Pass the Snog

If any of the students thought they'd seen Snape at his angriest before, they were wrong. As Neville pulled away, realizing with horror what he'd just done, Snape's face grew scarlet with anger. He looked at Neville with the deadliest of glares; a glare so cold the laughter in the room was immediately silenced.

"FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" he bellowed. "AND DETENTION FOR MR. LONGBOTTOM!"

Neville seemed to frightened to move or speak. He trembled slightly.

Snape looked at the silent, gaping students all around him; his face was still bright red. "Class dimissed. NOW!"

The awestruck students scurried out into the hall. The Slytherins howled with laughter once they were out of the classroom. Neville reddened and trudged slowly behind the rest of the students; Hermione tried to offer him a few comforting words.

"I don't know what made me do it!" he said, almost to tears. "All I could think of was how I'd never get rid of the Snog..."

"It's all right, Neville," Hermione cooed. "Everyone will forget about it by tomorrow."

"Everyone except for Neville," said Ron. His face was twisted in confusion between disgust and amusement. "He'll need years of therapy to recover from that one." Hermione shot him a be-sensitive-and-shut-your-hole look. He changed the subject. "Well, at least it's gotten us out of class early. We've got some spare time before lunch. What should we do?"

"Let's go for a walk around the lake," suggested Harry. He figured some fresh air would do Neville some good after the horrific ordeal he'd just been through.

"Oh, wait," said Hermione with a frown. "I've left my book bag in the classroom. Wait right here, it will only take me a moment."

"Watch out for Snape," said Ron. "He looks about ready to hex the first person that makes a sudden movement."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't exaggerate." However, as she turned to walk down the hall, she held her wand close to her for defense. Just in case.

She walked back down the hall and cautiously opened the dungeon doors. She hoped Professor Snape had slipped off somewhere, so she wouldn't be yelled at. She slipped quickly into the room and straight to her lab table, where her book bag was sitting on the floor underneath it. She turned around, and just as she was walking out of the room she noticed Snape for the first time. He turned around at the same time and saw Hermione, whom he'd not heard come in. They both jumped.

"You would do well not to sneak up on a teacher, Miss Granger," he hissed evilly. He was walking frantically about around his desk; pulling books out of shelves, flipping through pages, digging through cabinets.

"Sorry, Professor," she said. "I just had to come back to--" She paused, watching his flurry of peculiar behavior. "Er, what are you doing, Professor?"

"It's no concern of yours, Miss Granger. Now leave my classroom as I previously instructed or I will be forced to take points from Gryffindor."

Hermione, of course, wanted nothing more than to leave as hastily as possible, but she found herself unable to move just then. Professor Snape kept moving nervously about; his hands seemed to be shaking. Hermione had never seen him act so strange. It took all her strength to prevent herself from giggling. Professor Snape, it seemed, was freaking out.

Suddenly, his shaking hands knocked over a glass of green liquid, which exploded upon impact with the ground. Hermione laughed.

Snape shot her a look. "It's not funny!" he said, sounding very much like a child. He wiped his sweaty brow and continued what seemed to be rushed potion-making.

"What are you making, Professor Snape?"

Snape sneered at her. He really wished she would just leave, but he also acknowledged that Hermione was a clever student. Perhaps she could shed some light on his dilemma if he explained it to her. "If it will satisfy your typical Gryffindor nosiness, Miss Granger, I shall tell you. I'm creating an antidote for the Snogging Spell."

More giggles on Hermione's part, though they were silenced upon the icy gaze of Professor Snape. "Wouldn't it be easier just to go Snog someone and make it their problem?"

"Absolutely not! I will not fall victim to this ridiculous tradition and embarass myself by passing the Snog. I've already suffered enough to give me serious mental damage, thank you."

Hermione was almost beside herself with amusement and curiosity. She, nor anyone else for that matter, had seen Professor Snape act this way. The fact that he ever felt "embarassed" was a revelation. Had she been more submissive to her evil side, she would have plotted some way to take exploit his vulnerability. However, Hermione always tended to give in to her sympathetic side.

"Oh, come now," she said. She tried to take the vials from his hands; he gripped them tightly. "This is silly, Professor Snape. If there were an antitode to be found someone would have found it ages ago. This is a very old tradition."

"Well, thank you for that information, Miss Know-It-All Granger, but I don't think you give me nearly enough credit," he spat, tugging at the ingredients Hermione was trying to take from him. "I'll be forced to give you detention if you do not unhand my ingredients."

"It's just not worth it to go through all this trouble, Professor. Even you couldn't find the antidote in only half an hour. Now step away from the potion ingredients."

"I most certainly will not."

Hermione gave him the eye. "Yes, you will."

"No, I won't." They were both very stubborn indeed.

"Will too."

"Will not."

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"WILL TOO!"

"WILL NOT!"

"WILL T--"

And suddenly, they were snogging.

Snogging ALOT, in fact. Hands wandered along robes and tongues squirmed inside mouths. They found themselves losing balance as they snogged madly, and leaned against Professor Snape's desk. There attention shifted only when another bottle was shoved off, causing an explosion of blue light.

They pulled away sharply, both blushing like raddishes and eyes about as wide as Muggle hubcaps.

"Hmmmm," said Professor Snape in a shaky voice. "Let's not... mention this. Ever."

Hermione nodded furiously. "Right then. Never happened." They stood awkwardly for a moment. "I'd better get going. And, you know, never speak of this again."

Snape nodded. "Indeed."

She turned abruptly and hurriedly exited. Snape eased slowly into his chair, propping his legs up on his desk. Sitting in such a position, it was easily *visible* through his robes just how much he had enjoyed that Snog. "Thank god she didn't see that," he muttered to himself. He exhaled heavily. "I've half a mind to perform a Confundus charm on myself... First Longbottom and then Granger. The madness of it is... well, mad. And now I'm even talking to myself! The git who reawakened this tradition ought to be hung up by his--"

The door of the dungeon swung open and Hermione came flitting in. Snape tried frantically to reposition himself, wanting desperately to hide his erection from view. He fell on his ass.

"Forgot my book bag," she said. She picked it up from beside Snape's desk and hurried back out as quick as she had come.

She met up with Ron, Neville, and Harry in the hallway, still feeling a little shaken.

Ron let out an exasperated sigh. "Finally," he said. "How long could it possibly take to get a bookbag?"

"I have no idea what you are implying!" she shrieked, eyes wide with fear. The three boys stared at her.

"Are you feeling okay, Hermione?" asked Harry.

"I'm fine. What's with the third degree?" They continued to stare.

"Well, you're acting rather nervous..."

"Just back off!" She paused, beginning to sweat under their curious stares. It's... Er, girl problems. Yeah, girl problems."

That seemed to be quite enough to hush the three boys up, and she let out a sigh of relief as the matter was dropped.