Thinking Back

Intense Indecision

Joining

Life takes you by surprise, and I've found that this happens more often for me than anyone else. Maybe it's because I'm not paying attention. I graduated not more than six months ago and Dumbledore has asked me to join his secret society as a part of the 'force against the coming darkness'--Voldemort. I'm uneasy about joining, though James, Sirius and Peter didn't hesitate. I'm still just a kid, you know. I'm not ready to go out and fight evil, risking my life. Not yet, anyways. I suppose I'm the only one who would rather sit at home and let others fight. And I feel terrible about it! It'll eat at me and I know myself well enough to know I'm going to join regardless. It's just...I'm scared.
- Moony

Consideration

Every time I hear his name, I shiver. It's not the name I fear, but the man. I'm always telling myself that my life is going to be just fine, that he won't come into it again--he'll forget about me. But I'm not stupid enough to believe my lies. The crazy Black bitch showed up at my door the other day and gave me a good reminder of what would happen to me if I didn't tell the Dark Lord all I knew. And I will. I'll do whatever it takes. I know James and his family's lives are in my hands, but I...there's no way to justify...He deserves it. After the humiliation he's put me through--all of them. They should have seen it coming. I'm a coward, always have been. They shouldn't have trusted me. It's not my fault they're so gullible. Not my fault.

- Wormtail

Bliss

I have the best life anyone could ever wish for. And that's all they can do--wish. I have it. Who would have thought a year and a half out of school I'd be raising a child with the woman of my dreams? My life couldn't get any better than this. Sure, my son may be destined for a terrible fate that lay in the hands of the most feared wizard in the world, but every piece of perfect has its setbacks. We're safe from it all. Dumbledore's going to look after us. We'll soon be under the protection of a Fidelius Charm and Sirius as our secret keeper. We don't have to worry about a thing. I feel bad about leaving the Order to fight the evil alone, but Lily and Harry need me more. Anyways, I can't think of a place I'd rather be than right here.
- Prongs

Suspicion

He knew it was impossible. There was no plausible explanation for Remus to have done something like this. He never would. Not after all they'd done for him. He was their friend--was his friend. Even if Voldemort had tortured him brutally, Remus would never sell out his friends. Sirius knew him too well to let even the possibility of it creep into his mind. And yet there it was, hidden in the deepest corners of his thoughts. A hint, reasonable and conniving, that wouldn't leave him the hell alone. Remus was not the traitor. Was not. Was not...was he?
- Padfoot