Addicted to You

Addicted to You

A Harry/Tonks Story

By Crazy Writer Girl

Chapter Five: Crash and Burn

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

Savage Garden - Crash and Burn

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."

*****

Ten days had passed since the day that he was inwardly beginning to refer to as the first day of the rest of his life. It had been a very long ten days for both Harry and Tonks and Harry wasn't sure that he would have made it through the past days as well as he had without his current guardian.

The past day had though been the hardest day since his decision to stop cutting and drinking. He had woken at two am screaming in terror after a nightmare and vision in one.

This had been the one night since he had arrived at Grimmauld Place that he had forgotten to ask Dobby to cast silencing charms for him. so when he had woken up screaming and crying and shaking in fear he had only been alone for a scant few seconds before Tonks came running in practically naked in little more than her underwear the scars from her past all to evident as she was in her base form. The fact that she was half asleep was overly clear but from the look in her eyes she was rapidly coming around to fully awake as she came running into the room for once not tripping over her own feet and holding her wand out and ready in case she needed it.

The relief in her eyes once she realised that death eaters were not physically attacking him was immediately visible. She didn't say anything though, just took in the sight of the tears streaming unchecked down his face, the unspoken fear in his eyes and the slightly green tint to his skin and moved closer to him.

"Did you have a nightmare, Harry? Or a vision?" she questioned softly putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Hesitantly he nodded and then ventured in a quiet shaking voice similar to that a little boy might use when he was scared or upset. "I couldn't tell which is, Tonks."

She took her hand off his shoulder and then moved closer to him and slipped an arm around him. "Don't worry Harry, we'll figure this out." She told him squeezing him against her in a gesture of comfort.

Under normal circumstances, it would have been extremely difficult for Harry to not react when Tonks squeezed him against her. He was o up close and personal too her that he could fell her breasts completely - even how stiff her nipples were. It would have been difficult for him to suppress the instinctive reaction of a teenage boy if any woman had done that to him (except perhaps Mrs Weasley who was the closes thing he had ever had to a mother of Professor McGonagall the stern head of Gryffindor house at Hogwarts). Given that this was Tonks who was pressing herself against him and the minor fact that he was majorly, hugely falling in what he thought was love with her more and more each day it was even more surprising that he did not react as it were. An all too obviously indicator (or lack of indicator) to the emotional state he was in at that current point in time.

Harry's actual reaction to the gesture of comfort she offered him was instinctive and was one that shocked both Tonks and himself. He moved closer to her and rested his head in the crook of her shoulder closing his eyes and wrapping both of his arms around her in a hug.

Tonks did nothing but simply hold the still slightly shaking boy in the tight her for more than five minutes. It was so unlike Harry to be the one who actually asked for or initiated any affectionate gesture that she didn't want to deny him it or to pull out of the hug too soon for the fear he would misinterpret that and refrain from showing his need for emotional support in the future.

Stopping in front of her, he stated: "I'm going to tell you. I don't care what Dumbledore thinks is best I need you to know. He might be able to deal with something like this without talking to anyone but I can't, I need my friends and you're probably the best person to deal with this, better equipped even than Ron or Hermione."

Pleased as she was, and even honoured that Harry was choosing to share what was obviously quite a big and important secret with her, Tonks was quite shocked to hear Harry say that he thought she would be able to deal with it better then her brother or Hermione who were his two best friends. Because after all, they had only know each other for a little more than a year and prior to the past several weeks when they had been sharing the house at Grimmauld Place they had barely spent a lot of time together. So to Tonks it came as something of a surprise that he considered her the better choice as opposed to those he had been extremely close friends with for all of his five years in the wizarding world.

Did you ever take divination, Tonks?" he questioned her.

She was slightly thrown off by what seemed like an abrupt switch to a completely unrelated topic of conversation but quickly recovered and answered... "Yes, I did up until OWLs, didn't learn very much though, Trelawney seems like a bit of a fraud..." nodding her head as she finished.

Well, it turns out that Trelawney is not the old fraud she appears to be. She just happens to have given two true prophecies. One that I heard during my divination exam at the end of my third year. And the other real prediction she gave... sixteen years ago, just before I was born."

"I take it that prophecy was the reason Dumbledore had members of the Order guarding the door to the prophecy room of the department of mysteries at all times for all of last year? I thought that Dumbledore said it had been destroyed during the battle, he definitely said in the first order meeting after the incident that there was no need for there to be a guard there any more."

Looking back across the room at Tonks, he said, "You were r right when you said the prophecy was destroyed. However, that was only the official record of it. Dumbledore was the one to hear it, so right after Sirius died he locked me in his office and wouldn't let me leave until he had showed me a copy of it he has in his Pensieve." He stopped at that point unsure of exactly how he should go about continuing with this topic.

"It's OK Harry," she said softly, taking his hands in hers and squeezing them. "Whatever it is, we can deal with it together. You don't have to do this by yourself any more."

Harry squeezed her hands back once more and then pulled away from her, got up and starting pacing the room once more. Once he had made one full circuit of the small living room in which they sat, he took a deep breath and without any preamble began to recite what he could remember of the Prophecy

*****

Looking up at her once more as he finished recited that one short paragraph which had had changed life as he knew it that day after the attack in the department of mysteries and which had had a devastating effect on his entire life, he waited for her reaction. He waited for the pity he was sure was to come from that, he waited for the false platitudes and he waited for her to slowly begin to distance herself from him, he was sure she would because unfortunately it was all too clear that he wasn't a safe person to be around.

Tonks was very shocked at what she had just heard and she felt like all of the air had been knocked out of her. She involuntarily sat down on the sofa which luckily was directly behind her because she wasn't sure that she could have moved enough to have ended up sitting on it if she had had any further to go.

Thinking on her feet, she looked at the boy who was prophesised to save the world. She knew that she needed to say something and say it fast because sitting there gawping at him while she processed exactly what that one short paragraph meant was not helping him whatsoever. And after keeping that to himself for the past few weeks on top of everything else he had had to deal with it was no wonder he was feeling a little alone and ever so slightly self destructive.

"Harry, it's a lot to deal with I know, but I'm glad you told me. You don't have to do it alone, you know come what may I'm going to be behind you 100% helping you anyway I can."

"No! Don't you understand? I am the only one who can defeat him, no one else. I have to do it alone; it's too dangerous for anyone to be around me right now. He's just going to keep hunting for me, attacking me until one of us (probably me) is dead, and he will kill anyone who gets in his way. You have to leave me; get out while you still can, before he knows what you meant to me." Harry argued with her, he cared about her too much to see her hurt even if it meant that he would have to suffer instead, if it meant missing her more than she could ever realise.

"Harry!" Tonks tried to start reasoning with him but he cut her off before he was able to get started with her arguments against what he was suggesting.

"No, Tonks, you have to go. I couldn't stand it if I ended up with another death on my shoulders. It was bad enough when He had Wormtail kill Cedric at the end of my fourth year because he was a "spare," Then I make a stupid, foolish mistake because I completely forgot about the Christmas present Sirius gave me and he died because of that! He was the only person who ever loved me and he is dead because I was an idiot! Dead, Tonks. Sirius is dead. I KILLED HIM TONKS!" Harry was sobbing now as he continued speaking. "And if you died, Tonks, it would be even worse because I care about you, I really do. But if Voldemort finds out exactly what you mean to me he will kill you to get at me - and I would just die inside if that happened, I really would."

The normally happy go lucky Auror had also started to cry when she heard what Harry had said. It was so, so unlike Harry to be so open and expressive about what he was feeling, he was normally completely closed off and tended to internalise things until they were tearing him inside and he blew up in a big explosion of anger and hurt.

Harry was pacing around the room endlessly after he finished speaking, feeling too restless to be able to sit comfortably and deal with this. He was surprised when Tonks reached out and grabbed hold of his arm when he passed close enough to where she was sitting to be able to grab him. She pulled him down so that he was half sitting on the sofa and half sitting in her lap, they were that close together. He tried to pull away but all she would let him do was move so that he was only sat on the sofa not on her as well. She even kept hold of his arm in order to force him to stay right next to her too.

"Harry, is that why you've been doing all of this lately? It's not because of what happened to you at the Dursley's house, it s because you believe you need to be punished for what happened to Cedric and to Sirius?"

He didn't want to answer her questions; they were too probing, too personal. He knew deep down what the answers were but was too ashamed to admit what they were - even too himself. So instead, he merely shrugged his shoulders, once again looking down at the floor and refusing to meet her gaze.

They sat there together in silence for perhaps two minutes, perhaps longer. Eventually though the silence turned from being companionable to being oppressive and stifling and so Tonks felt that she had better break it before the situation became any worse than it already was.

"You are a good person, Harry, you really are. Neither of their deaths was your fault and you are not to blame for Voldemort coming back or for your parents being killed either."

It broke her heart to look at him and see in his eyes that he really didn't believe what she was saying. Reaching over to him once more, she took both of his hinds in hers and squeezed them just as she had on that horrible day when they had rescued him from his relatives and taken him to St Mungos.

You're one of the nicest people I've ever met, Mr. Potter and I know that thanks to those relatives of yours its hard for you to believe that, but it's true and I intend to keep telling you that until one day you have no choice but to believe it!"

"You're just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear, Tonks. It's just fake platitudes like those that everyone else spouts off. You feel like you've got to do something, say something because the world as you know it would be over if I committed suicide - because I'm the prophecy boy and if I'm gone then Voldemort will be left to reign supreme, unchecked for the rest of time. You don't really care about me, you never have, and you never will. You mean to tell me that this was the first time you have ever heard the prophecy about Voldemort and me? you've heard it before I know you have, you've just been doing all this stuff and pretending to take care of me and to like me for the past few weeks so that I stay alive long enough to save the world. I would bet all of the Galleons in Gringotts that as soon as I've done my job I'll be abandoned by everyone I know, everyone who ever pretended that they care about the real Harry Potter rather than the boy who lived." he spat back at her, his eyes flashing dangerously with anger and resentment.

That was it; Tonks saw red, big style.

"How DARE you speak to me like that Harry James Potter?" she screamed straight back at him shaking with barely contained fury.

Before either of them knew, what had happened her right hand slammed through the air and slapped him straight across the side of his face. It left a vivid red hand print in its place, clearly showing where each of her fingers had been and leaving a clear imprint of her grandmothers engagement ring which she wore everyday.

Instantly she regretted it. She knew that was without a doubt the worst thing she could have possibly done at that point in time. Unfortunately, though, whilst hindsight is 20/20 she did not possess a time turner and so could not go back in time and delete the past minutes so that she didn't make a complete and utter hash of them as she had this time round. Therefore, even though she had made a mess of things there was nothing that she could do other than try to find some way, anyway to climb out of the hole she had dug for herself and attempt to salvage the situation.

"I'm sorry, Harry, I'm so, so sorry. I should never have slapped you. You have to believe me when I say that none of what you said is true and it just got me so angry that I reacted before I had a chance to think about what I was doing."

If it wasn't for the fact that the woman in front of him looked genuinely sorry and actually nervous about how he would react to her having slapped him, Harry might have been tempted to ignore what she was saying and try to convince himself that she really was guilty of everything he had accused her of, even though she

Was denying it.

From the look in her eyes, he couldn't help but realise that she really was telling the truth, and he had to forgive her of her supposed sins. Thinking about the way he had acted like the spoilt brat he had always though Dudley was for the past few weeks and abused her kindness, he had something of an epiphany and the shocking realisation that he needed to be the one to apologise to her hit him like a ten-ton brick falling out of the sky.

It took a few minutes for Harry to process exactly what she had said and to process what his recent epiphany meant and how he should respond to his guardian. Because for the first time in a long time he actually had a guardian who both cared about his wellbeing and could be there for him without others interfering and telling her that she wasn't treating him properly. He had a guardian who could see him as himself, not as a freak or as a link to his dead father. A guardian who actually was allowed to be with him and who he could go out in public with him without the worry that they would be discovered by the officials of the ministry of magic and sent back to prison, or worse sentenced to receive the dementors kiss.

It was everything he had ever wanted back before he discovered he was a wizard and left for Hogwarts. He had used to lie there on his narrow camp bed in his cupboard under the stairs on those long lonely nights when he couldn't sleep and imagine that someone a long lost relative or friend of his parents would come and rescue him and he would never have to see his hateful relatives of his ever again. There he was now that it had happened fighting it and pushing Tonks away instead of being eternally grateful that she had made his life long dreams come true.

He had to find some way to make things up to her, he just had to. Otherwise he was no better than Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and that just wouldn't do.

Those three or four minutes that it took for Harry to work through his realisations and get to a place where he could attempt to apologise and hope that she would allow him to try to make it up to her felt like three or four hours to his companion. They were easily the longest minutes of Tonks' life and as the seconds ticked away, she felt her heart sink further and further as it became all to clear to her that he wasn't going to forgive her. Because of her stupidity, he was bound to resume the cutting and the drinking and all of the other self-destructive behaviours he had been engaging in for who knew how long.

"It's ok, Tonks, I believe you. You don't have anything to apologise for, you know, I deserved that slap after accusing you of doing all that stuff. You don't even have to apologise, I should be the one who apologises to you after everything you have done for me in the last few weeks and everything you've had to put up with. I behaved appallingly to you, can you forgive me?"

She let go of a breath that she hadn't realised she had been holding in anticipation, visibly sagging down with relief when she realised that somehow that wonderful boy had been able to find it within his heart to forgive her and her abominable behaviour.

Smiling up at him as her eyes once more filled with tears although this time they were tears of relief, Tonks answered his plea in a voice which was shaking with the power of the emotion she felt. "I don't really think you have done anything you need to apologise for. Nothing as bad as what I just did to you. I never should have slapped you, Harry, especially not when I know exactly what you went through at the Dursley's hands."

Harry took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, shakily feeling as if the weight of the world was taken from with that one breath. "I take it I'm not going to be able to change your mind?" he asked her. It was something of a rhetorical question for he knew that she could give him a run for his money in the stubbornness department if she felt like it. However, he still took the time to ask and in a way, even though there had never been any chance of her ever changed her mind again she was still touched that he would do so. She was the one at fault and she knew that. It was just one other thing to add to the growing list she had of things she wished she could convince him were true and once again she cursed his damned relatives for treating him in such a way while he was growing up that that list was a sad necessity.

"No I'm not going to change my mind Harry, not now and not ever." Even though she knew that his question had been rhetorical, she still took the time to answer it as it gave her a chance to gather her thoughts and work out exactly what she should say to him next. The uniqueness of his situation and the difficulty she faced in helping him to accept that his upbringing was not how things were meant to be and change for the better had been underlined for her once more by that question. She felt very unsure of what she was supposed to do to make her feel better. She was an Auror, not a mother and she had little experience of comforting anyone her own age, having found her special powers as a Metamorphmagus had made it very difficult for her to make lasting friendships before she had joined the Order. However, she had to do something, anything, to make the dark haired boy more comfortable.

Harry, that prophecy is a lot to take in all at once and it's a lot to deal with. But you aren't going to be dealing with it all by yourself any more. I told you that about your grief for Sirius and it's just as true about this or anything else you might need help or advice or a listening ear about as it was for that."

"Th-thank you, Tonks." He half said, half stuttered slightly overwhelmed by emotions he wasn't sure how to deal with all of a sudden.; it was still so unusual to him that someone might care about him enough to want to help him and the whole idea that he was worthy of that help remained something of an alien concept to him.

"Harry, you're welcome, more than welcome in fact. You don't even have to thank me. I told you before, I'm your friend and that's what friends do.

He told her how much it hurt to be insulted by the school and even the public - people he didn't know but who thought they knew him - when they thought he had done things wrong or was using his celebrity for his own gain. How he could never be sure who people wanted to see - the real him or Harry Potter: Boy Who Lived. And he wasn't sure which was better for him to be in the end, but he knew one would destroy him if he kept on going as he had been in the past few months