My Sweet Prince

My Sweet Prince

I remember his kisses.

Never thought you'd make me perspire.
Never thought I'd do you the same.
Never thought I'd fill with desire.
Never thought I'd feel so ashamed.

To look at him, you would think his lips would be cold and hard and unyielding. And maybe to a random girl, his kisses were like that. Nothing behind it, just a desire to get it over with. To prove something.

Not with me. When we kissed, ice was fire, fire was ice, a paradox, an impossibility. He was warm and loving and when he took me in his arms, the whole world melted away.

It was a slow destruction of my soul to see him during the day in classes. Sneering and snickering with his Slytherin friends, laughing about me. As if nothing had happened. As if nothing had changed. His eyes were an unreadable mass during those times. He wasn’t the same person.

But when we met in the dark, behind curtains and above restrictions, it was like another universe had sprung up in a moment. A universe where contradictions were accepted, where blonde and black are the same, where good and evil can love.

Me and the dragon can chase all the pain away.
So before I end my day, remember…
My sweet prince, you are the one
My sweet prince
you are the one

Nobody knew, of course. It would be the scandal of the century - Harry Potter with a Death Eater’s son! They wouldn’t understand. No one would have understood. Our relationship was something so instinctive, so needed, it was as if no other way could have been accepted.

We both had our demons, Draco and I. He had a life of torment, his father always pressuring him to give himself over to Voldemort. I was the one who was supposed to stand up to that very monster and kill him on my own.

But with each other, none of that mattered anymore. It was just us.

Without him, I was nothing.

Never thought I'd have to retire
Never thought I'd have to abstain
Never thought all this could backfire
Close up the hole in my vein

It was all found out.

Lucius Malfoy, the devil incarnate in my opinion, had spies planted all over the school. One night we were talking in the Astronomy Tower - about what, I don’t even remember now - and I saw a shadow flying past the door.

The next day, Lucius came to Hogwarts.

It was Potions class. Snape had assigned us some difficult new project, which I was puzzling over with Ron, all the while sneaking glances at Draco at the table next to us. He looked so beautiful in that moment, his hair falling over his face like a pure waterfall of gold…

Lucius came in, face pink with anger, his hair in disarray. I remember Draco’s eyes at that very moment of recognition - unadulterated terror. The elder Malfoy had backhanded the gaping Snape viciously, so that the Potions teacher fell to the ground.

Without a word, he grabbed Draco by the arm, and dragged his limp son out of the room.

Nausea gripped me like a bolt of quick lightning, and the room spun. I didn’t even wait for the dizziness to go away before I ran after my love, Ron and Hermione’s voices calling out after me.

I finally found the room they were in. There was a ward around it, but no silencer.

I remember his screams.

Me and my valuable friend
can fix all the pain away
So before I end my day
remember
My sweet prince
you are the one
My sweet prince
you are the one

We didn’t let that stop us. We still met in secret, though not every night anymore. Whenever we could sneak away in the wee hours of the morning, using spell after spell to hide, we would meet.

We often became too tired to do anything but talk. There was a definite strain over our relationship now. Draco was terrified of what his father could do to him. I felt that Hermione and Ron were becoming suspicious. If we were found out, it would all be over.

Yet I was willing to go through whatever we had to just so we could be together. I felt it was a definite cause worth fighting for.

And then it came.

Never thought I'd get any higher
Never thought you'd fuck with my brain
Never thought all this could expire
Never thought you'd go break the chain

"I can’t do this anymore, Harry."

The words had struck me a blow deep in my soul.

"But- but you’re the one who said our love could get us through this. We can help each other get through this!"

Crystal tears had been welling up in my eyes, blurring my vision. My heart cried out in fear.

The expression on Draco’s face hardened. I recognized it. It was the shield that he put up when he didn’t want to show his true emotions, whatever they might be. With a look of determination, he rolled up his left sleeve, and held his arm out for me to see.

I stumbled backwards and fell down on my knees. No…he couldn’t have…

"There, Potter." Potter. "You see? I…succumbed, I gave in." Each sarcastic word was a cold knife through me. "They were right all along. It’s the best thing to do, the best side to take. I’m with the Dark Lord now, and I can’t play these frivolous games anymore. I have no time for experiments any longer."

Games…experiments…

"I love you, Draco!" I gasped in despair.

"Yes," he said idly, waving a hand as if to brush me off. "I know you do."

Nononono…the mantra ran through my mind. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t be.

"Don’t leave me!" I whispered softly. My desperate words were met with a hollow laugh and biting words.

"Like I was ever really with you."

The boy whom I had once thought was my angel swept out the door without a look back, leaving me sobbing in a heap in the middle of the empty room.

Me and you baby,
still flush all the pain away
So before I end my day
remember

The cold silver metal felt like heaven in my hands.

I slowly traced the outline of the gun with two fingers. It was truly a beautiful object, one of Vernon’s favorite things. I had filched it last summer, kept it in my trunk in case there was something magic couldn’t protect against.

Magic couldn’t protect against heartbreak. But pure violence surely could, a pull of the trigger and it would all be over. Finally over.

I found him reading outside of the bookstore of Hogsmeade. Seeing him there, alone, for the first time in the month since our breakup, was an odd feeling. I thought it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. It felt now like it would be the easiest.

I calmly walked over and stood in front of him. It took the boy a moment to notice me, but when he finally looked up and caught my eye, a range of emotions fleeted over his beautiful face. Shock, guilt, terror, and finally that familiar nothingness.

"What do you want, Potter? Another go?" His face spread into a cold smile which didn’t reach his eyes.

I smiled back, took the gun out of my robe, and pointed the barrel at him.

His eyes widened, but he stayed calm.

"You can’t do it. You can’t kill me," Draco stated with surprising arrogance. He stood up slowly, and I kept the gun aimed straight.

"Put the gun down, Harry. Put it down and I’ll make sure you won’t get in trouble." I laughed sharply. Did he really think I cared what happened to me anymore?

People were starting to gather around, and I saw many wands being pulled out.

"Don’t you try anything," I called out to the crowd, my eyes still locked with Draco’s. "I could pull this trigger before you could say ‘stupefy’."

Silence fell.

Draco tried again. "If you try anything-" I clicked the safety off. He had obviously known a bit about guns, for he shut his mouth and started to look nervous.

"You killed me that night," I whispered, so only he could hear. "Every night you kill me with the pain…I’m just returning the favor."

Draco took a deep breath, not looking contrite at all, but condescending. "Harry, please-"

I pulled the trigger.

His body fell back as if in slow motion.

Red and yellow are so beautiful together. Blood in gold hair is even more so.

I drop the gun to the ground.

The pain is gone.

My sweet prince
you are the one.