Superficial

SUPERFICIAL

by D.M.P.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all....?

Certainly not her. Not now, not ever. Cho sniffed as she lifted up the hand-held mirror toward her reflection. It was obvious that she had been crying all night. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, with dark semi-circles underneath. Her nose was swollen and flushed from constant tissue wiping, and her cheeks felt dry and stiff from the salt tears.

So she had managed to let herself go when she got home, hadn't she? Hadn't she stomped upstairs up as soon as she and her parents got back from King's Cross Station, and fled to her room? Hadn't she just collapsed by the side of the wall after she slammed the door, shuddering as the tears fell? Hadn't she sobbed throughout the night, watching the freezing rain splattering upon her window? Yes, she had lost control. And it felt right then. But it didn't make her feel any better.

Her father had tried to talk to her that night. After she shut herself up for a couple hours, a quiet knocking came at the door, and his concerned voice asked if she was okay. "Cho, can I come in?" he said, worriedly. "Cho, would you like to talk?"

Cho had just sobbed louder. She couldn't think straight, nor talk clearly. Every time she opened her mouth all that would come out was a gasping cry. That only made the knocking more insistent, and her father, saying, "Please Cho, let me in!"

The soft pattering of footsteps, and her mother was at his side. She had whispered something to her father, and through the door, Cho could barely make out the worlds. "Leave her alone, Tran," she heard her mother whisper softly. "She'll talk when she feels the need to." And then Cho heard the footsteps of her parents leaving down the hall and disappear.

She was really worrying them, wasn't she? Cho was never this upset in her life, never! She was one of those happy people, those types that were always optimistic and forever hyper, always outgoing and enthusiastic about something. That explained why so many of the other children at school liked her. Her wonderful, playful moods were always catchy, and she loved to kid around with her friends.

Her few enemies thought that her attitude was ditzy, and that Cho was no more than a clueless airhead. Well, that may seem true, but how can one enjoy life without shouting for joy? She could be serious if she wanted to, but wouldn't that make life seem dull and uninteresting? She wanted to celebrate the glory of life all she could. She loved to live and loved the people to agreed with her.

She wasn't a rich, snobby, shop-aholic ditz like her adversaries thought. Sure, she enjoyed shopping, but she wasn't the one to do so all the time! Heck, she didn't even like staying inside a shopping mall for over two hours! Cho was the one for the outdoors, for playing with the winds, for hiking through the forests and dancing in the rain. Oh yes, especially dancing in the rain...

Yet if that was her philosophy, then why was she torturing herself with grief right now? If she loved life like she thought she did, then why wretch herself over death?

Cho sniffed and raised another tissue to her face. Death was pointless, death was cruel, and death had touched her. Touched her through the life of Cedric Diggory.

Cedric was the only one who understood her love of life. He was the one with whom she danced with during that summer thunderstorm, just barely a month ago. Cedric wasn't a jock like all the other guy friends she had. He was sincere, he was honest, he appreciated the beauty of nature. And, contrary to popular belief, Cedric was the only person whom she ever went steady with. That in itself meant a lot of Cho.

In her group of friends, boyfriends come and go like messenger owls. One week with some Ravenclaw scholar, the next with the Quidditch Chaser from Hufflepuff. That was what it was like with her friends. And Cho was always there for them in the end, comforting them from being dumped. Or congratulating them for letting go that jerk.

However, Cho had never had a boyfriend herself. She felt that teenage love wasn't worth it, if she had to go through the same roller coaster ride as her friends. She was going to play it safe. Surround yourself with friends, she thought, but never boyfriends. Love wasn't going to touch her.

Except that it did. It came to her in the form of a strong-hearted boy with hazel eyes. Until Cedric, Cho had never realized what exactly her friends went through with their crushes. She didn't know what it was like to feel as if she floated three feet above the ground, until she walked with him. She didn't know how much a smile or a look could mean, until Cedric had gazed at her.

Cho tried to block out these feelings. Play it safe, play it safe, play it safe, she chided to herself. Cedric is just a friend, that's all. Any more than that and you're going to get hurt. Just like your friends.

But it seemed inevitable. When Cedric had came to her that day long ago, and asked her to the Yule Ball, Cho felt like she was going to faint. She hadn't expected him to do that! Did he feel the same way about her and she did him? A tentative question, with a heartfelt answer. "Yes, Cho," Cedric had said, taking her hands, "I do." And that was the night they had gone steady.

Cho threw the wad of tissues across the room, watching the soggy bunches scatter over the floor. But what now? Cedric was dead, and all she was left with was a heart of despair. She wrapped her arms around herself and sniffed. That's what it came to in love, huh? Grief and sadness! Where was her cheerful demeanor? Where was her happy attitude? Gone, all gone with Cedric! He had become her happiness, he was her joy!

What Cho felt then was far beyond what her friends ever knew. Her friends had crushes that swooned over them as they walked down the halls. Her friends had flirting beaus, who came every evening to the Ravenclaw Tower. But Cho.... Cho had experienced something her friends never had. Cho felt love, pure and simple.

Cho looked at the cage in the corner of the room, where her owl was sleeping. Should she wake him and send a letter to her friends? But what would she say? "Hey, I'm feeling terrible because my boyfriend's dead. Can you come over and comfort me?" Please!!

It was only then did Cho realize how superficial her friends were. They had never experienced true love! They felt lust, they felt attraction, but never love!

Cho remembered the comments her friends had made about Cedric when she told them the news about the Yule Ball. Their responses weren't that pleasant.

"You mean that Seeker from Hufflepuff? God, he isn't really that cute, Cho!"

"Yeah, like, why did you choose him? Sure his dad works in the Ministry of Magic, but he isn't rich!"

"Well... I guess you two do make a nice item, but how long are you going to go out with him?"

Cho had stared at them speechless for those words. What did they mean, 'how long?' Love isn't something that can be measured! Didn't they know that???

Getting up to her feet for the first time in hours, Cho made her way slowly to her desk, the mirror still in hand. Sitting in the chair she stared at the face behind the glass. She couldn't be like that! She didn't act the same way as her friends did, did she?

Who was she?

A young girl stared back at her. Her short black hair was cut just above the shoulders, with a clip holding back her bangs. Traces of make-up could be seen on her face. Dried up lipstick, running mascara, wiped-off rouge. From her ears hung little silver loops, and around her neck a thin chain that Cedric had given her the night of the Yule Ball.

She looked just like them. A preppy. A perfect little doll with seemingly no cares in the world. And yes, a ditz even. But did she act like them too?

No, she knew that. On the outside, she may look clueless, but she knew that she was very different from her crowd of companions. Deep inside, she didn't care about boys or clothes or being cool. She cared about love, life, and being happy. Why hadn't she realized before how shallow her schoolmates were???

"I know why," she whispered to herself slowly. Rising from her chair, she made her way to the closet. Throwing open the sliding door, Cho scanned all the outfits inside. "Because I thought they were like me. But they only cared about their image and hung around with people who seemed cool to them. They were never like me." Her voice was dry and scratchy. "I didn't have any real friends at all."

She took a school outfit out of the closet and stared at it. Her friends owned similar robes like this. Taking the sleeve, she pulled at it and heard the cloth tear in her hands. "All they cared about was this," she growled, ripping off the sleeve. Then, taking the cloth in her hands she tore the robe along the main seam, splitting it in half. "And this..."

Rippppp....

That was the sound she needed to hear.

"And this..." She grabbed another robe off the rack, and started to tear that too. But the cloth was too thick. Grabbing scissors from the desk drawer, she cut the robe in hand.

Snip, snip, snip...

"And this!"

A third outfit, and more tearing. Fabric fell onto the floor in little heaps. Cho suddenly reached into her closet and grabbed all the clothes she could. Throwing them onto her bed, she began attacking them with wild fury.

"And this! And this! AND THIS!!"

The sound of ripping and slashing cloth filled the air along with her angered screaming. Her friends were all lies! Goddamn lies! Cho kicked at the closet door and it shuddered under the impact. She snatched her makeup from a nearby shelf and threw the little cans pots and tubes to the floor. Cho stomped on the cosmetics, smearing her shoes with reds and pinks. "AND THIS!!"

The rush of feet came to the door, accompanied with the pounding fists. "CHO!! CHO!!" It was her mother at the door. "Cho, are you all right???"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Cho screamed at the door, and continued rampaging her room.

All fake, all fake.... nothing was real to her now. Cho kicked at the shredded cloths on the bad and knocked them to the floor. She pounded at the closet wall. A savage yell was escaping her throat.

Not real! Not real!

The pounding on the door became even more intense. "Cho, let us in this minute!" yelled her father. Cho didn't listen.

With one more punch to the wall, Cho collapsed on her messy bedspread. Her breaths came in and out with sharp gasps. She looked like a fright, with her hair in disarray and her shoes and bottoms of her pants dirty with ruined make up. But she didn't care. What she looked like was how she felt.

Her vision trailed along the side of the bed and focused on the hand held mirror still sitting on her desk. Reaching over, she managed to grasp the handle and bring it to her.

There was her reflection again. Who was she? She was the girl in the mirror. Not a preppy, not a popular, not anything. Simply a girl named Cho Chang who loved a boy named Cedric Diggory. And nothing else.

If only people could understand that.

With one mighty heave, Cho threw the mirror across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into a hundred, sparkling pieces. Each shard caught the light, and shimmered with a life of its own as the pieces broke across the floor.

Cho wasn't superficial. She had love. And that was the only truth she knew.