Still Black

Sometimes I wonder if the world is mad.

Truly, I do.

Madness runs in the family, you know, so it might not be the world. My sister succumbed to it. I haven't talked to my other sister in years, but it wouldn't be a surprise. One cousin went mad, beyond the ken of reckoning in my family. My other cousin died too young to be a victim.

I always wondered about my cousin. Sirius, that is, not Regulus. Regulus was a good boy, too bad that he was killed for it.

But Sirius - the one who went mad - will always be something of a mystery to me. There was no reason for him to go the way he did. The five of us were raised side by side. We - Andromeda, Bellatrix, Sirius, Regulus, and myself - were always close in childhood.

Bellatrix was afraid of spiders and Regulus delighted in putting candied spiders in her breakfast. Sirius wanted to be a pirate when he was five and Uncle Alphard thought it amusing enough that he bought Sirius a pirate costume. Andromeda, so much older than the rest of us, was always quiet, probably told by Mother and Aunt Patera to watch the rest of us. Regulus idolized his brother and took to following Sirius around, imitating everything he did until Sirius cuffed him over the head.

Why do I remember these things, now, when I may well be the last true Black left?

When Sirius was sixteen, he ran away from home. Under law, we could do nothing to bring him back to the family. By that point, though, it wasn't much of a surprise that he left. Ever since his first year, Sirius had been a hellion.

He was Sorted into Gryffindor and thought that it meant he wasn't a Black anymore. He forgot that being Black - being part of us - lasts beyond a Hat's decision, and beyond death itself. Aunt Patera received more letters from his Head of House than the rest of us combined. He was always getting himself into trouble, bullying other students or sneaking off into Hogsmeade. No matter what any of said, no matter the times we sat with him and told him his behavior was inappropriate, Sirius ignored us.

And that hurt. It hurts when your childhood playmate pretends you don't exist. It hurts when your cousin, upon your engagement, sends you a letter declaring you foul and evil-hearted. It hurts when he swears, that should you marry your fiancé, he will never speak to you again.

I married Lucius. My cousin never spoke another word to me. A few years later, I saw one of his friends in Diagon Alley, and the man looked me over and told me that Sirius was right, that I was as cruel and Dark as Sirius had told him. The messy-haired man had never even bothered to greet me before he made his pronouncement.

We were all upset at Sirius' behavior in school. Regulus suffered, the professors and students expecting him to be another rebel when all the poor boy wanted to do was learn Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. But Sirius was throwing his life away. With his school record, especially after his mysterious near expulsion in his sixth year, few places would hire him.

So he went off to war.

He never spoke to us ever again.

I remember when he and Bellatrix were taken to Azkaban.

Regulus was dead and Andromeda and I went to the port to bid them farewell. We were both in tears. Sirius was laughing madly and Bellatrix was sullenly silent. Neither Andromeda nor I brought our husbands. We had begun as Blacks and we would end as Blacks.

We went to a tea room afterwards, but there were more tears than tea. Andromeda and I had fought for years over our choices in husbands, but we knew now that we were all we had left. Our cousins and sister were gone. We promised to write and visit. We kept true to that promise, though we do it quietly and with no fanfare.

Tonight, my husband told me that my cousin was dead. He was very nearly gleeful and did not understand my tears. My son watched from the doorway and when my husband left, he entered and held my shoulders. My son knows who he is, even if he gets caught up with his father's ideals sometimes. He offered to Floo my sister. I declined.

Now it is my duty to visit Andromeda. I have to break her the news. We had held some small hope for our cousin, but that must pass. Even I know that our sister is beyond our care. She has allied herself, in her madness, to the same monster my husband calls Lord. She has forgotten, just as Sirius forgot.

Here I sit at my sister's table. She rushed her daughter out of the house when I Flooed. Apparently, the girl knows about my husband. I can see in Andromeda's eyes that she knows something is wrong. I stand and wrap my arms around my little sister.

Once again, we stand alone.