Owlery

It was in the middle of a sunny afternoon up in the tower where all the owls stayed. So many different kinds of owls were here. Snowy, tawny, big, small, fat, thin, all kinds. Some of these owls belonged to the school and the rest belonged to some of the students at Hogwarts.

At times, the owls slept peacefully in the afternoons when they weren't out making a delivery. But at this instant, they were startled awake by a tiny, over-enthusiastic, grey owl coming in from the open window.

"YAHOOOO!!!!!", cried the tiny owl. "Another smashing job well done by Pigwidgeon! The crowd applauds and all the women scream in adoration!! Pig-gy! Pig-gy! Pig-gy! Pig-gy!", yelled the little sun-of-a-gun as he zoomed around the tower in a dizzying spiral.

This amount of enthusiasm and accomplishment for a job well done is encouraged throughout the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry, however, not in the owlery.

A rather annoyed beefy brown owl eyed him with replusiveness and ended up losing his balance and fell off his perch and onto the floor with a loud thud. "That ruddy owl!!", he yelled. "Why doesn't his owner stop sharing Pig his sweets?? All that sugar in that owl's system is driving me nutters!".

Pig's commotion is quite a common occurance in the owlery. In fact, it usually spawns the game of Owl Quidditch where all the owls try to catch him. In this version of the game, everyone's the chaser, everyone's the keeper, everyone's the beater, everyone's the seeker, and Pig is the snitch. 10 points to the team who hurls the snitch against the wall, 50 if the snitch is thrown back out the window. The game ends and 150 points is achieved once the snitch is knocked unconscious giving the rest of the owls peace and quiet for the time being.

Owl Quidditch is a lot harder to play than the wizard version. At most times, Pig is too fast for the other owls to catch.

"Zoom! Zoom! Zoom! Zooooooom I go!", the whipper-snapper cheered in ecstacy.

The beefy brown owl, got up off the floor, spread his wings, and began to chase Pig. "Ten points...", he said with a bit of determination and a bit of vengance. Just then, a large, black owl with enormous yellow eyes swooped down in front of him and swung at Pig. He missed. Pig continued zooming in celebration in the opposite direction. He was completely oblivious to the other owls.

Three more were circling the snitch and devised a plan where one would be in front of Pig, the other behind, and the last come up from underneath. Pig punched the air and cried, "I TOTALLY ROCK! WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!" and made a sudden dash upwards causing all 3 owls to crash into each other. They fell towards the ground at an angle, knocking a few owls off their perches, and finally reaching the floor with thuds of their own.

Still oblivious, Pig did a somersault in the air and--WAP! Hedwig, a large snowy white owl, with lots of dignity, walloped him between her wings. She was clearly not in the mood for Owl Quidditch today.

While Pig, now cross-eyed, saw stars as he momentarily hovered in the air, Hedwig apologized. "Sorry to do that, but you're a pain in the butt and I really need to sleep for I'll be delivering a huge package for Harry's godfather tonight. Pig dropped towards the floor just as a ginger cat walked in. Pig bounced off the cat's head and landed on the floor next to him.

An owl swooped down next to Pig and surveyed him a bit. He was the referee. In an official tone of voice, she said to the owls, "150 points goes to Hedwig for catching the snitch and knocking him out". The owls cheered.

"Pig's still causing a ruckus, I see", said Crookshanks.

Flying back to her perch, Hedwig said to the cat, "Feel free to eat him".

"I'd love to but his owner would give me such a kick in the rear", Crookshanks replied. "And quite frankly, I'm tired of that". He gave the unconscious Pig a kick himself. Crookshanks preferred to play Feline Football.

"What are you doing here, Crookshanks?", asked the referee owl with a smile, "this is no place for a cat".

"I'm trying to hide from Mrs. Norris"

"She still wants you, eh?"

"Yes, and it's all Fred and George's fault!", said Crookshanks angrily as the other owls chuckled. He took a few steps over to Pig. "Them and their stupid cat love potion! Everytime she's near me, the twins start narrating a nature documentary!". He gave Pig another kick. "I don't know why they want to open up a pet supplies department in their joke shop. It's bad enough I tried to gobble up Neville when they turned him into a canary! ...How embarrassing!"

Fortunately for Pig, all this kicking was not causing him any harm. Instead, he was dreaming that he was carried on his back by loads of fans cheering him for his job well done.

Crookshanks put on an owl costume and climbed onto a perch next to a mean-looking brown owl.

"What in the world do you think you're doing?", said the owl scowling at Crookshanks.

"Shhhh! I'm in disguise", he replied. Crookshanks pretended to sleep as Mrs. Norris walked in.

"Yoo-hoo! Shanksy! Where are youuuuu? I know you're in here!", said the lovestruck feline. The owls had trouble stifling their laugh. Mrs. Norris was terribly out of character and Crookshanks was fake-snoring in the most un-owl-like way.

The mean-looking brown owl pushed Crookshanks off his perch and said, "Here he is hotlips. He's all yours".

The cat-in-owl's-clothing fell to the floor (on all four feet, of course) right in front of Mrs. Norris. "AAAAAUUGGHHH!", jumped Crookshanks out of his costume and ran out the door in a flash.

Mrs. Norris turned to the mean brown owl and said, "Isn't he cute playing hard-to-get?", and happily strolled out the door in Crookshank's direction.

Again, the owls burst into laughter and momentarily quieted down to hear the familiar Weasley Twins' narration as Crookshanks tried to hide in a suit of armour. Then the crashes and bangs of metal on the floor was heard as apparently, Mrs. Norris got herself into the suit of armour herself.

All the owls in the Owlery laughed and Pig came out of unconsiousness as Fred and George walked in. Pig's eyes lit up and the Owls gasped and braced themselves.

"Another delivery! Oh boy! oh boy! ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy!", piped the pipsqueak.

"So that's what happens when you put triple the required potion in cat food", laughed Fred. "Next time we'll quadrouple it. Now, which owl should we use to mail this fake dragon poop to Percy?". Pig was dancing on the spot in mid-air, waving his wings as if to say "Pick me! Pick me!".

"Oh pick me! Pick me! Pleasepleasepleaseplease pick me!", he begged and pleaded with so much excitement.

"Why is Ron's owl the only one eager to deliver our packages?", George thought outloud as he tried to grab the little one's leg. "Will you come here already?? If you want to deliver this package, you have to hold still so I can tie it to your leg!". Pig finally calmed down enough to let George tie his leg.

"Oh I can't wait! I can't wait! Yes! Yes! Yes! A delivery!"

"It's a good thing us owls don't drink coffee", an owl near the top of the tower said to his neighbour.

"I am certainly not going to get any sleep, am I?", Hedwig said to herself.

George walked over to the window with Pig and his package tied to his leg.

"Are you sure it's wrapped snuggly?", Fred asked. "Remember what happened last time".

"Yes, that 1 kilogram of newt poop slid off the owl's leg and right onto Fudge's head!"

"Percy lectured us for 3 weeks"

"Conducting 2 tricks at once, even by sheer coincidence, is quite the accomplishment but one must watch out for oneself", Geroge added. He checked to make sure the package was snug and let go of Pig.

Pig was completely beside himself, "Zoom! Zoom! Zoom! YEAH! Here I go! Package to Percy Weasley! I am soooooooooo rocking! Woooohhhooooooooooooooooo!!!", and with a sonic boom, the little grey owl darted towards the horizon and dropped to the ground. The weight was too much for the little bugger but he was determined to fulfill his quest. "I... totally... rock...", he panted as he flapped his wings with all his might. "Must... deliver... package... whooo... hooo... Pig... widgeon... rules".

"Let's go check up on our Excessive Gas potion", Fred said to George as they left the Owlery.

Crookshanks was still trying to run away from Mrs. Norris in the suit of armour which was now bouncing down one of the staircases.

"Oh for heaven's sake!", cried Hedwig. "If I don't deliver the package on time, I'm going to forget I'm a lady and poop inside Fred and George's beds!". All the other owls laughed and in a huff, she continued, "Honestly, what these humans do for fun!". Just when she thought she finally had peace and quiet...

"Croak"

"Oh no, not again", moaned Hedwig.

"Croak"

"Trevor, go back to Neville's dorm, pretty please?", said Hedwig rather impatiently. "I'd eat him if my owner wasn't friends with his".

"Croak"

Harry walked in. He had a puzzled look on his face which meant he came across the suit of armour. He was carrying the aforementioned large package.

"Oh good. And without my adequate sleep", Hedwig said. She got off her perch and flew down to her owner glaring at the window where Pig left and then at Trevor.

"Trevor! What are you doing in here??", Harry said. "I'll take you back to Neville once I send off this package". Giving Hedwig a pat on the head, Harry said to her, "Hi Hedwig".

"Hoot", she replied. Harry tied the package to her leg and off Hedwig went.

"AAAhhhhhh", she thought to herself as she soard in the sky and breathed in fresh air. "This package isn't too heavy. Nice and quiet out here, it is. Very peaceful". She flew in the direction of Hogsmeade, towards a cave in the outskirts.

Soon she was flying over the wizarding town, over the shops, over the houses, past the Shrieking Shack, and finally she spotted the familiar cave.

Meanwhile, not too far away, Pig was quite pleased with himself and engaged in quite the giggle fit.

"Hee! Hee!! Hee!!! Another job well done! I delivered the package straight to Percy Weasley! I did not get lost! I did not delay! I swopped through his window, swooooooooped down right in front of him and dropped the package right on his head! I totally rock AND roll!", he said with an enormous cheer and a whoop. "I sometimes wonder if I'm outdoing myself!", Pig continued absentmindedly flying away from Hogwarts and towards the direction of Hogsmeade.

"This calls for a celebration! Victory laps!", Pig cried and flew full speed in circles.

Meanwhile, in the cave, Sirius was reading The Daily Prophet and Buckbeak was just waking up from a nap.

Unfortunately, Pig never studied physics in school. When he finished his victory laps, his momentum propelled him straight into Hogsmeade, over the shops, over the houses, past the Shrieking Shack, and towards the cave.

But something was blocking the cave's entrance from Pig's view. It was Hedwig. She was preparing for a landing, trying not to aim for Buckbeak's now open and yawning, very large mouth which was facing the cave's enterance. But her effort would go to waste as at that exact moment, Pig crashed right behind her causing the two of them to fly directly into Buckbeak's mouth!

"G-aa?!", Buckbeak gasped. Sirus turned to Buckbeak and noticed the look of shock on his face.

"Is something the matter Buckbeak?", Sirus asked. It looked as though Buckeak was trying to swallow something rather large yet the food was trying to get out of his mouth. Getting up, Sirus walked over to him and said, "I learned this from watching muggles. It's called the 'hyme lick manoover'. It will make you stop choking. Sirus bowed to the hippogriff first as it's what is expected before making any contact with the animal. "Honestly", Sirus thought to himself as he bowed, "we've been in hiding together for months and he still requires this formality". Sirus walked behind Buckbeak, put his arms around him and squeezed as hard as he can.

Both Pig and Hedwig shot out of Buckbeak's mouth and slammed into the opposite wall. When they fell to the ground, Hedwing turned to Pig and made a fist with her right wing. "That's it! I'm going to give you the wallop of a lifetime!"

But her theat didn't seem to have any effect on Pig whatsoever. He seemed very excited about his recent adventure.

Buckbeak was still choking and Sirus squeezed again. This time, the package Hedwig was delivering shot out of his mouth and hit Hedwig in the head just as she was about to wallop Pig, knocking her unconscious. Pig finally quieted down and turned to look at Hedwig. He had a look of serious concern on his little face.

After a moment, he turned to Sirius and Buckbeak. A familiar, enormous smile filled his face. With a whoop in the air, he yelled "150 points to Pig!".