Three O'clock in the Morning

Three O'clock in the Morning

In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Maladies We Must Not Seek to Cure

There are maladies we must not seek to cure because they alone protect us from others that are more serious. - Marcel Proust

Mahbubani's waiting room was, in a word, nice. It was nice in a bland, heartless, patronising manner that made Sirius jumpy. The wickerwork chairs had been painted tan and decorated with bland tan and moss. There were Impressionist reproductions decorating the walls, all in muted shades of flax, primrose, and peach, and framed in walnut casings. The walls were painted a dull biscuit that bordered on offensive to Sirius's eyes. It, no doubt, was all meant to be calming and soothing, but it made the Animagus nervous. For some reason Muggles seemed Hell bent on pastels, while he was used to the magical world, where the brighter the color the better. What he would not have given to see the Gryffindor common room again, with iron red walls, the giant hearth, the golden decorations, and the crimson and gold furniture.

Lily sat calmly in her wicker chair next to her husband, flipping through some brightly colored women's magazine that had been resting on the wicker and glass table in the corner. She, in her demure sweater and dark skirt, was the only other person in the small room and did not appear eager to speak with Sirius before their counseling session. She had been nervous all morning, especially since Sirius had made a point of taking the day off work to come to this.

The previous night, he had set up a meeting with Sasha and Severus at the American-style bistro Sasha liked so much. Sirius would act as though nothing had happened, as if everything were just in Lily's head. Sasha had been against this plan at first, defending her sister-in-law valiantly before capitulating to its eerie logic and simplicity. Severus had originally hatched this particular brainchild. Sirius called him 'pure Slytherin' at the dinner table and then was forced to explain to Severus and Sasha just exactly what he meant by that. Apparently, in this world, the Houses, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin, had no deeper significance than their names. No one had even heard of the Four Founders.

After instructing them for an hour on his own half-forgotten History of Magic lessons, they had returned to the subject at hand: Sirius's impending doom disguised as marriage counseling. Sirius did not know enough about their marriage to cope in this new setting. He would, according to Severus, be asked any number of questions involving, but not limited to, his feelings and experiences earlier in the marriage, his feelings and experiences currently in the marriage, what he expected and/or desired from their mutual relationship, various questions regarding his stepson, and suggestions for reducing animosity and reviving romance.

Sirius had gaped, opened mouthed, at Severus, while Sasha agreed with the commentary. He had no idea how to answer these questions and, while Sasha was undoubtedly close to her brother- and sister-in-law, she would not know the very ins and outs of their marriage and private lives. Both she and Harry had been tutoring him in how to act since he had told them his secrets, but this was beyond even that.

He had spent a panic-stricken night in bed, twisting and turning so much that not even Lily had dared attempt to snuggle him midway through the night. At four o'clock in the morning Sirius decided that he would give up on sleep and panic on his own, with a cup of tea. He had taken a pre-dawn walk in the park, as Padfoot, and returned in time to nervously make a simple breakfast for Harry and Lily, having already eaten himself.

But how would he deal with Mahbubani and Lily, he wondered, his right hand tapping out a tattoo on the wicker table next to him. He would be in a new place, a strange situation, with no one to turn to and no one to help him. It was not good. Earlier that day he had contemplated convincing Lily that this marriage counseling idea was a bad one, but then realized that he would be only delaying the inevitable rather than stopping it completely. Perhaps if he followed Severus's plan - that is, play dumb and make Lily look like an absolute fool - he could get away with being who and what he was. Maybe he could even convince his wife to stop the marriage counseling, that it was hurting their relationship.

Rousing himself from his maudlin musings, he looked to his wife. Watching Lily closely, he realized that she was as nervous as he. Lily was flipping through another vapid magazine, but she did not appear to be reading any of the articles.

Peering over her shoulder, Sirius snorted at the titles of her so-called reading material; "Three Weeks to Flatter Abs" and "10 Minute Fat-Free Dinners." Absurd. Lily did not need any of this!

Lily, though, apparently had not heard her husband come up behind her and jumped like a frightened doe. "Sirius!"

"What?"

"Don't do that!"

Sirius shrugged indifferently. It was not as if he was interested in the foolish magazine, or that he had something else to occupy his time. He took up pacing once more, prowling from one end of the room to the other.

Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step.

"Would you stop that infernal pacing?!"

Sirius obeyed and sighed. "What do you expect me to do, Lily?"

His wife remained silent.

"I don't even know why we're here," the wizard protested.

"Yes, you do."

The Animagus raised an eyebrow. "Do I?"

"If you don't, you need counseling in more than just marital matters," Lily retorted, her nervousness obviously wearing on her cautious exterior.

Sirius's eyes flashed in anger at the biting comment. Lily took a step back, plainly thinking that her anger had caused her to overstep her wifely boundaries. Yet, before Sirius could feel guilt (and a surge of irrational anger toward himself for causing wild Lily to act like an animal in a trap) and Lily could cower as she had not since the incident with James, the perky and well-dressed receptionist appeared.

"Ms. Mahbubani will see you now," she told the couple with a tilt of her tightly curled head, obviously ignoring or oblivious to the tension in the small waiting room. She motioned them into an even smaller adjoining room.

A small Indian woman, presumably Ms. Mahbubani, sat behind an expensive cherry wood desk. She was nothing what Sirius had expected. She had short, dark hair and made no attempt to hide the gray at her temples in the vain manner many woman, Muggle or witch, did. Nor did she appear to be anything like a counselor, in her dark, pinstriped business suit and notable lack of anything resembling make-up. The woman was stark and down to business.

Despite her rather Spartan personal appearance, her room held the warm, rich colors Sirius understood and knew from his life in the magical world. It was finely furnished, all in matching cherry woods and navy and hunter material, much like the Ravenclaw common room back at Hogwarts. The carpet was thick and plush with green vines intertwining on a dark background. The upholstery on the chairs matched the heavy blue window drapes. The two windows themselves looked over the grounds of the building, affording a view of a small duck pond and a few wet fields. Sirius, for whatever reason, automatically felt comfortable in the room and that in and of itself unnerved him.

"Welcome," the woman said with a slight accent. She rose to greet them. "I hope you were not waiting very long."

Lily smiled at her and shook her head in the negative.

Sirius ignored the question and helped Lily into one of the elegantly carved chairs.

Ms. Mahbubani smiled smally and warmly. The skin around her dark eyes crinkled slightly and Sirius dreamt that he could see a sparkle in the eyes. "I know Lily here arranged all of this so let's make sure we're all on the same page. Sirius, do you know why we're here?"

A surly, petulant answer was on the tip of his tongue, but Sirius was sure that neither Lily nor Ms. Mahbubani would appreciate it. "Lily thinks that we are having trouble with our marriage, Ms. Mahbubani," he replied, trying his hardest to sound like he wanted to be there.

"Call me Gita, please, Sirius. Lily thinks? Do you agree with your wife?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Well, then." Gita continued to smile, though Sirius did not really know why. The woman was beginning to unnerve him. "Has your marriage changed lately?"

This simple question let loose the floodgates. Apparently Lily had desperately needed someone with whom to speak and she seemed to have found a confessor in Gita Mahbubani. She told Gita about Sirius's sudden changes, discussed more about their sex life that Sirius ever wanted to know, and told her how Sirius was acting more devoted to his godson than to his wife. Lily told the counselor that Sirius had stopped living his normal life and began spending absurd amounts of time with his new 'friends.'

"New?" Sirius spat. "How long have Sasha and Regulus been married? Sasha is hardly a new friend, Lily!"

She snorted. "What about Severus? Snivellus?! You certainly cannot call that man an old friend!"

Sirius winced and wondered why Lily had grown a backbone and a tongue in front of a total stranger, when said stranger was watching their row with undisguised interest. "So I can't go back on the mistakes I've made, Lily? I can't realize what an utter prick I was and make good?

Lily's green eyes were disbelieving. Apparently Sirius Black never admitted to mistakes or apologized. "What?"

"I treated the poor boy like scum because I didn't bother to think of anyone beyond the M- er, my group of friends."

"So you just kissed and made up?"

Sirius threw up his hands in frustration. "We made amends! Is that so hard to believe?"

Something in Lily seemed to snap. "You tried to kill that man!" she hissed. "You nearly succeeded! And Snape knows all too well how to hold a grudge. You and he have never gotten along!"

"Lily," Sirius began reproachfully. He could not help but notice the inordinately amused look that decorated their counselor's dark face.

"No!" she yelped indignantly. "You listen to me for once. Earlier this year you told that man to keep Harry in line, that you would pull him from Hogwarts if he tried running away again. Then Snape doesn't do that and Harry disappears. You go off looking for him. The next day you invite Snape over for tea! I don't understand!" Lily's tone was desperate, as if she truly desired to know just what was going on in her husband's head.

Sirius just shook his head. "We talked... about Harry, mostly. But also about ourselves. He told me his side of the story, I told him mine, and we let bygones be bygones."

Lily glared at her husband with all of her might. "I don't believe you," she replied, sounding more like a two-year-old than the 36-year-old woman she was.

Gita coughed softly, but caught their attention quickly. "It appears that you two seem to have some communication problems, as well as some trust issues. We will have to work on those in our sessions."

Lily nodded, obviously expecting this response. Sirius did not like the way Gita smiled at him, like the cat that caught the canary. He shivered and decided that Severus had had the right idea, even if it might upset Lily in the end. He had no intention of baring his soul to this strange woman, and, if Lily ended up looking the fool, so be it. After all, she was the one who wanted to do this whole counseling thing, wasn't she, he told himself.