Armilla II

Chapter 24

I did not wake up in good spirits. As I groggily opened my eyes, I felt the rush of nausea that I'd had earlier, not to mention yet another headache. I groaned, rubbing my head as I looked at the clock.

5:21pm. Goodness, I had slept most of the day away. I rolled onto my back, grimacing in pain when the movement caused me to cough. My head felt cloudy, like I wasn't really awake. Ha, with all the dreams I'd been having, it was mind-boggling to separate the reality and the memories of reality.

I would have been happy to lie there, if I hadn't had the urgent need for the bathroom. Slowly, I got up and sat on the side of my bed. That movement alone made my head feel like it had steel marbles rolling around in it. I got up and stumbled slightly, reaching for my bedside table to steady me. I coughed again, wincing at the burning sensation this caused. Where had I caught this?

Holding onto any furniture available, I made my way into the bathroom. I was determined to avoid the mirror, as previous experience had taught me that it was not a good idea to view one's reflection during illness. The mirror gave me a comment anyway, making me feel perfectly at ease.

"Argh, what a dreadful complexion. What colour would you call that?"

I ignored it. Before I went back to my bedroom, I found a facecloth and soaked it in cold water. I leaned over the basin, sighing as I brought it to my face. The cooling sensation lasted no more than fifteen seconds, when the cloth became warm.

Throwing it aside, I made my way back to my bed and sat down, feeling slightly short of breath. I had no inclination to go back to sleep; I'd just spent hours sleeping. My head didn't feel so bad now that I was sitting up.

I wondered where Snape was. I wanted more potions and soon. Holding onto the bedpost, I pulled myself up and stood there, leaning my head against it. If I went to Snape for potions, he'd probably make me go back to bed. He'd give me a Dreamless Sleep potion again.

I didn't want Dreamless Sleep again. The pain in my head was worth it to get my memories back. I hated feeling like I didn't know who I was. I had found some comfort with the man for some reason, which I assumed came from my memories, but I still felt like I didn't know him. It irked me that he probably knew a lot about me. He'd been my guardian for a year, after all.

I looked down at my bed. I could just go back to sleep now so I could find some more memories. My head was aching, but it was worth risking it. It would still hurt when I woke up again, so what difference would it make? Snape would never know that I'd woken up and gone back to sleep without the help of Dreamless Sleep. Unless he'd heard the toilet flush...damn.

I decided to risk it. Instead of seeking Snape out for potions, I climbed back into bed, trying to suppress my coughs. The ache in my head renewed itself as I laid down and it seemed that, even with my eyes closed, the spinning sensation in my head was unlikely to stop any time soon.

Because of the nausea, it took a lot longer to fall asleep. I dozed for a little while, never properly falling asleep. I was starting to wonder if it was fate telling me that I was doing the wrong thing...

o o o o o o o o o o

Packing for school wasn't one of my favourite things to do. I never seemed to pack the right amount; it was either too much or too little.

"Armilla! Are you finished yet?" I heard Merle call.

"Nearly!" I called back, picking up the last few books. As I put them into my trunk, they turned in clouds! I frowned. That was strange. I'd heard of Astronomy books doing strange things like that, but these weren't Astronomy books. I purposely kept a minimal amount of those. Hmm...

I reached for the clouds and pulled them back out. I certainly had a headache; perhaps I had been at this too long. That was funny! The clouds had turned back into books again. Rolling my eyes, I put them back into the trunk, not surprised this time when they turned into clouds once more. Silly things.

I reached up to pull the lid down. It wouldn't close! The clouds were growing bigger and bigger - no wonder the lid wouldn't close!

"Oy!" I said, poking one of them. Ouch! Why was my head being punished for that? I kept poking all the more, ignoring the stabs of pain this gave my head. I was more concerned about finishing packing. I didn't want to miss the train.

Finally, I just decided to get in the trunk and sit on the clouds in the hope they would all burst. They seemed to have a bubble-like texture.

Bang! Bang! Was I hearing those bangs or was it the banging happening in my head? Either way all the clouds had burst open and I was showered with sounds and images. Everywhere I looked I could see things I remembered.

There was one where Snape was handing me a pearl, giving me instructions on how to use it.

"Yes, sir," I said quietly, trying to undo the clasp. I wasn't meaning to look clumsy, but I couldn't quite manage it with all the plasters on my fingers. I couldn't even bend most of them properly.

"Here," said Snape, irritably, snatching the chain from me and doing it up around my neck.

The ring! My mother's ring! There it was! I touched the puddle-like substance inside the ring, and like before, my mother's face came into view. When she saw me, her face lit up.

"Hello, my child."

"Hi."

There was the ring again! I was talking to my mother again.

"MISS KEMP! What are you doing down here?"

Damn it! Damn. Damn. Damn. What a time to interrupt. Oh, was I going to be in trouble now...

I looked around at Snape, who was standing in the doorway, seething with rage.

"Answer wisely, Miss Kemp," he spat. "You are in deep trouble. How dare you come down here and-"

I giggled. I remembered that day well...

Memory after memory came and went, and with each one my head suffered more. I cringed when I saw the inside of my bathroom in my bedroom in the dungeons.

I crouched down beside the toilet and covered my face with my hands.

"I am not sure what to say to you, Armilla," Severus said, his voice just above a whisper.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry," I said, shuddering. "I didn't...I don't..." I trailed off, wiping my eyes.

He reached over and pulled me towards him. "What's the matter with you today?" he murmured in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.

That felt nice. I remembered that. That didn't happen anymore...

I clutched my head, moaning in pain. Was it hot in here?

"Armilla."

I covered my ear with my hand. No more sound. My head hurt.

I felt a hand pull my own hand away from my ear. "Armilla, open your eyes."

Huh? Wasn't I still standing in my trunk?

Apparently not. As I opened my eyes, I realised I was actually on the floor of my bedroom...again. Through my blurry vision, I could see that Snape was kneeling beside me, a potion in his hand.

I blinked a few times, bringing my hands to my eyes to block out the light. Oh my head...

"Drink this, quickly now," I heard Snape saying, pushing the glass into my hand. "Your fever is far too high."

I drank it down, barely noticing the taste. I tried to get up, feeling embarrassed at being found on the floor this time, but Snape reached down to stop me.

"No, stay there for a moment."

The silence that followed was welcomed. I kept my head in my hands, my eyes closed, hoping the room would stop spinning when I opened them. My chest still hurt...like it was burning.

Within a few minutes, the throb in my head had become a dull pain. Feeling better, I opened my eyes and held on to the side of the bed to pull myself up. Snape got up too, his eyes on my face, his expression calculating.

"Feeling better?" There was something icy in his tone.

I nodded. "Yes...thank you."

He nodded curtly. "Been dreaming, I take it?" Yes, there was definitely an edge to his voice.

Again, I nodded. "Yes." My voice didn't sound as confident as I would have liked.

"Funny," he said, narrowing his eyes, "I'm sure I left you sleeping under the effects of Dreamless Sleep. Seeing as I made the dangers of sleeping without it perfectly clear to you, I am sure that if you had woken up, you wouldn't have purposely gone back to sleep...I couldn't accept dozing off again, seeing as Dreamless Sleep generally ensures that the user is wide awake once it wears off."

I said nothing. Guilt was creeping up inside me. Also, I was nervous of the man's reaction.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Well then?"

Again, I said nothing. I was sure I was going to be in trouble if I answered or not.

"Did you, or did you not," he said dangerously, his black eyes glinting, "deliberately go back to sleep, with the intent of viewing more memories?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Damn my lack of nerve! Where had it gone?

"Answer me at once," he snapped.

Biting my lip, I nodded.

"A verbal answer, Armilla."

"Yes," I whispered. "I did."

He shook his head at me, clearly furious. "You do realise now that I am going to have to monitor your sleeping habits far more closely? Trust is a valuable thing, Armilla. I had thought you more sensible than this."

I looked away, shuddering as I tried unsuccessfully to blink away tears.

"Don't get upset," he said, looking irritated.

"Don't get upset!" I exclaimed, looking back at him. "You try losing your memory and see how you like it! It's not much fun, you know."

There silence that followed this did nothing for the sudden feeling of unease inside me, which had nothing to do with being ill.

As it was, I tried not to cringe as Snape's expression turned even more dangerous. "Speak to me like that again," he said, his voice low, "and I assure you that you will be a very sorry young lady."

I wiped away my tears, feeling embarrassed at what I'd just said to him. At the same time, my frustration was growing at an alarming rate. I was ready to yell at anyone and anything for the sake of it. I knew I should apologise. Everything was my fault, but my frustration with the entire situation won over all other concerns.

I sat down heavily on my bed, coughing in the process and wincing at the burning it caused. Crying over something I'd caused was both embarrassing and ridiculous...and yet I continued to do it.

"Stop this," said Snape, walking into my bathroom. "You'll make yourself more unwell."

"I don't care," I muttered.

I wasn't sure if he'd heard me, but he didn't reply. He came out a moment later, holding the cloth I'd used earlier. He took out his wand and cast a charm on it to keep it cool. Why hadn't I thought of doing that? I was a witch; I should have thought to do that before! Any other time this might not have mattered to me, but right now, it seemed every little thing did. The sight of the cloth made me feel stupid and it brought fresh tears forth, making me turn away from him when he approached me.

"Here," he said, dropping it in my lap. "Make use of it. I'm going to retrieve some potions."

Something about his manner seemed so cold. It was the Potions Master I remembered, but not the one I was used to in my own mind now. Now that I'd had more dreams about him, I felt so very differently about him. It hurt to have him be so frosty, but then, I had made him angry. It was my fault.

I used the cloth to wipe my face and I leaned over, resting my face in my hands and the cloth. It stayed cool. I suppressed another shudder. I wasn't sure what I was feeling upset about now, my own frustration or Snape's anger. The memory of being in his arms on the sofa kept replaying in my mind, clear like it had happened just yesterday. It was strange that the angry man across the hall was the same one as in that memory.

"Sit up," he ordered, upon entering the room again. He sat down on the bed next to me and as I sat up, he started the process of passing me potions to drink. I noticed that there was a tray of plain food hovering next to him. He was silent whilst I drank them and once I was finished, he used his wand to direct the empty glasses back into the lab. I wondered why he hadn't given me any Dreamless Sleep. Perhaps he thought I'd slept enough.

He reached for the tray and placed it on my lap. "I will be back momentarily," he said shortly. "In the meantime you are to eat as much of this as you can-"

I started to argue. "But I'm not-"

He held up a hand to stop me, glaring as he did. "And before you say you aren't hungry, I must insist that you at least try and eat some of it." Without waiting for an answer, he got up and left the room without a backwards glance.

I was sure the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach had nothing to do with my illness. It wasn't quite guilt, but something else...

Slowly, I reached for some bread and began to eat it. It took forever to eat one slice; forcing food down when you weren't hungry was not enjoyable in the least. The ache in my head had lessened considerably, thanks to the much stronger potion, but the nausea and chest pain especially were still there. By the time Snape returned, not fifteen minutes later, I had finished one slice of bread and some apple slices and had placed the tray on the bedside table. I was ready to refuse to have any more of it.

I said nothing as Snape came in, as his expression was still stony. Perhaps he had left me alone for fifteen minutes so we could avoid saying things we'd regret. I wondered how often we went through experiences like this. That memory I'd relived had shown one episode, but in that one I'd been upset about being separated from him. Was I really that clingy or had that been because of the kidnapping? It seemed strange to imagine myself clinging to Snape and yet, at the same time, something inside me could understand it. It was most confusing.

"Had enough, I suppose?" he asked, nodding at the tray.

"Yes," I said, probably more abruptly than I should have. I chewed on my lip, looking away.

"You may be feeling ill, Armilla, but I don't appreciate your blatant lack of civility."

Merlin, he was right. I was being so rude. He didn't deserve it, and yet there was something inside me making me say these things all the same. I was going barmy, I was sure of it.

"How often do I do this?" I asked quietly.

His frown deepened. "Do what?"

My voice was shaking when I answered. "Display my vast amount of lunatic tendencies."

I thought I saw the slightest hint of bemusement flash across his face. If it had been there, it was gone a split second later.

"I saw an example of one in my memory," I went on, shuddering again as I stared at the floor. "Not long after escaping from Father. I didn't want you to leave." I looked over at him, my voice wavering again. "I'm sorry if I do this all the time. I don't remember being so loony before."

Snape shook his head, sitting down on my bed again. "Don't be ridiculous."

His reply did nothing to appease me. I coughed and looked away.

"You would have to have all your memories back in order to understand the actions you speak of," he said quietly. "Loony, as you put it, does not come into the equation. The past year has held a significant amount of emotional upheaval for you. The memory you speak of cannot be judged out of context. I know you remember the event preceding it, but your actions at the time suggested something more about the nature of our relationship."

I stared at him, looking into his black eyes, taking in the stern face. I was itching to move closer to him, as I knew I'd like it from reliving the memory, but at the same time, I didn't have the nerve. He was still angry with me, I was sure.

"To answer your question, though," he went on, interrupting my thoughts, "I very rarely see indecorous behaviour from you...the loony side you speak of, however, is not worth addressing at all."

I wasn't sure what to say to this. I was prevented from saying anything more when Severus continued.

"- Which is why I find this defiance from you quite out of character. You knew, Armilla, how I felt about you sleeping without Dreamless Sleep at the moment. You knew the danger it was to your health." He shook his head, his eyes narrowed. "And yet you found it quite all right to risk it."

I had. Though my head had suffered for the decision, I couldn't bring myself to admit that it hadn't been worth it. I would do it again. Suffering the displeasure of Snape wasn't great fun though.

"You don't regret it," he said simply. It wasn't a question.

Slowly, I shook my head. "That's how badly I want my memories back," I said softly. "My head already ached. I decided it couldn't get much worse."

Again, he shook his head. "Armilla, I believe that's one of the silliest things you have ever said to me."

I looked away. That shouldn't have hurt, but it did. The sudden lump in my throat proved it.

"Look at me, please."

The general feeling of irritation seemed to be building again. Trying to swallow the lump, I looked over at him, trying to disguise my peevishness.

Snape lifted his hand, and for a moment I thought he was reaching out for mine, but he seemed to think better of it. "I understand that you want your memories back," he said, clasping his hands in his lap. "But nothing is more important than your mind remaining healthy, even having your memories back. Overheating the brain through a high temperature can be extremely dangerous."

"I know that," I said heatedly, unable to hide my peevishness now. Honestly, I wasn't stupid. "I wouldn't have done it if I'd thought the fever was that bad."

"Oh, do excuse my ignorance," he said scathingly, his eyes flashing in anger. "I must have missed the ceremonial event of the obtainment of your Healer's licence. I'd quite forgotten that you know best on such matters."

I nearly threw something at him. As it was, I clenched the blankets beneath me in an effort to channel my anger.

Seeming to feel my anger, Snape stood up, his expression back to one of indifference. "I see we are not going to get very far on this subject."

I shook my head.

He sighed. "Come, get into bed."

Complying, seeing as I had no objection to this, I edged over to the head of my bed.

"You are to stay in bed at least until your fever is gone."

I nodded. Snape actually looked tired to me. A pang in my heart told me that I was responsible for it. A little bit of guilt crept into my mind.

He looked back at the books on my desk. "I have some potions to brew for the next few hours. Would you like a book to pass the time?"

"Pass the time?" I repeated, my eyes on the books on my desk. None of them looked familiar to me. "You're not giving me Dreamless Sleep, then?"

"No," he answered, rather abruptly, "I am not, for now at least."

"What do you mean?"

He considered me for a moment before answering. "You need rest. You don't require constant sleep. Staying in bed and resting will suffice. I will give you something to help you sleep at bedtime."

I stared at him. "And what if I fall asleep while I'm reading?"

He shook his head. "You won't." He turned and walked to my desk.

"How do you know that?"

He turned around at my desk, his expression closed. "Because it will not happen again."

I frowned. Something didn't quite add up here. He was quite happy to leave me in my room while he went to brew potions. I was perfectly capable of falling asleep and dreaming once again. Unless...

Suddenly I saw red. "You made sure of it!"

Snape held up a hand to stop me. "Armilla-"

"No!" I said loudly, getting up, coughing in the process. "You added something to one of those potions! You were making sure that I wouldn't sleep!"

"Armilla-"

"You're certainly one to talk of trust!"

He took a step forward, looking livid. "Armilla-"

I was having none of it. "How can I trust you? Why would I drink anything else you give me now-"

"Enough!" he snapped, advancing towards me.

This time I actually took a step back, shrinking back against the wall. The look on his face did frighten me this time. There was only a small space between us and I knew I wasn't about to escape the wrath I probably deserved. I could see why he had added something to the potion, but I still felt justified in being angry about it.

Something suddenly flickered in Snape's eyes. He stared back at my recoiling form and the look of fury on his face changed into one of suppressed shock.

The silence in the room was unbearable. Each of us was shaking, eyes locked on the other. Finally, Snape took a step back, followed by another. Then, he turned around and left the room, closing the door behind him.

It was some time before I moved. My focus remained on the closed door, waiting for him to return. Shaking terribly, I straightened up and crawled into bed. I didn't need to retrieve a book; I had something far more worthwhile in mind to pass the time, something I did well - I sobbed.

o o o o o o o o o o o

I spent hours doing virtually nothing except feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I was crying for my lost memories, sometimes it was because Snape had stopped me from viewing them, sometimes it was simply because I didn't feel well and the rest of the time I had no idea why.

I couldn't see a positive in all this. Sometimes I felt okay about Snape, almost relaxed, but then, in the space of seconds, I could feel the opposite. Having him angry at me was extremely unsettling, more unsettling than the anger I felt in return towards him.

Where was the happiness in all this? I wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone, and at the moment, I had to stay in Snape's quarters. Snape wouldn't let me get my memories back, which meant I wasn't likely to get out of his rooms for a long time. The worst part was, Merle wasn't around to talk to. I wanted her so badly.

I rolled onto my back at stared at the canopy above me. Snape had told me not to doubt that I was a burden to him. I even remembered him once telling me that I wasn't a burden. I remembered going to our house, on the Merrigan Estate, with him. I remembered the pink cupcake he'd conjured for my birthday, and the small diamond earrings he'd given me, one Merle's and one his. I remembered kissing him and feeling sincere in my thanks. This was the same man who had walked out a few hours before? Had I really pushed him that far? I'd been so angry...I was still angry.

I chewed my lip, running my fingers along my bracelet. I remembered Snape opening the locket and seeing the proof that I was his sister. I remembered a couple of the occasions when he had touched the bracelet and I'd felt warmth rush through me.

I sighed, the tears starting again. I was quite certain that wherever Snape was at the moment, he was probably questioning the value he placed upon his guardianship. Since I'd lost my memory, I hadn't been the pleasantest of people, no matter whose fault it was.

I coughed as I rolled onto my side. With all the congestion I had, it was uncomfortable lying on my back. I stared at my bracelet, running my fingers along the silver chain. I remembered using it to free me when Father had kidnapped me.

I ran my finger over the emerald, and as I did so, I let out a gasp of surprise. Sitting up, I peered closely at the gem. The clarity of it was completely different to what I remembered; it looked a little foggy to me. How long had it been like this? It had looked normal when I had freed myself from Father's hideout house.

I shakily let out a breath, trying to view the emerald in different lights. It was quite dull, no matter which way I looked at it. Did this mean something? Did it say something about my life perhaps...the loss of my memories? Would it become clearer when I retrieved more memories...if that ever happened...

I sighed again. Excellent. Yet another thing to worry about. I got up and went to the bathroom, holding onto things around me for support as I went. Damn dizziness. Once again I ignored the less than flattering remarks from the mirror. When I came back into my bedroom, I could hear hushed voices coming from the sitting room. I couldn't catch everything that was being said, but I was pretty sure that Dumbledore was out there with Snape. I went to the door, knowing it was wrong, but wanting to hear what was being said all the same.

"-can't expect her to always be perfect in every way." Yes, that was definitely Dumbledore's voice. "I will admit that you've been fortunate in being guardian to a child with a responsible and agreeable disposition. Armilla does have the tendency to sometimes make you forget how young she is, Severus, but you must remember that she is just sixteen years old."

"I am perfectly aware of how old she is, Headmaster," came the curt reply.

"Have you stopped to think about how vulnerable she is at the moment?"

"Of course I have!"

"Well then," came a third voice, which I recognised as Madam Pomfrey's, "you must be perfectly aware that Armilla's not likely to be herself for some time."

"Thank you for stating the obvious-"

"Don't interrupt me, Severus Snape!"

"Keep your voice down, Poppy," Dumbledore said mildly.

I heard Madam Pomfrey sigh. "I'll flatter myself, Severus, that I have slightly more experience on these matters than you do."

"What? On memory loss?"

"No, on the temperament of teenage girls!"

"I've taught teenage girls for many years now, Poppy, so I'd appreciate-"

"Yes, taught them, Severus, but you haven't cared for them, especially when they were ill. No one expects you to be perfect at this."

"I wasn't aware of any judgement," he said snidely.

"You know what I mean, Severus! If anyone is judging at the moment, I can guarantee you that it's your sister. From what you've told me, she couldn't possibly be sure of your character, and yet she has the understanding that she's relied on you for all forms of support in the past year. I expect she'd be looking for those signs, not only in her memories, but in the support you offer her now."

This was met with silence. I knew I shouldn't be listening, but I couldn't move away. Had Snape asked the two of them for advice?

"I am sure Severus has offered her comfort, Poppy," said Dumbledore, quietly.

Nothing was said for a moment. Perhaps they were communicating through their expressions. Maybe Snape was giving Dumbledore an irritated look. At length, I heard my brother's voice again.

"She may not want it if I offer it," he said gruffly.

There was surprise in Dumbledore's tone. "You fear rejection? Can you recall a time Armilla didn't welcome it, Severus?"

"It's different now. She's-"

"She's the same girl, I assure you, Severus," said Madam Pomfrey, "merely frightened, I expect."

I shook my head. No, I wasn't.

"You say she's been feverish?" The nurse's tone was much gentler now.

"Yes, it becomes higher when her memories are retrieved," he said abruptly. "As she knows."

"Severus," said Dumbledore, "do consider-"

"Consider what, Headmaster? Her newfound will to be headstrong and impetuous? Loss of memory does not generally produce new personality traits."

I bit my lip. That hurt.

"For Merlin's sake, Severus!" Madam Pomfrey hissed. "Are you really that blind? You just said yourself that the girl has been feverish! Combine that with her memory loss and you'll have one very befuddled child!"

Hey! I wasn't befuddled! Well, maybe a little bit...

Snape didn't answer.

"You can be so daft sometimes, Severus," came the nurse's cross voice. "You know yourself that a high fever can cause irrational thoughts and actions. I assume that Armilla has already displayed quite a range of emotional outbursts?"

Again, there was no answer. I knew the answer myself perfectly well.

Madam Pomfrey sounded disapproving when she spoke again. "Funny that."

"Perhaps I am not cut out for dealing with this sort of situation."

"Who would be, Severus?" she said, softly. "There is a lot of anger and frustration in the air from this, I assume, from both of you. You're both dealing with a situation that gives rise to a display of raw emotion."

I turned away, not wanting to hear any more of it. I shouldn't have been listening anyway. I got back into bed again, feeling exhausted for no reason once again. It was now just after eight-thirty. I wondered if Snape would come in with Dreamless Sleep soon.

Snape was doubting his ability to care for me...I fought back the lump in my throat as I realised how much I'd been to blame. Thinking back, though he'd been irritated, he had been trying hard to care for me. My own frustration had not made me good company.

I heard a sudden hooting and shrank back as Morag flew over to me. She landed next to me on the bed and then calmly stared up at me. She was the exact shade of Ravenclaw blue, which didn't stop me being nervous of her. I had not yet viewed many memories of her.

"Hi," I whispered, as she continued to stare at me.

She blinked in response and then turned Slytherin green.

I shook my head. "Not very flattering at all, I think."

She hooted and then started hopping about on my lap.

I merely watched her, wondering how much she really understood. Magical creatures were funny things.

After watching her hop about for a couple of minutes, I shrank back again when she suddenly let out a piercing hoot and flapped her wings, blinking back at me.

What did she want? She continued to hoot loudly until I reached out a hand towards her, hoping she wouldn't nip at it. She stopped the noise as soon as my hand touched her soft feathers. After a few seconds, her eyes closed and she let out a peaceful hoot, turning Ravenclaw blue once more.

"Strange thing," I whispered, continuing to stroke her. She really did enjoy attention. She only opened her eyes when I stopped the stroking to cough instead.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in."

It opened and I looked up to see Madam Pomfrey step in, giving me what she must have thought was a motherly smile as she did so. "Good evening, Armilla," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," I said quietly, continuing to stroke Morag.

"Are you really sure about that? I've been informed that you've been quite unwell."

I nodded. Why did she need to ask me then?

"Severus is in his lab just now," she went on, sitting in the armchair next to my bed. "He's finishing off some stronger potions for you. He suspects that you're developing pneumonia. He's asked me to confirm this for him."

I stopped stroking Morag and looked over at the nurse. "Why can't he do that himself?" I asked.

Madam Pomfrey's smile faltered for a moment. "Oh, he's run a few diagnostic spells whilst you've been sleeping," she said. "He just wants a second opinion."

I shook my head. When did Snape ever require a second opinion?

She seemed to read my thoughts. "Your body hasn't been responding to the potions as well as it should have," she said, smiling again. "Severus wants to be sure that it is pneumonia before he gives you something much stronger."

"Oh." I wasn't sure I believed it. "I had pneumonia years ago," I said vaguely, thinking of how I'd spent over a week in bed when I was seven. It hadn't been much fun and I'd felt...pretty similar to how I felt now.

Biting back any impatient remarks that readily sprang to mind, I let Madam Pomfrey carry out her spells, ignoring her soft clucking when her spells gave results she didn't like. I answered every question regarding my health, even when they seemed too personal.

"Well then," she said, finally, putting her wand away. "You can be sure that it is pneumonia, but only a mild case, luckily. You must remain in bed and rest as much as possible."

I nodded, wanting her to take her leave so I could enjoy my own company again. Even Morag seemed to be tiring of her. Madam Pomfrey had made me send her back to her cage and she had been hooting indignantly since.

Instead of getting up to leave, Madam Pomfrey fixed me with a motherly expression again. "The pneumonia aside, Armilla, how have you been feeling?"

Ah, now it was coming out. I didn't need a counselling session. "Fine," I said, looking her in the eye and giving her an indifferent expression.

"Are you comfortable here?"

"Perfectly so."

"What about your relationship with your brother? Are you finding him agreeable?"

"Of course."

Madam Pomfrey frowned at me. "Armilla, I believe you are just humouring me."

"I would never do that," I said smoothly. I wasn't going to tell her a thing.

She sighed. "Listen to me, Armilla. This is going to keep building up inside you unless you choose to talk about it. If you don't wish to speak to me, perhaps I can arrange-"

"I know my mind well enough," I said calmly. "I can speak to..." Say it! Say his name! "I can speak to Severus if I need to."

She looked doubtful. "Can you?"

"Of course," I said again. "Why wouldn't I be able to talk to him if I needed to?"

She hesitated. "Well, I thought..." she trailed off, clearly not knowing what she thought or else choosing not to express it aloud.

She stood up. "Well then," she said, smoothing out her apron. "I'll go and retrieve your potions from Severus so that you can sleep-"

I frowned. "Why can't Severus give them to me?"

"He's busy finishing off those potions, dear-"

"Then I'll wait for him. Thank you anyway."

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "I cannot be sure how much longer he'll be, Armilla. It's best for you to sleep now and then see him in the morning."

I shook my head. "No, I'll wait." I was still feeling hurt that Madam Pomfrey had been sent into the room to coax me into talking to her. Perhaps it had been her idea, but having her around made me realise how much I wanted Severus.

Severus...Severus. It sounded okay in my mind. I wanted to see him before I went to sleep. I wanted to know that he didn't think I was a different person. The thought of it made my chest hurt all the more. I didn't know whether it was the illness or the memory loss, but I seemed to get upset over ridiculous things.

"Armilla," the nurse said sternly, "I am trying to be patient."

"I know that!" I snapped, coughing as I did so and feeling my head spin. "I am happy to wait. I told you that."

"Well, I am afraid you don't always get to choose what you want to do," she said firmly, also folding her arms. "In this case you shall do as I say."

I glared at her.

She sighed again. "Armilla, you don't need to be this aloof. If it's a question of pride-"

"I am not being aloof!" I had just stopped myself from yelling. All the same, I had probably been loud enough for Severus to hear. "Why would I confide a stranger?"

Madam Pomfrey looked taken aback. "I am no stranger, Armilla-"

"Well, you're not my mother either, so-"

"Thank you, Poppy," came a stern voice from the doorway. "You may leave us now."

We both paused as we looked over to the doorway where Severus was standing, a few potions in his hands. His eyes flittered from me to Madam Pomfrey, his expression unfathomable. He must have heard me then.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head at Severus. "You can be assured that she's the same girl, Severus," she huffed. "She is, without a doubt, your sister. Your dispositions are incredibly alike."

"Thank you," he said graciously, inclining his head. "And the diagnosis?"

"As you thought," she said, glancing back at me with an anxious frown, "she has the early stages of pneumonia. I would give her those stronger potions you suggested earlier."

"I shall," he replied, nodding.

"And ensure she gets plenty of rest," she added, moving to the door.

"I intend to." He stood back so she could pass.

Madam Pomfrey turned around to face me, looking resigned. "Well, goodbye then, Armilla. Though I am sure you will not seek it, my office is always open to you."

"Thank you," I said quietly, feeling a little bad. Honestly, I had done nothing except feel bad for my treatment of other people since I'd lost my memory.

She turned and left, and Severus followed her out. I assumed he was seeing her out. Upon hearing the door close, I waited for him to come back in. I heard his footsteps, but they carried him into his lab. Perhaps he was retrieving the potions Madam Pomfrey had been talking of.

Ten minutes later there was still no sign of him and I was left contemplating two possible reasons why: either he was still finishing off those potions, or he still had no desire to see me. Twenty minutes later I was quite certain that it was the latter. I didn't feel well and I wanted to sleep, but I didn't dare do it this time without the Dreamless Sleep. Perhaps I would have to ask Severus for it. Severus...somehow it didn't feel odd using the name.

I got out of bed and immediately held onto the side of it to clear my head of dizziness. I slowly made my way to the door, pausing when I reached it to catch my breath. I went across the hall, where I found the door open and heard the sound of a bubbling cauldron. As I stood in the doorway, I saw Severus leaning over a cauldron, a look of intense concentration on his face. His lips were moving slightly as he stirred, counting the number. He had noticed my presence though, for a moment later his other hand beckoned me forward.

I moved into the room and stopped at the end of the bench, leaning on it for support. Walking from my bedroom had been tiring enough.

I watched him in silence for several minutes. The potion he was making was clearly a very intricate one. When he finished it, it was a most offensive bright pink.

"I must ask why you are out of bed," Severus said, after he'd extinguished the flame. He still didn't look at me. He went about bottling the potion and using his wand to put away the ingredients.

"To get Dreamless Sleep from you," I replied quietly.

"I was coming back to you just now," he said, closing the door of the cupboard, "but I stopped to check in on the potion first and it had reached a point where I preferred not to let it simmer without supervision. That's the disadvantage of using dried Billywig stingers; though they're excellent for clearing the worst of congestion, they can be unpredictable in the brewing process. The batch I used must have been from immature Billywigs, seeing as the potion required stirring sooner than I expected."

"That's for me then?" I asked, eyeing the bright pink concoction. It seemed the usual vivid blue of Billywigs had held no influence over the colour.

He nodded. "It's an experiment, actually. I had to make a decision regarding what was more important. I could continue to give you the weaker potions plus the Dreamless Sleep and hope that rest and time would aid in healing you. My other choice is to try this stronger potion, which has a variation of Dreamless Sleep in it. You cannot take both potions as this stronger one doesn't agree with all the ingredients in the original Dreamless Sleep."

"What would happen?"

"The potion would strengthen the Dreamless Sleep and could induce a temporary coma."

"Oh."

"So the experiment," he went on, examining the pink liquid, "is in regards to how long you sleep without dreams whilst under the effect of this potion. The Dreamless Sleep element isn't as strong and therefore could wear off before the effect of the potion does."

I wished he would look at me. "So, I may start dreaming then?"

He nodded. "The potion has a strong effect on keeping fevers at bay, but it will be tested if you begin to dream before you wake. In any case, I'll be staying awake tonight to monitor your sleep anyway. I need to check for signs of the Dreamless Sleep element wearing off."

"It won't be my fault then if it happens?"

This time, he looked at me. I couldn't read his expression. "No, it wouldn't be your fault."

Guilt suddenly hit me. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He merely stared back at me, a slight frown on his face. I couldn't work out what he was thinking.

I bit my lip. "I did something stupid."

He nodded curtly. "Indeed."

The silence that followed did nothing to settle the nervous feeling I had. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"Come," he said, picking up the potion and leading the way out of the room. "You should be in bed."

That was it? No talk? Nothing? I had a memory of apologising to him before and we'd talked back then. I did feel bad now. Guilt had finally won over. Didn't he understand that?

I slowly made my way out after him and followed him into my bedroom. I was out of breath by the time I reached my bed.

"Into bed," Severus ordered briskly. "You should try and limit your amount of walking around. It's unnecessary use of energy."

This comment brought about the angry tears that I'd tried to hold back when I'd walked the few steps from his lab to my bedroom. I tried to hide them as I moved past him and got into bed. He sounded so detached, like I was a student.

"What's the matter?" he asked quietly.

I was about to tell him that nothing was wrong, but that sounded immature to me, seeing as my face showed the opposite. My head hurt and I wanted to sleep. "I do limit the amount I walk around," I said heatedly, my voice wavering. "I only came looking for you because I thought you weren't coming back."

He shook his head. "Of course I was coming back."

"I didn't know that..."

"Thought I was going to leave you to yourself all night?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You sent Madam Pomfrey in to talk to me about how I felt-"

"I did not," he interrupted, looking irritated. "I did ask for a second opinion because I thought you might have something more severe than bronchitis, but nothing more than that."

"I don't need to talk to anyone else anyway," I said resolutely, trying not to sound like a small child.

"I don't recall making the suggestion," he said indifferently.

He was making me more and more frustrated. He was different to what I remembered. I had a lot of later memories of my time with him and less of the earlier ones. Maybe we had started off this way. I didn't want this Severus around.

He sat down in the armchair and summoned some potions journals from the sitting room.

"Are you ready then?" he asked, holding out the glass to me.

I had so much more to say, so much more to shout. I didn't have the energy to do it. My head was aching and the potion being offered to me was going to hopefully offer me some form of relief. Perhaps Severus was holding off on speaking to me properly until I was better. Either way, his aloofness seemed to be adding to the pain I felt.

Taking a shuddering breath, I reached for the glass. I drank and it and then he took the glass from me. Lying down and wiping my eyes, I waited for sleep to come.

"It may take a few minutes to take effect," Severus said quietly.

I nodded, taking another shuddering breath. Coughing, I rolled onto my side and looked over at him. He was looking back at me, his black eyes fixed on mine.

"Don't you care that I said sorry?" I whispered.

He blinked. "Of course I care, Armilla."

I made no response.

"I should have said something more," he admitted. "I appreciate that you apologised. I am probably still a little...miffed that you did it in the first place." He sighed, looking tired again. "I assure you, I do care."

Something else came to mind to say to him, but it disappeared as I became sleepy. I kept my eyes open for as long as I could, trying to find any emotion I could on my brother's face. It remained just as guarded as before.

I closed my eyes and everything immediately seemed to slow down inside me. My thoughts, which were running hazily into each other, were of the brother I remembered. "I remember you," I murmured, my mind growing foggier. "I remember..."

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