And Then He Was Gone

Looking Forward

"Your eyes are placed in front because it is better to look ahead than back."

"If we don't want to look upon the future with apprehension, then why look on the past with regret?"

~Ashley LeeAnn Fredrick

Draco Malfoy paced his study, whiskey bottle clasped tightly in his hand. His sleek blonde hair hung loosely, framing his scornful face. Draco Malfoy was considered handsome by even the blind, and devilishly so by the desperate. But when he looked in a mirror he wanted nothing more than for it to break. To show him that though he may be smug on the outside, but on the inside he was broken. Of course, he would have to have a heart to be heartbroken.

Furious at himself he threw the nearly empty bottle into the flames and sat down in his black leather armchair. He too remembered the night he had disappeared. It was the last thing he saw when he closed his eyes at night and the first thing he thought about when he opened them. That was, if he slept at all that night.

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"Don't run, please. Don't give up yet!" she yelled, clinging to him. He looked down into her face; covered with dirt and blood, absent of the usual make-up. But she still looked beautiful to him. He reached out and tucked her blonde hair behind her ear.

"I have to, for the good of everyone," he said, rubbing her hair beneath his fingers. "I don't care if I'm not Potter, if I can't take that bastard down then I'll go down fighting." I realize now, he thought, that I can't have you, Pansy Parkinson. I can't be hero Potter for you, but I will always consider you mine.

"Please, don't leave me alone!" she pleaded. Alone, he scoffed inside his head, you won't be alone, you'll have Potter. They had put up such a fight so far, but it wasn't going to be for nothing. He had to go, to help save the wizarding world. If the golden boy fell, Draco Malfoy could at least try.

"You'll never be alone," he promised, whispering in her ear. He wanted to kiss her so much. Take her lips in his and savor every bit of them before leaving. But he knew that if he did, somewhere along the way, it would change his mind about leaving. And he had to go; it was just something he had to do. He turned on his heel and walked quickly through the fire that was blocking the way to the freedom. He looked back over his shoulder, but she was already gone, lost in the flames.

By the time he arrived Potter already had Voldemort cornered. Before Draco could go and help, a Death Eater had shot a curse at him casting him into darkness; Potter never even saw him.

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When Malfoy woke up in the muggle hospital outside London he had decided he couldn't go back. He rented an apartment and got a job selling hard-to-get potion ingredients. But, no matter how great off Draco was, he was never happy. Every morning when he woke up and looked in the mirror he knew that some things would never be the same. But that was just the way life was. She had Potter and he thought he had accepted that.

But tonight...tonight Potter had told him that he was in love with the little Weasel. Told him that what happened between him and Pansy was nothing but a mistake. And now, now Draco Malfoy just didn't know what to think. Harry had offered him a job, a way back into the wizarding society. But if he took it...he'd be working beside her. Draco didn't know if he could handle being around her; not after all this time.

Malfoy's aren't supposed to have feelings. But for some reason, Draco couldn't hide from his. He had tried, ever since he started feeling butterflies around Pansy Parkinson. Every time he looked at her he tried to see her ugliness, but she didn't have any, she was beautiful; rare. They had never had anything real, just a few intimate moments here and there. He didn't even know if he meant anything to her.

By the time Draco Malfoy crawled into bed that night there was a beautiful brown hawk sailing across the countryside with a neatly scrawled piece of parchment.

More to this life that living and dying.

More than just trying to make it through the day.

More to this life.

More than these eyes alone can see.

And there's more than this life alone can be.

More than livin' and dying.

More than trying to make it through another day.