Hermione Granger and the Sixth Year Makeover

Mine eye hath play'd the painter and hath steel'd,

Thy beauty's form in table of my heart;

My body is the frame wherein 'tis held,

And perspective it is best painter's art.

For through the painter must you see his skill,

To find where your true image pictur'd lies,

Which in my bosom's shop is hanging still,

That hath his windows glazed with thine eyes.

Now see what good turns eyes for eyes have done:

Mine eyes have drawn thy shape, and thine for me

Are windows to my breast, where-through the sun

Delights to peep, to gaze therein on thee;

Yet eyes this cunning want to grace their art,

They draw but what they see, know not the heart.

- William Shakespeare, Sonnet XXIV

It was the summer after her fifth year. Hermione was going on sixteen. Suddenly, her father was killed in a car accident. Her mother's brother moved in with Hermione and her mother, and began beating and raping Hermione several times a week. Miraculously, he never caused her any permanent physical damage.

In rebellion, Hermione had her navel pierced and was summarily thrown out of the house.

Rather than report her uncle to anyone or talk to her friends, Hermione ran away to the States and lived in Chicago for the summer. There she met a Goth chick named Meredith, or "Death" for short, who helped Hermione remake herself.

Hermione didn't really need that much help; she had had her teeth shrunken by Madame Pomfrey, the school nurse at Hogwarts, and had learned about using smoothing potions on her hair. But most importantly, that summer she suddenly developed Curves in All The Right Places ™. When she returned to school for sixth year, she would be a total babe.

Unless, of course, she kept dressing like a schoolgirl. That was where Death came in.

Death taught Hermione how to streak her hair black and purple and how to emphasize her new curves with a black leather bra-top and hipster pants. (They agreed, however, that a black cape would be overkill.) She also taught Hermione to apply makeup, although with her naturally creamy skin, thick black eyelashes, and ruby lips, Hermione didn't really need it.

One might think that after what she'd suffered at the hands of her uncle, Hermione would be inclined to hide her body rather than show it off, but it didn't work that way; Hermione realized that her drop-dead figure had made her uncle lose control of himself and that her looks were really her only valuable asset. She understood now that all her intellect and all her studying was for nothing if she didn't look sexy.

In August Hermione received a letter from Hogwarts listing the books and supplies she would need - and naming her as Head Girl.

There was also a personal letter from Professor McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress, asking Hermione to report directly to her office upon arriving at the school. Hermione assumed that this would be a meeting to discuss her Head Girl responsibilities.

She was wrong.

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A/N: I actually did have a friend named Meredith who went by Death, but she didn't make me over. Just introduced me to Siouxsie and the Banshees. And before anyone gets on my case about treating rape and incest so lightly, that's the point. If you don't get it, you just haven't read enough Makeover!Hermione stories! :D