Armilla II

Chapter 17

What on earth was I going to do? I had been in many a predicament before, but this one seemed to cause the type of mental stress that made you want to take a Forgetfulness Draught. I would have preferred to have been partnered with someone else so I wouldn't have seen this book.

But, as rational thought stepped it, I realised that sooner or later I would have noticed that something was amiss. If I saw Harry and other students, particularly DA students, performing spells that I knew exclusively belonged to Severus, I'd have worried about how they'd learned them. As it was, how could I keep this from Severus?

I watched Harry as he smiled down at the book; he clearly adored it and why shouldn't he? He thought the book held the entries of his mother and father. I would have savoured such a thing too and I hadn't known my parents. The problem was, of course, that the teenager Harry was admiring in the book, the teenager who was clearly friends with his mother, the teenager he believed to be James Potter, was in fact, Severus Snape.

"It's such good luck that I found the book," Harry said happily, flipping through the pages. He paused at a page covered with another conversation between my brother and Lily. "Here," he said, nodding down at the page. "Read that one."

Biting my lip, my mind struggling to find an excuse not to read what was on the page, I looked down at it.

That Bubble Shield charm you came up with is fantastic. I tried it out on Mulciber today and he sprouted boils all over his face!

I know, I saw him going to the hospital wing. I think he'll think again before he hexes you.

Hm, I wonder what's for lunch...

You're always hungry, Lily.

And you're never hungry enough. You're far too skinny.

Am not. At least I'm not a great, fat lump like Pettigrew.

Harry shook his head. "Pettigrew," he said bitterly. "It seems my dad thought he was a bit of an idiot even then."

"Yeah," I said, nodding. So did Severus, I thought grimly.

"I was wondering what Mum meant by the Bubble Shield," Harry went on, flipping back through the pages, "and then I found it right here in the book. See?" He pushed the book towards me. The page margins were full of notes in Severus' cramped handwriting.

Sure enough, all the details of the Bubble Shield were there, and I could see that Severus had developed it over time. He had gone back several times to cross things out and add alternative wand movements.

"It's excellent," Harry said enthusiastically. "It's such a great idea. It could count as an innovation in defensive magic, don't you think? We could focus our research assignment on defensive shields."

I nodded, feeling utterly uncomfortable.

"I wonder what my dad would think of us developing his ideas." Harry started flipping through the book again.

"Don't know," I said quietly. I knew what Severus would think. If I was Harry, I would run as fast as I could in the opposite direction if Severus caught sight of the book.

"I thought you'd be more enthusiastic," said Harry, glancing up from the book. "The book has so many ideas for us - and I haven't even read it all yet."

"Well, I think we should stick to innovations that have been properly published," I said. "That way we have a proper reference for our sources."

Harry considered this for a moment. "True," he acknowledged. "Yes, you're right. You know, you sound just like Hermione."

I merely smiled.

"But we're also supposed to design a whole new concept," Harry continued. "Create a whole new spell." He gestured down at the book. "Why not extend upon the Bubble Shield?"

"Because that wouldn't be creating a whole new spell," I pointed out.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Armilla, I'm sure my dad wouldn't care if we took credit for it, seeing as it hasn't been published."

But Severus would. I was going to have to tell Severus about it. I couldn't see another way around it all. He would kill me if I ignored this; besides, he would find out anyway; Slughorn would no doubt tell my brother about our project and Severus was very interested in it already. I wasn't about to start a series of lies about it. But how to put Harry off the idea? What a headache.

"Armilla?" Harry was looking expectantly at me. "I asked you what you thought."

I sighed. "Let me think about it. You know, I'm sure I could be persuasive enough to get Severus to give us some ideas."

Harry frowned. "I thought you said that he wasn't likely to offer a lot of help."

That was before the book got involved. Perhaps Severus would be far more willing to help if he could get the book out of the picture.

"You never know," I said vaguely, staring at the battered book in Harry's hands. "Stranger things have happened."

o o o o o o o o o o

The walk down to the dungeons wasn't the most pleasant I'd had; not that it was pleasant walking in the dungeons most of the time; there were always the awkward moments when I came across Slytherins and we had to give each other awkward nods of acknowledgement.

My journey to our quarters this time was not unpleasant due to seeing the likes of Malfoy and his cronies; it was more the feeling of dread in telling Severus about the book. As I moved through the draughty corridors my mind kept rehearsing ways of breaking the news to Severus that Harry had gotten his hands on one of his old books.

By the way, Severus, I saw Harry earlier and he's got this book with your handwriting in it. It was pretty clear that you and Harry's mum were best buds. Don't worry, Harry thinks it's his own dad's handwriting.

No, that wouldn't do. Try again.

I think you should teach Harry the Bubble Shield, Severus. He has your old book with it in there anyway, so he'll probably try it out himself sooner or later. Did you like Harry's mum?

No, that definitely wouldn't do.

My inner ramblings were suddenly cut short by something quite unwelcome.

"Ah!" Oh Merlin, not again.

"Armilla!" said the Merle-ghost pleasantly. "There you are!"

Keep moving, I told myself. It wasn't really Merle. It wasn't even a proper ghost. I couldn't linger there. Severus and Dumbledore had told me to report to either of them as soon as the Merle impostor appeared again.

I walked fast, knowing perfectly well that the ghost, for want of a better word, would follow.

"In a hurry, are we?"

I ignored her. I was right near the portrait that concealed our rooms.

"Shar's coming over for dinner this evening," Merle said conversationally. "Make sure you're polite. You know how lonely the poor man is."

It felt like a hand had reached in and grasped at my heart. Shar. I concentrated on activating the portrait, squashing the anger I felt at hearing the name. Merle had never seen the man for the monster he was.

I pushed open the door and hastily moved over the threshold before slamming the door shut behind me. I leaned against it, feeling like I had been winded.

Severus emerged from his bedroom, a frown on his face. "What's the matter?" he asked, when he caught sight of me. "Is there any need to slam the door?"

"Sorry," I murmured, pushing off the door and walking towards the sofa. "I was trying to keep Merle out...not that she's come in...she didn't last time."

"She appeared again?" Severus said quickly. "When? Just now?"

I nodded, sitting down. "Only a minute ago, just a corridor away."

Severus sat down next to me. "Did you say anything to her?"

I shook my head. "No."

He raised an eyebrow.

I stared back at him. "What?"

"You know perfectly well what," he said, looking irritated. "Are you going to willingly offer information as to what happened or shall I remain probing for answers?"

"Oh." I suddenly felt stupid. What was wrong with me?

Severus was looking at me strangely. "Well?"

"She just appeared," I said hastily. "She said my name and said there you are, just like she did before. I started walking faster and she followed, asking if I was in a hurry." I stopped, feeling the anger starting to boil inside me as I remembered what had happened next. "She told me that Shar was coming for dinner."

"How delightful," Severus drawled. "Is that all she said?"

"That's all she had the opportunity to say," I said resentfully. "That's when I came inside."

Severus nodded. "Well then," he said, "am I to assume that you slammed the door on account of Shar rather than over Merle herself?"

I nodded, my hands clenching into fists at the mere thought of Shar.

"Did you see anyone or anything strange on your way down here?"

I shook my head. "I didn't see anyone in the dungeons at all."

"And before that?" Severus was watching me closely.

I frowned. "Well, I passed students in the Entrance Hall and in the corridors near the library, but I didn't really pay attention to who they were."

He nodded, though he didn't look satisfied. "It is no doubt pointless," he said, looking grimly at me, "seeing as it didn't work last time, but I'd like to use Legilimency on your mind to see if I can view Merle."

I nodded my consent and braced myself.

Severus wasted no time. "Legilimens!"

I immediately felt his presence in my mind, and a few insignificant memories floated past.

I felt the familiar push in my mind as Severus found the memory; like last time, he clearly couldn't access it.

"Darkness again," Severus said, looking frustrated as he cancelled the spell. "It's very clear that whoever is behind this has no wish for anyone else to see Merle." He began casting the same diagnostic spells as last time, an optimistic attempt to find any trace of dark magic within me.

"I don't see the purpose of her appearances though," I said quietly when he'd finished. "She doesn't seem to cause harm...well harm that I'm aware of."

"Exactly." He got up abruptly. "That is what concerns me." He began to pace. "I cannot determine what effect this is having on you."

"You're sure it is having an effect?" I honestly felt no different. Was I supposed to feel different?

"I am only certain that these appearances must have some purpose." He continued to pace, not meeting my eye.

I watch him move back and forth, a dull ache beginning to grow inside me. It worried me to see him looking so concerned; that meant I had cause to be anxious.

"I will go and inform the Headmaster of the appearance," Severus said finally after several moments of silence. "We'll continue practising the bubble hex when I get back."

I nodded and watched as he swept from the room. I had a niggling feeling that I had something to tell him...whatever it was had completely escaped my mind.

o o o o o o o o o o o

I decided to stay the night in the dungeons that evening. Severus and I had duelled for much for the afternoon and he had been satisfied that my mental shield had managed to block his speciality bubble hexes. I, on the other hand, was impatient to go even further with it; I didn't just want to block the hex, I wanted to be able to fire back with strength at the same time. It seemed I was a long way from that happening.

I supposed I had been preoccupied since coming down to the dungeons. I couldn't get Merle out of my mind. The real Merle's face as well as the fake one kept flashing in my mind. I kept hearing her voice over and over in my head.

There you are, Armilla.

There you are, Armilla.

I was starting to wonder if I was hearing the voice because my mind chose to or if it was bring put there against my will. I couldn't quite tell; it wasn't like I hated seeing Merle's face in my mind.

I voiced my concern to Severus that evening when he came in to say goodnight; he had been quiet for much of the evening, probably brooding on the nature of the fake Merle's appearances.

"And you cannot tell whether you're focusing on the memory or if it's being put there?" he said when I'd finished.

"I like seeing Merle," I admitted. "I probably focus on it more than I should."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "It's a curse though, Armilla. You shouldn't like seeing it."

"Not in that way," I said hastily. "I know she's not appearing for good reason. It's hard to explain...I suppose seeing a face that's supposed to be hers and hearing a voice that's supposed to be hers strengthens my memories of her...and I like it."

Severus said nothing for a moment. He stared at the rug on the floor for a minute before he turned back to me. "You're old enough to have sufficient memories of Merle. They couldn't possibly be dwindling."

I shook my head. "No, not really." I met his gaze. "But wouldn't you enjoy hearing a voice that you never thought you'd hear again?"

His face hardened and he immediately looked away. He was silent again for a moment. "The point," he said finally, "is that you're being tricked into thinking you like hearing a voice that isn't real...seeing a face that isn't real-"

"I'm not being tricked," I interrupted. "I know it's not real-"

"But you enjoy it," Severus said harshly, looking annoyed that I had interrupted him. "You're enjoying something that isn't real."

"I'm not enjoying it," I said heatedly. "If I enjoyed it then wouldn't I have spent longer with her today? I didn't even speak to her today. That's not enjoying it."

"You just said you like seeing her," he said, frowning at me. "How can you like seeing her but not enjoy it? It doesn't make sense."

"I like viewing the memory in my mind," I said slowly. "I know it doesn't make sense. I don't enjoy running into her and I'd rather it all stopped...but it sort of renews the sound of her voice in my memory...I can't help liking that."

Severus sighed; his expression told me that he didn't think I was being entirely rational about it. "Have you been thinking about Merle a lot this afternoon?" he asked.

"Not the whole time," I said honestly. "Only when I wasn't focused on something else...it kept coming back to me."

Something flickered in his eyes. "Unless that's the point," he murmured, more to himself than to me.

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps your mind is bringing the memory to the forefront of your mind," he said, looking back at me. "Perhaps the idea is that you're meant to constantly focus on it."

I stared at him. "But what point would that have?"

"That remains to be seen," he answered, looking frustrated once more. "Unless you are subconsciously focusing on the memory and it has nothing to do with the curse." He sighed. "One of the downfalls of having no evidence and relying purely on conjecture."

o o o o o o o o o o o

"Make sure you sit with your research partners!" Slughorn's voice boomed as we made our way into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom on Monday. "We're not working on the assignments in class today but I want you to become familiar with your partner's learning strategies and habits."

Lisa groaned as she went over to Ron Weasley. Ron didn't seem to notice; his eyes, for a reason entirely incomprehensible to me, seemed to be transfixed by Lavender Brown.

"Hi," said Harry cheerfully, as I sat down next to him.

"Hel-" Oh no. The memory of Harry's current prized possession suddenly came hurtling back to me. I had completely forgotten to tell Severus about the book!

"What's wrong?" Harry looked around, wondering what had distracted me.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. "I thought I'd forgotten a book, that's all."

"Oh."

How could I have forgotten to tell Severus? It wasn't the sort of thing you'd easily forget to do. I'd worried about it in the library and on the way to the dungeons - until Merle had appeared. Well, I reasoned with myself, Merle had provided a distraction...but even, so I should have remembered something like this.

"Have you thought any more about it?" Harry asked, giving me a knowing look.

"Um, yeah..." I said uncomfortably. Ha! Not a second's thought actually. I still couldn't believe I hadn't told Severus about it.

"Well?" he said expectantly.

"A very good day to you all," Slughorn said merrily, his voice ringing out across the classroom.

I was very thankful that I'd suddenly been saved from answering. I carefully avoided Harry's eye and focused on the purple-coated walrus-like man at the front of the room.

"I trust you've all found the time to have a first meeting as a pair and discuss ideas and research possibilities?" Slughorn asked.

There was a general murmur of consent.

"Good, good. Excellent," he said, nodding as he rocked back and forth on his feet. "I expect a meeting log to be kept so I can track how much research is being carried out. I don't want this assignment to be taken lightly."

Certainly not, I thought grimly. How could I take this lightly when Harry had such a book in his possession?

It turned out to be a rather tedious lesson. Slughorn had written a series of scenarios on the board and had then allocated one to each pair to discuss and solve. I had ideas of how to solve ours, but I had to avoid ones that involved magic that Severus had exclusively taught me.

"I have plenty of ideas for all of those," Harry remarked, his eyes scanning the list. Each problem required some sort of defensive magic to be used.

"Yes, but for now you have to keep those ideas private," I said quietly.

He rolled his eyes, but happily discussed other ways to solve our scenario. Neither of us heard Slughorn move our way until he was right in front of us.

"What a team!" he said merrily. He leaned forward and spoke quietly, a mischievous glint in his eye, "reminds me of when I used to partner Severus with Lily for projects like these."

Harry looked incredulously at him. "Really?"

Slughorn chuckled. "Oh yes, Harry. Your father never liked that. It took him a long time to win your mother's affections."

Harry laughed. "Imagine that," he whispered to me as Slughorn waddled away to Lisa and Ron, "Snape and my mum having to work together. A Gryffindor and a Slytherin? I bet they both hated that. The ultimate torture."

I forced a smile. "Undoubtedly."

o o o o o o o o o o o o

I generally didn't go down to the dungeons on a Monday night, but tonight I had to make sure I went. I couldn't hold off telling Severus about the book.

My guilt about not telling him sooner didn't make me walk any faster. Rather, I walked as slowly as I could to the dungeons, still trying to come up with ways to approach the subject with Severus. I didn't want Harry to be in trouble. I knew the book meant a great deal to him; he'd be heartbroken if he found out that the scribblers in the book were in fact Severus and Lily, not James and Lily.

I passed many Slytherins in the dungeon corridors, some making their way back to their common room, others holding books, probably headed for the library. I had the fantastic fortune to nearly bump into Draco Malfoy as I rounded a corner. Pansy Parkinson was hanging off his arm and I had to bite down on my lip in an attempt not to laugh at the scene. I had long since decided that they were made for each other; two misguided fools with mutual infatuation. The only real difference was that Malfoy did have a brain; he just used his intelligence the wrong way. I wondered if Pansy knew much about Malfoy's place in the Dark Lord's circle.

"Armilla," Malfoy said, nodding at me, a small smile on his face.

"Draco," I said evenly, nodding back.

"On your way to see your brother?" He used the word as if he had just tasted something nasty.

"Obviously."

He sneered. "Of course. You wouldn't hang around in the dungeons otherwise. You were never real Slytherin material."

"I never had reason to be." Merlin, the boy was a dolt.

He let out a dry laugh. "Oh, yes, I had forgotten you Ravenclaws hold yourselves up higher than your common room tower."

I smiled. "Witty. Well done. Don't let me keep you, Draco. I'm sure you and Pansy have places to be."

I moved around them and was glad that they kept walking too. At least bumping into them distracted my mind from Harry's book. Malfoy had confused me. We had reached a level where we would tolerate each other, fake politeness and move on. Now it seemed a different approach: fake politeness and then insult. What did he have against Severus? Malfoy had always seemed to like my brother. Until this year it seemed. Ever since Narcissa Malfoy had visited with him that day last summer, Malfoy had been less than pleasant to Severus. It had to have something to do with You-Know-Who.

Moments later I was in our sitting room, preparing myself for the inevitable task of telling Severus about the book. The lights in the sitting room were dimmed and a brighter light was coming from the lab. I smiled, hoping this was a good sign. Severus was generally in better spirits when he was brewing potions. I was glad that I hadn't happened upon him whilst marking Hufflepuff or Gryffindor essays.

Sure enough, I found him bottling the last of a series of potions bottles, all neatly lined up on the wooden work bench in the middle of the room.

He looked up when he saw me in the doorway. "Good evening," he said, putting the stopper in the bottle before setting it down on the bench. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Can't I come down for no reason?" I asked, approaching the bench to help pack away the ingredients.

He gave me a look. "Certainly," he said, banishing the last drops of the potion in the cauldron with his wand. "But you've come down to talk about something."

I frowned. "How do you know that?" Was I that transparent?

He gave me a small smile. "You looked rather hesitant when I looked up. Have you seen the fake Merle again?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Thank goodness," he said dryly. "Clearly, you have something to discuss."

"Two things actually," I replied, using my wand to direct ingredients back to the cupboard.

He nodded. "We'll go out and talk when this is cleaned up. Are they urgent problems?"

I considered him for a moment. "Well, I suppose that's subjective," I said finally. "It depends what you think about it."

Severus paused with a few bottles in his hands, looking curiously back at me. "Well, this sounds enthralling."

I didn't answer; I finished packing away the rest of the ingredients and then we went out to sit on the sofa in the sitting room.

"Well then?" Severus asked, looking expectantly at me.

"I ran into Malfoy on my way down here," I began. I wanted to get my curiosity about Malfoy out of my mind first before I brought up the book. "He was with Pansy. He asked me if I was coming to see you and he gave me the impression that he has a less than favourable impression of you."

Severus nodded, completely unaffected. "That's no surprise, Armilla. You must have noticed the change in Draco's attitude during our Potions lessons so far this year?"

"Yes," I said, also nodding. "But he's gone back to being rather rude again. I thought we were just tolerating each other."

Severus inclined his head. "Draco has different priorities in his life now. Last year his main goal was to appease his father and win you over, so to speak. This year, Draco has far more demanding and stressful things on his mind. I do not know all the particulars because he does not wish to confide in me. What I know mainly comes from Narcissa's information."

"Demanding things?" I repeated, hoping for more information.

"Yes," he said shortly. "Demanding things that he is being subjected to through his family's own doing. Draco doesn't only serve his parents now, Armilla, as you well know." He sighed. "It is best for you to avoid him at all costs. Draco has become exceptionally wary of me and so he is likely to treat you with less decorum."

I nodded and then paused, realising it was time to bring up the book.

"Armilla?" Severus raised an eyebrow. "What was the other thing you wanted to discuss?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. Severus simply stared at me.

"I'm not-" I broke off, unsure that I was starting off the right way.

Severus leaned back into the sofa, suddenly frowning. "You look guilty, Armilla. Have you done something you shouldn't have?"

I shook my head. "No, I haven't done anything." Except forget to tell you, my mind reminded me.

"Well?"

Go for it. "I met Harry in the library yesterday to work on our research project." Severus' face immediately hardened at the mention of Harry's name.

"We were talking about what sort of concept we could use," I continued, "when Harry decided to tell me about a book he's got that could be useful." I paused, thinking about what to say next. Severus was looking at me with a hard expression; clearly he knew that something about Harry that he would not like was coming up.

"Harry had found the book at Grimmauld Place and it's become really important to him."

"It had better not be one of Black's old family heirlooms, completely full of dark magic," Severus said, looking less than pleased. "Lupin assured me that he had cleared the library of unsuitable material."

"It's just an old Defence Against the Dark Arts book," I said quickly. "I don't think there's anything that's really dark in there. That's not why Harry likes it so much."

Severus sneered. "What is it then? Does it have Black's name inside the cover? Is Potter being sentimental over it?"

I nodded. "He is, but it's not Sirius Black's name inside the cover. It says Christian Potter on the inside, but that's been crossed out. Lucia is written underneath that."

I met his eye, waiting for realisation to dawn upon him. It came very quickly. His face darkened. "Potter," he said slowly, "has our Great Aunt Lucia's Defence Against the Dark Arts book?"

"Was it Christian Potter's first?" I asked.

"I believe Lucia claimed it from him." Severus had a murderous expression on his face. He remembered then, what was also in that book.

"There's handwriting in the book that's different to the writing inside the cover," I went on.

"I'm aware of that," he snapped, looking away, his hands gripping the sofa. He suddenly looked back at me. "You've read it all then?"

I shook my head, feeling queasy. I knew he would react like this, but it didn't make it any easier. "Only what Harry's shown me. I think he's read it all. He's rather proud of the book."

Severus turned back to me. "Proud of it?" he said in disbelief, his lip curling.

"He knows that one person in the book is his mum," I said quietly. "Seeing as Christian Potter's name is inside the cover he believes that the other person is his dad."

If Severus had looked angry before, now he looked completely enraged. "He thinks the other person is his father? Of course he would, that little-"

"Severus, why would he think it's anyone else?" I pointed out. "It makes perfect sense that Harry would think it was his father. Why would he think it was you?"

Severus got up, his face flushed. He was clearly too irate to sit. I was very glad Harry wasn't close by.

"And you knew when you saw it?" he said quietly, his dark eyes glittering dangerously.

I nodded. "I had thought-" I stopped. "Yes, I knew."

Severus turned away and took up his usual habit of pacing. "Known for a long time, have you?"

"No," I said honestly, "...only suspected."

I watched Severus pace back and forth. He seemed against the idea of making eye contact with me.

"There's just a problem I don't know what to do about," I said finally.

"Of course there's a problem!" Severus snapped. "If I'd known Potter had gotten his hands on that book-"

"Not that problem, there's another one," I interrupted, feeling annoyed. "Harry admires the things you've written in that book; spells that you experimented with. He particularly likes the Bubble Shield."

Severus' eyes flashed as he finally looked back at me. "Oh, I bet he's already tried it out," he said scornfully.

"He likes it so much he wants to use it as our new concept for our research assignment."

I waited for an explosion, either verbal or magical. I didn't have to wait long.

"Use it?" he repeated, his face nothing short of rage. "Use my invention and put his name with it?"

"He wants to develop it," I said quietly. "He doesn't know that you would be offended by it. He thinks it was his father's idea, remember?"

Severus opened his mouth to retort, but I kept talking.

"As far as Harry knows, he has a book of unpublished magical experiments by people he believes to be his parents. He thinks his dad would be proud if he goes ahead and uses it for the project."

"Such arrogance," he growled, looking away. "That book is not his property."

"He found it in a house that belongs to him," I reminded him. "I assume he would think he owns that too. The problem is that I don't know what to tell Harry. He's keen to get started and wants to use the Bubble Shied. He can't understand why I told him I'd only think about it."

Severus glowered at me. "You told him you would think about it?"

"Well, it wouldn't have been rational to just say no without reason," I snapped. "I couldn't tell him the real reason why, could I?"

"Don't you dare snap at me-" he said sharply, looking furious.

"It's not my fault," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. "Imagine if I had told him that it's really you in that book and not his father. Would you have preferred that?"

"Don't be ridiculous," he sneered.

"Then what could I have done to make the best out of a bad situation so you would at least know that I tried?"

Severus stopped abruptly and looked back at me. "I-"

I stared back at him blankly. "I ran out of plausible courses of action very quickly," I said quietly.

He continued to stare at me, considering what I'd said. Finally he sat down heavily beside me. "I don't know," he said, his face most ill-tempered. "I don't know what you could have done. All I do know is that I want that book out of Potter's possession."

"Well, I'm sorry I wasn't able to achieve that one for you."

My words were met with silence. I understood that he was annoyed about the whole thing; I would have been too, but it was unfair to take it out on me just because I was the only one there.

Severus suddenly got up again. He headed towards the door. "I'm going to see Dumbledore," he said shortly.

"But Harry's meeting with him tonight."

I was sure that he was about to curse in frustration. "I'll go later this evening then."

He headed towards his lab.

I got up too and headed for the door. I had no inclination to stay. "Goodnight, then."

"Where are you going?" he demanded, turning around in the corridor.

"Back to my common room," I said indifferently. "I have things to do."

He nodded curtly. "Goodnight." He turned and disappeared into his lab.

I didn't stay a moment longer. As I closed the door behind me I let out a sigh of relief. I didn't know why; I wasn't really relieved at all. "That went well," I muttered.

I didn't end up spending much time in the common room after all. It was more crowded that night than usual and I wanted space. I tried working in my dorm, but Padma Patil and Ruby Parkes were up there, chatting away. In the end I told Lisa and Terry that I had some research to do in the library, picked up my bag and left. I needed time to sort my thoughts out.

I was annoyed with Severus. He hadn't seemed to realise that there wasn't much I could have done about the situation. Honestly, what did he expect of me?

He didn't know either, I remembered. He had been at a loss too. That must have added to his frustration, I thought grimly. Not to mention the fact that I had admitted to having suspected that he had held affection for Lily Potter. Severus had always been very private about it and I had rarely brought the subject up on account of avoiding aggravating him.

I stayed much longer in the library than I intended. It was more difficult to look for the right Transfiguration books I needed for my essay when my mind was so preoccupied. I finally left when I realised that I'd be pushing the curfew time if I stayed much longer.

There were fewer students about as I made my way back towards the tower, my mind still on Severus, Lily and Harry. I turned into the deserted corridor that led to the tower. It didn't matter how this was going to be sorted out, I thought; one person at least was going to be very angry.

"Lost in thought, are we?"

I stopped suddenly. Brilliant. I had come face to face once more with the fake Merle.

She gave me a big smile, the one she always wore when she knew something I didn't. It generally turned out that she had a surprise for me.

Taking a deep breath, I side stepped her ghostly form and kept walking.

"It's polite to answer me when I speak to you, Armilla," the ghost rebuked. "Dear me, child, where are your manners?"

I kept walking, trying not to look at her. I couldn't help it; as much as I didn't want to see her, it was so lovely to hear her voice. I was nearly at the entrance to the common room when I realised that I was supposed to report to Severus or Dumbledore right away if I saw Merle.

I quickly turned around and headed for the Headmaster's office, figuring that Severus must have gone up there by now. Merle trailed after me the whole time, chatting away and occasionally having a go at me for not answering her. She kept asking me what was wrong.

"Why don't you want to talk to me, Armilla?" Merle's voice sounded dejected and it hurt to hear it that way.

It's not really Merle, you idiot.

"I've come to talk to you and you don't want to spend time with me."

Keep walking. Look straight ahead.

"Don't you care for me any longer?" Her voice was full of hurt.

This wasn't fair. If it was really Father behind all this I wouldn't think twice right now about using the strongest curse I knew on him.

"I thought you loved me. I suppose I was mistaken."

I turned around abruptly and stared at her ghostly face. She had tears in her eyes and she was biting her lip. I opened my mouth to say something, but then changed my mind. Seeing Severus was more important at the moment.

As I got nearer to the gargoyles, I nearly stamped my foot in frustration when I realised that I didn't have the password to get in. I considered using my chocolate frog card to contact Severus, but it could be awhile before he checked it. I had been able to contact him straightaway with it once before in an emergency, but I couldn't be sure this time. As it was, I didn't want to have my chocolate frog card out near Merle.

I reached the gargoyles and stood there for a moment, trying hard to ignore Merle's sighs of self-pity. It was getting harder and harder to pretend that she simply wasn't there.

I heard a movement and then thanked my lucky stars that someone seemed to be on my side today. The entrance to Dumbledore's office was opening. I nearly jumped when Harry stepped out, looking a little red in the face. I quickly looked around, only to find that Merle had vanished once again.

"Oh, hi, Armilla," he said when he saw me. "Your brother's up there. He just threw me out for some reason, actually."

"Oh...really?" I said, trying to look surprised. "I was looking for him. I better go up before the entrance closes."

Harry gave a dry laugh as he stepped away. "Good luck, he seems to be in a foul mood."

I turned and gave him a smile of thanks. Foul mood was an understatement. I stepped onto the revolving staircase and tried to steady my pounding heart. I wasn't sure if it was pounding from seeing Merle, running into Harry or the thought of seeing an irate Severus once more. I knew the tears I was blinking back were from Merle.

I stepped off the staircase and knocked on the door. A moment later the door was violently swung open.

"Potter, I told you to-" Severus stopped abruptly when he saw me. His face still had the angry flush he'd had earlier.

"Good evening, Armilla," Dumbledore said pleasantly. "Always lovely to see you." He was standing in front of his desk. He gestured for me to come in as he went around it and sat down. "Do come in. Your brother has just stopped by for a friendly chat."

Severus glared at the Headmaster before closing the door and turning to me.

"I only came up to tell you that I saw Merle again," I said quickly. "That's all. I can go if you like."

"Ah, two visits from Merle in two days," said Dumbledore, before Severus could answer. "This must be very frustrating for you."

I nodded. "It's all right." I turned back to Severus. "I'll go. I just wanted to let you know."

Severus grasped my wrist as I went to open the door. "No," he said. "I would like to know what happened and I am sure the Headmaster would like to as well."

"Certainly," said Dumbledore, gesturing to the seats in front of his desk.

Severus let go and we moved to sit in front of the Headmaster. When they both looked at me, I told them everything that had happened since leaving the library. It was difficult, but I managed to keep my voice from wavering for the most part, especially when Severus asked to know what Merle had said this time. I didn't know why I felt so horrible over a ghost that wasn't real anyway.

"I have tried everything I can think of, Headmaster," Severus said when I had finished. "All we know is that this fake Merle only appears when Armilla is alone."

Dumbledore nodded, lost in thought. I looked away when he interlaced his fingers on his desk; his blackened hand looked worse than ever.

"I suppose we could try and avoid Armilla being alone anywhere in the castle," he said thoughtfully, "but that would only be a short term fix to the problem and would not aid us in solving it."

"But we cannot be sure what effects these appearances are having on Armilla," Severus said, his face now anxious instead of angry.

"No," Dumbledore agreed. "But I do think part of the effect is to have an emotional impact. No one wants to see a deceased love one and have him or her say the things this fake Merle just said to Armilla."

Severus looked over at me wearing an expression I couldn't read. I broke eye contact with him and stared at Dumbledore's desk instead, willing the tears to stay back. I felt like an idiot. It was not right to be upset over the words spoken by an impostor.

"You're a very strong young lady for not replying to the ghost," Dumbledore said kindly. "Many others would not have been able to do so."

I couldn't bring myself to smile. I wasn't strong at all. If Dumbledore had known how close I'd been to speaking to Merle than he wouldn't have said it.

"Where to from here?" Dumbledore went on. "Shall we continue to monitor the visits or would it be best to make sure Armilla is accompanied at all times?" He met Severus' eye. "You're the guardian, Severus."

Severus considered him for a moment. "Either way has its advantages and disadvantages. I am inclined to make arrangements so that Armilla will not suffer seeing this ghost again, but as you say, this would not be a long term solution. Perhaps we should let it go for a little while longer and keep a record of time and places as we have been doing. This way we can attempt to look for patterns and narrow it down." He turned to me. "What is your opinion?"

I was surprised. I hadn't expected to be asked what I thought. I felt guilty because I had just been sitting there thinking that my opinion didn't matter anyway. Maybe my feelings had been showing on my face.

"I agree," I said finally, having considered it for a moment. I didn't want to be accompanied everywhere. "It doesn't seem to be having much of an effect at the moment. I'd rather keep seeing her if it means it might bring us closer to solving it."

Dumbledore nodded. "Well then," he said, looking satisfied, "we'll carry on as before." He met my eye. "Of course, you will confide in Severus if seeing Merle becomes too much?"

I nodded, glancing at my brother, who seemed lost in thought. "Of course."

"Severus," said Dumbledore, turning back to my brother. "I believe we must continue this most perplexing conversation you came in to have."

I made a move to leave, not wanting to stay for this.

"Stay there, Armilla," said Severus irritably. "It's past curfew and I don't want you wondering the halls. I would rather you not see Merle again tonight."

I sat back down, feeling uncomfortable. This was one of the last places I wanted to be right now.

"You were saying, Severus," said Dumbledore, looking from me back to my brother in mild surprise, "that you want this book taken out of Harry's possession."

"Yes," he replied curtly. "At the very least."

"With what explanation?"

Severus glared at him. "Explanation? He doesn't need an explanation! He has no right to that book."

"As a matter of fact, Severus, he does."

Severus narrowed his eyes in reply.

"According to what Armilla told you," the Headmaster went on, "Harry found the book at Grimmauld Place. It has the names of his relatives in that book - who are, incidentally your relatives too. Harry believes the two teenagers in the book to be his parents. Should he be corrected, Severus?"

"All I want is for that book to be taken away from him, Headmaster!" Severus said heatedly. "The boy doesn't need to be told anything!"

"I cannot take the book from Harry without offering a valid reason, Severus," Dumbledore said calmly. "It wouldn't be fair. It's understandable if Harry has grown attached to that book."

"Attached to something that is misleading him!" my brother spat. "The boy wants to use magic that I developed. I didn't publish it for good reason! I want to keep that advantage. Can't I take it from him and obliviate him?"

"Severus!" Dumbledore said sharply. "You would do no such thing."

Severus sighed heavily and sat down. I just wished I could leave. Why did I have to sit through this?

"Do you want to see this book destroyed, Severus?" Dumbledore said quietly, his blue eyes fixed firmly on my brother's eyes.

I couldn't read Severus' expression. He stared back at the headmaster and for a moment I didn't think he was going to answer.

"No," he finally said, his voice just above a whisper. "No."

"Then there are two ways to go about this, Severus," Dumbledore said calmly, leaning forward as he interlocked his fingers on his desk. "You can tell Harry the truth about the young teenagers in this book and explain that because you developed the magic within it, it is your right to demand that it remain exclusively yours."

Severus stared stonily back at the headmaster.

"Or," Dumbledore went on, "you don't tell Harry and instead let him labour under the delusion that the young man in this book who created some marvellous magic, is James Potter. This would effectively give him the right to explore the magic."

Severus got up with a violent jerk and began to pace. "Never," he said through clenched teeth. "I will not tolerate James Potter being credited with my magic, my hard work, my..." he broke off, looking incensed.

Dumbledore stared back at him. When he spoke, his voice held a hint of sadness. "Then tell Harry, Severus," he said quietly. "He does not need the details if you do not wish to give them." Dumbledore stood up and came around the desk so that he would be in the way of his pacing Potions Master.

Severus stopped abruptly and glared back at Dumbledore. "I shall not," he said.

I couldn't help thinking that with the stubborn look on my brother's face and the obstinate tone he sounded rather like a small child.

"I could simply hold onto this book," Dumbledore said simply, "but I daresay that will be a short term solution to the problem."

Severus opened his mouth, presumably to argue, but the headmaster interrupted.

"As you know Severus, life does not always serve us in the way we'd like. That said, I won't be here forever." He paused to let his words sink in. "I wouldn't want to let this book be hidden away forever while it means much to people who are living."

Severus continued to glare at him. "Tell him?" he said disdainfully. "Tell him that the person he is idolising in that book is really me? You do realise that after such a revelation Potter may go completely mad with denial. He's already completely mixed up in the head. I had the happy task of trying to sort that out during the summer."

Dumbledore frowned at him. "I do not see another way out of this, but I will tell you this. If you tell Harry about it, you may claim the book as yours, seeing as it's your old Defence Against the Dark Arts book. It may be good for Harry to know that you were friends with his mother. It may help him place more trust in you."

"Yes, well that has been my most fervent wish since I first had the pleasure of meeting Potter," Severus sneered.

Dumbledore took another tactic. "What if Harry shows the book to Remus Lupin? He would know straightaway that it wasn't James Potter's writing. Remus knew you were friends with Lily, but he has avoided telling Harry for your sake."

"How very touching."

"A decision needs to be made," said Dumbledore, beginning to lose patience, "and it needs to be made sooner rather than later."

Severus stared irritably back at him. "If I decide to tell Potter with, mind you, the absolute minimal amount of information, are you not worried that the Dark Lord will be able to view it in his mind? Potter is much better at Occlumency now but he is far from perfect."

Dumbledore didn't look worried in the slightest. "You know Tom knows of your affection for Lily, Severus."

I blinked. You-Know-Who knew about it? How awful.

Dumbledore stood up. "Sleep on it, Severus. You cannot avoid the inevitable."

Severus stood up as well, looking far from pleased. "Apparently not," he muttered.

Dumbledore smiled sadly at him. "Good evening, Severus." He turned back to me as I got up. "Good evening, Armilla. I hope you'll have a least a few more days this time before you're bothered by the ghost again."

"Thank you," I said quietly. Severus nodded his goodnight to the Headmaster and then I followed him out.

We didn't talk on the way back down. When the gargoyles had concealed the entrance once more, we began to walk in silence. One glance at Severus assured me that he was likely to remain in a bad mood for awhile.

When we reached the end of a hall where we would go our separate ways, I bid him goodnight. I was keen to get back to the tower to go to bed. I was also keen to be out of Severus' company. I believed he needed time alone to think the situation through.

"Aren't you coming down to the dungeons?"

I turned back, surprised. "I don't normally sleep down there on a Monday night."

Severus frowned. "I don't want you walking alone to Ravenclaw Tower. Come, you can stay in the dungeons tonight."

I hesitated when he started walking. I really didn't want to stay in the dungeons. "Can't you walk me to Ravenclaw Tower instead?"

He turned around, pursing his lips like he was praying for patience. "I could, of course," he said calmly. "But I would like you to come down to the dungeons with me." He gave me a look that dared me to defy him.

I sighed, wanting to avoid him being crabby for another reason, and went with him down to the dungeons.

When we got inside, I immediately went to my bedroom without a backwards glance. I wanted to be out of his company. I didn't trust myself not to snap back at him like I had done before. I was tired and I couldn't get Merle off my mind. I kept hearing her hurt voice in my head and it kept reminding me of times in Merle's life when she had been upset over various things.

I took a shower and stayed there longer than I meant to. I had meant to wash away the awful things on my mind and had ended up crying in the shower anyway whenever I heard Merle's voice in my head. So much for being strong about it. It didn't mater. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow or whenever I ran into her next, I would do a better job of not letting her get to me. I was just tired tonight; that must have been why it was getting to me.

I got into bed and was just about to turn my light out when Severus came in. He looked much calmer than half an hour before, but I knew that he was merely suppressing the rage he still felt. I knew him too well.

He sat down on my bed, an uncomfortable look on his face. It was an expression I rarely saw him wear. He looked at me for a moment and then frowned. I wondered what he was frowning at and then I realised that my eyes were still red.

"I insisted you come down here tonight because I wanted to talk to you before you went to bed," he said quietly. "I repeated an action earlier that I swore to myself not long ago that I would never do again."

I looked questioningly at him.

"I took my anger out on you earlier." His voice was barely above a whisper. "You didn't deserve it and I do realise that you were put in a very difficult situation with the book. I apologise, Armilla."

I nodded, happy that he had realised. "I didn't know what to do," I whispered.

"I know," he replied. He shook his head slightly. "I know that feeling all too well."

We were silent, simply looking at each other for a moment.

"You've been crying," he stated.

I looked away, embarrassed.

"Merle?" he said simply.

I looked back at him. He was watching me closely. "It was a weak moment of idiocy," I said shortly. "I know she's not real and I know the voice I can hear isn't real." I paused, looking away again. "I just...can't help it, feeling this way, especially tonight when she spoke the way she did. See? Dumbledore's not always right. I'm not strong like he thinks I am."

"Don't be daft, Armilla," Severus said, shaking his head. "You're one of the strongest people I know. I do not understand why you place so much pressure upon yourself to be immune to feeling what any other person would feel in your situation."

"Because I shouldn't be affected by it!" I said, probably a little too loudly. Severus looked a little annoyed. "It's what whoever's doing it wants, isn't it? For me to be affected by it. I don't like allowing myself to feel something about it because it isn't real!"

"No, it isn't real," Severus said softly, "but you shouldn't think less of yourself for being upset by it. It may be difficult, but you can train yourself to expect her to speak to you in a way similar to tonight. Over time, you may find that you can tolerate it even better than you did tonight."

I shook my head. "I don't know; I keep hearing her voice in my head, and it's not always the voice of the fake Merle."

Severus shifted even closer to me on the bed. He reached out and took my hand. "We will solve this, Armilla. Perhaps every time you hear the fake Merle say something that makes you feel low, you should override it by recalling what her voice sounded like when she laughed."

I gave him a watery smile. That was a good idea. I'd have to try it out.

"Thank you," I whispered. I suddenly felt guilty. "I shouldn't even be talking to you about all this. You have your own big problem to deal with."

He shook his head. "You know I'd always prefer you to talk to me." He sighed. "As for my own problem, like the Headmaster said, I'll have to sleep on it. I am sure the idea of telling Potter will seem just as ludicrous in the morning, but if I am very lucky, I may be granted the gift of an epiphany during the night."