The Everlasting Day

12

Many years have passed since those summer days

Among the fields of barley

See the children run as the sun goes down

Among the fields of gold.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

You can tell the sun in his jealous sky

When we walked in fields of gold.

- 'Fields of Gold', Sting

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Things would have been decidedly difficult for Buckbeak and Sirius if the weather hadn't been as bad as it was during the long flight south to Bodmin Moor. Although it had been unpleasant and they were both thoroughly soaked and miserable by the time they landed, at least there was no risk that they would have been seen by any Muggles. Or any wizards for that matter.

Remus Lupin lived in a rather ramshackle old pub that stood on what used to be one of the main roads across the moor towards the port of Plymouth on the southern coast before the larger A-thirty had been built that had taken most of the traffic further north. The pub had been built some time around seventeen hundred and sixty and had lost most of its regular clientele when the traveller trade had dried up and the repairs had become too expensive to make the building viable any longer. For the next two hundred and twenty years, the building had passed from one disillusioned owner to the next, each successive one even more reluctant to invest any money than the last.

Lupin had bought the dilapidated, whitewashed stone building just a couple of years after leaving Hogwarts for a bargain price from its weary owners who were only too glad to be rid of such a drain on their financial resources. He had fallen in love with the place almost instantly, perhaps because there was something about the once loved, now neglected old building that had spoken to the part of him that understood what it was like to be rejected as a burden - too much trouble and worry for people to be bothered with. He had decided that if he invested some time in restoring the place to something of what it once had been, then maybe his new home might help him find the peace and contentment within himself that he had been denied for far too long. It had made no logical sense to Sirius, James, Peter or even Lupin himself at the time, but he had said that he and the house had a strange sort of kinship - if he could restore the house, then just maybe the house would restore him too. Give him a place of his own...a place he could finally call home.

But apart from all that, the bargain he'd had with the house must have pleased him on a slightly less spiritual level - Lupin had always had terrible difficulties in finding and keeping jobs because of his condition and, consequently, money had been tight for him for a very long time. He had just about been able to afford the purchase price for the pub, but all the repairs must have been carried out very gradually over the period of the past few years. He had stubbornly refused to accept help from Sirius, James and Peter in those early days and had even kept the use of magic to a minimum, gleaning great personal satisfaction and therapy from re-plastering the walls himself, fixing the floorboards, re-thatching the leaky roof and re-setting woodworm riddled timbers.

Over the years, the pub must have come to suit Lupin's purposes well - very few people crossed this way now, other than the occasional rambler, and the building itself stood on the border between the boundaries of a very large farm situated to the south and wild, rugged but very beautiful moorland in all other directions. No doubt, a few Muggle-repelling charms were in place around its walls by now too. He could shift in freedom in a place like that; he could hunt over the moorland and take prey from the farm - in moderation of course - and be in very little danger of ever being discovered. He was safe here from those who would kill him and likewise they were safe from him.

Still, as Sirius tramped over the uneven, rocky ground through knee-deep grass and heathers, he considered that it must be a very lonely existence - one that Lupin, more than anyone else Sirius had ever known, didn't deserve - and Sirius felt deeply for his old friend.

He led Buckbeak around the low, loose-stone wall to the storage shed that used to house the beer barrels years ago, pushed through the rotten wooden door and took him inside. He pulled out a bloodstained bag of an assortment of dead rodents and other small forest animals that Hagrid had given him and put it down in the corner of the slimy, moss covered floor. The strong scent of damp, mould and stale air made his head reel but it didn't seem to matter to Buckbeak, who squawked happily and flapped the cobwebs and dust from the roof timbers with his huge wings.

'Now, you're to stay here until I get back, Beaky, understand?'

Buckbeak had started to eye the bag longingly and made deep, almost growl-type noises deep in his throat before he bowed to Sirius, nudged him affectionately with his beak then folded his long legs beneath him as he sat down.

'Good boy,' Sirius said, patting his feathered head, 'I'll come see you in a little while. And go easy on the food, okay? That's got to last you the trip back too.'

With Buckbeak settled, Sirius made his way across the cobbled courtyard to the front of the building. He unlatched the gate, ducked beneath the low arch trellis with clematis and honeysuckle entwined around it and crunched up the gravel-covered drive that was lined with coltsfoot, rosemary and - more practically - aconite. Sirius stepped up to the heavy studded oak door and rapped hard.

'Just a minute!' Lupin' familiar voice echoed from inside as Sirius listened to the dull clanks of bolts being drawn back before the door swung open. 'Sirius! Oh, I'm so glad to see you again so soon!'

Lupin almost knocked Sirius off his feet as he threw his arms around him. Although Lupin's condition left him far from strong himself, it was testament to the harshness of the regime Sirius had lived in for so long that he had been left even weaker and thinner than his cursed friend.

'Whoa there, Remus!' Sirius laughed, but he hugged him back with equal vigour. 'Anyone would think I hadn't seen you properly for at least, what, twelve years?'

Lupin moved back, grasping his shoulders and holding him at arms length as though to get a better look at him.

'Well, Sirius...my old friend, you're looking much better than you were a few weeks ago. I barely recognised you minus all that hair. And new robes too! Who's been looking after you?'

'Ariadne. She's one in a million. One in a thousand million.'

Lupin's smile slipped ever so slightly and something scuttled across his eyes. 'Ah...And how is she?'

'Good,' Sirius nodded. 'Great, actually. I don't know where I'd have been without her.'

'Well, I'm pleased. I always really liked her, Sirius. I doubt she regards me in quite the same light after the way we parted though,' he added with a deep sigh, lowering his gaze so that Sirius couldn't see the guilt and regret flashing in his eyes. 'Did she wish all kinds of horrible curses on me for the way I behaved towards you after you were...after your arrest?'

'Actually, no,' he replied lightly, brushing over Lupin's awkwardness. 'She told me to give you her love and tell you that she was asking about you.'

Lupin seemed genuinely pleased by that. Of all the Marauders, he had always been the least offensive and most passive; the one least likely to start a quarrel with anyone and let the sun set on a disagreement. Slow to anger and quick to pacify, he had been deeply aggrieved over Sirius' perceived betrayal and bitterly disappointed in his best friend, but at least he had been, to some degree, consoled by the fact that Sirius had at least been punished. Ariadne had been another matter. His falling out with her had been even more of a blow in many ways - he just couldn't understand her continued blind loyalty to Sirius at the expense of everything she had ever held dear, especially when he had believed so completely in Sirius' guilt himself back then.

After Lily and James' deaths, Peter's 'murder' and Sirius' incarceration, Lupin and Ariadne had been the only ones left out of their old gang. It should have brought them closer together, but instead their differing opinions over Sirius' guilt had divided them completely. Both of them had vowed never to speak to the other again; a vow that had left them both poorer for it and had led to twelve angry, lonely years for them both.

'Did she now then? Well, well,' Lupin was saying, shaking his head with a hazy kind of nostalgia drifting over his face. 'I'd really love to see her again. You know, to apologise...catch up. Merlin, it's been a long time.'

'I'm sure she'd love that too,' Sirius smiled. 'It'd be nice for us all to get together again...now that it's just the three of us... After all, I'm a free man now.'

'Yes, I know, I heard! I couldn't believe my own eyes when I picked up The Prophet yesterday. I wish I could have sent an owl to ask you exactly what was happening, but they just don't seem to feel comfortable around me...maybe they can sense the wolf, I don't know. I'm just so pleased that you decided to come down here in person. Tell me, how on earth did you manage to get Malfoy to speak up for you like that?'

'I'll tell you if you invite me in out of this bloody weather,' said Sirius as it started to rain again.

'Oh, yes...of course. Sorry, Sirius...' Lupin stood aside to let him in and closed the door behind him.

Sirius walked ahead through the wide hallway that had once been the bar area and into the den. It was a wonderfully cosy room, although a lot smaller than Ariadne's lounge. A huge fireplace almost took up the entire facing wall, its mantle constructed from the same heavy oak as the timbers lining the ceiling. The walls were roughly plastered and whitewashed, but very little could be seen of them beneath the multitude of charcoal sketches that covered them. They were beautiful - landscapes, still-life studies, portraits of people with featureless faces as well as smaller, annotated sketches of a variety of Dark creatures including hinkypunks, fire crabs, grindylows and what Sirius was fairly sure was a Common Welsh Green dragon.

A battered sofa bleeding bits of foam through its threadbare tweed covering stood at a right angle to the fireplace and opposite it were two matching, equally tatty, wing-backed chairs. A thin, worn rug covered the gleaming wooden floorboards in front of the hearth and there was a large bookcase in an alcove behind the sofa stuffed not only with ancient tomes but also bits of rolled up parchment, magazines and cuttings from Muggle newspapers, one of which particularly interested Sirius - 'Beast of Bodmin - Latest in mysterious sightings and farm animal disappearances'. So his old friend hadn't exactly been keeping a low profile again, he thought fondly.

Some of the papers had spilled out across the mahogany desk, one leg of which was propped up on a desiccated, curling, yellowing pile of old Prophets. The top of the desk was equally cluttered with inkbottles in various stages of use, quills, broken bits of charcoal and piles of unused parchment. But above the desk, mounted in an immaculately gilded frame, was a photograph Sirius had almost forgotten about.

The Marauders. How they used to be...the day that Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup...their last year at Hogwarts.

An unbidden, surprising, deep, painful ache crushed Sirius' heart as he wandered over to it and lifted it from the wall, his thin fingers running longingly over the glass.

A much younger, healthier looking version of himself was grinning back at him. Lupin was looking much happier there too, standing beside him, one arm slung around Peter's shoulders, the other around Sirius'. To their side, his broomstick clutched proudly in his hand, stood James. His dark hair was ruffled, just like Harry's; his dark eyes were shining behind his glasses, full of laughter and anticipation of the bright future that he was sure awaited him; his red and gold Quidditch robes were billowing around him in the wind as he waved cheekily at the camera...

How could any of those innocent, happy strangers looking up at him have possibly imagined the way things would have turned out for them all? One of them murdered...one of them imprisoned for life for the crime...one exiled from them all, lost in his own grief and despair...all betrayed by one of their own.

Lily had taken the photograph, Sirius remembered with a painful upsurge of feeling in his throat. She had taken so long to get that picture...trying to get them all to behave. Sirius had kept on casting surreptitious Jelly-Legs jinxes at James every time he struck a pose so that inevitably he ended up wobbling about like a Jack-In-The-Box and causing Lupin and Peter to erupt into howls of laughter. James had tried to retaliate with a Furnunculus jinx, but Sirius skilfully dodged the jet of light that had ended up hitting Peter instead and it was only when Ariadne lifted it that he stopped whimpering about the unfairness of it because he'd left his wand back in the dormitories and couldn't hex them back. In the end, it was only Ariadne standing beside Lily with a threatening wand and the promise of severe Bat-bogey hexes for the lot of them that they stayed still for long enough to have the photograph taken.

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'You'll be glad you had this taken one day,' said Ariadne, trying her best to sound very grave but instead, the forced suppression of the laughter in her voice as James tried to shake off the Jelly-Legs jinx caused her to make the announcement in an extremely squeaky voice that set the whole of them off again until the tears were rolling down their faces. 'You wait! When you've all grown up and you're all off being aurors and Quidditch champions...or layabouts in your case, Sirius...'

'Hey!'

'... you'll be glad you have something to look back on.'

'Oh, put a cork in it, Ari!' Lupin managed to get out through the tears rolling down his face. 'As if you could fire that thing straight anyway!'

'Hey, she told us she couldn't hit the Hogwarts gates if she was standing right in front of them,' said Peter nervously as he tried to edge backwards behind Lupin.

'I wouldn't worry, Peter. She'd have more chance of hitting the Moon before she hits us,' Sirius chuckled, 'but that would come in handy, hey, Moony?'

They all giggled, even Lupin.

'Watch it, Black...else you can go to the graduation ball on your own.'

Sirius blew her a kiss. 'I doubt that, Ari. Do you have any idea how many girls have been begging me to go with them?'

'Pfft,' she snorted dismissively as James held up his thumb and forefinger to form a '0' behind Sirius' back, causing Lily to have a fit of the giggles. 'Do you know how many guys have asked me to go with them?'

Sirius' grin slipped slightly. 'Really? You've...someone else has asked you? Who?' Actually, he looked so crestfallen that she ran over to him, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him.

'Of course not,' she whispered into his ear, 'as if I'd ever really go with anyone else, you stupid great handsome lump, you.'

'Hey, you two, get a room!' Lupin said, shoving Sirius playfully in the back. 'Come on! Else we'll be here all day.'

'Yeah, just take the picture, Lily!' James said through his teeth, afraid to move his lips from the smile they were curled into as Ariadne resumed her position by Lily, her wand still pointed at them. 'This smile is beginning to make my face ache!'

'You make my face ache, Potter!' Lily yelled back to more snorts of laughter from Peter and Lupin.

'That's rather more information about your love life than we needed, thank you,' Sirius said seriously in his rough voice.

'Very funny... You shut it, you! Or I'll tell everyone that you tried to get into the girls' dormitories again last night!' Lily said, but Ariadne was the only one who could see the grin on her face that was hidden from behind the camera.

'Ooo-ooh!!' chimed Lupin, Wormtail and James in unison, staring at Sirius now. 'You devil, Sirius! You kept that quiet!' said James.

Ariadne blushed as Sirius grinned impishly. 'Ah, don't believe a word of it. You stinker, Evans! You just wait...revenge is a dish best served cold, you know.'

'Merlin's beard, that was rather philosophical for you, Sirius,' said Lupin teasingly. 'You haven't actually picked up a book have you?'

'Sports pages of the Prophet,' James added with a wink at Lily.

'All right then, you lot, that's enough!' she said finally, 'I'm starving and there's a feast in there going to waste! Here we go, then! One, two, three... Everyone say... Cheering Charms!'

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Sirius smiled to himself as he put the photograph back up onto the wall. A fuzzy sort of nostalgic warmth had cushioned his heart now. He was still gazing at James, marvelling at how much like his father Harry really was when he felt the tickle of a tear slipping over his face and he wiped it quickly away as he heard Lupin coming back into the room.

'Oh, forgive the mess in here,' Lupin said, rushing past Sirius to gather some of the scattered papers together and punch some of the cushions on the chairs back into shape. 'I don't get visitors...I'm used to pretty much pleasing myself.'

'It's fine, Remus, leave it,' Sirius told him, his voice still a little choked and hoarse as he sat down on the sofa. He cleared his throat and made a show of rubbing his hands over his face as though fighting off fatigue. 'You don't have to do all that on my account. I think this place is great just the way it is. You've done so much to it in the past few years...it must have taken a hell of a lot of work for you to accomplish all this alone. All it needs is a fire in the grate. This bloody weather is terrible for this time of year.'

'Yes, of course,' Lupin sighed with something that was almost relief as he sat in one of the chairs and took out his wand, pointed it at the fire and said, 'Incendio!'

'Ah, that's much better,' Sirius said appreciatively, holding up his fingers that were still frozen from the flight in front of the flames.

'How about some of old Ogden's? That'll warm your blood.'

'Now that's what I've been waiting to hear,' Sirius grinned.

Lupin went to the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a dusty bottle of Ogden's Firewhisky and two crystal glasses. He gave one to Sirius and sat down before uncorking the bottle and splashing generous amounts of the amber liquid into both glasses.

Sirius took a long drink and sighed with satisfaction as the rain finally began to spatter hard against he windows. 'Ah...that's the stuff. Bloody hell, I've missed this, you know. I found a bottle in Ariadne's dresser, but I think it had been open too long. She doesn't usually drink it so it could have been there for years. It's a wonder the Doxies haven't made off with it.'

'Well, this is the best...twenty-one year old single malt,' Lupin said, turning the glass around in his hand and smacking his lips together in appreciation. 'This particular bottle and the glasses were given to me as a gift from a family in Germany a few years ago as a thank-you for getting rid of a particularly vicious boggart for them. I always said it would have to be a special occasion for me to open it and I would never drink it alone. But when an old friend drops in after spending twelve years in prison for something he didn't do, I'd say that pretty much warranted a special occasion, wouldn't you say?'

'Definitely.' A heartbeat later, he added, 'James loved this stuff too...he should be here with us, Remus...I still miss him, you know. It doesn't get any easier, does it?'

'No, it doesn't...' Lupin murmured quietly, '...I miss him too. And Lily. Here's to fallen friends. May the memories of the times we shared never fade from our hearts,' he finished, raising his glass.

'Fallen friends,' Sirius echoed, but it was barely a whisper as he raised his glass too, smiled thinly, and drank.

Silence descended then as they listened to the pop and crackle of the fire for a while, watching the firelight catching the whisky and sparkling in the finely cut crystal, sending tiny rainbows glittering over the sketch-covered walls as they remembered.

'I'm so glad you came, Sirius,' Lupin said a little hoarsely after a time. 'It makes a nice change to have some company and we had so little time to talk at Hogwarts. How've you been managing?'

'Pretty well actually, all things considered,' Sirius said after clearing his throat again, glad to be back on less painful ground. 'The prospect of another winter huddled in caves just didn't seem particularly inviting, especially with poor old Buckbeak in tow. Plus I knew that Harry would be needing me and after that little git, Pettigrew, gave us the slip, I knew I had to do something...I couldn't spend the rest of my life running from the bloody Dementors. I decided to see if Ariadne still felt the same way about me, hoping that she would help me get myself together. Apart from anything else, I had missed her so much...I was desperate to see her again.'

Lupin nodded sympathetically. 'So I take it from your vastly improved appearance and your slightly healthier colour that she had missed you too.'

'Yeah,' Sirius sighed, taking another gulp of Firewhisky and grimacing as it burnt its way down his gullet. 'But I'm beginning to wonder whether I've done the right thing. I've allowed her to do something really stupid...I should have known better and now... I've really stirred things up for her and I feel so bad about it, Remus.'

Lupin leaned forward in his seat, genuine concern furrowing his brow and making his tired, pale face seem even older than his years. 'You want to talk about it?'

Sirius closed his eyes, sighed and nodded. 'I feel so bloody selfish...coming here to offload like this when there's so much time gone by and there are other things that need to be said...things I need to explain...Lily and James' deaths...that night...'

Lupin waved his hand dismissively. 'Forget all that, Sirius. There's plenty of time for us to catch up. The past will wait, the future won't. You need to talk, we'll talk. God knows you've had no one to listen for far too long, my old friend. Go on. Please.'

Sirius raised his head and smiled gratefully. Lupin put him to shame; he had more patience and understanding in his little finger than Sirius had in his entire body. It was such a painful irony that he was a lycanthrope. How such a gentle, kind, thoughtful, intelligent man could have been so cursed was nothing short of the most desperately cruel of injustices. Even more so was the discrimination and prejudice Lupin had had to live with for most of his life. No one could have deserved it less than him.

'You're sure you're ready for all this?'

Lupin smiled encouragingly, the slightest inclination of his head marking his assent.

Sirius sighed heavily and launched into the story about everything that had happened since his escape from Azkaban - everything that he hadn't had a chance to discuss with him at Hogwarts. All the while, Lupin sat there, patiently listening, nodding every now and again, making acknowledging noises and sighing with disbelief and concern when Sirius told him of his recent induction into the Death Eaters and their plans for Snape.

'My god, Sirius, you really know how to get yourself into a corner, don't you?'

'I had been hoping for something more reassuring than that, Remus,' Sirius grimaced as he took another shot of Firewhisky.

'Well, I just don't know what I can say to you. It seems to me that you've already set your feet firmly on the path you intend to walk and there would be very little, if anything, I could say that would detract you from it now.'

'No,' Sirius admitted with another breathy sigh, 'I suppose not. Maybe I was just looking for a bit of reassurance that I'd done the right thing.'

'Well, that, I can help you with,' Lupin smiled understandingly. 'It's far better that you know what Malfoy's lot are up to before they make their presence felt by starting to leave bodies in their wake, isn't it? At least you have a chance to save Snape now. Whether or not you actually want to,' he added, his smile becoming more of a hedonistic grin.

'I couldn't really do anything else, could I? Ariadne thinks so much of him and she really felt it when her family disowned her after I was sent to Azkaban. It's part of the reason why I came to see you alone - to give her time to make things up with him.'

'Oh, so you didn't just come here to see me then? I should have known there was an ulterior motive.'

'Oh, don't you start on me now, Remus,' Sirius said, letting his head loll back on his shoulders in defeat.

Lupin chuckled. 'Old habits die-hard...sorry. What about Snape, anyway? Did he seem anxious to make things up with Ariadne?'

'I think so, yeah. Not that he would ever admit it, of course. Ari said that she was pleased that he seemed to be open to her which was far more than he has ever been before, but she didn't exactly say that he was enthused either. But then, that's Snivellus all over, isn't it? God forbid he should ever show any emotion - someone might mistake him for a human being. But it really hurts me to see her trying so hard with him only to have him behave as though she means little more to him than his damn potions ingredients.'

'But that's who they are, Sirius. It's who they've always been. You know that, you've always known that, I remember you saying the same thing more than thirteen years ago about the way Severus treated her. You must try not to come between them, no matter how you feel. She'll end up resenting you for it in the end. Leave them alone to find their own way.'

'I have,' he protested, 'that's exactly what I've done today.'

'And that's good. You've done the right thing, really you have, even though it probably doesn't feel that way now. What you need to concentrate on is getting yourself and Ariadne through the next few weeks, months, however long it takes, to get the solid evidence you need to shut the Death Eaters down before they shut the pair of you down. Permanently.'

'Yeah. Dumbledore's been telling me the same thing.'

'Well then maybe you should be listening. Dumbledore and I both giving you the same advice...now there's a recommendation,' he smiled indulgently. 'Great minds think alike I suppose.'

'Ahh...damn it...the whole thing just irks me, Remus,' Sirius groaned with frustration, 'risking ourselves to save that bloody pompous, arrogant...'

'Come now, Sirius,' Lupin said tolerantly, 'you don't really think like that.'

'I think he's a pompous, arrogant...'

'That maybe so, but you'd still risk yourself because you know that's the right thing to do.'

Sirius gave a very dog-like growl deep in his throat as he looked at Lupin as though he was seriously considering shifting and taking a chunk out of his leg.

Lupin laughed, reaching for the bottle and topping up his glass. 'I take it that's a "yes".' He offered the Firewhisky to Sirius who poured another generous amount for himself.

'Bloody morals. They're a pain in the arse, aren't they?'

'That they are, my friend,' Lupin agreed, still smiling.

Sirius growled again as he swallowed more Firewhisky and sank deeper into the sofa cushions. He rubbed a hand tiredly over his slightly stubbly face, beginning to feel a little hazy as the alcohol began to take effect.

'You ever get to thinking that maybe things were simpler in the old days?'

'All the time,' Lupin said, sadness threading through his words like pain made manifest. 'But I learned a long time ago not to live in the past. It doesn't get you anywhere.'

Sirius glanced over at his friend, looking at him properly for the first time since he'd arrived. Although he wore a noble attempt at a tolerant, resigned smile, Lupin could never have hidden the clouds that muted his once clear, bright eyes to a washed out, marbleised pale blue. He was much thinner than he used to be and numerous new scars crossed his bony cheeks and forehead, the rawness of them standing in stark contrast to the waxy paleness of his skin. He kept his hair a little longer than it used to be although he still wore it parted in the middle, letting it fall in loose, natural, light brown and grey waves either side of his painfully gaunt face.

His clothes hadn't improved much either since Sirius had last seen him at Hogwarts. His trousers were patched and seemed a little too short for him; his shirt was grubby and yellowed around the collar that lay open, his loosely knotted brown tie hanging slightly to one side. The brown button-through sweater was almost as threadbare around the elbows as his sofa covering and the robes that hung from a hat stand in the corner of the room had been washed from black to stony grey.

'So,' Sirius sighed, trying to keep the edge of pity from his voice that was threatening to rob his friend of the dignity that he still wore as brightly as the day it was made, 'how have you been coping since your resignation? Have you managed to find anything else yet?'

Lupin laughed softly. 'No, I'm afraid that word got around pretty quickly after...' He lowered his head and took a sip more Firewhisky, shrugging sadly. 'You know the way it is for me, Sirius. But I did some freelance work in Eastern Europe and parts of Russia for a while before I accepted the position at Hogwarts - you know, vampire hunting, doxy clearing and the suchlike - so perhaps I'll consider starting that up again. For now though, I'm quite enjoying the break after such a busy year. I've had time to start sketching again.'

'Yes, I can see,' Sirius said, impressed, looking around at the parchment-covered walls. 'These are excellent, Remus. Have you ever considered selling them?'

'Oh good heavens, no. I just use them to pass the time, for my own pleasure. In any case, I can't see many people being interested in buying artwork from a werewolf, can you? It would be a little like buying cakes from a poisoner, wouldn't it?' He laughed a thin, humourless laugh.

'You do yourself a grave injustice with comparisons like that, Remus,' Sirius said seriously, 'and you know how James and I always felt about you running yourself down. Your sketches aren't going to kill anyone. Besides, you don't have to tell anyone who you are. You could send them anonymously, or under an assumed name. No one would ever know. Have the proceeds sent to my vault, or Harry's, or anyone you trust and they can pass them on to you.'

Lupin was holding up his hand and shaking his head right the way through Sirius' entire argument. 'I really don't think so. Stop looking at me like that, Sirius!' he said, an edge of impatience creeping into his voice now. 'Do I look that hard done by?'

'No! No, of course not. I just thought that you should be a bit more confident in your abilities, that's all. I know how much you hate being idle and...well...it must be hard for you with so much prejudice around and...'

'You feel sorry for me, don't you?' Lupin didn't wait for a response. He put the glass down in front of the sofa and got to his feet, bracing his hand on the mantelpiece, staring into the flames. He chuckled humourlessly. 'That's pretty funny, you know. You...everything you've been through, feeling sorry for me.'

'No, of course I don't! I never said anything of the sort, I'm just trying to get you to see...'

'I don't need or want your pity, Sirius,' Lupin said quietly. 'I would never do anything to jeopardise the peace I've found here. It's more than I've had in a very long time. It's my one constant...all I have. Maybe I can't afford the rich furnishings and clothes that you and James always had, but I'm proud of what I have and what I've done with my life. I don't need approval from anyone or awards or recognition or anything else for that matter. I've learned to accept what I am and I'm grateful for the life I've managed to forge for myself...it's so much more than many other lycanthropes have ever had.'

'Look, Remus, I'm not sure what it was exactly that I said or did to offend you, but whatever it was, I can assure you that it was not intended,' Sirius said sincerely, pained to have hurt his friend so. 'I've told you that I think this place is wonderful...it's a damn sight more than I have at the moment. I'm in no position to criticise or pity anyone. I was just trying to help, I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to be insensitive...my communication skills are lousy...I haven't spoken to people in so long...I...'

Sirius' words trailed off into the smoky air as he sighed and closed his eyes briefly, at a loss for anything else to say to repair the damage.

The tension eased just a touch from Lupin's shoulders. 'It's all right,' he sighed, 'I know, Sirius. Maybe I am being a little oversensitive about it. I'm just tired...of the discrimination...constantly feeling on the edge, waiting for someone to discover the truth and just trying to enjoy the moments in between. I know it doesn't seem like much of a life, but it's all I have. It makes me defensive, I suppose.'

'I can understand that, perhaps more than most. I've had my fair share of discrimination too. We've both suffered, Remus...in our own ways.'

Lupin nodded, a wry smile brightening his face as he looked over at his friend.

'Tell me, Sirius, were you planning to stay a while?'

'Well...I don't know,' Sirius stammered, caught off guard by the question, 'I have two or three days spare, I suppose...if that was an invitation. Why?'

'There's a full moon tomorrow night. How would you like going out for a run? Just like old times...there's plenty of moor out there for both of us.'

'Is it safe?' Sirius grinned. 'Only the last time you changed, you nigh-on ripped my throat out.'

'Ah, but that was because you went for me first, from what Hermione told me. Where do you think these new scars across my face came from? Not to mention the lovely six inch gash you left in my shoulder.'

'Six inch?' Sirius laughed incredulously. 'How big do you think my mouth is as a dog? You probably got that from a low-hanging branch in the forest. And if we're comparing battle scars, then what about the two and a half foot one I have down my back from your bloody claws?'

Lupin looked impressed. 'Did I do that at Hogwarts?'

'You certainly did. That, and dislocated my shoulder, knocked out two of my teeth - thank goodness I managed to repair those - not to mention all the other cuts and bruises you left me with.'

'I had other things on my mind that night than taking my potion,' he said guiltily. 'Did I do that to your face too?'

Sirius gingerly touched the newest of the cuts on his face. It still smarted a little, but it was a hundred times better than it had been.

'Well, this particular one, no. Snape gave me that, but Ariadne assures me it won't leave a scar. Hell knows what she put on it - one of her concoctions - but it seemed to work. As for this one...and this one,' Sirius ran a finger along the paler scars either side of his nose, 'they're yours.'

'Oh, I'm sorry, Sirius,' he sighed, shaking his head, genuinely chagrined about the whole embarrassing incident. 'I could have killed you, or Harry, or Ron or Hermione. I feel so...hang on, did you say Snape gave you that?'

'It's all right,' Sirius grinned, 'you should have seen what I did to him.'

'And how on earth did you manage that?'

'Are you casting aspersions on my duelling prowess, Remus?' Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow appraisingly.

Lupin held up his hands in mock submission. 'Heaven forbid.'

Sirius shook his head, laughing again. 'I suppose it was my own fault, although Ariadne had to twist my arm to get me to admit it. He said something about my being more concerned with chasing his sister - let me get the phrasing right, "like a dog in mating season."' Lupin grinned at Sirius' uncanny impression of Snape. 'Bloody arse of a man. He was asking for it.'

'You'll get no arguments on that from me. I always did find it hard to believe that he and Ariadne are related.' Lupin sat back down and reached for his Firewhisky, knocking what was left of it straight down and grimacing with the bracing pain of it. 'All the same, you don't want to go making an enemy of him...anymore than you already have, anyway. Not if you and Ariadne are planning on going somewhere with your relationship.'

'Oh god, Remus...I can't even think about that now. Not with this thing with the Death Eaters hanging over us.'

'Saving her brother's life would put you in good stead though, wouldn't it?'

'I suppose so. Can't see him being very happy about being beholden to me though. Still, it would be good to see the look on his face.'

'Oh, yes, that would be a photo opportunity. I wish I could be there to see it after dear old Severus cost me my job.'

Sirius sighed deeply. 'There I go again, going on about my problems. Oh, I'm sorry, Remus... What happened? What did he do?'

Lupin shrugged, the bones of his close-to fleshless shoulders seeming to hold up the fabric of his shirt like tent supports. 'There's not much more to say, Sirius. Dumbledore gave me a chance...the best chance I was ever likely to have...and I blew it. As I said, I could have killed someone. I shudder to think what might have happened then. You should have seen what they did to one werewolf in a village I came across in Eastern Europe...poor man had been caught after stealing some sheep from one of the farms...that memory will still be haunting me years from now.'

'But you didn't hurt anyone, Remus,' said Sirius insistently, preferring not to think about what Lupin had just told him. He had heard of the fate of many werewolves during the days following Voldemort's defeat when fear of Dark creatures had been at an all time high - 'barbaric' was just one word for it, 'sadistic' would be another. Even after everything he had himself been through, he was still surprised at the capacity of Wizards and Muggles alike for such cruelty. 'That job was made for you. Harry told me how sorry he was about what happened. All the students were so disappointed to see you go.'

Something flared briefly within his eyes, a light so bright that it instantly lifted ten years from Lupin's sallow complexion. 'That's...good to hear. Being back there again was wonderful...felt almost like old times. It did hurt though...sometimes...to see the Willow and the Shack...to remember how we all were back then...good days...before....you know ...' He closed his eyes and sighed before opening them again. 'But I'm still glad to have had the experience of being there again.'

'So am I. You saved both mine and Harry's lives by teaching him the Patronus charm. We wouldn't be having this conversation if it hadn't been for you, Remus. I will forever be in your debt. We both will.'

'I just did what I believed James would have wanted me to do,' Lupin said dismissively. 'Besides, Harry can be quite persuasive...and persistent. I really like him, you know. He's more like James than he will ever know.'

'That, he is. I wish I could have been there for him these past few years,' Sirius said sadly, shaking his head. 'He's why I started all this in the first place. After everything that poor kid's had to deal with already, I just thought that he really deserves some stability in his life. I want him to have a home that he knows will always be there for him; I want him to have people around who love him, people he can talk to, people who will support and protect him. He needs that...James would have wanted that for him...and Merlin only knows that I can't do anything else for him and Lily now.'

'And I can't think of anyone else better to give him all that than you,' Lupin smiled kindly. 'And Ariadne?'

Sirius looked up at the unexpected inflection on Ariadne's name. 'What do you mean?'

'How does she feel?'

'About Harry, you mean?'

Lupin nodded.

'Oh, you know her, Remus...generous and compassionate to a fault. She feels exactly the same as I do. She already sees us as a family...' he added quietly.

'And that frightens you, does it?'

'No...not at all.'

'Good. Because right there, you've found your motivation and the courage you need to see this through, no matter how much Snape might bait you or how much you despise him. You don't need me to advise you, Sirius,' Lupin added with a kind, knowing smile. 'You have something worth fighting for now, something more than you've ever had before. You know, in many ways, I envy you. Not for the time in Azkaban - never for that - but for being so lucky to have found someone who cares for you enough to look past all the obstacles that have been thrown in both your paths. There's not much that a man wouldn't do to find that kind of love,' Lupin added quietly, avoiding Sirius' eyes. 'You should do all you can to hold on to it...it's a rare thing, my friend...'

Sirius blinked slowly, shifting his gaze back to what little whisky was left in the glass. Something in Lupin's words, spoken with such gentle sincerity and personal pain, touched him deeply, moving him close to tears as he thought of Ariadne's face as she had reassured him that she wanted nothing more from him for now than his company. She deserved more than what he had given her...her eyes should have told him, even though her words had belied the truth within them.

'Maybe I'm frightened,' he muttered quietly.

'Of what?'

'Ending up like Lily and James. Putting Harry through more loss and grief...more than a young kid like that should ever have to face. And losing Ariadne...I've managed the past few years...I've had to. But if anything happened to her...if they take me again...I'd just die. I couldn't take that kind of pain again, Remus...not this time...not again.'

'I understand, my friend,' Lupin said compassionately, 'but you can't allow fear to prevent you from living your life. It will paralyse you if you let it. See Ariadne as a strength instead of a potential weakness and you'll be able to protect her, and Harry, better than you ever thought you could.'

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. When he eventually opened them, he saw the concern and understanding etched into Lupin's pale, drawn face; but also a fortitude that was altogether steelier, stronger and more resolute than Sirius had ever thought him capable of possessing beneath such a calm veneer.

'I want you to promise me something, Remus.'

'Anything, Sirius.'

'I want you to promise me that should anything happen to me, you will take care of Ariadne and Harry in my stead.'

'Sirius, I...'

'If I know that no matter what happens, they'll be all right, I'll be able to pull this off. I need to know. There's no one else I would trust but you. James would have wanted it too.'

Lupin exhaled slowly and nodded. 'You know I would, Sirius. You don't need to ask.'

Sirius felt a slight release in the knot that had been twisting within his stomach. Something had lifted from his heart and somehow, he really did feel that little bit stronger and more settled about the path he had chosen than he had before.

'Would you come back with me?'

'Back, where? To Hogwarts?'

'To Ariadne's. After they've made the potion, I'll be taking Snape to the meeting place. I don't want Ariadne involved anymore. Would you stay with her?'

'Oh, Sirius, I don't know if that would be a good idea,' he stammered, taken aback by the sudden unexpectedness of the request. Evidently, some old wounds were taking longer to heal than Sirius had anticipated. 'It's almost the full moon, as I told you and...'

'She lives in the middle of a forest, Remus. You'd be fine there. She could make up the potion for you, if you're worried. Anyway, you said yourself full moon is tomorrow and, with luck, I'll be back well before the next one so you don't even have to worry about that. Stop making excuses to avoid her,' he grinned shrewdly. 'Come on, Remus...please. It would mean so much to me.'

Lupin glanced around at his living room as though casting around for something, anything, that could give him a legitimate reason for refusing such a heartfelt request. Perhaps he already knew that there wasn't one, at least not one that he could honestly have been able to live with, or perhaps he had already made up his mind. Whatever the reason, he hesitated for only a few seconds before replying.

'All right, Sirius,' he smiled, glad to see the relief on his friend's face as his eyes pre-empted his answer. 'But after tomorrow night. Until then, you'll stay?'

'Nothing would please me more,' Sirius grinned gratefully.

'Good,' Lupin said, reflecting the warmth of Sirius' smile. 'It will be good for Moony and Padfoot to run together again...if even for just a short while.'

Sirius nodded, raising his glass with his old friend as they finished the Firewhisky and relaxed comfortably into the armchairs, content with each other's company as they watched the fire pop and crackle in the grate.