Armilla II

A/N Since it's been a while, it's probably worth going back and rereading the last two chapters. If you've forgotten the details (like me!) this chapter won't make a lot of sense.

o o o o o o o o o

I stared back at him, not sure what to say. The real me would have agreed with him I supposed, if Dumbledore's words were true. I supposed it was an unhappy turn of events, but my reasons were probably vastly different to his. I wanted Merle back. I didn't feel comfortable with this man. He was my teacher; the man who made me cringe every time I went to Potions.

His black eyes swept over me, taking in the strewn blankets as well. "Are you unwell?"

"I'm...not sure," I answered truthfully. I didn't feel well, but that could have been from the shock of all this. Perhaps Madam Pomfrey should have given me something stronger.

He made no comment about my answer. He glanced at my bed for a moment and then turned to sit in the armchair beside me. He continued to look at me, the tiniest wave of emotion reaching his eyes. There was something in his eyes that looked different to what I remembered from that afternoon.

"I imagine that you're feeling utterly dejected at the moment," he said quietly. "That, I can understand."

I nodded. "I'm not sure how I got into this, sir."

He suddenly grimaced. "Don't call me sir," he said shortly. "I'd rather you not call me anything at all than call me that."

"Sorry," I said quickly. I bit my lip, thinking how easy it was to agitate the man.

He shook his head. "I apologise if I gave you a less than decorous impression this afternoon when I brought you down here, but I had no idea that your memory had been altered."

I nodded again, too nervous to comment.

The silence that followed wasn't pleasant. Snape was looking at me, as if waiting for me to speak, but I had nothing to say. What was I supposed to say? The only time I ever spoke to this man was when answering questions during Potions, something which I usually kept to a minimum.

I distracted myself by concentrating on finding the colder parts of my mattress. It was so warm in this room.

"Armilla."

It sounded so strange hearing him call me by my first name. I looked over at him.

"I do not presume to know all the thoughts that must be running through your mind at the moment," he said, watching me closely. "I can only hope that whatever doubts you may have in regard to your life with me will be of short duration."

I bit my lip again. Of course I was having doubts. This was the most fearsome teacher I knew.

I coughed, feeling a pain through my chest as I did so. "So, I shouldn't say that I'm sorry, then?"

He frowned. "Whatever for?"

"For intruding on your life like this. This must have been the last thing you wanted."

"No, I wasn't impressed at the time," he admitted. "But then, I had never planned for a child...teenager in this case."

I stared at him, trying to read his expression, which was still closed.

"I realise that the loss of your memory may cause you to mull over how you could have possibly lived a reasonably happy life within the past year," he went on, his voice quiet, "but I do hope you will trust me when I say that I do not regret the place you occupy in my life."

There was sincerity in his expression...I could now read it plain as day. It wasn't something I could normally recognise in this man. I wanted to ask him more. I wanted to know about my mother and father. Where were they? Were they dead too? I felt too nervous to ask Snape about our parents. I suppressed a shudder. What a strange thought. We had the same parents.

"Do you think my memory will come back?" I asked suddenly.

He didn't answer at first. Instead his frown deepened, but he still met my gaze. "I promised the Headmaster that I wouldn't investigate your lost memories until the morning, when you've had a night's sleep." He sighed. "Though I am greatly tempted to just have a look tonight."

I bit my lip, waiting for a positive answer.

"Of course, I will do everything in my power to see that every memory is restored to you," he said softly.

The tone of his voice made me nervous. It wasn't the sort of soft tone he used in class when someone was in deep trouble. This was a completely unfamiliar tone to hear from him.

He loves you, apparently, the voice in my head said.

I clenched my sheets. I was so confused. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up to find that this was all a dream...or perhaps just not wake up for a long time.

"Couldn't you look now?" I asked. I grimly wondered if the other me had much luck when it came to cajoling my brother.

"I could," he said, "but I will not delve into trying to solve it tonight. I shall take a look, but I want to think about the best means of rectifying the problem. The memory, as we very well know, is not something to be trifled with."

He took his wand out and gave no warning. "Legilimens!"

A flood of memories started flashing in my mind, many of them speeding by so fast it was hard to make them out. Snape stopped when he came across the same hazy black clouds Dumbledore had found. He seemed to concentrate on them for a while; a couple of times it felt like he was pulling at one of the small ones and I felt a bit of pressure in my head.

"Interesting," he murmured as he cancelled the spell.

"Were you pulling at one of them?" I asked, rubbing my head. It seemed to ache more now.

"I was," he answered, putting his wand away. "You felt it?"

"I felt pressure when you were looking at one of them."

"I need to find a way to cancel those black clouds," he said, more to himself than to me. "Did the pressure increase as I pulled with more strength?"

I nodded.

"That boy has a lot to answer for," he said bitterly.

"Malfoy," I said slowly. Had Malfoy caused this? I had been duelling with him for some reason. "It might have been my fault," I said thoughtfully. After all, I had no idea whose fault this whole thing was.

He shook his head. "Though I have very little proof thus far, I am inclined to believe that the fault lies with Draco Malfoy."

Snape blamed Malfoy? His favourite student? What was the world coming to?

Ha, a voice in my head said. What was the world coming to? You don't even remember this world!

I frowned, sitting up slightly and sneezing as I did so. "Why would he have altered my memory?" I asked, accepting the handkerchief that Snape had accioed for me.

He didn't answer at first; he simply reached into his robes and pulled out a bronze hinge. He placed it in my hand. It felt cool against my hot hand.

"A hinge," I murmured, turning it over. If this thing was the cause of my lost memory then I was ready to hurl it at the wall.

My intentions must have been showing on my face, as Snape took it away a moment later and held onto it instead.

"Seeing as Miss Turpin was also there," he said quietly, running his finger along the edge of the hinge, "I'll have her come down here in the morning to give her version of events. Somehow I think her story will be more believable than Draco's."

"You don't believe Malfoy?" Did Snape not like Malfoy after all?

He looked back at me, his face grim. "I have never trusted that young man. Lately it seems I have more reason not to trust him."

This was annoying. I should have known what he was talking about. Instead, there I was, nervous that I was alone in the dungeons with my Potions teacher, feeling utterly ill and having no idea what was going on.

"We shouldn't talk of this now," Snape said abruptly, looking a little agitated too. Maybe this was irritating for him too. I wondered how often the other me bothered him.

"The Headmaster informed me that Madam Pomfrey has already given you three potions," he said, standing up. "I am thinking that you require something stronger. Perhaps one to treat a cold?"

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Anything else?" he said over his shoulder as he walked to the door. "A stronger headache potion?"

He knew I had a headache then. "Yes, s-" I stopped short when I realised I was about to call him sir again.

He looked back at me, his expression blank again. "Severus," he said quietly. "You call me Severus."

I nodded. Calling him Severus would be really strange.

"I'll be back in a moment." He closed the door behind him.

I practised on the closed door, feeling like an idiot. "Severus."

o o o o o o o o o o

I was sitting by the lake talking to Terry and Lisa. They were talking about some Charm Flitwick had taught. What did it do? I couldn't remember. I wasn't really paying attention anyway; I had to keep pushing the cloud out of the way. Lisa and Terry didn't seem to notice. Again and again I kept pushing it, but it kept floating back.

There was a string. A long, greyish string. Hold on, it was hanging off the cloud. I laughed. There was a string hanging off the cloud - how awfully funny! I started laughing as I pulled it.

Ooh. Had I just bumped my head? I shook my head, watching the silly cloud floating in front of me. Why hadn't Lisa and Terry noticed? Determined, I pulled on the string again.

Suddenly I heard Snape's voice coming from the string. "And what did you think of our dear father?"

I heard my own voice reply. "I didn't like him."

That was true. I didn't like our father at all. Wait a moment...did I know my father? I was sure I did and I was sure I didn't like him. How did I know that?

Ha, ha. The string was longer now.

"Silly string," I giggled, reaching forward to pull on it. I cringed as the ache in my head came back. "Ow."

"When will I get to see my mother?"

There was my voice again. Was I able to see my mother? Had I asked Snape that question?

No, no! His name is Severus. Severus!

"I'll get you. See if I don't!" I pulled hard on the string and clutched at my head at the same time. "Ah!"

The string completely unravelled and the cloud disappeared! Hurrah!

There I was. I was sitting in a carriage with my brother. We were going back to school. I had just seen my father for the first time. What was his name?

Aurelius! Wrinkled, grey-haired man. I wrinkled my nose. I hadn't liked him one bit. He'd just been concerned about marrying me off. It was a good thing Snape didn't agree with him about that. Perhaps he wasn't so bad after all.

"Aurelius," I told my friends. "That's my father's name."

They ignored me. Hm, that was rude. I wondered if there was another string around to pull at. Ha, ha. Silly string. Gosh, my head hurt. Bad string.

I looked around for another cloud. There was one way up in the distance. This one was a lot bigger. There was no string hanging off this one. I wondered how high I could jump.

"I'll get it," I announced. Lisa and Terry laughed as I jumped as high as I could. Damn. Missed it! I jumped again. I jumped so high! Ten feet at least! My fingers just scraped the edges of the cloud, just enough to pull at a few strands...just enough for the ache in my head to renew itself.

As I floated back towards the ground I heard the voice of my old governess. Rougier. I had a governess...

"You insolent, pig-headed child!" she spat. "I will not be spoken to like that. You can forget about asking me to heal those injuries for you."

Injuries? Coleman! He had come to test my magic at Father's house just after Christmas. I suddenly heard my father's voice.

"Armilla! Explain yourself at once! I have just been informed that you insulted your governess just as she was trying to help you! Well? What have you to say?"

Rougier had hit me. I remembered that. I hadn't liked that nasty hag at all. Hm, I was still floating; shouldn't I have hit the ground by now?

"Oof!" I shook my head. Where was I? Boy, did my head hurt! I brought my clammy hands to my forehead. They weren't cold enough to make it feel better. Where were Lisa and Terry?

My bed was hard. Wait...my bed was next to me. I tried to steer around the dizziness in my head. Hold on, I was on the floor next to my bed. Had I just fallen out of bed? I frowned; that wasn't my bed. My bed was-

Suddenly everything dawned on me. Snape. I was in Snape's rooms. I'd lost my memory. This place should have been very familiar to me apparently.

I sat there, thinking for a moment, rubbing my head. I remembered my father. Aurelius Snape. He was a really awful man. I remembered going to Snape Manor over Christmas time. I remembered Rougier. I remembered knowing that Snape was my brother and still feeling nervous about it.

Was this right? Maybe my mind had made all this up. I couldn't be certain that it was all real. After all, I couldn't jump that high.

I looked at the clock on the bedside table. 8:17am.

I got up and slowly made my way to the bathroom, holding on to anything I could for support. I felt utterly woozy. I splashed cold water on my face. It didn't help. Did Snape keep these rooms warm for a reason? I decided that taking a cold shower was the only way to help, but once I'd gotten in, I couldn't do it. Cold showers were painful. I had a rather quick, warm shower, choosing not to stay in there long because I had gotten tired standing there. What was wrong with me?

I got dressed, trying not to cough because it made my chest ache. I wondered if Snape would make me stay in these rooms. No one was supposed to know about my memory loss. He'd have to tell Terry and Lisa though.

I was thankful that Snape hadn't come in when I'd fallen out of bed. How embarrassing. I wondered where he was. He told me the night before to knock on his door at the end of the hall if I needed anything during the night.

Shivering slightly, I opened my bedroom door and stepped into the hallway. The door at the end of the hall was closed, as was the door to the room opposite. I heard the sound of rustling parchment coming from the sitting room. Slowly, I edged down the hallway, nerves hitting me once again.

I saw Snape sitting at the dining table, completely engrossed in the parchment in his hand. He looked up when he heard me enter. "Good morning," he said, putting the parchment aside.

"Good morning." I lingered where I was, not entirely comfortable with walking around like I knew the place, but knowing I should probably just sit down. Looking at him now was different to last night. I remembered him being my brother. I couldn't quite understand the change in feeling I had looking at him now.

Snape nodded at the chair next to him. There was a bowl of porridge, a cup of tea and a glass of pumpkin juice already there. "Come, sit down."

Shivering again, I slowly walked over and sat down next to him. My stomach lurched at the thought of eating the porridge. The last thing I felt like was food.

"Your breakfast is still warm," Snape said, gesturing to the plate.

I shook my head. "I'm not really hungry."

Hr frowned. "I see you're still unwell. You should have stayed in bed."

I didn't answer. I felt funny, but I wasn't convinced it was all to do with being ill. Here I was with the Head of Slytherin, a man I was normally fearful of. I felt okay next to him though and the only reason why was because of that dream I'd had. I didn't remember much about him, aside from that ride in the carriage when I'd known he was my brother.

I coughed, and then cringed, feeling another pain in my chest.

Snape shook his head. "You should definitely be in bed. Why did you bother getting up?"

I shrugged. "I don't know." Actually, I wanted to go back to bed. If I slept, I might be able to find another memory...though doing it made my head hurt.

"Miss Turpin and Mr Boot are coming by a little later," he said, shaking his head slightly at my answer. "You can go back to bed after that." He pushed the glass of pumpkin juice towards me. "At least drink this."

"They know about my memory then?" I asked, reaching for the glass.

"The Headmaster is informing them as we speak."

This was strange. My friends couldn't have changed much, could they? It would be weird to have a conversation with two people I was so close to, and know they knew more about my life than I did. As I drank the pumpkin juice, I pondered the dream I'd had. I knew my father, but I couldn't quite picture my mother. I was certain now from my dream that I shared the same parents with Snape, but I had such a limited recollection.

"As soon as I've finishing dealing with Draco Malfoy, I'll look into possible solutions for retrieving your memories," Snape said, refilling my glass when I put it down.

"Actually," I said, "I think I know how to solve it." I picked up the glass, "little bits at a time," I added vaguely.

He looked sharply at me. "How?"

"I had strange dreams last night. At first I couldn't quite tell what was fictional and what wasn't." I proceeded to tell him about the clouds and the string, conveniently leaving out any embarrassing details.

Snape looked engrossed the whole time I was telling him. This sort of magic clearly fascinated him; it fascinated me.

"The mental shield I taught you must have collapsed at the same moment Draco cast the spell," he said, more to himself than to me. "You obviously didn't suffer the full effects of it and the magic of the spell must have weakened enough to simply black out your most recent memories-"

"Not wipe them out altogether," I finished, rubbing my head.

"Yes," he said nodding, looking lost in thought. He was silent for a moment. "And you say that you feel pressure in your mind when you pull at memories? The same as when I tried?"

I nodded. "Yes. The harder I pull, the more pressure I feel."

"Painful pressure?"

"Yes."

Snape shook his head. "Well, that certainly makes things harder. Perhaps entering your mind and pulling on all of them in one go will be enough for a severe migraine."

"Don't try to," I said, alarmed. "Please don't." My head already hurt enough.

"Of course I won't," he scoffed. "That would be a foolish thing to do. I believe having all your memories come rushing back to you at once would be too overwhelming."

The silence that followed was uncomfortable. Honestly, I was so stupid. Of course he wouldn't have tried to get them all back at once. What was I thinking?

"How were you able to distinguish between reality and the fictional in your dream?" Snape asked a moment later.

"Once I heard things...," I said slowly, "or saw them, it felt like I'd known it all along...if that makes sense."

"I understand," he said, nodding. "May I take a look?"

"Are you going to pull on one?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable. Who knew what memory he'd find...

"I'd like to determine if it's possible for me to unravel one." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "If you don't mind?"

I deliberated for a moment, before nodding my consent.

"Don't worry about what I might see," he said impatiently, taking out his wand. "The memories are just from the past year or so and I am already familiar with most of your experiences."

"Oh," I said uncomfortably.

He gave me a thin smile. "I already know plenty about you."

I bit my lip. Merlin, how much did he know about me? How close were we?

Snape gave me no time to ponder this. "Legilimens!"

Like the night before, memories started whirling through my mind. Every so often, I'd catch sight of the hazy clouds, some large, some small and some partly joined together. Snape seemed to focus on one in particular, which thankfully, wasn't too large.

Immediately I felt a small amount of pressure. I could tell Snape was pulling, but nothing was happening; the cloud didn't react at all. Suddenly I felt a sharp tug and I gasped, bringing my hand to my head. Snape cancelled the spell a moment later.

"Nothing," he said, looking a little annoyed. "I can't make it budge." He sighed. "Did you try accessing one of your memories this morning by pulling at it?"

"No, I didn't," I admitted, feeing utterly stupid. Why hadn't I tried doing it myself?

"Give it a go now, then."

Feeling self-conscious, I tried to concentrate on bringing forth one of my hazy memories. That was the easy part; no matter how hard I tried, no matter which part of the cloud I pulled at, nothing seemed to happen.

"Nothing?" Snape was watching me with a stern expression, his arms folded.

I shook my head. "Nothing. It wouldn't work."

"Explain again how you managed it in your dream."

"I didn't have to think much about it," I said, trying to recall everything in the dream. "I saw the clouds and I pulled on them."

"Did you go looking for them?"

"No, they were just there. One I could reach easily, and the other I had to jump for."

"Perhaps I could try and access them while you're sleeping," Snape murmured, looking lost in his thoughts again.

"I might be able to unravel more each time I sleep," I pointed out. Long-lost brother or not, I wasn't sure I wanted him in my head whilst I was sleeping. I wasn't sure that would even work. "Wouldn't that disturb my sleep?"

"It depends on the force with which I enter your mind," he said simply. "One is able to slip in without the other detecting it."

"Oh."

There was silence again.

"Are you sure you don't want to try and eat some breakfast?" Snape asked finally, standing up from the table.

I shook my head. "I don't want to eat anything."

He nodded. "Very well. I'll give you a nutritional potion instead in addition to the others. You probably need bed rest more than anything else. Come."

I stood and followed him down the corridor and into a room opposite my bedroom. It seemed to be a small potions lab. The walls were lined with jars of various ingredients and there was a large wooden bench in the middle of the room.

I chewed on my lip, trying to ignore the pounding in my head as I watched Snape pour a few potions into glasses. I wanted to know things...things I sort of knew about and things I knew nothing about...but wanted to know about...

Snape placed the glasses in front of me on the bench. "Drink these and then you may ask your questions."

Goodness, had my thoughts made my expression that transparent? How could he read something like that in me? Maybe he just knows you well enough to accurately guess your thoughts.

I drank the potions quickly, wincing at the vile taste of each one. At least the ache in my head started to dull.

I followed Snape out of the room and back to the sitting room, where we sat on the sofa.

"Well then," he said, fixing his black eyes on mine. "Ask away."

"I don't know where to start. There are so many things to know."

"Indeed," he said quietly, "probably too much to tell you in one sitting. I wonder if it's best to wait until you see these memories in your dreams...if the same experience of last night repeats itself." He shook his head slightly. "Or perhaps there are certain memories I should warn you of in advance..."

I frowned. "Certain memories?" By his expression I could only guess that he was talking of disturbing memories.

"Even if you tell me," I said, "wouldn't it follow that I'll still feel the emotions of the memories if I dream them? I don't think knowing in advance will lessen the effect of my mind reliving them."

He inclined his head. "Perhaps not." He sighed. "There are many possibilities to explore. I suppose that it must come down to the amount you wish you to know."

"I have the feeling that there are memories I should be wary of."

He nodded. "There are. If I was to tell you of them now, you may worry in advance about viewing them."

"Probably." How serious were these memories?

"From your account of last night," he said slowly, "it seems that once you've been exposed to the memory, you suddenly recall having known it all along. This may mean the process of dealing with the emotion involved will be quicker."

"Then I shouldn't know in advance if it won't benefit me?" I asked, feeling confused now.

"Worrying unnecessarily about old memories isn't at all beneficial in my opinion," he said firmly, "especially if you're going to relive them to an extent anyway. We can't be sure if your mind will remind you that you already know."

I looked down at my hands, unsure what to do.

"It is, of course, your decision," he said quickly. "You may decide in a day or two, after reliving more memories, that you wish to know as much as I can tell you."

I nodded. "I'll think about it." I was worried about the more disturbing memories, so maybe it was best if I didn't know about them. I would be anxious about reliving them until it happened. "It's a difficult decision."

"It certainly is," he acknowledged. "But then, this is a most unusual situation."

We were silent for a moment. If I was going to refrain from knowing of the bad memories in advance, couldn't I know some of the other, less worrisome ones now?

"I'm certain I don't like my father," I said, watching him closely for his reaction.

"Neither of us can tolerate him," he said indifferently.

"And I didn't like my governess at all, Rougier...she was there when I stayed at Father's house." Saying all this made complete sense to me. I could see my father and Rougier in my mind.

"Rougier," said Snape, smirking, "is as you once said, a painted old hag."

I smiled. "I said that?"

"You did, with quite a lot of feeling."

I was silent, thinking of the awful woman. Another thought came to me, but I couldn't quite picture a face. "My mother," I said quietly. "I asked you about seeing her in one of my memories. I had the feeling in the dream that I liked her...do I like her?"

"Yes," Snape said softly, something flickering in his eyes, "you did like her. I am certain you felt quite strongly about her in fact."

My face fell. "Felt?" So she wasn't alive then. I'd had the understanding in my mind from my dream that she was dead, but I wanted to be sure. I was certain that my father was alive.

"She died when you were just over a year old."

"Oh." I looked away.

"You were able to converse with her for a time through a magical ring," he went on, "though I don't think describing it to you now would do it justice."

"I'll wait until I dream it then."

"If this method...," he paused and frowned, considering his words, "or no other method works in our favour to have your memories restored to you, then I will allow you to view my memories of events we've shared. That way, though the memory won't be yours, you'll at least have a new memory of an old memory."

I couldn't help but stare at him in amazement. That was so generous. Memories were such precious, private things. I hadn't thought of Snape as being that...kind.

His expression was suddenly grim. "You're surprised at my offer."

"No, no, I'm not," I said quickly, feel mortified that I'd offended him. "I-"

He held a hand up for me to stop. "Forget it," he said, looking indifferent now.

"I haven't seen a lot of memories of you yet," I said earnestly. "I only had-"

"-Your much older memories of me to rely on," he finished. "No wonder you're surprised."

His guarded expression had come back so quickly. "This must be so hard for you," I said quietly.

The doorbell rang.

"Don't think of me," he said, standing up.

Before I could say another word, which I really wanted to, he opened the door. Standing in the doorway was Dumbledore, Lisa and Terry.

"Headmaster," Snape said, standing back to allow the party entrance. "Miss Turpin, Mr Boot."

"Good morning, Severus," said Dumbledore brightly, leading the way in. He walked directly over to me, my friends following closely behind, looking a little nervous.

They both looked pretty much the same to me. If either of them had changed in the past year or so, I couldn't really detect much. Perhaps Terry had gotten a little taller.

"And how are you this morning, Armilla?" Dumbledore asked kindly, taking my hand. "Did you sleep well last night?"

"I did," I answered.

"She's unwell," said Snape, closing the door.

Dumbledore shook his head. "How unfortunate. A cold? It's going around the castle at the moment. Madam Pomfrey took in ten students overnight."

"I think it's something more than that," Snape replied, eyeing me as he moved to stand next to Dumbledore. "Hopefully the potions will take effect before it develops into anything more."

"Oh, she was coughing a lot yesterday," said Lisa, who had suddenly forgotten her nerves. She looked over at Snape. "I don't think she thought much of it."

"I glad you remember," I muttered, looking away. It felt like I wasn't in the room. Here they were, discussing my health, and I had no memory of how I'd felt for most of the day before.

"Armilla." I looked up and recognised the warning look on Snape's face. I remembered it as the look he gave his Slytherins when they weren't toeing the line. "The Headmaster and I are going to go into the lab to discuss a few things. You are free to chat with your friends until we return."

I nodded. "Okay." I hadn't felt my mood change, but I knew it had. I wasn't at all inclined to make conversation and I wanted to be alone. Ah, pity. You want to wallow in the pain of the loss of your memory. So what if I did?

Snape nodded curtly and he and Dumbledore disappeared into his lab.

I looked back at Lisa and Terry, who were still standing in front of me, just staring at me.

"Are you just going to stand there?" I said impatiently. "There are seats here, you know. I'm not an exhibition."

Not looking at each other, each of them quickly sat down, Lisa next to me, and Terry in the armchair on the other side of me.

"We know you're not," said Lisa, pulling me into a hug. Being hugged suddenly brought tears to my eyes. Merlin, what was wrong with me?

"Then don't stare," I said grumpily, blinking away the tears when Lisa released me.

"Okay," said Terry cheerfully, folding his arms and looking at the ceiling. He started whistling.

"You're an idiot."

"Oh, do go on," he said, his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"Ignore him," said Lisa, rolling her eyes. She looked back at me. "I won't ask you how you are because I can only imagine how awful you must be feeling right now."

I nodded.

"Snape wants to ask me about what happened yesterday," she said. "It's got me all worried. Malfoy's a lunatic."

"We always knew that," said Terry, taking his eyes off the ceiling to look at her. "I'd say the events of yesterday confirm our belief of his madness."

"Something to do with a hinge," I said quietly.

Lisa nodded. "He really snapped after we saw it." She lowered her voice. "Your brother was absolutely furious when he caught us all duelling."

I nodded. "I remember that. I wondered why he looked so angry at me in particular."

"I bet you're finding it difficult being down here with him," said Terry, leaning forward and finally looking at me, "seeing as you don't remember him being your brother."

"I do now," I told them, "well sort of." I told them about my dream and how we thought it might be possible to get my memories back.

"But what if you don't dream about all of them?" Lisa asked. "Some might be stuck in your mind forever."

I shrugged. "I suppose Snape will go into my mind and attempt to find them."

They exchanged a glance.

"What?"

"Nah, it makes sense, of course," said Terry. "You're back to calling him Snape. We only hear you call him Severus now."

Lisa nodded. "It took you a long time to get used to it."

Terry gave a dry laugh. "And for us to get used to hearing it."

"Do I like living with him?" I whispered.

They both smiled.

"You do," Lisa whispered back. "You adore him."

Terry nodded. "Surprised?"

I shook my head. "Not really, Dumbledore told me that I loved him."

"You see a very different side of him," said Terry, looking serious. "We still see the Professor Snape we've always seen, but he's a parent to you now. You have a huge property in Derbyshire and a funny house elf named Docky and your bedroom is virtually the size of my house and-"

"-don't overload her with too much information," Lisa interrupted.

"I'm not. I'm only telling her the good things anyway."

"Snape thinks I should not know about the bad things before I see them in my dreams," I told them.

Terry nodded. "I think that's a good idea. Why worry about things you don't remember until you dream them?"

Lisa shook her head. "I disagree. I'd want to be prepared. I think it would be worse seeing them without the warning-"

"-yes, but who says my mind will remember the warning?" I challenged her.

"I...well, yes, I suppose you're right."

"So have there been any major changes with us I should know about?" I smiled at them, trying to suppress my bad mood.

They looked at each other and grinned.

"Ah, so you finally got together then?" I wasn't at all surprised. I remembered suspecting that it would happen sooner or later.

Terry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I thought, why not?"

Lisa laughed as she reached out to punch him playfully. "He's high maintenance, Mill."

"Am not."

I smiled again, thinking of nothing else to say.

Terry opened his mouth to say something else, but stopped when he heard the door of Snape's lab open. They hadn't spoken for very long. Just enough time, I supposed, for Snape to fill the Headmaster in on my dream.

"I must be going, as I have an appointment" said Dumbledore, as he came into the room, followed by Snape. He looked at me with a kindly expression. "I will come back to see you, Armilla."

I nodded. "Thank you." It was not really necessary. It was probably just my mood influencing me, but I didn't really have much conversation for Dumbledore either.

Dumbledore showed himself out, after a quiet word with Snape at the door.

"Well then, Miss Turpin," said Snape, after he had closed the door. "I would like to hear all you can remember of the events of yesterday afternoon. Don't leave any details out. The smallest thing may indeed be important." He sat down in the other armchair and looked expectantly at Lisa.

"Yes, sir," said Lisa, suddenly looking nervous again. She paused a moment. "I'm not sure where to start...oh, yes. It was just after Armilla saw that ghostly Merle and we went down to see you. We had-"

"What?" I exclaimed, as Snape shook his head in exasperation at Lisa. I looked over at him. "What's this? I saw a ghost yesterday and Dumbledore didn't explain it-"

"Armilla," said Severus quietly, "what you saw yesterday was not really a ghost, but a form of dark magic that assumes the appearance of Merle."

"It sucks away your magic," said Terry. "Lisa and I've had to-"

"Hold your tongue, Mr Boot!" Snape snapped.

"Sucks away my magic?" I repeated, alarmed. "Wait, can't I-"

Lisa reached out to take my hand. "Armilla-"

"No!" I said loudly, standing up. I tried to ignore the pain in my chest when I suddenly coughed. "Is this one of those memories I shouldn't know about until I dream it? Will I dream that my magic is being drained away? I don't want to wake up knowing it's true-"

"Armilla," Snape interrupted, giving me a stern look, "sit down."

I shook my head. "What else is there I should know? Maybe I should know things before-"

"Sit down!" said Snape sharply.

I didn't comply at once. I just stared at him, almost daring him to make me. It was like something had snapped inside me. Again, there was something inside me that wondered how far I could normally push him. I felt Lisa tug at my hand and I sat down heavily, looking at the floor. I held my breath to push away the need to cough. It didn't work.

"You have been seeing what appears to be a ghostly form of Merle," Snape said quietly, "which, as I said, is really a form of dark magic. Yes, it does try to draw magic from you and it has succeeded to a small degree at present. You still have a substantial amount of magic within you and we wish to keep it that way. You don't see Merle when you are accompanied by people and so at the moment you are following the necessary precaution that you are to be accompanied outside these rooms at all times."

"Who do you think is behind it?" I asked quietly, staring at the floor.

"I cannot be sure." He paused and I looked up at him. He was giving me another warning look. "I'll discuss it further with you when your memory returns."

"I'm sorry, I said too much," said Lisa, looking guiltily at Snape.

He narrowed his eyes. "Do on go, Miss Turpin."

"I would have found out anyway," I muttered, keeping my eyes trained on the floor again. I could feel Lisa's anxious eyes upon me.

"Miss Turpin?" Snape was getting impatient.

Lisa took and deep breath and began. "After you left us, we ran into Malfoy, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle."

She proceeded to tell him all about how we'd ended up with our wands out, how Pansy mysteriously got injured and then how McGonagall showed up and escorted the lot of us to her office. After receiving no proper information, she'd apparently promised to deal with the situation and had dismissed us, sending Pansy to the hospital wing. Back in the corridor, Crabbe had lost his footing and landed on Malfoy, causing the hinge to fall from Malfoy's pocket.

"And that was when Malfoy completely lost it," said Lisa, looking relieved that she was nearing the end of her recount. "I asked him if he was building a cabinet and he took out his wand. We all started duelling and Malfoy was duelling with Armilla. He was also saying things to her, but I was so busy duelling that I couldn't hear exactly what he said. I do know that he tried to obliviate her several times. For some reason, it didn't seem to work at first."

"Yes," said Snape, nodding. "Thank you, Miss Turpin. I will be looking further into this."

"You don't think he'll try to obliviate me, do you?" Lisa suddenly asked, looking worried.

Snape shook his head. "No. The majority of the staff knows about the hinge now. I went back to the scene with Malfoy and found it there. He'd have too many memories to modify."

Lisa nodded, looking reassured.

Snape stood up. "I thank you both for coming down this morning. Perhaps you will come down again when Armilla is well again."

Lisa and Terry got up, nodding most fervently.

"Hope you feel better soon, Mill," said Terry, giving me a worried smile.

"We'll come back another day," Lisa told me, as Snape opened the door.

"Okay," I said quietly, also standing up. I wanted to go back to bed. I wanted to sleep for a few days and just dream. I wanted my memories back.

I left the room as Snape showed them out and went into my bedroom. I leaned against the closed door, taking in the room again. It was really a lovely room. I shook my head slightly and went about changing for bed. The strange owl, who was now pale yellow, was napping in her cage. I'd have to ask Snape about her.

Snape knocked just as I got into bed.

"Come in."

He came in, carrying a glass of water. "You need to keep drinking fluids," he said, handing me the glass. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "Okay, I suppose," I said, before drinking the water.

"An honest answer, if you please." He raised an eyebrow, looking sceptically at me. "It's an agreement you and I have, you see."

"My chest hurts a bit when I cough," I said quietly, looking away, "but not as much as before. My head feels a bit better though. The potions helped."

He nodded. "I think you should stay in bed for a few days and rest."

"Who is that?" I asked, pointing at the sleeping owl as I laid down.

"Morag," he said simply, glaring slightly at the owl. "I gave her to you last Christmas. She's a Metamorphmagus owl. She changes her size and colour at will and generally does to best to irritate me." He shook his head. "She is also alarmingly conceited."

I smiled, looking over at her. "Morag."

He gave me a thin smile. "Don't blame me for the name; you named her that. You like her very much."

I was sure I did. I hoped I would dream of her soon. I also hoped I would dream of the previous Christmas. I wondered what it had been like to spend Christmas with Snape. What had I bought him for as a present?

"How did we find out that we were related?"

"Through your disregard of the rules put in place for you."

I stared at him and he shook his head, not looking as serious as I'd thought. "By chance," he said simply. "Again, it relates to the discovery of our mother, something I would rather you see for yourself when you dream it."

"Aren't you going to try and find my memories?" I asked, lying down. I was eager to see that particular memory.

"I will attempt it once," he answered, walking to the door. "I don't wish to tamper with your mind too much whilst you're unwell. You need the rest."

I hoped it would work. My dreams only allowed me to pull at the clouds that happened to be there. Hopefully, Snape would be able to go searching for a lot and pull them all apart.

Snape walked back to the door. "I'll come back when you're asleep and try my luck."

"Okay," I replied, rubbing my head. I rolled over and closed my eyes. I felt so exhausted.

o o o o o o o o o o o

I was at home with Merle, sitting at the kitchen table. Merle was spreading jam on a freshly baked scone and I was pouring the tea.

I was aware that there were clouds of various sizes in the room, but they were always there, weren't they? Rather funny they were too!

"Merle, there's a cloud in my tea," I commented.

Merle just laughed as she spread even more jam on the scone. Wait! That wasn't a scone. That was a cloud!

"Merle, you're spreading jam on a cloud!"

I reached over and tried to pull the cloud from her hand. What a waste of good jam! As I pulled at the cloud, it broke it two. "Ow!" I clutched at me head. Suddenly I was somewhere else at the same time. I could see my friends.

"You're lucky," Lisa grumbled. She was looking at a pamphlet about the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. "I have absolutely no idea what I want to do."

"You can be a Healer, like me, Lis," Terry told her. "We can both be Healer Boot."

Merle was grumbling about ruining a good scone. Honestly, didn't she know it was a cloud? Speaking of clouds, I still had one in my tea. I tapped it with my finger, holding my head at the same time. I could hear something! I leaned down and put my ear near my cup, wondering if burning it would be worth it to hear whatever was being said.

"I didn't come in here for a friendly chat!" That was Snape's voice!

I heard my own, rather angry voice reply. "I'm not asking for a friendly chat!"

I leaned back again and swirled the cloud with my spoon until it disappeared. Was something drilling into my head? I could see a moving picture in the cup. Ha! That was funny! I looked closer and then suddenly I was in the cup! No, wait - I was in a bed somewhere. No, I knew where. I was in the Secret Wing at Hogwarts. Snape looked very irritated.

I started talking again. "I deserve to know why I have this thing and I know you know something about it or you wouldn't try and avoid talking about it."

Hogwarts...

Merle...

Where's the jam gone?

Merle...

Dumbledore...

Cloud! Wait! Many clouds! I hadn't noticed those. Something was pushing me towards them. There was a big one nearby.

I bumped into the big one. Oh my poor head...

I tried to stand back. Something else seeming to be pulling at the big cloud. With every pull I could see, I felt a dull thump in my head.

I heard my father's voice.

"You may as well come out, Armilla. The borders of these grounds are heavily warded. You have no chance of getting through them."

The pulling became more severe. I clutched at my head in pain.

"My primary concern is for your safety, Armilla," Father went on. "I understand that you may be feeling frightened at the moment. I do hope you have only left the house because you were feeling desperate with the situation...I hope my company wasn't anything to do with it."

Suddenly the whole cloud came apart and vision after vision with sounds crashed into each other and then came flying at me, overwhelming me.

"Do I not have your love, my dear child?"

"Where is Madame Rougier?"

"Aguamenti."

"I have been patient, Armilla. I do know where you are."

I was using the emerald on my bracelet to free myself. I was flying on a Thestral. I was using Fred and George's Knockout Powder on Rougier. I was refusing to eat dinner. Lucius Malfoy turned into my father. I was running through a forest as fast as I could.

"Crucio!"

It was all too much! My head was going to explode, I was sure of it. I heard Father's voice, clear as a bell.

"Had enough? Crucio!"

I screamed, clutching my head. Let me out of this! Bad cloud!

"Armilla!"

Someone was shaking me. Don't shake me! My head hurt!

"Armilla!"

Letting out one last whimper I opened my eyes. I nearly jumped when I saw Snape staring back at me. His hands were closed around my wrists and he looked a little dishevelled. I tried to clear my foggy mind. Snape was in my bedroom...

Your brother. Yes! My brother. I'd been trying to escape from Father so I could get back to him.

I blinked a couple of times, looking around me. I was at the foot of my bed and the majority of the bedding was on the floor. Merlin, those dreams must have given me some exercise.

Snape released my wrists and I immediately brought them to my aching head, closing my eyes and moaning in pain. I heard him leave and go into his lab.

My head was going to explode. My father had kidnapped me. Rougier had been there. Why had I been in possession of Knockout Powder from the Weasley twins? I had duelled with my father and he'd used an Unforgivable on me! My head was throbbing; there was too much in it.

I barely heard Snape come back into the room. "Here," he said, using one hand to push my arms away from my head. "Drink this, it will help." He brought a glass of something to my lips and I took hold of it and drank. I handed it back and returned my hands to my head, lying down in the process.

"Déjà vu," I heard him mutter, as he picked up blankets from the floor.

The pain in my head receded, but I felt so nauseous. I kept my eyes shut and stayed still, willing the dizziness to go away. I remembered so much! Well, not really, but that whole memory was now with me. It wasn't Snape's fault that the memory had turned out to be an awful one. At least I had gotten away. I remembered the feeling of the Cruciatus Curse and shuddered.

I felt my blankets being placed back on the bed and I shivered, thinking I must have looked an awful sight to my brother right now. As I coughed again and winced at the pain, I felt sorry for him for having to put up with this.

"I'm sorry I managed to get that memory," he said quietly. I opened my eyes as he leaned over me and felt my forehead. "You weren't this feverish a moment ago when I entered your mind. I wouldn't have done it if I'd known it would raise your temperature this much."

"Nauseous," I groaned into my pillow. Though my eyes were closed, I felt like I was spinning.

I heard Snape leave and I tried to muffle a cough in an effort to avoid any more pain. He returned just a moment later. "I cannot give you a strong potion for the nausea," he said quietly, "because a stronger potion won't agree with the potion I just gave you. This will have to do. Sit up for a moment."

I sat up and blearily opened my eyes long enough to drink the potion, as well as the fever-reducing one he handed me after that. I hazily wondered if my sudden comfort with the man was due to my dreams or if I didn't have the will at the moment to be indignant and anxious.

Snape reached out a hand to stop me when I made to lie back down again. "One more, please. Dreamless Sleep."

I went to take it, but paused. "If I drink that I won't have dreams," I murmured, trying to clear my thoughts.

"Well done," he said dryly. "Here." He pushed the glass into my hand.

"But I want more memories," I insisted. "If I drink that, I won't have them."

Snape fixed me with a determined look. "Armilla, I am glad to have found that you and I are both capable of returning your memories to you. However, the pain of retrieving a memory is quite substantial, and I have no plan to keep going on this path at present, especially whilst you're unwell. Perhaps we'll risk it again when you're better, if we have found no alternate method."

I shook my head. "No." I wanted my memories!

Snape narrowed his eyes. "I wasn't inviting an argument, Armilla. I know your memories are important, but your health is even more so."

I shook my head again and held the glass out to him. "No."

He glared at me for a moment and then he sat on the bed next to me. He took out his wand and touched it against my arm. "Termperaturis."

I watched, waiting for the smoky numbers to rise from his wand, as I had seen when Merle had taken my temperature.

"There," he said harshly, when the numbers appeared. "39.1." He put his wand away, glaring at me. "I just gave you a fever-reducing potion, Armilla and it either hasn't taken effect yet or your fever was worse a minute ago. If I let you sleep without Dreamless Sleep, you may find another memory, which will cause you more head pain, which will increase your fever. There is only so much a fever-reducing potion can do. It is up to you to help it take effect by resting properly." He leaned forward, making sure he had my attention. "Of course, if you refuse to drink this potion, you may find plenty of memories, but chances are your fever will reach a dangerous level and I assure you, Armilla, that then we'll have far more to worry about."

He leaned back, his narrowed black eyes still fixed on my now teary ones. Merlin, he knew how to intimidate...or talk sense, it would seem.

I reached for the glass, breaking the eye contact. He sighed as I took the glass from him and watched as I drank it all.

"Thank you," he said, taking the glass back.

My eyes closed of their own will and I wasn't inclined at all to fight it.

o o o o o o o o o o o