The Diary of Ron Weasley

RON'S DIARY

SIXTH YEAR

First Entry: August 30^th

Hermione told me I should keep a journal. She says I don't talk about my feelings enough, and said something about a teaspoon again. Honestly, she's obsessed with teaspoons! The other day, she asked me to spoon her, and I raised my eyebrows at her.

I said, 'I don't know Hermione, Mum's very particular about her spoons...'

And then she screamed and ran off!

If only there was a book...something along the lines of "Mad Things Girls Do Just To Annoy Boys And What They Mean!"

She's been in my house for over a week now, and she keeps on banging on about how nice it is to be here, and about how wonderful my family is, and about how I should maybe show her around Ottery-St. Catchpole and its secluded spots. She always blinks and twitches her head to the door when she says "secluded".

I'm beginning to think Hermione is weird.

She keeps on leaving these panties of hers that have no crotch in my room, and blinking at me so much that I think she needs glasses.

I just wish she'd stop trying to piss me off. The other day I started humping the table (without realising it, I might add!) the second she walked into the room, for crying out loud!

For God's sake, the girl is HOT! Even when she's carrying all those books around, and they hide those voluptuous boobs of hers...

I mean, I love the girl! She must know the effect she has on me! And all those times I've called her a know-all I was being sarcastic. If she knew everything, then she'd know that I love her the best of everything in the whole universe, and that if she asked me to join the Death-Eaters, I would. Only if she asked me!

Er, I have to go now...someone's at the door.

2nd Entry: 31^st August

Sorry about that.

Hermione came into the room and locked the door with some sort of unbreakable charm. She then did another charm that sound-proofed the room and looked at me all funny.

'Er,' I began. 'Hermione, are you ok?'

Using a Severing Charm, she hacked off my clothes.

My initial reaction -SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!

But no, quite the opposite in fact. She threw me down on the bed and ravished me. I have love bites in places I had no idea existed before tonight! Also, she shaved off all my chest hair. I have no idea why.

Quite fun, really, especially when she handcuffed me to the bed.

Eventually, she rolled off me and said, 'Jesus, I've wanted to do that for ages!'

I had to agree with her on that one, but I could only nod, what with being gagged and all.

It was like six years worth of pent-up sexual tension being let go in one night.

I really do love her, though. That's why I was so surprised when she came in tonight with only one thing on her mind.

When she eventually untied me, I held her in my arms for hours, just holding her safe and soft and so beautiful that I could hardly believe my luck...until Mum banged on the door, demanding what was going on.

Hermione hid under the bed while Mum yelled at me for being foul, and then she stormed out, flying the dirty bedclothes in front of her and muttering about some sort of monastery for me.

Unfortunately, Fred and George were smacked in the face by the laundry as Mum carted it down the stairs.

Their cries of disgust echoed up the stairs.

I cringed with embarrassment.

When they realised what had hit them, they freaked out and tried to kill me...until they caught sight of Hermione's bra over my lampshade.

They then winked theatrically at me, elbowed me and nudged me and retreated with the words, 'We'll kill you tomorrow...but until then - well done!'

I was surprised, particularly so because Fred seemed unperturbed by my Calvin Klein boxers on his sleeve.

Hermione stayed for the rest of the night. We didn't do anything else, we just slept. At least, she did because she was so tired. I held her close against my chest, her head tucked into the curve of my neck with my chin resting on her crown. I stroked her brown curls for hours, so content just to enjoy her presence...albeit a naked one.

It was perfect, just so perfect!

And on top of everything else, she said she loved me too!

I wish we could stay this way forever, just her and me in each other's arms with our limbs entwined and exhausted after our...exertions.

It's perfect, just absolutely perfect!