The Embittering of Severus Snape

The prefects' bathroom was enormous. Muriel looked around, impressed. It was nearly curfew, but she couldn't sleep, and the Hufflepuff prefect had mentioned the veritable swimming pool in here after the last meeting. Mur had decided to give it a try. She needed some time to think.

She peeled off her robes. It was a co-ed bathroom, so she'd brought along a tee-shirt and shorts borrowed from Vanessa. She herself didn't own any Muggle clothes, except her blue jeans. On the wall behind the tub was a picture of a mermaid, who snickered at her clothes while she tried out the many taps surrounding the tub.

Muriel was in no mood to be laughed at. She turned to the picture. One tap still spouted bubbles that bounced off the surface of the water. "What are you supposed to be, exactly?" she asked the image scathingly.

"I'm a mermaid, stupid," the blond haired, fish tailed beauty answered.

"You are not! I've seen merpeople in the lake behind my house and you don't look anything like them. You're a siren, aren't you?!" The picture blinked at her angrily.

"So what if I am?"

"So sing something." Muriel threw herself backward in the water as the tub filled up and swam a few strokes. That Hufflepuff girl was right, this was a really nice bathroom. The siren started singing and Mur dove under the water. It sounded a lot better from under there, though it wasn't nearly as bad as the true merpeople's voices above water.

She tried out all the taps, then left on any that had purple bubbles. And several did. After nearly a month of silence, Severus had apologized for leaving her alone in the Slytherin dungeons, and it looked like he was still going to take her out for Valentine's Day next weekend. But he never, ever mentioned Remus.

Mur had noticed that Remus and Sirius never walked together to class, or sat together at meals, and she was pretty sure that this was because Black had never apologized. Several times she had wondered how she could help Remus understand that it just wasn't in his nature to do so. James and Peter had been spending extra time with Remus, but he still seemed lonely. Oddly enough they were all so caught up with their own problem that they hadn't bothered to hex her for weeks, which was very relaxing. Potter hadn't laid off Sev any, though. If anything, their pranks on him had only gotten worse. Severus and James had both gone to Madam Pomfrey just last Tuesday with gashes in their arms from a spell Severus should never have used. Now Potter knew the spell too, and he'd thrown it back at Sev before he quite realized what it did. They'd both had detention for a week.

She was startled out of her thoughts by the opening of the bathroom door. Lily appeared, looking harried. She stopped short when she saw Muriel already using the tub.

"Sorry!" she said, turning to go.

"It's alright, there's room for two," Mur said quickly. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. Lily grinned and shrugged out of her robe. She had a brightly colored set of underwear on and Muriel looked away quickly.

"It's a Muggle bathing suit," Lily explained, easing into the water. "People see me in it all summer long." Muriel smiled a little.

"And you don't mind that your boobs hang out like that?" Though they were only 15, Lily was already filling out nicely, and her bathing suit was designed to make the most of it.

"Actually, the trick in buying a bathing suit is to make sure that they DO hang out like this." Both girls laughed.

They swam for a while, splashing and laughing. "How are the boys? They've stopped hexing me, and that usually means something's wrong," Mur asked after a while. She had her elbows on the ledge and was kicking her feet to make a fountain.

Lily swam over. "They're all really upset with Sirius. Something happened at Christmas between him and Remus, and James and Peter sided with Remus."

Muriel snorted. "I'll bet they did. Do you know what happened?" She could sense that Lily didn't want to tell her everything. Then, as Lily tried to decide just what to tell her, Muriel realized that she knew Remus' secret. "Sirius told Sev how to get into the passageway under the Willow, and he saw Remus on the full moon," she supplied, before Lily had a chance to come up with a feasible lie.

"You know?"

Muriel nodded, then told a little white lie. "Noticed when he was ill and checked the lunar charts. That's how you figured it out, too, isn't it?" Lily nodded as well. "I don't think we should tell them that we know, but maybe together we can help them out."

Lily was a little surprised that Mur wanted to help the marauders with anything.

"Remus and I have been friends since first year," Mur explained. "He's looked absolutely dejected for the last month and a half." But the image of misery that flashed through her head wasn't of Remus; it was of Sirius, sitting with Wood at meals because his best mates were ignoring him.

"What should we do?" Lily asked quietly. She was looking at the picture of the siren, who was still humming for them, and had her back to the door. But at that moment, Muriel saw the door open and close.

"Wait," she hissed, making Lily jump. She followed her friend's gaze to the door, but nothing was there. Muriel jumped out of the water and grabbed her wand, shouting a warning.

"If this door opens again, I'm going to blow it and anyone near it to bits," she said dangerously. Then she turned to Lily, unwilling to give away her knowledge.

"Lil? Did anyone follow you down here?"

"Potter, but he follows me everywhere."

"James Potter. He doesn't own an invisibility cloak, does he?" Muriel turned back to Lily, who was shaking her head slowly. But Muriel already knew that he did.

"I don't think - "

Beside her a huge geyser of water shot up to the ceiling. It held Muriel's attention for a moment too long, and by the time she turned back to the door, it was falling softly closed. She swore.

"I'll bet you anything that was Potter," Mur said, placing a locking charm on the door and jumping back in the water. "Well, he can't get back in now, so let me tell you the plan."

"Sev?" Muriel hurried after her friend as he left the Great Hall after breakfast. He turned. "Divination with the Gryffindors is my second class today. Can you make sure Potter spends it in the hospital wing?"

Severus shrugged. "Sure." It wasn't an odd request. He recalled asking her to do similar things in the past. She smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. "What about Black?" he asked.

"Lily's going to delay him for me."

"And Lupin?"

"That's already been arranged." That was almost a lie, but Muriel was sure that Severus would have a fit if he thought she wanted his help to talk to Remus alone.

Severus nodded. He didn't ask about Peter Pettigrew. A simple 'Bugger off' would probably suffice.

"Thanks!" she said, hurrying off to Transfiguration.

After class, she made a bee-line for Divination and plopped herself down at the marauders' usual table. There had been only three poofs there for the last two months, and that suited her fine. She'd had to give up a large number of chocolate frog cards to Marisa to get her to help them out, but her friend winked at her and grinned from their usual table.

Remus and Peter came in together, looking a bit upset. Mur wondered just how badly Severus had hurt Potter, but decided it didn't matter. Madam Pomfrey would fix him up. They looked at her oddly, and she smiled, pulling out a chair for Remus. Peter came with him.

"Bugger off, Pettigrew," she said quietly as he started to set his books down.

"B-but there are three chairs!" he protested.

"Peter? You can sit with me." Marisa was making eyes at Peter, and that was all it took to convince him that he'd much rather sit with her anyway.

"Why do I feel like a cornered animal?" Remus asked quietly as Peter plopped down to Marisa.

"I just wanted to talk."

"If this is about Sirius - "

"This is about our conversation on the train at the beginning of the year."

"Oh."

"Which had a great deal to do with Sirius." Muriel allowed herself a smile as Remus turned his eyes away. He was still very upset with his friend.

"Don't you wonder why I forgave you that year? It obviously wasn't your apology, as I'm sure I made clear when you tried to make it." He looked back at her. He WAS rather curious about that. "Surely you're surprised that I'm here talking with you when I never apologized for stuffing you in that passageway?"

Remus nodded, then looked up as Professor Averbeck walked into the room. Muriel cast a charm at his back as he headed toward his desk, and the Professor turned sharply around. He blinked confusedly. Then he turned back and began class. Remus and Muriel couldn't hear him, and, more importantly, he couldn't hear them.

Remus shook his head as she continued whispering, and the Professor ignored her completely. Here they were, two prefects, hexing the Professor so they could talk during class.

"I felt bad after I stuffed you in that passageway. But I would never apologize. My mother taught me that to apologize is to show weakness. Someone who apologizes is nothing more than a coward, who deserves to be hexed anyway. And that is exactly why you ended up in that passageway. I was angrier at the four of you after that than I'd been after the pain."

Remus looked horrified. It had never occurred to him that apologizing might have offended her MORE. It just didn't make sense.

"Yes, it is rather stupid, isn't it? But nevertheless, that's what I was taught. I forgave you that year because of Black. He came looking for me during the end of year exams.

"I remember. He said he was going to the library, but he left without his books. He came back in a really good mood, and you stopped glaring at us, and crying when no one was looking."

Muriel looked at him sharply, and he realized that he shouldn't have mentioned that he'd noticed the crying. "I'm - "

"Stuff it, Remus. You don't have to be sorry. You're right." She sighed. It was a good thing she had half the class period to get this all out. She hoped Lily could keep Sirius away that long.

"What did he say to make you forgive us?" Remus asked quietly.

"Nothing. Not a bloody thing." Remus looked at her incredulously as the Professor set a crystal ball in front of them and walked away, obviously not having heard any of their conversation.

"He didn't have to, Remus. He came looking for me, and found me on the grounds, behind the greenhouses. When I walked away, he called me back. But there wasn't anything else that needed to be said. We were raised in such similar families that I knew why he was there, and he knew that I knew. It was enough."

She let Remus think about that, and pulled the crystal ball closer to her, taking the charm off the Professor with her wand under the table. It was less than 5 minutes later when Lily came in, followed by Sirius. Muriel held out the chair on the other side of her, which Lily ignored on her way to join her friends. Black stared at them.

When the Professor's back was turned again, Muriel pulled out her wand and gestured emphatically from Sirius to the empty chair. With a furtive glance at Remus, he sat down. She made sure he saw her put her wand away. That seemed to be the proverbial white flag.

When Professor Averbeck had finished explaining the orb, he expected them to try and use it. Muriel pushed it over to Sirius, smirking. Now that they were expected to talk to each other, things were going to get difficult.

"Er - I missed everything he said. How are you supposed to do this?" Sirius asked quietly. The entire room seemed to hear him, however. Remus raised an eyebrow, but didn't answer.

"We don't know, we missed the first half of class, too," Mur said finally. "Make something up."

Sirius was in the worst situation he could imagine today. Here he was, sitting with the two people he'd hurt most in the last year, and unable to say anything more intelligent than that he didn't know how to use the bloody orb. He pushed it away.

"How've you been, Mur?" he asked quietly. Muriel turned and winked at Remus. She knew this was Black's apology.

"Well, my face wasn't permanently damaged, so I guess I won't bother clobbering you in retaliation. And you're lucky. I convinced Severus to leave you alone, too." Muriel smiled, and Sirius tried to smile back, but he couldn't help looking at Remus instead.

"I don't suppose you could ask him to lay off James?" Remus asked, remembering the ugly duel that had taken place in the hall on the way to class.

"I don't suppose I could," she answered cheerfully. "It's entirely possible that Severus owes him a life debt, since he obviously took the blows that the Willow would have dealt to Sev. And a wizard's life debt is nothing to sneeze at. It has Sev completely in a snit to think he owes ANYTHING to James Potter."

She watched slyly as Sirius and Remus exchanged a relieved glance. They were obviously glad that she'd assumed something so easy to agree with, and that Severus hadn't told her anything. Sirius looked quickly down at the table. "Remus? Could I talk to you after class?" he whispered. He couldn't help but swallow hard as he waited for his friend's answer. He knew now that Muriel had forgiven him for knocking her off her broom, but Remus wasn't like them. He might need to hear -

"No need, Padfoot," Remus replied, shaking his head and looking at Muriel. "It's over. It doesn't matter anymore." Sirius raised his eyes just in time to see that Professor Averbeck was standing behind Remus, with a stern expression on his face. His expression got even worse when he saw the grin Sirius gave him as he pulled the orb towards him and started spouting the most obviously made-up prophecies Muriel had ever heard.

As the disgusted Professor headed to a table where people were actually doing their work, Remus, Sirius and Muriel dissolved into laughter, and Mur knew the boys were going to be all right again. Which is why she made sure to turn Sirius' hair florescent yellow as he walked down the stairs ahead of her that day.

Muriel took Severus' hand as they walked to Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day, feeling a little queasy. She was sure that Sev suspected her of helping the marauders make up, and she was more than a little worried about how he would react. She was praying they wouldn't pass the boys, who were closer and happier than they'd ever been. If Remus so much as smiled at her, Sev would probably throw a tantrum in the middle of the street.

But Severus wasn't thinking about the marauders at all. Instead, he was trying to remember how to change Muggle money. He didn't want to run the risk of meeting anyone they knew, so he was planning to Apparate to the Leaky Cauldron and get into Muggle London just as fast as he could.

He led her behind the Hogs Head, smirking. How many times had he seen Malfoy snogging Narcissa in this alley in the last few years? Pity that they'd finished school the year before. "Ready?" he asked. Muriel nodded, still nervous, and they both disappeared with a resounding crack.

Muggle London looked very rigid to Muriel, who was used to the leaning and creaking shops of Diagon Alley. She couldn't help but be impressed by the buildings that looked like they were made entirely of glass. They took off their robes as they walked, not wanting to attract attention. Muriel had worn a simple black dress and earrings borrowed from Marisa. She wondered if there was a shop somewhere here that sold them, so she could get a pair of her own.

"How's Papa?" Severus asked finally. He didn't want her to realize that he got owls from her father almost as often as she did.

"He's afraid, but he doesn't say so. Riddle's got him running all over."

"I still can't believe you cast the Legilimens spell on him in his sleep and it didn't wake him."

"I wasn't trying to be intrusive. He was having a nightmare, and I suspected it was about the initiation ritual, because he was clutching his arm. I just sat in on the reenactment, that's all."

Severus was shaking his head, wondering if one day she'd do the same thing to him. They reached the restaurant he'd found on his last trip, and he held the door for her to go in ahead of him. "I still think you should have left him be. If he'd wanted you to know - "

"Sev, Papa was worried that I wouldn't love him or respect him anymore if I knew he'd taken the mark. You know that could never happen. I'm afraid for him, and disappointed that he wasn't strong enough to resist Riddle, but he's still Papa, no matter what. I'll always love him."

Severus turned his eyes to the ground as they sat. He desperately hoped she really meant that.

"But he should have trusted me enough to tell me himself. I couldn't stay in the dark, wondering. It's torturous, just like - "She stopped, suddenly. In the last year, she'd asked Severus if he was all right more times than she could count. And every time he had either gotten angry or changed the subject. Now, on their first-ever, real date, she didn't want to ruin the night by mentioning whatever was wrong between them.

Severus didn't answer. A few moments later they were both thankful when the waitress came to take their orders.

"It's really nice here, Sev. Thanks for inviting me." Muriel said quietly, sipping her drink. She was rewarded with the first real smile she'd seen on him since Wood had failed to invite her to Hogsmeade in November. She smiled back. It really was a nice restaurant, very quiet. Every booth seemed removed from the others, so you could pretend you were by yourselves. There was a small dance floor, and a brass band playing Muggle music that Muriel had never heard before. It was pretty. She wondered if Sev would be willing to dance here. At least none of his Slytherin goons would be able to tease him for it later.

For his part, Severus was anxious to finish eating so he could ask her to dance. He remembered all too well how nice it had felt to hold her last Christmas. And this time, he wouldn't have to think of potion ingredients.

Muriel was thrilled when he asked. Sev thought he might never have seen her quite so happy, which pleased him to no end. It had begun to occur to him that she might have trouble loving him back if he kept his mind closed to her. But tonight, she didn't seem to mind at all.

He folded his arms around her and kept her close to him as they danced. He'd thought his mind would wander again to the things he'd been so afraid to have her know. But instead, when he rested his cheek on the top of her head and smelled her hair, all he could think of was how he was going to ask her. He knew he would have to, in spite of all their parents' coaching, and her own expectations. He would still have to find the courage to ask her to marry him someday.

'But not yet,' he reminded himself, closing his eyes. They were still young. It could wait a few more years. He wouldn't have noticed when the song ended if everyone hadn't started clapping. He opened his eyes as Muriel pulled away, smiling shyly.

"What about some ice cream?" he asked, as they headed back to their table.

It was long after curfew when they got back to the castle. Muriel went with Severus down to the Slytherin dungeons, keeping her invisibility spell on them until he was safely behind the portrait.

The spell always drained her, and she decided to risk the trip to Ravenclaw tower without it. She hardly noticed when Filch caught her and gave her detention again.

She'd had a wonderful time, but something was bothering her about Severus. He still seemed so distant. Even as he'd held her, she had felt nothing from him. She could see in his eyes that he was feeling something, and it hurt her not to know what it was. She sighed softly as she climbed into bed. Maybe someday he would tell her.

The O.W.L.s were upon them faster than anyone could have imagined, with barely time to think up new hexes for the marauders. Mur had to take Marisa to Madam Pomfrey three days before the first exam. She'd been talking calmly about Defense Against The Dark Arts one minute, and the next minute she was hyperventilating!

The Ravenclaw common room looked like a paper factory had exploded. The 7th years, studying for their N.E.W.T.s, had taken over every available inch of table AND floor space, covering it with books and notes. This meant that the 5th years were forced out of Ravenclaw tower to find their own space in the library.

Mur plopped down hard at the last empty table in the library, and began hoisting books out of her bag. She wasn't worried about History of Magic or Defense Against The Dark Arts, but Charms and Potions were a huge concern. Her eyes saw nothing but words and pencil drawings of potion ingredients for the next half an hour. When she finally looked up, it was because Remus was standing in front of her.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked quietly. She almost said no. If Severus came up here and saw her sitting with the only person in the world that he hated worse than James Potter, there was going to be a duel right here in the library. She looked around. There were no other empty chairs.

She gestured sharply toward the chair and he grinned and plopped himself down as she went back to her book. She could at least pretend she didn't know who'd sat down.

"Mur? You were right about Sirius," he whispered. She lowered her book half an inch to peer at him. "He really was sorry, even if he didn't say it."

She nodded, then lowered her book a bit more. "Do you understand that if Severus comes in here, we are both likely to spend the night with Madam Pomfrey?" Remus looked shocked. Apparently this had not been a concern for him. He almost apologized, but thought better of it. Since she responded better to Sirius' behavior, he decided to try that.

"You don't think I can handle Snape?" he whispered. He was a little hurt when she laughed. She knew who he was trying to sound like. And he did a good job, except that he was definitely not Sirius Black.

"Black, maybe. You? No. You don't have it in you to be cruel enough. Even Potter wouldn't be a match for him if he ever really tried."

Remus didn't believe this for a second. Snape was nothing but a snivelling git. James always got the best of him.

Muriel stood up abruptly, and Remus started, wondering if his disbelief had registered on his face. Normally Remus was the only marauder whose company she could stomach for more than a few minutes, but obviously that was not the case today.

She snapped her book closed loudly, fury written all over her face. He thought SEVERUS was a snivelling git?

"Just because he HASN'T caused Potter any real damage doesn't mean he can't," she hissed angrily, throwing her books back into her bag. "Sev knows spells it would make you retch just to hear about. You're lucky that he isn't just a little more like Malfoy, or all four of you would be in St. Mungo's by now muttering to yourselves and screaming in your sleep." She threw the last book into her bag and headed out the door. Remus looked down at the desk as the entire library stared at him. Being friends with Muriel Deesia was a difficult thing.

Muriel tried to work through her Dark Arts exam slowly. She was furious with Remus, and the werewolf questions were thoroughly distracting. Still, she wasn't going to let him be the reason for losing an Outstanding grade. When the professor summoned the scrolls, she gathered her things. O.W.L.s were finally over. She looked around for Severus, but he must have headed outside. She knew where he'd be. Since last year, when they'd wanted to wait for each other, they'd always chosen the clump of bushes near the beech tree by the lake. She shouldered her bag as she headed to the castle doors, only to drop it again at the sight that was before her.

****Insert memory from Snape's Pensieve, Order of the Phoenix****