Pass the Snog

The wheels in Hermione's mind were turning. Panic was the key thing to avoid. She had half an hour to get rid of the snog. It could be done if she remained calm and formulated a plan. She thought vaguely there might be a book in the library on the fastest way of getting rid of Snogs, but she shook off that idea. No time for the library. It was a simple matter of snogging. A simple matter. Simple matter. She kept telling herself that over and over again. She had to remind herself to keep a cool head, and that surely someone as smart as her wouldn't have any trouble with a SIMPLE MATTER OF SNOGGING.

Harry and Neville had already been snogged, she observed. So they weren't fair game. She decided on snogging Ron. They were good friends, after all, and he was right there. It should be quite painless. Right?

"Ron, could you come here a moment?" Hermione asked. She found that her voice was shaking. Now why was that? She wondered in awe. Surely there was nothing about *Ron* that would make her feel nervous?

The three boys stopped walking. Ron turned and walked to Hermione. "What is it?" he asked, brow raised. "What's the matter?"

She herself blush. Blush?! Now why on earth was she blushing? It was only Ron... only a SIMPLE matter of snogging, right? "Er... well... I need to ask a favor." A drop of sweat accumulated on her forehead. Now that was just not normal!

"Yeah?"

There was impatience to his voice. Bloody boy. Didn't he know this things took time? Or wait-- did they take time? Were simple matters so difficult to express? Hermione began to think snogging Ron wasn't quite so simple a matter. "You see... I've got this... this..." Spit it out, Mione! "I've got to go." She barely finished speaking before taking off down the hall and around the corner.

"Now you've gone and upset her," said Harry.

"Me?" said Ron, jaw dropped. "What did I do?"

"I'm not sure, but you better go after he and find out what."

Ron shrugged and sighed. "Well, I guess someone's got to go after her." He observed Harry and Neville skeptically for a moment. He leaned in to Neville and said in a somewhat quieter voice, "Watch yourself, Neville. You might not want to get to close to Harry, if you know what I mean."

Harry fumed. "I told you before, I am not gay! Colin kissed me!"

"Sure... I'd better get after Hermione now." Ron took off in the same direction Hermione, as Neville inched slowly away from Harry.

Ron turned the corner, looking for Hermione. For a moment he thought she was long gone, when suddenly he saw a flicker of bushy brown hair going through a door. He caught up, and saw that she had gone inside the girls bathroom.

"Great," Ron thought aloud. "What am I supposed to do now?" He scratched his head. He pressed his ear against the door and listened. He heard people talking inside, followed by a wretched moaning sound. Was Hermione crying? Now Ron was really confused. He listened harder... No, it wasn't Hermione's cries he heard. It was Moaning Myrtle. He stepped back from the door and inspected it.

"Oh yeah..." he said. "This is Moaning Myrtle's bathroom." Knowing that no girls would be in there, he pushed open the door. "Bloody hell..." He immediately thought he might be scarred for life after what he witnessed in that bathroom.

It was hard to tell, because of Myrtle's translucent-ness, but it appeared as though she and Hermione were snogging. The brunette's tongue wiggled about like a pink serpent, seemingly in midair, as the blue-gray ghost hovered around her and giggled.

Ron fainted.

"Oh, dear!" said Hermione when she heard the heavy thud. She ran over to Ron, who was now soaking wet from lying on Myrtle's ever-flooded floor. Myrtle flew around the room, pointing at Ron and cackling madly. "Ron, are you okay?" She pulled out her wand from the folds of her robe, swished it about, and recited a minor spell.

Ron stirred slowly, looking about the room. He discovered the his head was in Hermione's lap and he blushed slightly.

"Ron, what happened?" asked Hermione in a worried tone. "Are you all right?"

"Well, I just thought I saw you..." Ron began. Then it all came back him. "I saw you kissing Moaning Myrtle!"

Hermione shifted uncomfortably, while Myrtle only laughed harder.

"What's the matter, Ronnikins?" Myrtle teased. "You're not into that scene?"

"Myrtle!" snapped Hermione. She turned to the bewildered Ron. "I know it looks a little odd, but I had to snog her... You see..."

"Ugh!" said Ron. "How could you do that?"

"I had the bloody Snog, Ron! I had to pass it."

Ron scratched his head. "No, I mean, literally, how could you do it? Is that even physically possible?"

Myrtle grinned. "Like to find out, would you?" Without a moment's pause, the ghost had dove upon him. As her plasma-like lips touched his, Ron felt a bone-chilling cold shoot through every inch of his skin. He felt dizzy and light-headed, as if someone had enclosed him in a cube of ice, and thought he just might faint again.

Myrtle was utterly pleased with herself as she broke away. "Pass the Snog Day is the best thing to happen to this school in years!" she proclaimed, happily floating away to the U-bend.

"Er... Ron, you all right?" asked Hermione.

Ron was horrorstruck. "I'm scarred, I tell you. For life. I thought Neville had it bad when he snogged Snape, but that was ungodly." Hermione blushed as this comment, and Ron's wheels began to turn. "Wait a minute. Hermione, how did YOU get the Snog?" Hermione blushed harder and did not reply. "Hermione! Did you... you snogged Snape, didn't you?!"

"Er... well... no comment."

Ron sat up, removing his head from Hermione's lap. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"You can use my toilet!" Moaning Myrtle called out.

"Shut up!" Ron shook his head. "Honestly, Hermione! This is the stupidest thing you've ever done! Are you out of your bloody mind! And let's not forget all the things he's done to us over the years... how could you do that to our friendship..."

Hermione smirked. "What exactly have I done to our friendship, Ron?"

It was Ron's turn to blush. "Now, see here, that is NOT what I meant!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really! And don't try to change the subject! This is just horrible. You've insulted your two best friends by kissing that slimy git, and furthermore--" Ron froze, stopped speaking, and blushed furiously. Hermione had just planted a sticky-sweet kiss on his cheek.

"Come off it, Ron," she said, standing up. "We've got more important things to worry about than who I have or haven't snogged."

Ron was dazed, softly touching the aforementioned cheek. "Huh? Like what?"

"Like finding someone for you to pass the Snog to."