Easier Said...

Easier Said....

A useless Harry Potter fanfic

by Dommi-chan

"And you will believe in love,

And all that it's supposed to be---

But just until the fish start to smell

And you're struck down by a hammer...."

~Rufus Wainwright, "April Fools"

The day had started inconspicuously enough.

It was your typical Tuesday morning. For Harry Potter, Tuesdays always meant the same things. French toast for breakfast. (Wahoo!) Quidditch practice after classes were over. (Excellent!) Being stalked by Colin Creevy. (Well, that was everyday. And he still had to burn those negatives of him in the shower.) Divination with Trelawney. (Who, it appeared, was running out of creative death predictions for him.) Pruning Hedwig. (He still had bandages from the last time.) New episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Pity about that Rosenberg girl being a lesbian.) Yes, just your average, ordinary Tuesday.

That is, until Hermione was late for lunch...well, all right, that's not all that strange. Hermione would be late for lunch on occasion, usually due to discussing some fascinating subject or other with the Hogwarts professor du jour. What was strange was that this time, she hadn't bothered to tell anyone she was going to be late. And that is rather Anti-Hermione.

"Oi! Hermione! Pass the pumpkin juice will you?" Seamus called from across the table. Neville looked around confused. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Seamus, in case you hadn't noticed, she's not here yet."

"Oh come on...Harry and Ron are both...hey wait...where IS Hermione?"

Harry shrugged. Ron went back to cutting his Shepard's pie and mumbled something about Transfiguration, extra credit, and being up McGonagall‘s ass. And it was at this moment, that Hermione entered the Hall. The really peculiar part was that she had company. Company that, obviously, was neither Harry nor Ron. Company that was walking rather close to her. Company that was smiling and making her giggle. Company that just touched her hand for a split second.

Company in the form of one...BLAISE ZABINI.

Silence fell over the Gryffindor table as they took the sight in.

Zabini...Hermione...laughing...close...smiling...did he just...yes that was a hand in Hermione's hair...hand holding...close...Blaise leaning forward as if to....

And it was at this precise moment that all hell broke loose in the Great Hall.

No one can really blame Harry or Ron for what they did next. If history has taught humanity nothing, it's that when they are confronted with a situation that they don't understand, men do phenomenally stupid things. Hence the almost slow motion leaping from their table. The muffled "nnnnnnnnooooooooooo"s that came from their mouths. The shoving of Blaise away by Ron and grabbing of Hermione by Harry.

"Get off her! Get off her! Take your filthy Slytherin paws off her!" Ron screamed as he pummeled Blaise about the head and neck.

The frightened Slytherin managed a brief "Not in the face! NOT IN THE FACE!", as Ron knocked him to the floor. Meanwhile, Harry was busy trying to pull Hermione away from the flailing and cursing that Ron was currently doing.

"Harry Potter! What in the name of Heaven do you think you're doing?!?!?! Let go of me!"

"Hermione no! You don't know what that blighter is capable of! For all we know, he was trying to place you under the Imperius curse or something!!"

"Or something is right! Why would Blaise place me under Imperius? I had already said yes...I mean honestly...."

"We're just saving you, Herm. As I said...wait...said yes to what?"

"Blaise asked me on a date. I said yes."

Harry's silence was eloquent. And it gave Hermione enough time to both break free and realize what Ron was doing. "RONALD ALYCIOUS WEASLEY! GET OFF HIM THIS INSTANT!!!" She pulled Ron, who was literally kicking and screaming, off the battered Slytherin.

"Must kill! Maim! Must destroy the evil!!" It took the combined strength of Seamus, Dean, Neville, Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati to keep Ron back. Hermione was on the floor, attempting to comfort Blaise, who was currently sitting on the floor staring blankly and just generally being out-of-sorts. The entire student body of Hogwarts was staring at them. Colin Creevy was snapping photograph after photograph. And Harry decided to break his silence.

"Did you say...you agreed to go on a date with Zabini, Hermione?"

If the Great Hall hadn't been silent due to the commotion, it certainly was now. The Gryffindor and Slytherin tables were staring at them all very intensely. The Hufflepuffs were about falling out of their seats with curiosity (Was Ernie MacMillan taking notes?), while the Ravenclaws were all pretending to not be interested in the carnage.

"I most certainly did."

Harry faltered. "Why...why...why would you do that?? It's Blaise Zabini!"

Hermione scowled. "I am well aware of both who and what I agreed to."

“But...but...Zabini! Zabini's a Slytherin!"

The scowl deepened. "You don't say."

"You can't go out with a Slytherin!! It's...it's...it's...."

“Unseemly," Seamus supplied.

"Yes! Unseemly! And it's...it's...."

"Demoralizing." Seamus, once more with the assist.

"Yes! Demoralizing! And it's also...also...."

"Materialistic."

"Yes! Material...materialistic?" Harry looked confused. He was not alone in this endeavor.

Seamus shrugged. "Well, everyone knows the Slytherins are all loaded...."

"Shut up, Seamus." Hermione had been only mildly cross before; now she was bordering on pure psychotic rage. "And what do you mean unseemly and demoralizing? I have every right to date whomever I choose!"

Lavender let go of Ron. "May I say something?"

"No," Harry snapped. Lavender's eyes widened a bit.

Hermione clucked her tongue impatiently. "What is it?"

"Well, perhaps we should all take a few breaths and calm down. Then try talking this out like rational human beings. This means, Ron-no violence. Harry-no jumping to conclusions. Hermione-no yelling. And Blaise-no...um...well...just um be patient and understanding?" She glanced around at everyone. "No objections? Good. Now let's go upstairs and do this in the common room, lest Ernie MacMillan and the other school gossips get involved."

Seamus pondered for a moment. "But Lavender, aren't you one of those gossips...?"

"Shut up, Seamus. Let's go."

--------------------------

After a brief interlude, some shuffling, a few minor disagreements ("Stop that! You're not allowed to hold her hand!" "Like hell he's not!"), and a five minute, thirty-seven second walk, they had arrived at the door to the Gryffindor tower.

There was a long pause.

The Fat Lady adjusted her hat.

The pause went on.

The Fat Lady dug through her purse.

The pause went on.

"Are we going to just admire her, or are we actually going to go inside?"

Eight Gryffindor heads turned to their right.

"What?" Blaise snapped.

"You're a Slytherin." Dean said this as though it not only explained the long wait, but life, the universe, and everything.

"Good call, Thomas. I suppose you'll want to inform me of my hair colour in a moment."

"And this is the Gryffindor Tower."

"Again, your powers of observation amaze me---," Blaise was cut off by Hermione nudging him.

"They don't want to say the password in front of you."

"Oh for the love of---! All right." The offending set of ears was covered.

"Stuff-and-Fluff!"

The Fat Lady clucked her tongue a few times. "Well, it's about time. Here I thought I was going to be stared at all bleeding day. I do have a life outside this painting, you know." She walked away muttering about rude, bastard students and rampant stupidity. Parvati and Ginny looked at each other and shrugged.

The small entourage filed into the common room, with Blaise pausing to take in the surroundings. Everyone turned to stare at Lavender. She blinked a few times.

"Er...right then. As this was my idea, I suppose I should be the one to get the ball rolling, as it were?" Everyone kept staring. She took a tentative step back and swallowed. "Indeed. All right, let's hear from Blaise---"

"As if we can believe any words that will come out of the slimy---" Ron stopped when he saw Hermione's face. She was currently wearing the internationally renowned "Do shut up, Ron" expression. "Look don't silence me only because I'm speaking the truth! Slytherins can't be

trusted!"

"Yes, please Weasley, continue to speak about me as if I'm not in the room. I absolutely love it when people do that."

"Oh sod off, Zabini. When we want your opinion, we'll cram it down your throat." Ron was standing now, glaring at Blaise in a rather surly and threatening manner. Before Blaise could reply, there was the sound of something heavy being slammed into the ground.

Lavender had just thrown her books onto the floor and was glaring at them all. "Enough! Look. I never get to be the voice of reason, nor do I get to be in charge. I am not letting any of you take this, my one moment in the sun, away from me! Got it?!" No one argued. "All right, then. We will let certain people have their say, in a calm and orderly fashion. And NO INTERRUPTIONS." Pointed stare at Ron. "Blaise, go ahead."

Blaise cleared his throat; the stress of nearly being sent to the hospital wing and being insulted clearly having worn off. "Well...my Defense Against the Dark Arts class ended a little early today. So I decided to wait outside of Hermione's Transfiguration class. We were talking and I asked her on a date. She agreed."

"So wait...you just arbitrarily decided to ask Hermione on a date? And she just agreed? Inconceivable!" Harry was aghast.

Blaise suddenly shifted in his chair and fidgeted a bit. Everyone watched him be uncomfortable. "Well...it...er wasn't arbitrary. I've wanted to ask her since Christmas, actually." He blushed a bit. Hermione smiled at him and shifted closer. Harry was still aghast. Ron looked like he was about to explode. Dean and Neville were mildly surprised. Ginny and Parvati were swooning. Seamus was deep in thought.

Lavender smiled. "So, Hermione said yes of her own free will? No coercion or hexing? No extortion or bribery?"

Blaise balked at Lavender's questions. "Of course not! I wouldn't want her to go out with me unless she wanted to! I know I'm in Slytherin and all, but some of us do have honour, you know."

"Well...you can't really blame us for being concerned can you? I mean...you said it yourself, you're in Slytherin and whatnot. We're used to the underhandedness and treachery and grrr of your house, not 'Would you like to join me for a spot of tea?' friendliness."

There was a brief silence, but then Hermione spoke up. "Honestly, just because Malfoy and Pansy are horrible, doesn't mean that everyone else there is. Blaise has never been anything but perfectly nice to me, why shouldn't I say yes? He's been considerably more understanding today than several Gryffindors I can think of." Hermione glared at Harry and Ron.

Harry raised an eyebrow. Ron was staring fixatedly at Hermione‘s left hand, which was interlaced with Blaise‘s right. Neville leaned in to Harry and whispered. "I think she means you two....." Harry rolled his eyes, as did Ginny and Dean.

"I just realized---!" Seamus came out of his reverie, startling everyone. "Ronald Alycious Weasley...Ron's initials spell RAW!" Seamus, stood proudly when he announced his amazing discovery. He then noticed the expressions on the faces of those around him and sat down quickly.

"Shut up, Seamus," said Dean, who was currently rubbing his temples.

Lavender shrugged. "Well, I guess that takes care of everything. Blaise, I'm sorry that you had to----"

"Now wait just one minute!" It was now Harry‘s turn to be stared at. "Just because he didn't force her to go out with him, doesn't mean he's on the up-and-up! Hermione could still be in danger! And I refuse to let her go out with Blaise, regardless of how innocent he seems!"

Blaise blinked a few times.

Hermione was seething. "Harry Potter...you have NO right and you know that! I am allowed to date whomever I choose!"

Harry refused to back down. "I'm sorry Hermione, but you can not date Blaise. End of story."

Ron looked irritated that Harry beat him to it. "Yeah, what he said."

Parvati and Ginny looked at each other.

Dean kept rubbing his temples.

Seamus was afraid to speak.

Neville fidgeted.

Lavender leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "This isn't getting us anywhere. Harry and Ron, can't you work out some form of compromise?"

"Such as?" Harry crossed his arms and was eyeing Blaise warily. Blaise eyed Harry back. There was a lot of eyeing occurring on the Hogwarts grounds today.

"I don't know, just talk to him or something. Ask him about his intentions. Would that make you feel better?"

Harry and Ron never got a chance to answer, because it was Hermione's turn to object. "Now wait a minute! Why should Blaise submit himself to the Spanish Inquisition just because my friends won't listen to anything he says?"

"Well, I wasn't expecting Harry and Ron to be the Spanish Inquisition...."

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition," Dean mumbled.

"I just think it'd be a good idea if they talked to him on their own. Purely to make themselves feel better. Harry, Ron...would you be okay with that?"

Harry and Ron whispered to each other for a few moments. Eventually they broke apart and nodded in unison.

"Blaise? What about you?"

Just as Blaise opened his mouth to answer, Hermione grabbed his hand. "Excuse us." She dragged a very confused looking Blaise out the door and into the hallway. The Gryffindors winced as it slammed shut. Muffled conversation could be heard, as well as the familiar sound of Hermione flailing.

Seamus grinned and started walking towards the painting. Dean looked up at him, shook his head once, and then promptly went back to rubbing his temples. Everyone else watched as their resident Irishman grabbed an empty glass and walked over to the door.

"Uh...Seamus...what do you think you're doing?" Neville had a bewildered expression, as though Snape had just complimented him on his Polyjuice potion.

"Eavesdropping, of course. They can't honestly expect us not to?" Ron and Harry looked thoughtful.

"You know...Seamus is right. We, uh, have to listen to their conversation. To uh...ensure Hermione's safety. And stuff." Ron made his way to the door.

"Ron and Seamus are right. I mean...we...owe it. To Hermione. To make sure she...yeah." Harry's turn to walk over.

Neville was torn between common sense and curiosity. Shortly after his curiosity kicked his common sense in the shins, he shouted out a quick "I want to listen too,“ ran over to the door and stood under Harry. They formed what to the casual observer resembled a totem pole; Seamus was standing on a chair listening through his glass, Ron below him kneeling on an ottoman, ear up to the door, Harry standing on the floor with his ear like Ron's, and Neville crouched beneath all of them.

"You do realize that you will be discovered? The second Blaise and Hermione are done speaking...."

"Lavender...shush. It's hard enough to hear as it is." Seamus leaned closer. "Wow...I never knew that Hermione could be so foul-mouthed. It makes me sort-of want to date her." Harry and Ron looked up at Seamus in a rather threatening manner. "I said sort-of! Sheesh...you two are no fun I swear...."

Lavender sat down next to Dean. "I can’t possibly be the only one who realizes that no good can come of this.”

"Not even remotely. It's a complete violation of privacy, and Hermione will be steamed when she sees them. Seamus is wrong, of course. I refuse to live in a world where Seamus is right." He was then shushed by four impatient voices. Which actually was not necessary, as Hermione was now speaking in a louder tone and was audible to the entire common room.

"It's REDICULOUS! Who cares if they want to ask you questions?! I'm the only one whose opinion matters!"

"Hermione, I keep telling you I don't mind. If it's what I have to do to have your friends accept me, then it's all right."

"You SHOULDN'T have to! Harry and Ron should just mind their own business and BUGGER OFF!"

"We both know they're not going to. As annoying as they've been, they're only looking out for you. I'll just weather their questions. It'll be fine."

"I guess you're right. But I'm going to be there, to ensure that they don't get out of line."

The Gryffindor Totem pole looked at each other. Suddenly, the door they were leaning against opened and they all landed in a tangle of arms, legs, furniture, and robes. Neville managed a weak comment about internal bleeding and Harry's glasses were broken...again. Hermione and Blaise looked down and stared. Blaise looked incredibly perplexed and Hermione looked as though her head may very literally explode. Dean was still rubbing his temples, and Lavender had a very grand "I tried to tell them but would they listen, no, of course not, nobody ever listens to poor Lavender" expression on her face.

To her credit, Hermione did not scream at her friends. Instead, she opted for a very controlled tone of voice as she said "If you two would like to talk to Blaise, it is acceptable. But only if I am present during it. After the discussion, Blaise and I will go on our date. Are we clear?" From underneath Seamus, Ron flashed a thumbs up sign. Harry was too blind to do anything but squint. "Excellent. Now if you'll excuse me...." She slowly went up the stairs and into her room. There was

suddenly a loud slamming noise, followed by the sounds of things being broken, Crookshanks crying in fear, and Hermione screaming four letter words.

Some plaster got loosened by the sudden activity and landed on Dean's head. Lavender started dusting him off. The silence was deafening.

Blaise cleared his throat. "So uh...what did you want to ask me precisely? Er...oh here Potter, I found a piece of your glasses. You should seriously consider switching to contact lenses, though."

Ron was now sitting up on the floor, looking rather rumpled and irritable. "Not now, Zabini...Seamus GET OFF ME. Harry and I need to prepare before we can talk to you. We'll do it tomorrow night in the Transfigurations classroom. After dinner. Be there or the deal's off. Oh here's one of your lenses, Harry."

Blaise suddenly got very nervous. The same kind of nervousness a person gets when one has just made a deal with the Devil himself and realizes that there is, indeed, quite a large catch, such as having to surrender one‘s soul. He gulped, realized he needed to stop reading so much Faust, nodded once, and left the common room.

Ron stood up, smoothing out his robes. "Well, that went better than I thought. He's afraid of us. Good. He bloody well should be." He handed Harry a few more pieces of his glasses, then pulled out his wand and muttered an Ocular Repairus. "You know Harry, Zabini was right about one thing. You break your glasses all the time. Have you ever really thought about contacts?"

"Once or twice. I'm rather leery of putting things into my eyes."

"Why? It's not that big of a deal is it?"

Harry coughed. "It's a long story involving Dudley, sandpaper, raspberry preserves, and some shards of glass."

"...I'm sorry I asked." The two headed off to their room to work out a strategy for dealing with the Zabini problem. Slowly, all of the other students followed their lead and went their separate ways, leaving only Ginny and Parvati in the common room. Parvati had a weird expression on her face.

"Why were we here again?" Ginny shrugged.

"No clue."

--------------------------

The next fourteen hours went by in a blur for Harry and Ron. Soon enough, it was Wednesday morning.

Harry also had the same routine for every Wednesday. Belgian waffles with pumpkin syrup for breakfast. (Mmmmm!) Double potions with the Slytherins. (Oh, joy.) More stalking by Colin. (Really, when didn't that happen?) Sending Hedwig with a letter to Snuffles. (Who, hopefully, had found a better dietary supplement than rats.) New episodes of South Park. (That show is so

delightfully crass!) He was also expecting an order from Best Buy. (He had pre-ordered the limited edition of ABBA’s greatest hits. ..not even Ron and Hermione knew of his fixation on the Swedish pop quartet.)

The Boy Who Needed Eight Hours of Sleep and his best friend stumbled into the Great Hall that morning, bleary-eyed and laden down with parchment and books. Between sneaking into the file room for Blaise's permanent record, making pie charts and graphs, bouncing questions back and forth with each other, and asking various Slytherins about their comrade, Harry hadn't had a

whole lot of time for, say, sleeping.

Nor did either of them remember that they had a test in Potions.

A very hard test.

A this-test-is-over-half-of-your-grade-if-you-mess-up-one-ingridient-you're-screwed-and-not-in-the-good-way-they-show-in-porn test.

When they had sat down at their usual spots at Table Gryffindor, they were greeted by the sight of Hermione, Parvati, and Neville mulling over the ingredients of the Draught of Living Death.

"Oh...it's you." And apparently, Hermione was not only studying, but still angry. Not angry enough to ignore all of the charts and notes Harry had. "Going a bit overboard for Snape's exam, wouldn't you say?" Ron froze in panic.

"Oh no...the test! We forgot all about it!" Ron grabbed Hermione's book from her and frantically began studying. Hermione rolled her eyes and poured herself some more coffee. Seamus, Dean, and Lavender had all joined them, cramming as well. Harry twitched a few times, poured himself a mug of coffee, drained it, poured another, drained it, and twitched again. He then went back to a file labeled "#678932: Zabini, Blaise S., Class of 1998, House of Slytherin, Main Concentration in Arithmancy, minors in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions, only son to Stefano and Olivia Zabini, and who's favourite song is 'Hey Mickey!' by Toni Basil." Obviously, Dumbledore didn't play around when it came to knowing about his students.

Dean eyed Harry warily. "It seems we've replaced Harry Potter's brain with Folgers's Crystals. Let's see if anyone notices...."

Harry twitched some more, and poured himself his third cup. "Shhh...I'm trying to concentrate. I really don't have a lot of time to memorize all of this."

"Harry?"

"Ron...what did I just say? Disrupting the Harry while he is studying only leads to the bad. Anything of the bad is not good." Little known fact: Harry Potter is a true master of the English language when deprived of sleep.

"Harry...Snape's test? That's sort-of more pressing than our meeting with Zabini." Ron looked at Harry. He was a bit concerned, as Harry had taken to this question and answer session like a man possessed. He hadn't even tried to go to bed the night before, opting to read up everything he could on the history of the Zabini family.

Harry hid behind the file and started mumbling. "If I put Clorox in Snape's pumpkin juice, there will be no quiz...." Seamus's eyes widened.

"Wow. Harry Potter is plotting murder. Quick, Parvati conjure a snowball that we can send to hell. I think it just may live a long and fulfilling life down there....."

"Shut up, Seamus. Harry isn't murdering anyone...uh...you're not right, Harry?" Lavender looked fairly concerned. Harry just shrugged noncommittally and put down the permanent record. He then reached for his copy of the Zabini family tree.

“Harry…is that a genealogical chart of Blaise’s family?” Little known fact the second: Hermione Granger had the science of being extraordinarily pissed on the inside, yet serene and calm on the outside down to a fine art.

Another quick downing of piping hot black caffeine. “Yes. Yes it is. Something wrong with that?”

Hermione’s eyes narrowed. “That is a complete and utter disregard for other people’s privacy.”

“Oh, please. I’m doing this for you, you know. It’s because I care about you, Herm. It’s because I care that I broke into Dumbledore’s office last night and stole the permanent records, along with his medical history, measurements, and drawings from kindergarten. And may I just say, Mr. Zabini was not the happiest of children. Got rather spooked by his depiction of this little girl down a well, and the horses…those poor horses….”

For the second time in twelve hours, the Gryffindor table was completely silent. It appeared that the Boy Who Lived was rapidly turning into the Boy Who Was Cracking Up. Dean scooted his chair away from Harry with a look of fear on his face. Colin Creevy debated for a few moments, and then snapped a few photographs of Harry.

"Honestly, Harry...don't you think this is going...a bit too far." Ron eyed his friend worriedly. Maybe this talking to Blaise thing isn't such a good idea, after all. I don't have time for this what with Potions, and the Fortress and all....

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Harry was now pouring over family photographs and more childhood drawings, making notes on all of them. "What five year old draws pictures of dead girls down wells?", he murmured to himself.

Hermione had had enough. She slammed her notes shut, grabbed a piece of toast, and stormed off to the dungeons.

Parvati looked at Harry. "Erm...shouldn't you at least...attempt to pass the test?" Harry looked at Parvati confused.

"There's a test? What class?"

Dean was rubbing his temples again. "Potions...we've only said it five times."

Harry paled. "That's today?!?!" A pause. "Oh well, can't pass them all." He went back to studying the photos. The rest of the Gryffindors balked at him. At this moment, Professor Trelawney walked to the Gryffindor table. Parvati and Lavender straightened up at the sight of their favourite

teacher.

"Professor! What brings you here?"

Trelawney looked down at Harry and leaned in to him. "Seven days, Potter," she whispered. "Seven days...." She then walked off. Harry stared blankly at her. Confusion was becoming a standard expression for the Gryffindors. Colin shrugged and took more pictures.

“Does anyone else get scared when she does that?”

“Shut up, Seamus.” Ron was frantic with his cramming now.

Seamus pouted. “Why do you all keep saying that?” Neville looked worried.

"Uh...Harry...what did that mean...'seven days'?"

"Eh, she probably means until I die or something. It is Trelawney, after all."

"Oh. All...all right then." Neville chewed his lip. He checked his watch. It was crunch time.

------------------

If you were to ask Harry the details of his day, all he'd be able to do is mutter something about prepping for the talk and his ABBA set indeed arriving by owl. At dinner, he and Ron had grabbed a few things and ran up to McGonagall's classroom to prepare. They put up their charts, graphs, and set up rolls of parchment and quills for note taking at her desk.

At about seven fifteen P.M., Hermione stalked into the room with a nervous looking Blaise behind her. She glared at Harry and Ron and crossed her arms. "Well? Let's get this over with." The room had been moved around so that there were two chairs in the middle aisle about ten feet from the instructor's desk. Harry and Ron were seated up at McGonagall's front desk

looming ominously over the room. There was a bit of shadow around both of them, almost obscuring them from view.

"Have a seat." Blaise waited for Hermione to sit. Hermione didn't want to sit. The two had a silent argument for a moment before Hermione acquiesced and sat in the chair on her left. Blaise sat next to her and loosened his tie. Harry pointed his wand. “Lumos!” A spotlight formed on Blaise as though he was being interrogated by the police.

Ron cleared his throat. "Now then...as it has come to our attention that you would like to date our Hermione, and you are a member of Slytherin house.“ Hermione rolled her eyes and scowled at his statements of the obvious. “As such, we are going to ask you several things before we give you our blessing." Hermione's scowl deepened at that. "Now first of all...should we allow you to take her out, where will you go?"

Blaise swallowed nervously. "Erm...I was planning on taking her out to dinner at The Shooting Star cafe in Hogsmeade on Saturday, and then taking a long walk out by the lake. We’re going to have a picnic of dessert from Honeyduke’s and just talk and look at the stars.” He glanced at Hermione, who was smiling brightly.

Ron looked thoughtful. “Rather expensive place, The Shooting Star. You’re not taking her there because you’ll…expect anything in return?”

Blaise’s next words were filled with indignation. “Certainly not. I’m taking her there because it’s a good restaurant!”

“As Ron stated, it’s an expensive place. How exactly are you going to pay for this evening?”

“Well…my family is rather well-off. And I get an allowance from my mother and father. So I’ll be using that.”

Ron and Harry exchanged a look. “I think what Harry is looking for is more of a promise. A promise that your intentions are good towards Hermione. Now then…what are your long term plans?”

“My…long term plans?”

“Yes. Is this a one-time thing? Or are you planning on it being a reoccurring theme?” Ron raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I’d rather…I’d rather like it if it became a common occurrence.” Blaise blushed a little.

“Interesting. Did you know that her birthday is in September, making her a Virgo? And yours is October 8th, making you a Libra. You do realize the relationship is doomed before it can even begin?” Harry had leaned forward in his chair, a sort-of knowing expression on his face.

“Actually, she’s on the cusp of Virgo/Libra, which actually makes us fairly…wait. How do you know when my birthday is? I know I’ve never received a card from either of you, and I can’t recall ever having mentioned it.”

Harry pulled out the very large file labled "#678932: Zabini, Blaise S., Class of 1998, House of Slytherin, Main Concentration in Arithmancy, minors in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions, only son to Stefano and Olivia Zabini, and who's favourite song is 'Hey Mickey!' by Toni Basil."

“Is that…my permanent record?!?”

“Just something I picked up from Dumbledore’s office. Bit of light reading, really. You seem to be rather knowledgeable in astrology. And being that ‘Hey Mickey!’ is your favourite song, I must ask…what are your feelings on ABBA?”

Blaise frowned. “They’re pretty good music to dance to.”

“Musicals?”

“Well I don’t get to West End much these days, but I’ve been known to enjoy a good showing of Cats every now and then.”

“Barbara Streisand?”

“Haven’t much cared for her since her days in Hello Dolly, but she’s not bad.”

“Right. Ron make a note…high likelihood of homosexuality.”

“WHAT?!?!”

“Apparently, a closet case.”

“I am not a homosexual!”

“Think you’re going to use Hermione as your beard do you?”

“No! Because there is no reason for it! Seeing as I AM NOT GAY!”

“Ah I get it. Homophobic are you? Ron make a note that Zabini here’s a bigot.”

“I AM NOT A BIGOT!”

Harry looked over his glasses at Blaise. “Ron, another note that Zabini here has a temper. Tell, me, have you ever resorted to the following: beating, stealing, cheating, lying, bribing, hexing, cursing, biting, killing, maiming, extorting, and/or destroying someone who ‘wronged’ you?”

A derisive snort. “Oh for God’s sake, what do I look like, a Malfoy? No.”

“Are you lying?”

“Why on Earth would I lie? I’d have nothing to gain from it, short of bruising and a stay with Madame Pomfrey….”

“Ron, another note. Only looks out for his own best interests.” Harry was on a roll now. “So tell me, Zabini…does your family own any of the following: books on the Dark Arts?”

“Not that I’m privy to.”

“Paraphernilia from Voldemort’s reign?” Everyone but Harry winced at the name.

“No.”

“Illegal drugs?”

“No.”

“Prostitution rings?”

“No!”

“Illegaly poached animals?”

“No.”

“A billiard table?”

“…I’m sorry…a what?”

“A billiard table.” Harry had just managed to lose every other person in the room.

“Well, actually…yes, we do. Father’s rather fond of the game.”

“A-HA! Ron write that down!”

“Uhm…sure, Harry. But…what is a billiard table? I mean I’m guessing it’s something Muggles do and it’s a game and all but why is that so….” Ron broke off as Harry started whispering something in his ear. Blaise was still lost. And Hermione was so angry she couldn’t even think to say anything. Ron’s eyes got wider and wider until…”YOU’RE GOING TO SHAG HER ON A TABLE IN YOUR FAMILY’S PARLOUR!?!?!?!?!”

“Of course not! We haven’t even been on a first date yet! I’m not even thinking so far ahead as to have her meet my family! What is WRONG with the two of you?!?!”

“This isn’t about us, Zabini.” Harry folded his arms. “This is about your intentions toward our friend.”

“That. Is. Quite. ENOUGH!” Hermione had finally spoken. “I’ve had it! This goes beyond simple questioning of his intentions…this is out and out verbal battery! And I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT ANY LONGER!” She was standing now, and was completely red in the face. “Blaise has done NOTHING to deserve this assault! NOTHING! Honestly I had hoped that the two of you could possibly be mature about something for once in your lives, but apparently I was wrong!”

“Hermione Anne Granger, you have no right to address us like this, when we’re only looking out for you! We just want to make sure that you’re safe and are picking someone who deserves you!” Harry was standing now as well. “Really, you ought to be thanking us.”

“Thanking you? THANKING YOU?! Whether you think Blaise deserves me or not is NOT YOUR CONCERN! YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER! NEITHER OF YOU!” Ron opened his mouth to reply but she held up her hand to cut him off. “I am sick of this. I am going on a date with Blaise. You two have no say in this. That is the end of it.” Blaise had stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her as one would a rampaging animal. (Which, as anyone who had ever witnessed an angry Hermione could tell you, wasn’t that different after all.)

Ron looked incredibly embarrassed. Harry looked a combination of confused, angry, and mortified. “But…Hermione….”

“NO! I am not listening to anymore of your….”

“Hermione. Please. Calm down. We were only looking out for you. We were just…overzealous. We meant well.” Ron‘s ears turned pink and he looked suitably abashed. “Really, Herm. We were. I admit we took it too far. I think this, above anything else has proven that Blaise is good enough for you.” Harry opened his mouth to retort something to that but Ron glared at him. “We’re both very sorry. Especially Harry…considering he just made a point that you shouldn‘t think of him as a jealous boyfriend and that he was going to act accordingly?” Harry shut his mouth with a guilty expression on his face.

Hermione smiled at Ron. So did Blaise. Ron smiled back. Harry coughed.

“Erm…Ron’s right. I am sorry. And…if you want to date Hermione, Blaise, it’s fine. You have to be a good guy to put up with Ron and I just put you through.” He looked at Hermione. “We just…don’t want to see our girl get hurt.”

“If I ever do anything to hurt her, you have my full permission to beat the pulp out of me.” Blaise was grinning now. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’d like to work on our Arithmancy problems before curfew….”

Ron nodded. “Duly noted. And have fun…I guess. But not too much!” He looked at Harry as they gathered their belongings and made their way out of the room. “Well…I think we can chalk this up to a learning experience. Next time we should actually talk to the person before we jump to conclusions about their intentions.”

Harry nodded. “Agreed. I can’t believe we got so crazy.” A pointed look from Ron. “All right, I can’t believe I got so crazy. You have to admit, at the beginning you weren’t exactly calm yourself.”

Ron sniffed indignantly. “I promise you that in this sort of situation I can keep a level head about myself, thank you much. After all, I’m not insane enough to lose sleep over someone----”

“Ron? Is that Ginny? With Malfoy?” Harry was staring at two people off in the distance.

“WHAT?!?!” Sure enough, there was the back of Ginny’s head. And Malfoy was smiling at her. They appeared to be having some sort of conversation. Ron had dropped the charts and was clenching his fists. He quickly examined the area for any sort of weapon and came across a shovel Filch had left mistakenly against the wall. He grabbed it and got eerily serene. “Excuse me for a moment.” He then started stalking towards his sister. “MALFOY! GET AWAY FROM HER RIGHT NOW!”

Draco Malfoy didn’t often show his emotions in public. However, when a very perturbed Weasley starts running towards him brandishing a blunt object…well, let’s just say there are exceptions to every rule. Eyes widening in terror, Draco took off running down the hall screaming with Ron close behind him.

“HELP! CRAZY WEASLE ON THE LOOSE! HELP!”

“COME BACK HERE YOU SLIMY GIT! WHAT WERE YOU DOING CHATTING UP MY LITTLE SISTER!?!?!?!?!”

Harry had walked up to Ginny. “Uh…Ginny far be it from me to question your….” And he promptly noticed the Slytherin scarf in her hands.

“Harry? What is Ron doing? Malfoy dropped his scarf and I was just returning it to him, and the next thing I know…” She waved her hand as Draco went speeding past, still closely followed by Ron.

“I MEAN IT! WON’T ANYONE HELP ME?!?! I’LL PAY YOU!!!!”

“GET BACK HERE! I SAID GET BACK HERE! I HAVEN’T EVEN BEGUN KILLING YOU YET!”

Harry’s eyes widened. Ginny looked at him. At the same time, the two started whistling and walking away in the opposite direction, the screams of Malfoy and Ron echoing in the distance….

------------------

Epilogue: The Gryffindor Common Room

(We see Parvati, Lavender, Seamus, Neville, Harry, Hermione, Blaise, Dean, and Ginny in various spots around the common room. Suddenly we hear a drum roll and the rhythmic sound of clapping and loud music.)

“Oh Mickey you’re so fine,

You’re so fine you blow my mind!

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

Oh Mickey you’re so fine,

You’re so fine you blow my mind!

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

Oh Mickey you’re so fine,

You’re so fine you blow my mind!

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

Oh Mickey you’re so fine,

You’re so fine you blow my mind!

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!”

(The students are all dancing in a line to the song and singing it merrily, except for Harry. He just looks baffled and is wondering why everyone knows the words to a Muggle pop song. Lavender has jumped onto one of the tables and is dancing by herself up there.)

“You've been around all night and that's a little long;

You think you got the right and I think you got it wrong.

Why can't you say "Goodnight!" so you can take me home, Mickey?

'Cause when you say you will, it always means you won't

You're giving me the chills, baby please baby don't

Every night you still leave me all alone Mickey!”

(Dean is now dancing like Franklin, the black kid from the Peanuts cartoons. Hermione and Blaise are swing dancing with each other to the music, grinning like mad. Harry is still confused.)

“Oh Mickey, what a pity you don’t understand---

You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand!

Oh Mickey, you’re so pretty can’t you understand---

It’s guys like you Mickey!

Oh what you do Mickey, do Mickey…don’t break my heart Mickey!”

(Parvati is now doing the Watusi on one of the couches. Neville is doing a complicated routine out of the Jackson Five. Harry is still confused.)

“Hey Mickey!

Now, when you take me by the hooves everyone's gonna know---

Everytime you move, I let a little more show.

It's something we can use so don't say no, Mickey!

So, come on and give it to me anyway you can,

Anyway you wanna do it, I'll take it like a man.

Oh please, baby, please! Don't leave me in a jam Mickey!”

(Seamus has grabbed Ginny and they are dancing together. Not swing like Blaise and Hermione, but more like booty dancing. Ginny sort-of bends over in front of Seamus and Seamus starts pantomiming smacking her on her rear. Harry is now appalled. Lavender jumps off the table and starts dancing in between Neville and Dean, forming a chain of sorts.)

“Oh Mickey, what a pity you don’t understand---

You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand!

Oh Mickey, you’re so pretty can’t you understand---

It’s guys like you Mickey!

Oh what you do Mickey, do Mickey…don’t break my heart Mickey!”

(At this moment, Draco comes running into the common room, as chased by Ron. Ron continues to chase Draco around the room until he notices how Seamus is dancing with Ginny. He stops, then walks over and taps Seamus on the shoulder. Seamus looks at Ron, and seeing both the shovel and the sadistic look on Ron’s face, and breaks out into a run. Ron cackles and chases him around the room. Ginny shrugs and joins the human chain, Parvati following. Harry is now just watching the chaos.)

“Oh Mickey, what a pity you don’t understand---

You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand!

Oh Mickey, you’re so pretty can’t you understand---

It’s guys like you Mickey!

Oh what you do Mickey, do Mickey…don’t break my heart Mickey!”

(Draco is momentarily confused, then notices Harry standing alone. He gets an evil grin on his face, then slides up to Harry and puts an arm around his shoulders. Harry starts and looks at Draco. Draco wriggles his eyebrows suggestively. Harry shrugs as if to say “why the hell not,” and the two of them start swing dancing also. Ron is still chasing Seamus with the shovel.)

“Oh Mickey you’re so fine,

You’re so fine you blow my mind!

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

Oh Mickey you’re so fine,

You’re so fine you blow my mind!

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!”

(At the same time, Blaise and Draco make their partners do that pass the person on both sides of their body thing, then continue dancing. Hermione laughs and Harry looks slightly weirded out, but goes with it. Ron and Seamus have given up their chase for now and have joined the human chain.)

“Oh Mickey, what a pity you don’t understand---

You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand!

Oh Mickey, you’re so pretty can’t you understand---

It’s guys like you Mickey!

Oh what you do Mickey, do Mickey…don’t break my heart Mickey!”

(All of the students are in the human chain doing various things now. Colin Creevy walks in the common room to see what all the noise is about, and promptly whips out his camera. Picture after picture is snapped, especially of Harry dancing at about waist level for Ron and Draco.)

“Oh Mickey, what a pity you don’t understand---

You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand!

Oh Mickey, you’re so pretty can’t you understand---

It’s guys like you Mickey!

Oh what you do Mickey, do Mickey…don’t break my heart Mickey!”

(The song fades out and they all freeze in a “family portrait” pose, like in a show choir. They then notice Colin and his camera. They all jump apart and various things are heard like “they made me I swear” and “really what was the point of that” as they all pretend that they did not have fun and go their separate ways. Blaise kisses Hermione on the cheek as he leaves the common room with Draco.)

~And I’m spent!~

Notes from Dommi:

Firstly, about the ending. There are no words for me to use to express how sorry I am that you read that. I don’t know what came over me…probably too much Bring It On! one weekend. *shakes head at herself*

Now…the other references. Most of you probably got all of them…and if so, good for you. But there are some that warrant explanations.

Stuff-and-fluff: Common saying by one Silly Old Bear, Mr. Winnie-the-Pooh.

“We’ve replaced Harry’s brain with Folger’s Crystals. Let’s see if anyone notices”: Throwback to the old school Folger’s Crystals ads. They used to replace someone’s standard coffee with Folger’s to see if they’d notice. My friends and I tend to use the expression regarding things such as sanity. It’s funnier that way.

Blaise’s childhood drawing of a little girl with hair in her face in a well and the “poor horses”: If you’ve seen The Ring, you got that one straight away. If not (spoiler) Naomi Watts’ son Aidan draws pictures of Samara, the evil little girl’s death. She was drowned in a well. She also hated horses and drove several to committing suicide. Hence Blaise’s messed up drawings and Harry feeling sorry for the horses. Also, Trelawney‘s “seven days“ comment.

Harry being a closet ABBA fan: *snicker* Like that’s that much of a stretch. Oh please.

Blaise being male: Here we go, the plot point I couldn’t address up front. Male!Blaise! I personally think Zabini’s a male, and thusly he was one to suit my whims. Don’t flame me with “Blaise is a girl blah blah blah.” No one’s said either way you know. Screw you for judging me! J/K But yeah I have a big ole soft spot for the Slytherin, and thought he would be perfect for Harry and Ron’s rampant stupidity. *nod* How’d he do?

And yes I am well aware that I made a couple references to things that supposedly already happened, but haven’t explained. That’s coming soon, I promise. ^_~