That's My Life

Prologue Part 1: Some Very Sirius Moments

***September 1, 5^th year***

Emma Lupin lay on her bed thinking. This had sure been one interesting summer. It wasn't what she had expected, that was for sure. Upon returning from her fourth year at Hogwarts she had been in a lot of trouble with her mother and that was saying something. The Lupin family was very wealthy. Diane Lupin was a highly paid healer at St. Mungo's and Jack Lupin was a highly paid wizard's lawyer. They both were always too busy working or having fancy dinner parties to have much time for their six children, so therefore they settled arguments on their own and if they got into any trouble it would be from the oldest Lupin sibling, Charlie, which rarely happened.

It was the same for James Potter. His father had died right before they started their first year at Hogwarts and the normally rich family started having money problems. Mrs. Potter went back to work as a nurse at St. Mungo's in the emergency department and often times worked crazy hours, which left James at the Lupin's house a lot during the summer.

This summer though, when everyone had come home Mrs. Lupin had given Emma a long lecture about what it was to be a lady. You see, Emma grew up with two choices. She could A) hang out with her twin brother Remus and the Lupin's next door neighbor James Potter and become a tom boy or B) hang out with Mary, her elder sister by one year, and become a girly girl. She had chosen the tomboy route. Then when the three of them had started at Hogwarts they met Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew and that was the start of the marauders, as many called them. Emma became known as the marauderette, thanks to James. That was the only thing that reminded people she was a girl. She never wore a scrap of make up or owned anything pink or lavender . . . that's just the kind of person she was. She was a tough girl though, nobody dared mess with her, except for the gang of Slytherins that messed with everyone. She would curse their butts all the way to next week.

Mrs. Lupin had been so upset that Emma wasn't turning into "a normal girl like Mary and all of those other girls in your year". So, she had gotten punished. She had been sent to . . . the grandmother's house!

Emma had thought that it would be awful. She hated the idea of spending the summer in stupid dresses at fancy tea parties instead of chilling with the marauders. The first tea party they went to, Emma had been forced into a pink and yellow sundress. When they had gotten to the hostess's house Emma had been shocked to see that it was the house of Lily Evans. Lily was one of the most popular girls in school, along with Alice Williams, Marissa Buonopane, Erica Pinto, and Lucy Fabbiano.

Lily had been just as surprised to see Emma at her house. Come to find out Lily's muggle mother and Emma's muggle grandmother had been friends for a long time, so Emma found herself being around Lily a lot that summer. Against all she had ever thought, she had to admit that she liked Lily. Lily was as normal a person as Emma and she wasn't as stuck up as Emma had thought she would have been. By the end of the summer Lily and Emma had become very close friends. Lily had showed her all kinds of girly things, but the way Lily showed her made them not seem so bad.

Emma stared up at her ceiling thinking. She had flooed home late last night after watching Titanic with Lily (which she had absolutely hated) and hadn't told anyone that she actually knew how to be a real girl now. Emma pondered for quite a while whether she should actually make the transformation into a girl or stay her same tom boy self, but then she started arguing with herself.

'Come on Em, do it.'

'Why? So I can be like every other girl out there?'

'Oh I get it you're scared aren't you?'

'Me? Scared? Emma Lupin is fearless.'

'Then prove it.'

'I don't have to prove anything.'

'Ah, come on you know you want to. Besides you'll impress Sirius.'

'Wait, whoa, where did thought come from?'

'Come on, you know you like him. Are you just going to sit back and do nothing about it?'

Emma shook all the thoughts from her head and decided to do it. What was there to lose?

Twenty minutes later she was descending the stairs from the second floor of the house into the kitchen. Her normal crazy hair color was brown, but it had all kinds of jagged and uneven golden streaks and highlights all through it which made it look like someone had sprayed blonde hair dye at her, but the color was natural. Now though, her hair was far from natural. Instead of the craziness of her normal hair color, it was now a plain chestnut. Instead of her usual straight hair being pulled up into a floppy bun, it was let down reaching almost the middle of her back and it was wavy. She was wearing makeup and a mini skirt with a pink tank top that had a cursive "E" on the front drawn out of rhinestones. Emma sauntered into the dining room and took a seat next to her younger brother of three years, Bobby, and across the table from Remus, James, who's mother was working that morning, and Sirius, who was staying the last of the summer at the Potters' house. Emma grabbed some bacon and hash browns that Blinky the house elf had made, fully aware that four boys were staring at her.

"Good morning," she said shoving a forkful of the hash browns into her mouth.

"Mary, why do you look like Emma?" James said.

"Ha ha, James, very funny."

The four boys continued to stare.

"Take a picture," Emma smirked, "it'll last longer."

"Oh god, it really is her," Remus said. "Em, what happened to you?"

"You don't like it?"

"Just surprised is all."

"Yeah," commented Bobby, "You wore make up, fixed your hair, and are wearing a pink shirt and a skirt. You know that generally isn't the way you get dressed in the morning, or ever."

"I thought it was time for a change."

"We didn't even think you knew what lipstick was, much less how to put on a whole load of make up."

"For your information James, I'm not wearing a whole load of make up, well actually I kind of am, and Lily was the one who taught me how to do it all."

"Lily as in Lily Evans?"

"Is that not the only Lily we know?"

"When did you see Evans?"

"At grandmother's. Her aunt lives around there."

"You saw Evans and you didn't tell me?"

Emma rolled her eyes, "I didn't think it was that big a deal."

"Well -" James started, but Emma didn't feel like being lectured at the moment so she turned to Sirius and said, "Would you like to voice your opinion as well?"

He continued staring at her for a moment and then said, "It - well - I - "

"Spit it out Sirius."

"I like it. Looks good," Sirius gave her one of those heart melting smiles that she loved so much. Wait, since when did she pay attention to the way he smiled.

"Thanks," she smiled back. From that moment on Sirius saw her differently. She wasn't just one of the guys, she was . . . well she was a girl.

Just then Emma heard heels clicking behind her. It was either her mother or Mary walking into the dining room. It had to be her mother. Mary was probably still getting dressed. If the girl spent as much time on her homework as she did on getting dressed she would be a top student at Hogwarts guaranteed. The heels stopped.

"Good morning mum," Remus said.

"Good morning dear, are you going to introduce me to your friend?"

Remus, James, Sirius, and Bobby all started laughing. Emma had no clue what it was that was so funny. Why would Sirius need to be introduced to her? She had seen him thousands of times before.

"Did I miss something?" Emma asked turning around in her chair to face her mother.

Mrs. Lupin squealed and threw her hands over her mouth, "Oh good Lord! Emma I'm so sorry! All I saw was the back of your head and - and I didn't think it was you!"

Understanding that she had mistaken Emma, rather than asking to be introduced to Sirius Emma giggled a little, but more at the horrified look her mother had had on her face, rather than the incident itself.

Just then two people bounded into the dining room. It was Mr. Lupin and Charlie. Charlie had just graduated Hogwarts last year and was still living at home. They both looked worried.

"What's going on Diane?" Mr. Lupin asked.

"Yeah we heard a scream and - Emma?" Charlie's mouth dropped to the floor, "Is that you?"

"The one and only."

Following this Mary and Jennifer, the youngest Lupin child at eight years old, came down the stairs. Mary had congratulated Emma on finally understanding the beauty of being a girl and Jennifer shook her head muttering something that sounded like "hormones".

That had been the start of a great year, if you didn't count the last couple weeks of school, that is.

***One Week Before O.W.L.'s***

"My brain can not absorb anymore!" Emma said as she knocked her head against the wall repeatedly. She was sitting with Lily and her friends. They had become Emma's friends as well this past year. Hanging out with Lily meant hanging out with Lily's friends; because there was no way she would hang out with Emma's (She hated the marauders, except for Remus). So here she was sitting with Marissa Buonopane, Erica Pinto, Lucy Fabbiano, Alice Williams, and of course, Lily. They were studying for a test the new teacher, Professor Sprout, was giving them in Herbology tomorrow. She called it a "pre-O.W.L.".

"Emma," Lily said, "beating your head against the wall won't help you. It only damages brain cells."

"I'm going to the dorm for some water. I'll be right back."

When she came back down, Emma saw the marauders. They must have come in when she was up stairs, because she hadn't noticed them in there before. James and Remus were on opposite sides of the couch with Sirius squished in between them and Peter was sitting next to them in an arm chair. A very angry Lily Evans had just marched over to them, and Emma could tell right then that something was wrong. James didn't put his hand to his hair, like he always did around her, and Sirius didn't have his usual smile or the mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Remus where have you been?! Have you just been gallivanting around the castle with those two?" Lily pointed to James and Sirius, "That's what I thought at first, but then I remembered this is Remus I'm talking about not Potter or Black and you must have a very good explanation so let's hear it!"

"What are you talking about?"

"We had a prefects meeting today and you were not there! Seeing as you never do things like that, I covered for you, but don't expect it to happen again! Now where were you?!"

Remus exchanged dark glances with James and Sirius. It was obvious that they didn't want to tell Lily, so Emma decided to step in and cover for them (like she always did).

"Terribly sorry Lily," she said, "I asked Remus to do something for me and well, I guess it took longer than it was supposed to."

"And what might I ask did you ask him to do for you?"

"Ah, come on Lils, Is it really that important?"

"Yes, it is!"

"Well, you see I um . . ." she could only think of one thing to say, and before she really knew what she was saying, Emma had said it, "I ran out of tampons and Remus went to get me some. James and Sirius went with him. It's not like he was just gallivanting around the castle with them, as you suggested before." I smiled my 'innocent smile'. It was the smile that I smiled after lying like that. The only person who knew that smile for what it was is James, Sirius, and Remus. That was why it was so damn hard to lie to them. They knew exactly what she looked like when she was lying.

Lily stared at a very embarrassed looking Remus before smiling.

"That was very nice of you Remus. Not many people -"

Emma tapped Lily on the shoulder and whispered in her ear, "Maybe you don't know this, but guys generally get uncomfortable on this subject."

"Right. Sorry. Well, Remus, come here and I'll show you what you missed at the meeting."

Remus got up off the couch and followed Lily over to where her friends were sitting. Peter had slipped away to his dormitory already. I took Remus's seat on the couch, throwing my legs over the arm rest and laying my head on Sirius's lap. Both he and James still looked a little embarrassed. I laughed a little before saying, "Sorry. It was the only thing I could think of to make her sympathize him instead of beat his brains out."

James and Sirius each cracked a grin.

"That was pretty good," James said.

I adjusted my head a little on Sirius's lap and looked up at them smiling.

"Comfortable Emmie?" That was Sirius's nickname for her.

"Yes, very," Emma paused for a moment, "So what is this really about? What were you four doing?"

"Nothing much. We just lost track of time is all."

"Don't give me that bull crap James. I saw the look on your faces when I came in. There is something going on."

"Regulus," Sirius said distastefully. Regulus is Sirius's younger brother. They have always hated each other and Regulus was always either passing on terrible messages from their parents or getting his gang of Slytherin friends to attack the marauders.

"Oh. What happened?"

Sirius and James exchanged a dark glance before James said, "Well, I'm off to bed. See you two in the morning."

"Sirius, what happened?"

Sirius sat there looking down at her for a moment before he said, "Apparently, I'm betrothed."

"You're what?!" Emma asked sitting up.

"Jeeze, Emma, keep your voice down."

"You're betrothed? People still do that? Wait, who are you betrothed to?"

"Does that -"

"Answer me." I demanded.

"Do you know Avery?"

"Yeah. You're - wait he's a guy."

"His kid sister, that's who."

"He has a sister?"

"Yeah. She's nine."

"What? She's nine. You're fifteen. You do realize that she won't even be legally allowed to marry until you're twenty-three?"

"Rub it in why don't you."

"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? None of this is your fault."

Emma put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry that you have such a weird family. To put it nicely," she whispered.

"I'm not really going to marry her you know."

"Of course your not. What else happened?"

"Oh, the usual."

"You and James hexed him into oblivion?"

"More like me, James, Remus, and Peter tried to hex them into oblivion."

"Tried? Them?"

"There were others there with him. Lestrange, Bella, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle. Dumbledore got there before anything got very far."

"Detention?"

"Nope."

"You're lying to me."

"No I'm not. Dumbledore really didn't give us any detention."

"I'm not talking about the detention. They said something else too, didn't they?"

Sirius didn't say anything.

"Didn't they?" Emma pressed on.

"Okay. So they said something else too."

"What did they say?"

"I don't really want to talk to talk about it." Sirius looked to the ground.

"Please Sirius. Come on it's me, Emma. You can tell me."

"It was about you," he said still looking at the floor, "and that's all I'm going to say."

They must have said something really bad if he wouldn't even tell her. He always told her those kinds of things. That was the first time she could remember that she had asked Sirius something and he hadn't told her.

"Okay."

Emma leaned her head to the left, resting it against the couch, and looked at Sirius for what seemed like hours, before he finally looked up at her.

"What have you been up to? Studying?" he smirked.

How nice it was to see that smirk again. It meant he was feeling better, and she was glad.

"Yes. You know how bad I am at Herbology."

"Yeah, nearly as bad as you are at Potions."

Emma rolled her eyes, "At least I'm not good at everything."

They sat in silence again. Sirius stared at her and she stared back. She smiled a small smile at him and he leaned forward. She didn't pull away. He took that as a sign and leaned forward a little more. He was so close that they were almost touching.

"Oh Emma!" a sing song voice came from across the common room.

They both jumped up.

"Sorry did I interrupt a conversation?" Marissa didn't wait for an answer before pressing on. "Lily wants you in the dorm Emma. I didn't catch it all, but it sounded like that pervert Potter and a bra and metamorphmagus and how in the world does she manage it. Lily is really mad by the way."

Just then a very angry red head marched over to her and grabbed her arm.

"Excuse her, Black." Lily then marched back up the stairs dragging Emma with her.

***6 Days Before O.W.L.'s***

Herbology pre-O.W.L.'s were just as dreadful as Emma thought they would be. She figured that she had failed now and would fail in two weeks, when she had to take the real exams. Not that she really needed that to become an auror anyway. She wanted to drop it next year.

Emma hadn't spoken with any of the marauders since last night. Even though she wanted to talk to Sirius about what happened between them. Lily had been very angry last night and for good reason. James had somehow gotten into the girl's side of the dormitories and had walked in on Lily with her shirt off. According to her he had stood there staring at her.

They had just finished their Herbology class and were sitting by the lake dangling their feet in the water, like they often did on warm spring days.

"I failed. I know I failed," Emma said.

"Oh come on, you didn't fail."

"Yes. I did. And frankly, I don't care that I did, because it's not like I need a N.E.W.T. in that anyway. Aurors don't bother with plants. They have better things to use their time on."

Lily just rolled her eyes, but half way through she locked them on something behind Emma. She turned around to face a very serious looking Sirius. She smiled at him.

"What can I do for ya?"

"We need to talk."

"Oh great, my four favorite words," I replied sarcastically. Both of the real relationships Emma had had this year drew to a close with those four words. That couldn't really happen with Sirius, though. They didn't really have a 'relationship'. Emma pulled herself off the ground and tossed her shoes to Lily, "Could you take these in with you? I feel like walking barefoot."

"Sure." Lily eyed Sirius.

"Later, Lils."

Emma followed Sirius for a ways before he said anything.

"Are you avoiding me because of last night?" he asked her finally.

"Yeah, if you want to call it avoiding."

"What else would you call it?"

She shrugged.

"Look I'm sorry ab -"

"Why should you be sorry it wasn't your fault." Emma said.

"Yeah it was."

"You told James to do that?"

"What does James have to do with it?"

"James has everything to do with it. The pervert."

"Are we talking about the same thing here?"

"I'm talking about James walking in on Lily changing."

"Apparently not. How did he do that? I mean I thought guys couldn't get into the girls' dorms."

"I dunno. But it could have been worse; I mean she had on a bra."

"That's all she had on?"

"No. She had on shorts too."

"Oh. Well I was talking about before when we . . ."

"Yeah."

"So?" Sirius stopped and looked at me.

"So, what?"

"So what do you think?"

"Well was that nothing to you or was it something?"

"It was definitely something Emmie. It couldn't have just been nothing."

"True." I bit my lip and leaned against the beech tree.

Sirius sighed. "I don't know. I just - Do you wanna try it? Try us, I mean."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean exactly?"

"Well, I was thinking that I dunno, maybe we could go to Hogsmeade together on the last trip you know, after all the O.W.L.'s are finished."

"Don't we always go to Hogsmeade together?"

"You know what I mean Emma."

"Okay. Sure."

Sirius smiled his heart melting smile and said, "Are you ready to go back? It's just about lunch time."

"Oh great," she muttered, "Potions this afternoon. That's all I need."

O.W.L.'s crept up fast. Emma and Sirius were getting closer and more and more of Sirius' fan club were bursting out into tears. Little did Emma know that two of the worst days of her life were coming up. And soon.