The Embittering of Severus Snape

"What are you doing?"

"Father says I'm not to swim in my robes anymore." Severus threw his robes onto the grass beside the pond, grimacing. First he'd lost the fight with Father about swimming in robes; then he'd lost the fight with his best friend about swimming at all. So here he was, wearing less than he did to bed, and diving into the lake before she had a chance to laugh at him. At least it was warm enough.

"Well I don't want to thrash around in MY robes either," Muriel huffed from the shore. "I'll be right back." An instant later, she'd disappeared with a crack and reappeared in her room. She was only gone a few minutes before he heard her feet pounding the pathway back to the woods.

As soon as she was out of sight of the houses, she pulled her robes over her head, tossing them down next to Sev's in the grass. "There!"

Severus swam back from the middle of the lake, where he'd hoped to find a merperson. They usually scattered when the kids swam, but he'd figured it was worth a shot. When he found his footing, he laughed. "You look ridiculous. Where'd you find muggle clothes?"

"They aren't MUGGLE CLOTHES! As if I would ever - " She started into the water, and, finding it warm, threw herself toward him, splashing spectacularly. "They're just old pants that I had Lupso cut short like yours and an old shirt of Papa's!"

"Alright, alright!" he sputtered as she continued to splash him.

"At least they aren't UNDERWEAR!"

"OKAY, Mur, cut it out!" He scowled at the victorious grin she was giving him and pulled something out of the waistband of his shorts. "Look what Father gave me." He held up a rather ratty looking old wand. But it was a REAL wand, not one of those cheesy kids' wands that Mur's Aunt Rosa had bought her last year.

"Wicked! A real wand!" Her eyes narrowed. "You only invited me out here to try it out on me!"

Severus grinned nastily at her. "Father made me promise I would, or he'd take it back."

"You're lying and you ought to know better," she said immediately. They'd been best friends since the day they were born, and after nine years, she knew perfectly well when he was honest and when he wasn't.

She floated backwards, her long, straight, brown hair spreading out around her small, sharp face. Her chin jutted out of the water as she dunked her head backward to soak her hair. Her gray eyes took in the scorched sky, it really was remarkably hot for this part of Europe, but the clouds kept it from seeming too sunny. She imagined that the tops of the clouds were browning like muggle marshmallows over a fire. But of course, she couldn't share that thought with Severus. He hated anything made by muggles.

"Will you let me?" he was asking. She pulled herself upright to answer, and felt something tugging at her hair. She pulled free with a jerk and held up a hand to her head. Severus was laughing at her again as she pulled the sea grass out of her hair. It was practically knotted in!

"Water Pixies!" she exclaimed. This caused her friend to laugh even harder.

"There's no such thing, Mur."

"Well a grindylow wouldn't do it, and you would have seen a merperson!" she retorted, suddenly indignant. After all, it COULD have been a water pixie. "I know!" she said quickly. "Cast a bubble head charm on me so I can look for pixies! Please?"

"I've never done one before," he said slowly. "I've read the incantation, but - "

"Then your father will be impressed, right?" If nothing else, Muriel knew how to motivate Severus Snape.

A moment later he muttered the charm. "Stay close to the surface, alright? I don't know how long - " he didn't bother finishing his warning, since she was already underwater.

Mur dove, but not too deep. If there really were water pixies tying sea grass in her hair, she wanted to catch one to show Papa. As an added bonus, it would forever shut Severus up when she wanted to look for new magical creatures. She broke the fingers of several grindylows as she swam among the grasses. It was really beautiful down here. There were even a few fish, though she didn't see any magical ones. They all stayed in the center of the lake.

She dove a little deeper, enjoying the fresh air, as she looked in every nook and cranny. No luck. She was just turning to head back to the surface when her eyes began to sting all of a sudden. When her hands came up to rub them, they encountered no bubble. It was gone!

She knew better than to try and breathe, but suddenly air seemed very important. She kicked for the surface. After gasping for air and looking wildly around for Severus, she gave him the tongue lashing he deserved. Why in Merlin's name hadn't he warned her that the charm wore off on it's own?

Shaking his head, Sev couldn't help but laugh. Her hair was plastered with sea grass again and she obviously didn't even know it. As she fussed at him, he summoned a hand mirror from his house. He was a little concerned when it arrived and it was his mother's good silver one, but thrust it toward her anyway, knowing the sight would shut her up.

And it did. She stopped abruptly and took the mirror, grinning. It was amazing how quickly she changed moods. "Pretty," she said. "Can I use your wand?"

He handed it to her wordlessly, still smirking at her goofy hair. She looked thoughtfully at it for a moment, then began to lace Italian words together in a complicated spell. Severus felt his eyes widen in spite of himself. She'd obviously been studying Papa's old Arithmancy books again.

A few moments later she had the sea grass twined in a complicated pattern. She stood up in the water and put it back over her hair. "Papa says I'll be able to take the Arithmancy O.W.L. before I start school," she commented, looking at her reflection in the mirror. He rolled his eyes, not even gracing that with an answer. Muriel was the only known NATURAL Legilimens, which meant that she could read people's thoughts without a spell. She often answered Severus' thoughts rather than his words. And Severus often rolled his eyes.

"You still look funny with grass in your hair," he said finally. She tossed the mirror back to him. He fumbled with it for a moment and glared at her angrily.

"It isn't grass! It's a veil! Now we can pretend we're getting married."

"Why would we want to do that?" he asked scathingly, setting the mirror down carefully on top of his robes. His banishing spells weren't nearly as good as his summoning spells, and he didn't want to risk shattering it against the house. He'd return it himself.

"Well, Mother says we're going to anyway, so we might as well practice," Mur replied haughtily.

"I don't care what your mother says. I can't marry YOU. You're my best friend. You might as well be a boy!" he said hotly. She was always reminding him that they were supposed to get married some day. "Why would I want to marry you anyway?"

"B-but Sev, don't you love me?" Her stuck up demeanor was gone, replaced by what looked suspiciously like tears. Severus greatly preferred an ANGRY Muriel to a SAD or HURT Muriel. So he did what any 9 year old would do. He set out to royally piss her off.

"Of course I don't LOVE you! You're my best friend. And if you keep reminding me that you're a girl, I'll never play with you again!"

The only thing wrong with his plan was that Muriel was still holding his wand. She was breathing heavily as the tears coursed down her face. She ripped the sea grass veil from her hair and threw it at him. But she didn't yell. Instead, she thought.

Years later, Severus would recognize that this would have been the moment to apologize, but at nine years of age, he had not mastered dealing with women. Nor had he yet been required to apologize to anyone for anything. By the time he realized his danger, she was already pointing the wand at his head and muttering in Italian again.

An instant later a scream tore from his throat, and Muriel's mouth dropped open. Severus doubled up, his head underwater. All Mur could think to do was levitate him to the shore. Thankfully even her play wand had been able to do that, so she was good at it, and the spell was on the tip of her lips.

The next thing she cast was a silencing charm. If Sev's father heard him screaming like that he'd be furious. Then she panicked. She hadn't meant for it to be that bad. Her silencing charm was far from perfect, and she could still hear him crying out as if he was far away from her. She tried every charm she knew to end the spell, but there didn't seem to be one.

"I'm sorry, Sev, I'm so sorry! I don't know what to do. FINITE INCANTUM! FINITÉ INCANTATO!" It was no use. She levitated him back to the house at a run, sobbing into her free hand.

Mrs. Snape was in the back yard, instructing the house elves as they pruned her summer roses. When Mur began to explain, she immediately ordered the elves to take Severus inside. Pruning sheers were left forgotten in the dirt as Mrs. Snape followed them into the house.

She turned at the door to find Muriel follwing closely, tears still streaming down her face. "If you don't know how to fix this, go home," she snapped harshly. "I'll notify your mother tonight."

Mrs. Deesia had spent the day in Paris, taking advantage of her husband's week-long absence to go shopping at the stores he would never set foot in. Muriel felt a flash of panic at Mrs. Snape's words. If she told Mother what Mur had done to Severus there was going to be hell to pay!

She stopped crying abruptly and nodded, only the quivering of her lower lip gave away her fear. Mrs. Snape slammed the door and hurried up the stairs as Mur turned toward her own house, still holding Severus' wand.

She pocketed it before entering, not sure when she'd get a chance to return it. It didn't look like Mrs. Snape was feeling particularly hospitable. Usually, she was very nice to Muriel. Mur wiped her face sloppily on her sleeve and ran for her room, hoping the house elves wouldn't notice her. She stayed there, trying to compose herself, until Lupso appeared with a crack at the foot of her bed.

"Mistress wishes to see Miss Deesia right away," he said, his voice squeaky with worry. Muriel felt lucky that it was Lupso who'd been sent for her. He wouldn't tell about the wand Mur was tucking under her pillow. Gortha would have told in a heartbeat, and she'd be in even more trouble.

She followed him silently down the stairs to her mother's study. She took care not to pause outside the doorway, as that was a sign of weakness. Instead, she thrust open the door as soon as she reached it and closed it softly behind her, then turned to face her mother.

Mrs. Deesia was gazing, unfazed, at a letter on her desk, and Muriel waited silently until she looked up. Although the woman made no sign, Mur knew her mother was aware of her. It would be folly to make any noise or movement that might indicate impatience. Finally her mother looked up.

"I understand that your Arithmancy skills are vastly improved," she said in a low, cold voice. She held out the letter to Muriel, who took it with a quivering hand and read in silence. Notification that she could take the Arithmancy O.W.L. this summer if she chose. She set it back on the desk, fighting to keep her knees from buckling beneath her. It wasn't possible that her mother had called her downstairs about the O.W.L.

"I hear you've been practicing a great deal," the woman said after a short silence, watching her daughter's face intently. Still, Muriel kept a calm expression, though her ears were burning and her fingers pounding as though they'd been whacked with a broom handle.

Mrs. Deesia stood abruptly. "Your abilities are impressive," she began, circling Muriel like a tiger stalking prey. "But I believe you rather lack the necessary worldly experience for choosing appropriate spells."

Mur felt her nose go cold as the blood drained out of her face. Surely her mother didn't mean -

"Crucio," came the whisper from behind her. She shrieked instinctively, almost before the pain began. Then she screamed in earnest. Her mother kept the spell on her until her throat grew hoarse. When she finally began coughing up blood and choking, her mother withdrew the spell. Muriel was shivering violently on the floor as her mother resumed her seat. After a silence that seemed far too short to Mur, Mrs. Deesia spoke again. "Get up." For once her voice wasn't cold, though it did speak of a certain satisfaction that was chilling under the circumstances.

Force of will alone brought Muriel to her feet, and she faced her mother expressionlessly, wiping the blood from her lip, which no longer quivered. There was very little left in the world to fear once you've weathered that particular spell. As bad as it had been, Muriel knew now that it wouldn't break her. She could still stand, after all.

"Perhaps you will not use that hex so frivolously in the future," her mother said, waving a hand to dismiss her in a bored fashion.

Muriel forced the air through her aching throat. "Yes, Mother," she whispered. She closed the door softly behind her, then turned toward the stairs. Lupso was waiting for her, even more wide eyed than usual. She took one step and swooned on the spot, as the world went black. The elf levitated her before she could fall, not willing to let his mistress see young Miss Deesia's weakness. Moments later he tucked her into her own bed, shaking his head sadly.

Muriel awoke hours later, alone in her room. She swallowed, then grimaced at the pain in her throat. On her bedside table was a potion with a note from Lupso. She didn't bother to read the note, but gulped the potion greedily in spite of the pain. In moments the burning sensation was replaced with numbness.

Muriel looked cautiously around her darkened room for signs of a house elf before pulling Severus' wand out from under her pillow. She wasn't sure how she'd got to her bed, but she suspected Lupso had brought her.

The guilt over what she had done was gnawing at her. Now that she'd experienced the Cruciatus curse first hand, she knew that she'd done a dreadful thing to Severus. Almost she was loath to cast anything else with this wand, but in her fitful sleep an idea had occurred to her. A way to help.

She swallowed again, and finding her throat still numb, she held up the wand, and pictured her friend in her mind. "Legilimens," she muttered, bracing herself.

An instant later the pain was back, fainter than her mother's curse, but still enough to make her whimper pitifully. She quickly stifled the noise and lay back, concentrating on taking as much of the pain into her own mind as possible. She knew that if he could only be free to think, Severus would come up with the counter spell. He had to.

Throughout the night, Muriel lay in bed, stiff and awake, trying to think through the pain. She could hear some of Severus' thoughts, and tried to make suggestions when it seemed like he was onto something. He was angry. He was so very angry with her, and she knew she deserved it.

By morning she couldn't concentrate on the problem anymore. She could only whisper her apologies, over and over again. Her own body ached with the after-effects of her mother's curse while her mind reeled under the influence of her own curse on Severus.

Lupso came to check on her at midday, bringing food. She pretended to be asleep, though she was sure the uncontrollable shivering would give her away, even if he didn't notice the wand in her hand. But he must have held his tongue, because Mother never came upstairs.

Relief came late that night. Nearly two days after she'd originally hexed him, Severus came up with the counter curse. Both children, separated by a short yard and the walls of their homes, gasped in unison. Muriel sent words of apology to Severus as best she could, though she was exhausted, then broke the spell that bound them together.

When the light hit her face in the morning, she swung her legs out from under the covers, planning to run over to the Snapes' to see Severus. She'd barely stood, however, when the edges of her vision went gray and fuzzy, making her sit down again hard. Then the aches set in. Even though she'd only been sharing in the spell, her muscles had tensed with the pain, and stayed that way for hours on end. It was taking its toll.

When Lupso returned with breakfast, she sent him away. The pain in her throat had returned, and she had no intention of eating anything. When he was gone, she locked the door with Sev's wand and cast the Legilimens spell again.

In the neighboring house, Severus' eyes flew open. She was in his head again, and he absolutely HATED that. Not to mention the fact that he was still furious because she'd cast that damned curse on him.

"Go AWAY," he thought, over and over. From somewhere in the back of his mind he heard the stubborn answer.

"Don't be mad, please don't be mad. I'm sorry, Sev, really I am. I never meant for it to hurt you so much."

Her voice seemed small and scared, though how he could have known that, he didn't know. It wasn't as if he could HEAR her, exactly. He just knew what she was thinking. And he knew more than that, as well, though he wasn't going to tell her about it.

He could see her memories, or at least, the ones that were foremost in her mind at that moment. He saw what Mrs. Deesia had done to punish her, and it made him even angrier, for some reason. He couldn't break the connection, only she could do that. So instead, he stopped thinking at all. He let himself drift into dreams that he wasn't sure were his own, knowing that she would leave when she thought he wasn't listening anymore.

"Please, Sev. I'm so sorry."

This went on for a week, during which time Severus all but begged his mother to let him go over and tell Mur that he was all right. She wouldn't believe it from his thoughts, and he was getting really tired of listening to her beg his forgiveness. If her mother ever heard her apologizing like a weak minded fool, she'd be in for another round of Cruciatus, and Severus wasn't ready to be the cause of that.

He knew full well that the only reason he'd been able to recover at all was because she'd taken half the pain for him, even after weathering her mother's hex. As a result, he'd long since forgiven her, though she didn't seem to believe him. Finally his mother let him out of the house. He knew Papa had come back yesterday, since he'd been up to Mur's room quite a few times and Muriel had no control over what information Severus received from her when she used the Legilimens curse on him. Lupso the house elf let him in, which was odd. Usually Mur knew who was at the door and ran to meet him when he came over. He was even more surprised when Papa appeared and led him up to Mur's room.

"Severus, listen to me. I know you're probably still very upset about what happened but - " he stopped for a moment as he noticed the concern on the young boy's face. "She's made herself ill over this. We can't get her to eat anything," he finished quietly.

Papa snapped his fingers and Lupso appeared, carrying a tray of food. "Try not to be too hard on her," he added, as he opened the door for Severus and the house elf. Sev nodded before following Lupso inside. Muriel didn't open her eyes until he pulled a chair over to sit by her bed. Then she blinked a few times, as if she thought she might be hallucinating.

"Sev?" she whispered. He nearly grimaced as an expression of pain crossed her face. It obviously hurt her to talk. He wondered how often her mother had punished her. If it had only been that once, she should be better by now!

"Don't tell Papa," she said weakly, having heard his thoughts.

He answered only by shushing her. Then he called for Lupso. The elf appeared instantly. "Can you do anything about her throat, so she can eat?" Severus asked. The elf bobbed an affirmative and disappeared again only to reappear a few minutes later with another bottle of numbing potion.

When Lupso was gone again, Severus took her hand to help her sit up and handed her the bottle, which she downed quickly, making a face. She was pale, much more so than any Italian ought to be. Her eyes seemed a bit glazed, and he noticed that she'd bit her lip so hard that it was scabbing over. Surely Papa hadn't failed to notice all these obvious indications?

"Lupso's been hiding the cut for me, and a bruise on my leg from where I kicked a chair leg last time," she whispered.

"You've got to tell him, Mur. He won't let her do it anymore."

Muriel only shook her head. Then she dug around under her pillow and pulled out his wand. "Here."

"Thanks. Father would have been angry if he thought I'd lost it."

They sat in silence, contemplating the anger of their parents. Severus was hardly aware that he still held her hand, but Muriel noticed it right away. If the muscles in her face had been working correctly, it might even have made her smile.

"I don't want you to cast that spell on me anymore," Severus said finally.

Muriel nodded. She could tell that he'd hated having her in his head. It had been fun a year ago, when they'd first discovered it, but somehow now it didn't seem so much fun anymore.

"Only when we need it," he amended quietly, and she understood what he meant. When she really needed him. She nodded again, squeezing his hand.

He pulled his hand away as soon as he realized that he'd been holding hers and turned his attention to the tray of food. "Here, eat something before Papa comes back. I don't want him to think you're still upset." She took a sandwich silently, but set it back on the plate after only two bites. Severus decided that was an improvement.

"I'm sorry about all this, Mur," he whispered finally, swallowing hard. He'd never had to apologize to anyone before now, and his father wouldn't approve of it even in this case, but this was his best friend. She was looking at him as if he belonged in St. Mungos.

"YOU'RE sorry? Sev, it was my fault. If I had just - "

He cut her off. "I shouldn't have said all those things to begin with. Let's just forget it ever happened, okay?" It pained him to admit it, but he wished he'd never said any of it. What did it hurt HIM if she thought they'd get married some day? Maybe they would. He just hadn't wanted to think about it right then, and so he'd hurt her.

"Okay," she said quietly. He forced a smile, which she didn't return, then headed for the door. When he'd closed it behind him, he trotted down the stairs and into the parlor. Papa was sitting stiffly with a book in his hand. Severus stood, indecisive, in the doorway before he went inside and closed the door behind him. Papa looked up.

"She tried to make me promise not to tell you this," he began, a sarcastic smirk creeping across his face.

"If you never give your word, you never break it," Papa replied. "There's more to this than her worry for you, I take it?"

Severus wondered for the millionth time why he and Mur couldn't have had her father and his mother and done without the other two parents entirely. "Don't leave her alone with Mrs. Deesia," he said, his smirk falling into a frown as he watched Papa's eyes narrow and grow dark.

When Papa didn't reply, Severus ventured another suggestion. "And get her a real wand." At least that way she could defend herself. Merlin knew she'd be able to, they'd practiced under Papa's watchful eye with his old wands for years. Papa wasn't looking at him anymore, though Severus could see that his knuckles had turned white where he gripped his book, and his face looked distinctly red.

Severus turned and left the room. He nodded to Lupso, who opened the front door for him, then paused in the doorway. "Keep that potion ready in case she needs it," he whispered. The elf nodded as it closed the door behind him and Severus sighed. At least Muriel would be safe in her own house now. For some reason that made it a lot harder for him to turn away from her house and walk back toward his own.