Where Drinking Gets You

Where Drinking Gets You

Sirius picked up the odd machine's so-called 'receiver' end and looked at it curiously. There were many buttons that lit up, each showing a number. Some displayed weird symbols, but he ignored them. He held the phone up to his ear and heard an annoying sort of buzzing sound.

"Hello?" Sirius said quietly, but no one answered him. "Hello? Helloooo?" He listened intently for a minute, but all he heard was the buzzing sound. Pulling the receiver away from his ear, he stared down at it, irritated and at the beginnings of anger.

"I need to speak to Peter Pettigrew," said Sirius loudly into the phone. The buzzing only continued, and Sirius cheeks reddened. He slapped his hand onto the lit buttons and slammed the phone pungently down on the table. He then sat down in his armchair, heaving in a giant breath.

It was a lot more difficult than Remus made it out to be. Maybe it was because he was half Muggle and knew how to work the thing, but the telephone of the Muggle was a curse. And it didn't work anyways. Bloody machine. He was too tired from his visit with Remus to go to Peter's house as well. He'd Apparated his bike out of the country with him when he left. Remus had trampled all over his spirits, and in all honesty, there weren't many to be trampled on. Peter was just someone he had to tell, he no longer cared for face-to-face conversation.

"Hullo?" said the phone crisply. "Sir?"

Sirius jumped at the voice, looking at the phone on the table with interest. He picked it up and said, "Uh, hello?"

"Good evening, sir," the phone answered. "What can I do for you?"

It sounded like a female, and Sirius imagined a very beautiful woman with long, brown hair in a small cocktail dress, holding a glass of white wine...and he thought of several things she could do for him. Quite suddenly, a mental image of Shelly's pleading eyes crossed his thoughts and he shook his head violently, his hair smacking him across the face.

"Sir?"

"Sorry," he said, holding a hand to his face to rub the picture out of his eyes. "Um, who are you?"

"I'm an operator," she--it--said, sounding a little confused.

An operator? Sounded like she was part of some sort of scientific experiment. Sirius had the briefest urge to hang up the phone on it--her.

"Well, uh, can you give me Peter Pettigrew's 'number'?" Sirius asked, uncertain if that was the correct term. He'd heard Remus say it once while talking to James. And it made sense, being as this 'number' consisted of seven numbers. That was just about the only name Muggles gave something that actually made sense. Though, he thought critically, they called it a number, not numbers, and how much sense did that make? There wasn't just one number, there were seven. Why didn't they call it a person's 'numbers'?

"Of course, sir," she said pleasantly. "I'll connect you."

A shot of cold fright spread through Sirius so fast he couldn't control it. Connect me? he thought in a panic. He was perfectly fine! He wasn't broken. What did she mean, 'connect'? But before the thoughts could be processed in full, Sirius heard a ringing noise in the phone in place of the voice. It was more familiar to him than all the rest, because the last time James had handed a phone to him, that was the noise he'd heard. Then Remus would pick up and they would speak. It was a conversation without faces. It was bizarre was what it was.

"Hello?"

"Pete?" Sirius asked. He'd recognized the voice, but it sounded...happy.

"Sirius?" The cheeriness faded from his tone instantly. How rude, he thought.

"Yeah, it's me, Worm. What you doing?"

Peter took a bit to say, "Nothing."

"You hesitated," Sirius said skeptically.

"H-hesitate? I wasn't hesitating."

"Now you're stuttering."

"No...I'm not."

"What are you doing over there, Pete--oooh," Sirius tried to stifle his laughter. "Sorry I interrupted you, mate."

"I'm not masturbating, Sirius, I'm waiting for a girl!"

"Well, you might as well start then."

"I mean, I have a date!"

Sirius tried to imagine for a moment a girl who would agree to go out with Peter, but he came up blank. "So what's she look like?"

Peter sighed. "She's a really sweet girl and she's great at--"

"I'm seeking an attractiveness scale, Peter," Sirius said, annoyed.

"She's hot, Seer."

"No, really," he said, getting more irritated that he was putting it off. She must have been pretty damn ugly to be going out with the bottom of the barrel, or else just have seriously bad taste.

"I just told you!" Peter said. "She's hot. I'm dating a small, blonde, hot girl. I know it's hard for you to understand, but it's the truth."

Sirius stayed quiet for some time, but it's not like he could keep it in forever. He burst out with his barking laughter. "Okay, Pete...you have fun jerkin' it out."

"You're such a bastard, Sirius."

He let a few more chuckles escape before he said, "Yeah, I know."

"I'm hanging up now."

Sirius shook himself out of his laughter and yelled. "Shit! No, Pete, I forgot to tell you!"

Peter sighed again and said, in a forced tone, "What is it?"

"Well, I sort of a got a girl pregnant," Sirius said, quietly.

"Okay."

Sirius stared at the phone for a moment before saying an expectant, "That's it?"

"It's not like we all never saw it coming," Peter said snidely.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Good luck, Sirius."

The same buzzing sound came back on the other end, so he placed the phone back on the receiver.

"Oh yeah, I'm the bastard. They should have heard themselves, the insensitive sons of bitches."

Sirius sat down with his head in his hands. He'd get through it somehow; he always did. He just wasn't prepared this time.

Babies were easy to take care of, right? They just slept and ate. He could handle that--he wasn't sure about handling Shelley's pregnancy though.

Sirius let himself fall over across the couch and didn't force himself up for an hour and a half.