Moonlight

Moonlight--Chapter 1:

If Only Reality...

It's the kind of silence that's too loud to hear.

You know? When you're in an empty house and every sound is like a twig snapping in a dark forest, that's how it is.

That's how it is right now, in the forest.

I've made sure that none of them are following me to the Whomping Willow, heading towards my prison for the next four days. I glance up at the full moon and sigh. If only.

James and Sirius, Peter and Lily; I'd tell them, but I can't. I can't risk seeing disgust on their faces, losing my only friends because of what I am. They wouldn't trust me if I told them. And I don't think I could live without Sirius's laugh, James's stupid plans, Peter's self-depreciating humor and Lily's smile. I don't think I'd have the resolve to turn into a beast every month if I didn't have them.

My friends. My friends. The friends of a werewolf.

The friends of a werewolf who, of course, was not only guilty of being turned into a werewolf as a boy, but was also guilty of lying at least once a month.

I look towards the imposing figure of the violent tree. I pick up a rock and with aim honed for the past, say, two years I lob it at the knot in the tree. It freezes and I head towards the tree.

If it weren't for the moonlight, the darkness would close in just like the silence and I would be deaf and blind. If it weren't for the moonlight, I wouldn't be outside at midnight into a tree that's actually a secret passage.

If it weren't for the moonlight...

And as I touch my hand to pull the knot, to enter my prison, a hand touches my shoulder. I whip around and a choked cry slips from my mouth. I don't see my greeter for a few moments, then pure moonlight covers her features.

For a second the situation leaves me and I'm happy to see her.

"Lily," I sigh. "Good. Thought it might have been Snape or something."

Lily's face forms into a inquisitive little pout. "I honestly hope I don't look like him. Even in the pitch dark." She smiles. I can't help but smile with her. "What are you doing out here? I couldn't sleep, and.. followed you out." She laughs. "It's amazing. You're quite stealthy."

I shake my head. "I've had practice." I glance down at the tunnel, up at the moon, then over at Lily. "Lily, er, I think--"

"What's that?" she says, pointing at the tunnel. "Did you find a secret tunnel?" Her eyes light up. "Let's go!"

The smile completely drops from my face. "No!" Her eyebrows flick up. "I mean.." I flush. "You have to go. Now. It's dangerous." I take her by the shoulders and push her. "Go, Lily. Please."

"Are you fooling, Remus?" Lily says, looking over my shoulder into the tunnel. "What could be down there--are you meeting someone down there?" She grins widely. "Oh, Remus, I never knew.."

"No, Lily.." I flush again. I feel the telltale trembling begin. I push her back, and she steps back, completely surprised. "You must go. It's dangerous."

Her cheerfulness fades and anxiety drifts into her face. "What do you mean?" Lily takes a step forward. "I don't.. understand.." Her eyes flick up to the full moon. I just stare into those green eyes of hers. She looks at me and I know, I see that she's figured it all out. Leave Lily Evans, the genius Muggleborn, to figure everything out.

She bites her lip, closes her eyes, glances down then back up into my eyes. "Remus," she says, and pauses. "Really?"

I dare not move other than the trembling overcoming me. I risk a slow nod, not even blinking.

We stand there for a moment, just feet away from one another. My dark eyes don't leave her green until a tremor shudders through me and I fall to my knees. She drops to one knee, trying to help me up. I shove her away.

"Go," I mutter. "Go, now."

She nods, pauses for a moment, almost transfixed on my pain and shame, then runs off, robes flying. I retreat into the shack and become the beast.

The beast. The beast that eternally chases me and always wins.