Truly Madly Deeply

Chapter Three - Angst

~ Gryffindor Boys Dorm ~

Later that night, Harry lay in his bed obsessing over the last 24 hours. He had met Draco in the old storeroom they usually met in not long after dinner. They'd had incredible make up sex, but Harry pushed aside the memories and concentrated on the revelation that had occurred before dinner.

He was in love with Draco.

He'd known for a while that he loved Draco, but the fact that he was in love with him had never occurred to him. Frankly, it shocked the pants off him. Loving someone and being in love with them were two very different things. He'd thought that if things hadn't gone well he could just walk away but now he knew that there was no way he could ever walk away from Draco now.

Why did it have to be so complicated? He thought with a sigh. He stared up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head. When he had been with Draco after dinner, he had searched Draco's eyes, his expressions and gestures for some sign that he was a deeply involved as Harry was. Unfortunately he had been distracted by how sexy Draco was. Well, that and the fact that Draco was naked had distracted him.

They still hadn't talked about what they had fought so bitterly about. Harry couldn't understand why Draco had been so against the two of them moving in together. It had seemed like the perfect solution. He knew he was going to be kicked out of the Dursley's as soon as he graduated and he had thought that Draco would jump at the chance to leave Malfoy Manor. Apparently he'd been wrong.

Now Draco had admitted that he'd been wrong. But now that the elation of being right had worn off, Harry realised that he didn't even know what Draco admitted to being wrong about. Wrong to start an argument? Wrong to disagree about moving in together? Wrong to stalk off before they'd finished arguing? It could be taken so many different ways.

Harry thought back to their argument a couple of nights ago...

Harry and Draco sat out by the lake. It was about midnight and the full moon shone down on them, making Draco's hair glow. Harry had been the one to bring up the topic of life after Hogwart's.

"So, uh, have you thought about what you're going to do after we graduate?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Not really," Draco answered vaguely.

"Where are you going to live?" Harry asked. Stop beating around the bush and just ask him! he thought exasperatedly.

"The Manor," Draco replied apathetically.

"Do you want to live with me?" Harry asked, holding his breath waiting for an answer, the right answer.

"What?" Draco laughed (He's actually laughing at me, Harry thought indignantly). "With the muggles?"

"Of course not," Harry said cynically. "They're dying to kick me out. I meant we could get a place together."

"Don't be stupid, Harry. It doesn't become you. I'm a Malfoy. I live in Malfoy Manor. It is my birthright," Draco drawled.

"I'm not going to be welcome at the Manor, so when are we going to see each other?" Harry asked, annoyed at the whining tone his voice had taken on.

"Oh, come on Harry. Don't tell me you truly thought this would continue after graduation?" Draco said scathingly.

"Why not? It doesn't have to end." Harry pleaded, trying to shake the feeling that he was fighting a losing battle.

"How on earth can it continue? You said it, you're not welcome at the Manor and that is where I have to be right now, so where does that leave us? No where." Draco yelled.

"Why do you have to be there? Why can't you leave?" Harry hated being in this position, forced to beg Draco for answers to what seemed like simple questions. However, with the Slytherin, nothing was ever simple.

"I don't have time for this," Draco said dismissively as he got up. Harry stared as Draco walked away without another word.

It wasn't like Draco was being forced to be a Death Eater, Harry thought. Voldemort was gone and a golden age of peace had fallen over the wizarding world. So why the hell wouldn't Draco leave Malfoy Manor? He'd said it was his birthright. Since when had Draco cared about stuff like that? He'd taken great delight in belittling his heritage in the past. What had changed?

Actually, the major problem was Draco's belief that their relationship would end as soon as they graduated. It wasn't like Draco to care what other people thought, neither of them cared what the rest of the Hogwart's population (student and faculty) thought of their relationship. They didn't flaunt it (well, maybe a little, it was fun to watch the reactions they got) but neither did they try to hide anything.

Both of them had a 'who gives a shit' attitude towards life. Harry had never had the expectations of his parents to live up to, so he really didn't care what other people thought. Sure, the magical community had expectations but they were unreasonably high and were based on an image set in place when Harry was just a baby. Draco must have expectations from his parents, but he never talked about it and seemed to ignore them anyway.

It was clear that Harry wasn't going to get the answers he was looking for tonight. He tossed and turned for about an hour before he finally fell asleep.

~ Great Hall ~

The next morning at breakfast, Harry's eyes kept flicking over towards the Slytherin table. Draco wasn't down yet. Hermione sat down next to him.

"Hi, where's Ron?" Harry asked, surprised to see her alone.

"Hi. He's giving Dean the talk," she said with a smile.

"The talk? What are you talking about?" Harry was thoroughly confused.

"You know, the big brother don't-hurt-my-sister-or-I'll-hurt-you talk," Hermione explained with an even bigger grin. Harry's eyes widened as the implications of her words sunk in.

"Dean and Ginny? Wow, when did that happen?" Harry asked.

"Apparently it's been going on for months. They've been sneaking around and keeping it a secret since Christmas. Ron was very shocked, although I think he's relieved that it's Dean and not Seamus since Seamus has broken more hearts in this school than Neville has melted cauldrons..........."

Hermione kept talking but Harry had stopped listening. Draco had entered the Great Hall. Harry didn't take his eyes off him as he watched his lover walk across the room and sit down at the Slytherin table. Draco still hadn't looked over at the Gryffindor's. For all their liking for direct action, their I-don't-give-a-shit-and-I'm-going-to-do-what-I-want attitude, neither of them seemed inclined to talk directly about the problem which now hung between them like an impenetrable wall.

Sometimes Harry got the feeling that this was ridiculous, just a stupid fight. But it was based on deeper issues and he knew that if they didn't face them then pretty soon those issues would end their relationship. Harry stared down at his still full plate. All this angst isn't good for me, he thought, if I keep this up, I'll be too weak to play Quidditch. Right now, the thought of food made him sick. I need to talk to him, he thought, but what will I say?

Hundreds of owls flew into the Hall. Hedwig was among them. She flew down to Harry, landed gracefully and held out her leg. Harry untied the letter that was attached and gave her some of his uneaten bacon. He quickly unfolded the letter, eager to see who it was from...

Chapter Three - Angst