All of Me

It had only been 4 months, but it seemed like forever. Standing alone on the plush red carpet, Hermione wondered if it would ever really be over.

Four months ago, she had been a different person on a different road. Now she stood in the middle of her childhood haven, wondering if this was where she belonged. A lot of things could have been different, but wishing wasn't going to make it true. All the magic in the world couldn't make the last four months disappear like the mist over the grass at dawn.

Hermione looked around the room at all of her friends feeling like she was a world away. They were all so happy it was over. Their loved ones had been lost too, but it was different for them. These scared students had become mature adults in the space of four measly month stand. They had come to terms with the horror, the mind numbing sadness.

She, on the other hand, couldn't seem to get past that imaginary wall.

This was supposed to be her day. Her day to be happy, to rejoice in all that is good, her day to pledge herself to the man that she had always wanted.

Harry.

Just his name was supposed to send tingles up her spine, and it did, but it wasn't the same as it used to be. All because of one boy, no man, who had been the most unlikely of friends. He had ridiculed her throughout her school years. It was like a constant flood of jibes, said only for the purpose of telling her peers her "worst" qualities.

But things were different that last year. Worse almost, but not quite. The cruelty was apparent more often, but less piercing. That was the year Harry had woken up to his inner feelings. It had been like a whole new life for her after that. Harry was always there to comfort her, to care for her, to be her hero, but in the end he hadn't been able to save her after all.

That awful night. The memories came flooding back no matter how hard she tried to put a stop to the tidal wave. It was like a dam inside herself had broken and she was finally allowing herself to think about it. This should not have been the day.

No, this day was for celebration.

Ginny approached her, almost like she was afraid to intrude. Everyone was doing that lately. Everyone, but Harry. It was almost as if they all knew what was going on in her head. Ginny gave her a hug and led her to the window where the WWN was playing a new song.

As the words tumbled over Hermione, its message became mixed with her thoughts and memories.

I'm so tired of being here

suppressed by all of my childish fears

and if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

because your presence still lingers here

and it won't leave me alone

Hearing the words, Hermione began to drift away. She was vaguely conscious of Ginny's voice, but had no knowledge of what she had said.

Her last year at Hogwarts had been amazing. More than any girl could dream for. She had been named Head Girl and her small but insistent nagging had forced her two best friends to do amazingly well that year as well. It was, after all, the last chance they had to do well in school. Even Draco Malfoy had seemed to buckle down. His taunts were under par for him.

Hermione was fulfilling her duties as Head Girl and patrolling the hallways late one night, when she came across a shadow sitting by the window in the Great Hall. Upon inspection, the shadow was not just an object blocking the moonlight from shining through, but rather a person. Duty to her job shifting into full gear, Hermione marched across the room to tell the student to go back to bed, but when she approached from behind, the glint of light off the person silver blond hair caught her off guard.

"Malfoy should not be out of bed at this time of night," her brain told her. "Send him on his way." But the sadness she could see reflected in his eyes froze her to the spot. Draco turned around slowly and looked at her. No words were spoken, but yet Hermione felt as if she could see through his body to his soul.

The thought scared her and she stepped back.

Draco got up and walked out of the Great Hall. He hadn't said a word. Hermione finished her sweep of the hall and found her way back to her common room, where she collapsed on the couch and promptly fell asleep.

If Hermione thought that next week was weird, it paled in comparison to the weeks after that. Draco stopped talking to anyone. He refused to answer questions in class, he wouldn't crack jokes at Gryffindors, and he never conversed with anyone in Slytherin, so far as Hermione could tell.

Two weeks after the first incident, Hermione was out in the same place once again for the same reason, when she found him again, but this time it seemed as if he was waiting for her. He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity and then he turned and walked in the opposite direction. For some reason, Hermione followed him and that one action changed the rest of her life.

Ginny squeezed her shoulder and she was jerked away from the memories.

"I brought you some water," she said and handed Hermione the glass. Ginny wanted to help Hermione with the sadness that seemed to fill her on this happy day, but she didn't want to push.

Ginny led her up the stairs to her old room, bringing the WWN with her. The two schoolgirls turned adults sat on Hermione's bed for the last time.

"How're you holding up?" Ginny asked, while searching her eyes for a sign that she was ready for what lay ahead.

"Am I allowed to not be ready? Is it acceptable for me to not be ok? This is supposed to be the best day of my life. Shouldn't I be sure?" Hermione felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she spoke, readying herself for chastisement from Ginny.

"It is the best day of your life, but that doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to have a past. You can have things that you regret Hermione, as long as you know that in the end, Harry is that special person that makes your heart soar. And he is...isn't he?"

"Of course he is Ginny! I love Harry."

"I didn't ask you if you loved him. I asked you if he made you the happiest you could ever be. Does the sun rise and set around when Harry's in your life? Or are there things in your past that are going to keep you from being happy with a man that loves you?"

Hermione sighed. "You know, Harry and I never talk about Draco. It's not right that his life had to end so abruptly and I hate that we don't allow his memory to live on by us avoiding all discussion of him."

"Do you want to talk about him?" Ginny prodded carefully. Hermione had never shared her relationship with Draco. It was a known fact that they had become close, but the depths of that friendship were not known. And after that final day of Draco's life, no one had the audacity to ask.

"Someone needs to know. I know you all noticed my distance. At night when I'm unable to sleep, I wonder why no one tried to cut through the haze that surrounded me. Although I'm not sure I would have acknowledged anyone if you had tried."

"We did. Harry especially. We were all really worried, but we finally realized that whatever was going on was something you needed to get through alone. We all would have been there for you if you needed us but somehow we knew that you didn't."

"Yes, well, for awhile I thought I did. I was seeing Draco then. Oh no, not seeing him like dating him, just sitting together," Hermione corrected when she saw rather than heard Ginny quick intake of breath. "I don't think we spoke to begin with.

"He was in so much pain. After he admitted he didn't think I would come, he let me help him. I listened while he told me of his mother's death at his father's hands because she no longer wanted to be part of the dark arts. I'm sure you noticed his lack of biting remarks this year. He was finally seeing through our eyes. Then he was summoned and I was so afraid. I wanted to run and tell Harry, but I didn't. I told myself that Draco had picked me and I had to help him."

Hermione got up off the bed and started pacing. It was like reliving the anguish all over again and her insides began to twist.

"He told me that he went to see Dumbledore; said that Dumbledore told him I was the most forgiving of 'the trio'--," Hermione trailed off.

"Dumbledore's right," Ginny said as she played with the seams on the bedspread. "You were the first of the three of you guys to see that I wasn't just 'Ron's younger sister'. You know Ron would never have let me fight in the end if it hadn't been for your adamant voice saying I had to, that you needed me. I never did thank you for that."

Hermione turned to face Ginny. "No thank you is necessary. We did need you. And your brother can be insufferable sometimes. I remember many times last year when I told Ron not to goat Draco, but he never listened. I couldn't change Ron's mind about everything. That's why I never told him what Draco had confided in me. I never told Harry because I knew Ron would find out, not because I didn't trust Harry." Hermione bit her lip. "Draco told me he thought he was falling in love with me."

"He told you what?!" Ginny exclaimed, eyes wide with shock. She leaned forward, eager to hear this new information.

Hermione shushed her quickly and placed a charm on the door so no one else would hear them downstairs.

"He really meant it, Ginny. He proved that to me. I told him I didn't believe him actually." Hermione laughed at the memory of Draco's insistent notes after that. "It wasn't until that night that I finally believed him and then it was too late to tell him I felt the same way."

"But Hermione. You're about to marry Harry in...2 hours!" Ginny began literally pulling at the seams now to relieve the newfound stress.

"I know that Ginny, and that was my decision. Harry has always loved me with all of his heart. I don't think I could find anyone better, but what I'm afraid of is that the first face I see in the morning on the tips of the rising sun, isn't Harry's."

"You remember the night Harry took me outside around the lake right? The night you all knew he was going to propose, but no one warned me." A smile tugged at the corner of Hermione's mouth.

Ginny knew Hermione was joking, but somewhere deep inside Ginny wondered if Hermione actually would have said yes then, when Draco was still living.

"We were going to tell you," Ginny explained. "Harry made us promise not to. He wanted it to be a surprise."

"I wish he had asked me before it all started. Maybe then we wouldn't be where we are today, but I'd know it was right."

"Did you love Draco?"

Hermione looked out at the bright blue sky and tried to sort out the strange feeling that she had those 4 months ago. "I don't really know. That last day...it's stuck in my mind like a record player that keeps skipping. It repeats over and over. But what I can't decide is if I would have done the same thing in his place." At the questioning look from her friend, Hermione continued. "Draco was trying to help Ron, but you know how he is. He refused to believe that Draco wasn't the enemy, so I went to help. There were so many things vying for space in my brain that day. I was worried about Harry, Ron was bleeding so much I though he was going to die, and in the back of my mind I was wondering if anyone but me was ever going to believe Draco. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. I couldn't. Not with all of that running through my head, and trying to stem Ron's flow of blood with charms I had only just learned. I wasn't ready for battle, but then I don't think anyone was. I didn't have the training that Draco had, and I'm not sure I had the passion either. I heard the spell and I saw the green light. I don't think I can ever explain it. It consumed me. I felt as though nothing else existed. Ron and Draco had faded from my vision and I thought I was lost, until I saw someone. I saw Draco. He was running towards me. I'll never forget the look on his face as he mouthed 'I love you' and then there was blackness, blacker than you could ever imagine. It wasn't the color black; it was a void of any and everything that I had ever known.

"I thought I was dead, Ginny, but then when I woke up I saw Harry there and Ron and you and I knew I was still alive. But then how? I asked myself. I had heard the curse. And then I knew. He had died. I could feel the coldness seem into me. The part of me that had known the real Draco was being ripped to shreds and all I could do was break into tears. All I could feel was the pain and the only thing I knew was that I had failed him by not telling him what he wanted most to hear before he died; that I loved him.

"I had been there for him through everything. I had allowed him to know me better than most people, maybe even better than Harry knows me, and then I had let him down. After that, I tried to move on. When Harry asked for my love for the rest of my life, it was like I was watching a movie. What else was I to say? No one else on this earth loved me more than Harry did, does. Not anymore. I don't know if Draco and I would have ever have worked, but now I'll never know because I was afraid to take the plunge. I was afraid of the unknown. And now I'm marrying a man that I took because he was the only one left and I don't want Harry to marry because he's second best I want him to marry because he's loved more than anything in the world."

Ginny sat in wonder of the woman that sat in front of her. This woman had gone through so much and survived only because she didn't know how to do anything else.

"Draco wouldn't want you to live your life upset about what could have been. He loved you Hermione and he would have wanted you happy. Sure you might have loved him a lot, but you love Harry too and that's important. Harry loves you more than he loves anyone else on this earth. He knows that there are things that you'll have to work out and if you talk to him I know that he will understand that part of you will always love Draco. The part of you that was devoted to him will always be there and it will always be for him, but you have to move on. I know it's hard Hermione, but we all have to. That's what happens when war ends, the sun comes out and a new day begins."

Ginny wiped Hermione's tears and then left her with one last thought. "Know that all anyone wants is your happiness. If Harry will make you happy then marry him, but if not then don't. Draco isn't gone, he will always live through you, but he wouldn't want you to be alone. Live your life Hermione. He loves you."

Ginny left the room and Hermione waited for her clicking heels to fade before she got up and walked to the window.

Hermione looked out on to the grounds of Hogwarts and saw everything that she had held dear. The light breeze drifted over the lawns and brought her gaze to a group of young men standing near a fountain surrounding one in particular. They all wore black suits except for one. The lone man was dressed in a black robe open to reveal a Hogwarts vest and a tie made of green and silver. He stood on the outside of the group looking in. As Hermione watched the group dispersed and only the lone man and the center of attention was left. There were differences between the two. One looked like he was nervous enough to be sick and the other looked peaceful, as if all was right with the world.

The lone man looked up at her in the window and smiled. His smile made his whole face glow and she knew that he was happy for her. He gave a wave and then began to walk towards the altar that was sitting to the left, getting lighter as he walked until Hermione could no longer see him.

Then the center of attention looked up and smiled as well. He looked worried, but sure. Scared, but full of love and compassion. Hermione smiled back and he turned in the same direction as the man had before him, but this one didn't fade. He was solid and alive and he was hers.

Hermione heard Ron enter the common room and ask about her state of dress. She gave one last look out at the grounds, gathered her dress around her, and began to descend the stairs to meet her friends, family, and her new life.