "You aren't serious!" I looked upwards to him, and he looked back, smiling. Of course he wasn't serious. He almost never was.

"Of course I'm not," he told us both, confirming my thoughts. "I'd never cheat on you any way, Moony. It's impossible. There isn't anyone to compensate you - neither a girl nor a boy. Never." He hugged me tightly, pulling me against himself.

"I hope so," I said, full of relief but still remembering the shock I'd felt only few seconds before. "Otherwise I'll get mad at you. And that you wouldn't like."

"I'd never want you to get mad at me, my dear." Then Sirius leant forward again, capturing my lips in a kiss.

Completely oblivious to the fact that Lily was watching us, I started to tangle my fingers into Sirius's short, raven hair. When the full moon was coming up, I always felt the need to be as near to him as possible.

Knowing this, Sirius pulled me even more tightly against him. Neither of us cared about Lily as we continued what had been left unfinished as she came in.