Armilla II

Chapter 22

I kept running, hoping I was going in the right direction. When I reached the corridor where Snape's office was, I slowed right down. No doubt Snape would want to investigate any running outside his office.

I walked as quietly as I could pass his office, ignoring my curiosity at what he might have been saying to Malfoy at that moment. I had never seen Snape look so angry; hopefully he would take his anger out on Malfoy before he found me...if I had my way Flitwick or Dumbledore would step in first.

Once I was certain I was a safe distance away, I broke into a run once more, headed straight for the dungeon stairs. I passed a number of Slytherins along the way, all of whom were giving me strange looks.

I slowed down once I was in the Entrance Hall. I didn't want to draw attention to myself where there were more witnesses about. Witnesses, I thought bitterly. It was like I had done something terrible.

I hadn't done anything wrong! How had I ended up in a fight with Malfoy of all people? Duels with Malfoy were normally reserved for the Gryffindors, particularly Harry Potter.

I walked as quickly as I could up the marble staircase, the memory of fighting Malfoy replaying in my mind. Why had Snape stared at me? I didn't even feel guilty about anything, but somehow I had become involved in a duel.

My heart suddenly pounded in my chest as I remembered something. My wand. Snape had my wand! I felt sick as I made my way to Flitwick's office; I hoped perhaps Flitwick would get it back for me without too much trouble. What if Snape wanted to give me detention? I didn't want to be alone with him...he had been furious before...I didn't want to be on the receiving end of that, particularly when I hadn't done anything...or couldn't remember doing anything.

Why couldn't I remember? Had I been hit with something? I tried to remember what I had done that day, but my thoughts kept getting interrupted by things in my mind that looked like black clouds. I shook my head; something was not right. I presumed that I had gotten up that morning as usual and had gone to classes, but I couldn't remember the details.

I felt a headache coming on as I finally reached the corridor that led to Flitwick's office. Glad that it was completely deserted, I broke into a run in my haste to reach my Head of House's office door. I knocked twice, hoping my knock didn't sound too panicked. When there was no answer, I knocked again, this time much louder.

No answer. I nearly pounded on the door in frustration. Where could he be? Stupid question, I thought. I shouldn't just expect Flitwick to always be in his office. I turned, intending to head for Dumbledore's office instead. I had taken a few steps when I stopped suddenly. How could I go to Dumbledore? I didn't know the password to get into his office.

Sense suddenly crawled back into my head. Where would Snape go once he realised that I had disobeyed and disappeared? To the Headmaster or Flitwick of course! I had to get as far away from those offices as I could. Snape could have returned to his quarters by now!

I began to move as fast as I could without running, wondering where I could possibly go. I didn't know how to solve this. I wouldn't be able to hide forever and I had to get to Flitwick or Dumbledore or any other teacher before Snape did. I just couldn't run into Snape...

I crept around for nearly an hour, peering over my shoulder and checking around corners. The corridors became more deserted and it was quite dark outside when I finally came to a halt in a little niche off a corridor I didn't normally frequent. Tired, I sat down in a dark corner, trying to ignore the feeling I had that this was completely wrong. I shouldn't be sitting in a dark little niche while I was wandless.

I sat there for a long time, my hearing extra sensitive as I focused on sounds off in the distance. I was so intent on listening to the distant sounds that I could be forgiven for letting out a great yelp when I heard a voice right next to me.

"Hello!"

Jumping back in alarm, I turned to see the most frightening thing I had ever seen. Merle...as a ghost...

What? ...How could she...? I shook my head.

The shock of it all didn't seem to register at once. For a long time, I just stared at the transparent, yet iridescent form hovering in front of me, quite visible in the darkness. My heart felt like it was about to explode.

"Armilla?" the ghost said, smiling kindly at me. "I'm thinking of going to Matilda's tomorrow. Are you going to come?"

Even if I had wanted to answer, I couldn't. Hearing Merle's voice coming from a ghost was enough to make me clutch the window sill behind me for support.

Was she...had...Merle...died?

I tried to take deep breaths. I had just received a letter from her a day or two ago...I remembered that. Sure, she was sick, but she wasn't on her deathbed.

"Are you coming?" Merle repeated.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I reached a shaky hand out to touch her. My hand went right through her, but I didn't feel the usual icy feeling that came from going through a ghost. Merle didn't seem to notice.

"Answer me, Armilla," she said impatiently, looking a little cross.

"I-" I broke off, staring into her eyes. Was she really dead? "Merle?" I whispered.

"Mm?" she said, distractedly, looking around. "Where's my orange saucepan?"

"Merle...," I tried again, my voice wavering. "Are you...dead?"

This time, she looked really cross. "Armilla Kemp! What a thing to say!"

Her indignant reply caught me off guard. I had been dreading her saying yes. I hadn't been expecting her to be offended by my question.

"Merle," I repeated, tears in my eyes. "How did you become a ghost?"

"Stop this at once, Armilla!" she snapped, shaking her head at me. "What's the matter with you?"

"You're a ghost, that's what!" I said, probably a little too loudly.

"I am most certainly not a ghost!" Merle spun around with a huffing noise. "What a ridiculous notion..." she mumbled to herself.

"Then," I said slowly, trying to make my voice steady, "how is it that you are here like this?"

Merle turned around. She looked blankly at me. "I don't understand you."

I released my hold on the window sill. "You're here at Hogwarts."

Merle looked around. "I think you're dreaming, dear. This is our home."

I shook my head, feeling a little dazed. Was it me who was crazy?

"This is Hogwarts, Merle. This place looks nothing like our home."

Merle gave me a concerned look. "This has gone quite far enough, Armilla. Go and wash your hands for dinner."

I bit my lip. This didn't feel right. This ghost looked like Merle...but something strange was going on here. I needed answers. I thought of going up to the Owlery and contacting the real Merle that way, but it could be ages before I would receive a response, if indeed I would receive a response at all.

I had lingered too long. I began to walk and was not really that surprised that this ghostly Merle floated along with me. I wiped the tears from my face, trying to convince myself that the real Merle was safe at home and all this was some sort of joke in bad taste.

I would go to Dumbledore; I would linger around the corner from his office until I saw him. I wasn't going to risk hanging around in front of the gargoyle in case Snape appeared. I shuddered, Snape's furious face flashing in my mind.

I got lost five times before I found my way again. I supposed that served me right for hiding away in a part of the castle I didn't know well. Merle was with me the whole time and I didn't see a soul. I thought that everyone must have been at dinner by now. How long had I been hiding?

I must have lingered back and forth in the corridors surrounding Dumbledore's office for an hour. It was getting much harder now to convince myself that Merle was still alive. How could she be with this ghostly thing next to me? I swallowed the lump in my throat as I wiped my eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time.

What was I going to do? If Merle was dead then I would have no place to go... I didn't want to go through the pain of not having Merle. It wasn't time yet. She was that old, really...

"Must remember to borrow that cooking book from Dorn," Merle was saying.

I shook my head slightly at her and then jumped as I heard footsteps. I peeked around the corner, holding my breath.

Dumbledore was walking very quickly to his office, looking preoccupied. The usually cheerful expression her wore had been replaced with a brooding one.

Did I really want to interrupt whatever mission he was on?

Yes. I had to find out if Merle was dead. I moved around the corridor and ran towards the Headmaster, who turned at the sound of my footsteps.

"Armilla!" he said, relief washing across his face when he saw me. "Thank, Merlin." He took out his wand. "I'll alert Severus."

"No!" I exclaimed, panicking. I didn't want to be anywhere near Snape.

Dumbledore looked startled at my outburst. "No?" he said softly. "Good heavens, why not?"

I swallowed, trying to push the lump in my throat away. "I-" I suddenly remembered Merle and looked around me. She had gone!

Dumbledore frowned as I turned back to him. He gazed at me, his blue eyes taking in my current state, and I wiped my face in embarrassment.

"It would appear something rather serious has happened," he said, turning to activate the gargoyle. "I'd like you to join me in my office Armilla."

As the gargoyle sprang to life, he gestured for me to step onto the revolving staircase. As I did so, Dumbledore made a complicated wand movement and a transparent phoenix burst from his wand and disappeared down the corridor.

The short trip to the Headmaster's office was in silence. I was grateful, as I was trying to get my emotions under control. I had to know if Merle was dead.

"Please, be seated," Dumbledore said kindly as we stepped into his office. He nodded at the silver bracelet on my wrist. "An excellent means for identifying you," he said, "but I'd like to take an extra precaution, just in case."

I frowned. What was he talking about?

"Armilla," he went on, sitting down behind his desk. "I came across you many months back just as you'd encountered a boggart. What was your boggart?"

I stared at him. Did he have the right person?

"I...don't know what you're talking about, sir," I said, uncomfortably.

Dumbledore looked sternly at me. "You don't remember?"

"No, sir." Why was he looking at me like that?

I was about to ask him about Merle when another transparent form appeared, this time in the shape of a stallion. It paused in front of Dumbledore and by the penetrating look on Dumbledore's face, it was communicating with him somehow. After a moment, Dumbledore conjured another phoenix and it flew out of the room at high speed.

"Severus is aware that you're safe," he said quietly, "but just a moment ago he was called by Voldemort."

I shuddered at the mention of You-Know-Who. Why was Dumbledore talking of Snape as if it was really important to him that I was safe?

"He'll expect to speak with you when he returns," Dumbledore went on. He held my wand up. "I believe this is yours?"

"Yes!" I said, leaning forward, to take it, but Dumbledore put it down on his desk. "Professor Snape took from me."

Dumbledore looked sharply at me. "Professor Snape?" he repeated.

I nodded. I didn't want to waste time on Snape. "I need to know about Merle, sir," I said earnestly, tears welling up in my eyes once more. "A ghost that thinks it's Merle has been following me around for over an hour. Have you received any news? Is she dead?" I bit my lip, waiting impatiently for his answer.

Dumbledore shook his head slightly and leaned forward, interlacing his fingers on his desk. "Merle?" he repeated. Realisation seemed to dawn on his face. "Armilla," he said quietly. "Tell me what the date is today."

The date? Why did that matter when Merle could be dead! Come to think of it though, I wasn't sure what day it was.

Sensing my discomfort, Dumbledore tried again. "Why don't you start with what year it is?"

I knew that. "1995."

Dumbledore didn't say whether I was right or wrong, but he didn't have to; I knew what year it was. I wasn't silly.

"And what year are you in, Armilla?"

"Fifth year," I answered. "Why are you asking me this, sir?" I looked at him pleadingly. "I need to know about Merle. Have you heard anything?"

Dumbledore seemed to struggle with himself for a moment. "No," he said finally. "How long did you spend in the presence of this ghost?" He looked very concerned.

"I'm not sure," I said, shaking my head. "Probably over an hour."

Dumbledore closed his eyes, his face looking strained. When he opened them again, he regarded me with a grim expression. "Listen very carefully, Armilla. I would like you to tell me what you remember of the events of today."

Was he implying that there was something wrong with my memory? I thought back. I could only remember fighting with Malfoy. I had no idea what had happened this morning. When I tried to think of this morning, I was met with black haze.

"I was duelling with Malfoy this afternoon," I said slowly. "Well, I suppose it was after classes, seeing as it's dark now. Lisa and Crabbe were there...and Goyle, too, but he was on the floor."

"Do you remember why you were duelling with Mr Malfoy?" Dumbledore asked softly, his blue eyes fixed on mine.

I shook my head. "I have no idea why. It was a strange situation to find myself in. Professor Snape stopped everything and he sent Goyle, Crabbe and Lisa to the hospital wing. He told Malfoy and I to follow him."

Dumbledore nodded. "I am aware of this part, but do go on; I'd like to hear your version of this."

I suddenly felt panicked again. "I won't have to speak to Professor Snape about this, will I? He was really angry."

Dumbledore hesitated before answering. "We'll see. Do go on."

"Professor Snape left Malfoy outside his office and told him not to go anywhere. Then he took me to his rooms!" I gave the Headmaster an indignant look. "That's not right, sir. I have no idea why I was duelling, but Professor Snape shouldn't have taken me to his quarters, no matter how mad he was! If Merle knew, she'd-" I stopped, looking away. It hurt to think about Merle.

When I looked back at him, Dumbledore was rubbing his forehead.

"Sir?" Why was it that everything and everyone didn't seem quite right?

"And you don't remember this morning, yesterday...?"

I shook my head. "I see a black haze whenever I try to."

He looked very interested at this information. "May I have your permission to use Legilimency on you?" he asked, taking out his wand again.

I nodded. I was willing to do anything to work out what was going on here.

Dumbledore raised his wand. "Legilimens!"

Memory after memory flashed before my eyes, most of them involving my childhood with Merle. It seemed that Dumbledore wasn't looking for these though, as he kept pulling forth hazy black clouds. Some were large and some were small, and some were knotted together.

"What were those black things?" I asked, as Dumbledore ended the spell.

"Those," he replied, putting his wand away and passing mine to me, "would be your lost memories. I was rather relieved to see them there. I was rather afraid that they had gone altogether."

"I kind of guessed that something was wrong with my memory, sir," I said, awkwardly, "but it doesn't explain why Merle is a ghost."

"Armilla," Dumbledore said, slowly, standing up from his seat. He walked around his desk and sat in the armchair next to mine.

This had to mean bad news of some kind.

Dumbledore took my hand in his. Yep, definitely bad news then. I bit my lip, waiting for him to speak again.

"The date today," he said quietly, meeting my gaze, "is Friday, December 3^rd, 1996. You are in your Sixth Year."

I stared back at him, my mouth open. I had just aged a year.

"I'm sixteen?" I said, incredulously.

"And a half," he said, nodding.

"And Merle?" I whispered, feeling him squeeze my hand slightly.

Dumbledore inclined his head. "Merle passed away following a stroke in the October of 1995."

I looked away, trying to push the lump away again. Merle was dead. Dead.

"It is not quite fair to put you through this again," Dumbledore said quietly, squeezing my hand again. "I am so very sorry."

I nodded. I felt strange, like I wasn't quite in my body. "We...she had a funeral then?"

He nodded. "Yes. You've been to the cemetery several times since then to visit her."

We were silent. Dumbledore looked like he had much more to say, but I wasn't sure I was prepared to hear anything more. All that mattered was that Merle was dead.

"Our house?" I whispered. "Do I still live there?"

He shook his head. "The house was sold shortly after Merle's death. Merle left everything to you and the sale of the house, as well as other assets and sentimental items are now safely in your vault at Gringotts...or in your new home."

"So...so-" I said, my voice shaking. "Who have I been living with?"

Again, he looked hesitant. "Armilla, a great deal has happened in your life in the past year, apart from Merle's death."

"Who?" I pressed him, wiping those blasted tears away.

"I will give you an answer, but I will not go into all the particulars this evening, as it is far too much information," Dumbledore said firmly, handing me a tissue.

"My life couldn't have been that eventful in one year," I said, dryly.

"You'd be surprised," he said, grimly. He sighed. "Not long after Merle's death, you discovered that you had a brother, a much older brother. That brother now has full custody of you."

I was shocked. A brother? I'd been waiting for him to say that I was living with an elderly, childless couple or something. Not a brother.

"How did I discover it?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "I told you that I will not go into the particulars this evening. There is a lot of information to give you." He sighed. "With any luck, we won't have to; I'm hoping to have your memories restored to you."

"Who is it then?"

There was a pause, and then...

"Professor Snape."

"Snape?" I hadn't heard correctly. He must have said something else.

"Professor Snape, Armilla," Dumbledore corrected. "Well, Severus really; that's what you call him now."

I shook my head. "No."

"Armilla-"

I stood up. "No. I don't want to go anywhere near him."

Dumbledore remained where he was, looking too calm for my liking. "The Armilla I know would say something quite the opposite."

"Then she must be out of her mind," I retorted. "You didn't see how angry he was! I didn't want to hang around for him to come back! You honestly can't expect me to go near him like that. I-"

I stopped when Dumbledore put his hand up to stop what was turning out to be an endless tirade.

"Armilla," he said, his voice a little hard, "sit down."

I hesitated, quite content to pace right now, but the sudden steely look in his eyes convinced me to return to my seat.

"Just humour me for a moment, if you please," he said, handing me another tissue. "Imagine what Merle's reaction would have been if she'd caught you duelling. How do you think she would have felt?"

Would have felt... There was the lump in my throat again. I thought for a moment. "She would have been worried," I whispered, "...and probably angry that I'd managed to get myself into that situation in the first place."

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, whether it was your fault or not." He gave me a significant look, which I chose to ignore.

"Continue to humour me," he continued, leaning forward to take my hand again. "You have my word, Armilla, that I would only tell you the absolute truth about Severus."

I nodded, feeling a little queasy.

"Severus loves you more than you could imagine."

I stared back at him. Yes, definitely feeling queasy. Who was crazy here? The Head of Slytherin, the most irritable person I had ever met, loved me.

"And would you believe that you love him?" Dumbledore suddenly smiled at me. "I know for a fact that your boggart is Severus in death."

I frowned. "It is?"

He nodded. "You were quite distressed at the time and had reason to be. The two of you quite depend on each other."

I looked doubtfully at him. "I don't remember," I said quietly, looking away. His angry face flashed in my mind again. "I still don't want to talk to him." I wanted to go home...and find Merle there.

"We aren't in agreement on that," the Headmaster said firmly. "You will need to speak with him sooner or later, and I'd prefer for it to be sooner."

"Why?" I asked, looking back at him. "Why? I don't need to talk to him. I was probably an unwelcome interruption in his life. It's probably best if I just go back to Ravenclaw and...drop Potions."

"I am going to blame your irrational thinking on your shock," Dumbledore said quietly, standing up. "Come."

I hesitated. "Where are we going?"

"The hospital wing. I would like to be assured that, your memory and the shock of this aside, you are in excellent health."

"Then where?" I asked quietly, standing up. I didn't want to appear cowardly, but I really didn't want to go near Snape. Even if what Dumbledore said was true, I found it too hard to imagine. Perhaps, if Snape did love me, it was something concealed behind the harsh exterior I was used to seeing. Snape, in my view, simply wasn't capable of showing warmth.

Dumbledore turned around at the door. "Then I will take you down to the dungeons. I am afraid that you cannot stay in Ravenclaw tonight."

"Why not...sir?" I hoped my tone wasn't too demanding. I knew I was pushing my luck. Ha. I felt like pushing my fist through a wall at the moment. All I wanted was Merle.

Dumbledore adjusted his robes before looking back at me. "Because you have no memory of being in your Sixth Year; I have no wish to reveal that to your House mates just yet. Also, I believe Severus' skills will be pivotal to having your memories returned to you. And thirdly," he sighed, shaking his head slightly, "Armilla, you are to tell no one about the ghostly Merle you saw. You have been seeing her for months now and it only happens when you're alone."

"I'm a lunatic," I muttered.

Dumbledore, to my surprise, chuckled. "No, there's far more to it, but I won't go into it just now. It is important that you go nowhere alone, Armilla. For the moment, I want you to stay in the dungeons until your brother and I have had further discussions about where to go from here. You won't be able to attend classes, seeing as you are currently studying content you have no memory of."

I nodded, looking away. I felt sick. Merle was dead and I had to stay in the dungeons with Snape. I preferred the confused feeling I'd had before.

"Armilla," Dumbledore said quietly.

I looked over at him.

He looked grave. "There's nothing that we can't all handle together. This is going to be a difficult time, for you especially, but also for Severus. We will try our very best to put things right, but it may take time."

I nodded. The lump in my throat prevented me from saying anything.

"Come, then."

o o o o o o o o o o

I didn't enjoy my trip to the hospital wing at all.

Lisa and Crabbe were no where to be found, seeing as Madam Pomfrey had probably healed their injuries in a wink. Goyle, however, was lying in a bed at the far end of the room.

Madam Pomfrey, after having a private conversation with Dumbledore so she could be filled in on my condition, had fussed far too much for my liking. I hated being patronised, and though I knew the old nurse probably didn't mean it in a condescending way, I was ready to hex her after I was called a poor dear one too many times.

At Dumbledore's insistence, Madam Pomfrey also treated me for shock, giving me a calming potion, a headache potion and a nausea potion. Madam Pomfrey also stood her ground and insisted that I eat some dinner there in the hospital wing before I left. Again, she meant well, but all I felt like was throwing everything around the room and making a break for it.

Run, I thought grimly. The thought had crossed my mind a couple of times as the Headmaster and I had made our way to the hospital wing. I wasn't sure where exactly I would run to; in my fantasy world I would have run all the way home to Merle. I was certain though, that Dumbledore would catch up with me before I had gotten ten steps.

The walk down to the dungeons was horrible. I cringed many times on the way, whenever I thought of returning to Snape's rooms. Dumbledore had assured me that Snape wasn't back yet and that I could use the time to prepare for bed and perhaps look around the place that I apparently frequented several times a week.

Dumbledore, having access to every room in the castle, let us in with ease at the portrait.

"Here we are," he said pleasantly, standing back to let me through.

I walked in a few steps and stood near the door, perfectly content to stay there until I was ready to run out again. My mind was preoccupied with Merle. If I'd had my way, I'd be up in my dorm wallowing in self-pity at that moment. I hadn't had a chance to say goodbye...that I could remember.

"Sir," I said quietly, as Dumbledore closed the door. "Did I see Merle before she died?"

He inclined his head. "Yes, I received an express owl from St Mungos and I sent you that afternoon. Matilda met you there and you were both with her when she died."

"Oh." I looked away. "I don't remember. I'm glad I was with her."

"I'm sure she was too."

Dumbledore looked around the room. "Would you like some tea, Armilla, or would you rather prepare for bed?"

I had many questions buzzing through my mind, but I knew Dumbledore wasn't going to answer them that evening. I wasn't in the mood for idle chat either; perhaps just going to bed would be the best option.

"I think I'll go to bed, sir."

He nodded. "I'll show you your bedroom then."

I had a bedroom here? In Snape's rooms? Your brother's rooms, my mind reminded me.

I followed Dumbledore down the corridor and he turned to the door on the left.

"I'll let you go in," he said, opening the door. "I'll come by later to say goodbye, if you're still awake."

I nodded. "Thank you, sir."

He gave me a small smile, his clear blue eyes fixed on me. "Remember, Armilla, that I am here to talk to if you need me."

I nodded again.

"But," he said, looking serious, "Remember that Severus is your brother first and your teacher second. I assure you that he sees the relationship in that way too."

"Okay," I said quietly. I didn't want to think about Snape. I still couldn't rid my mind of his furious face.

After Dumbledore returned to the other room, I looked around my bedroom. It suited me exactly; it was like someone had designed it specifically for me. The cream bedding with the pale blue ribbon running through it was very much like what I had at home.

Home. Where was home now?

I bit my lip as I looked around. There on the desk were a few school books. I walked over and picked up the one on top. I cringed when I saw the name on top.

Armilla Snape.

My name had changed too. Why hadn't I been allowed to keep Kemp? I wasn't a Snape; I was a Kemp. I had been a Kemp all my life.

I gasped when I heard a sudden hooting in the room. I followed the trace of the sound and saw a snowy white owl resting atop the armoire.

"Who are you?"

The owl was regarding me with what could only be described as a calculating look. Suddenly, the snowy owl let out another hoot and turned green, Slytherin green. This must be Snape's strange, colour-changing owl. I was about to turn away, wondering why his owl was in my bedroom, when it hooted again and turned Ravenclaw blue.

Shaking my head, I walked over to the armoire and yanked it open. There were all my clothes, as well as some I didn't recognise. Had Snape bought me new clothes in the past year? I shuddered at the thought of clothes shopping with the man. There was also a violin case sitting on the floor. Apparently I was learning the violin too.

I walked into the adjourning bathroom, grateful that at least we didn't have to share. I looked in the mirror for a long time, trying to find any traces of age. In the end I gave up after rolling my eyes at my stupidity. There really hadn't been much change in me since I was fifteen. It didn't seem as if I had grown any taller. My haircut seemed a little different... but otherwise, there I was, just the same: dark eyes, dark hair, and pale skin.

I reached up and ran my fingers through my hair. I stopped suddenly when I saw something glinting from each of my ears. I leaned in an examined the earrings I was wearing. They were small, square diamonds. I had never owned diamonds. I was sure that Merle had owned just one earring very much like this one. Her brother had taken the other. Perhaps, after her death, somehow I had gotten it back to make the pair. I smiled, the first smile I had meant in what seemed like ages; it was nice to be wearing a reminder of Merle.

As I prepared to take a shower, I noticed that I was wearing a thin silver chain and with a small pearl attached. I frowned, holding it up to examine it. It was indeed rather beautiful, but I had no idea where it had come from. It was a strange thing that I had been wearing it under my school uniform. I normally didn't wear jewellery like that to school. Where I had gotten a pearl from? Perhaps a sixteenth birthday present?

I spent far too long in the shower; the shower was a great place for wallowing and generally avoiding the world outside the bathroom for as long as possible.

When I finally got into bed, I was glad that I couldn't hear voices out in the other room. I was hoping to fall asleep and wake up in the morning to find that this had all been a bad dream. Merle would still be alive, I would be fifteen, and Snape would be nothing more than the irritable Potions teacher and fearsome Head of Slytherin.

I laid awake for a long time, staring at the canopy above me. Every time it hit me that Merle really wasn't around, I felt a stab of pain in my chest. How dare she die and leave me here like this! I wasn't ready to be alone! There was a dry laugh in my head. Would you ever be?

I finally drifted off into an unsettled sleep, only to be jerked awake by the sound of voices in the sitting room. I felt nauseous and my head was pounding. I put my cold hands on my face, wondering why Madam Pomfrey's potions hadn't seemed to work.

Though I recognised one of the voices as Snape's, I was too half asleep to pay it much attention or be alarmed that Dumbledore would depart and leave me alone with the man. I closed my eyes and again and rolled onto my side, pushing away the image of Snape's angry face. I kicked the blankets off, feeling too hot. I wanted to get some water from the bathroom, but I was worried that too much movement would alert the two to the fact that I wasn't asleep.

A long time went by before I heard the sound of footsteps. The door of my bedroom opened slightly. I didn't move an inch.

"Sleeping," I heard Dumbledore murmur, and the door was closed again.

If Snape had responded, I hadn't heard him. A few moments later, I heard the sound of the front door opening and closing again.

I stayed still, willing myself to fall asleep again, but distracted by the pounding of my head. I was suddenly hit by the urge to sneeze. No! Mustn't sneeze!

"Achoo!" I tried my best to muffle the sound, but when it was followed by two more, I gave up.

I heard the door of my bedroom open once again. Since I had my back to the door, I wondered for a moment if I should close my eyes and fake sleep. A fourth sneeze ruined any plans.

I heard him step into the room, moving in the quiet way he was well known for. He came around the bed to the side I was facing.

The sight of him made me stiffen. I wasn't sure what to say to him. I wondered grimly if he felt the same way. I slowly brought myself to make eye contact with him.

I couldn't read his expression, especially considering it was dark in the room. He seemed rather guarded, perhaps suppressing any anger he felt.

"Well then," he said quietly. "This is a rather unhappy turn of events."

o o o o o o o o o

A/N Please review! Sorry for the lack of Severus in this chapter - he'll feature rather prominently in the next one, as you may have guessed. The next couple of scenes have already been written. I'm hoping to get one more chapter in between now and April...if time allows it. I'm going overseas for a month in April and so it's likely a chapter after this time won't be until mid May at the earliest.

Next Chapter: "...That may be found, if sought."

Chapter names taken from verse: The Faerie Queene by Edmund Spenser