Hermione Granger and The Secret Fire

Chapter 14-In a New York Minute (everything can change)

Hermione sat up in the common room late into the evening, or early into the morning depending on how one saw it. She could not sleep, she could not eat and she did not feel like talking to anyone but Draco.

'Draco. Not Malfoy, not git, not any of the other names I may have called him in the past,' she thought, and then continued to rant, 'If someone had told me two months ago that I would be sitting up, alone, in the Head common room waiting for Draco to return from a revel with Voldemort because I was worried about his physical as well as mental and emotional status, I would have thought they need to be at St Mungo's or at least in need of a daily anti-maddening potion.'

It had been a long night. After Draco had left the common room to go to the revel, the inner gossip in Hermione had convinced her to look for the note from his father. She could not find any remnants of it, although she was certain he had not destroyed it. She could not get into his private room but she was reasonably certain he had not carried it up with him when he had gone for the mask and cloak.

Hermione had thought of going to see Harry, Misten or even Ron, but she quickly realized that she could not explain the whole story to them. So she found herself in her common room, pacing at times, waiting for Draco to return. She tried to do revisions--and for once it was useless. She tried to read something for pleasure--again, ineffective in helping her mind stray from thoughts of Draco.

All she could do was look into the fire and hope and wish that Draco would return safely. She noted that the sun was just beginning to appear in the sky outside. Hermione replayed their conversation and smiled when she thought of the playful banter during their 'He said, She said' game. She had found out a great deal more about Draco than she had thought and was amazed by what he had shared with her, especially on his lack of a love life.

Looking at Crookshanks, who had snuggled into a ball on the rug in front of the fire, she said, "I would have sworn he was sleeping with Pansy or Millicent last year. What's with the 'Slytherin Sex God' act if he's not having sex?"

As if on cue, the portrait opened and Draco entered the common room. Hermione jumped up and ran to him. If she had thought he looked bad after the first revel, she obviously was unclear on what bad really looked like. Draco had blood red, violently jagged cuts and purple and green bruises all over his face and neck. His slate gray cloak was torn into shreds and his body literally slumped as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"Draco, are you okay? I was worried out of..." Hermione began before Draco raised a hand to her to block her from jumping on top of him. He did not look at her, but stared at the ground as he walked, swiftly, through the area and up the stairs into his private room.

Hermione stood, riveted to the spot where Draco had stopped her, staring at the Head Boy's stairs. She didn't follow him, as she had done the first night. This was partly because she had heard him re-ward his door as he slammed it shut, but mostly because she was shocked and disappointed by his actions. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want to talk to her. He did not want her, even though she had stayed up all night to comfort him.

Instead of climbing the stairs to her own dorm, where she anticipated that she'd see him in their lavatory, she walked out of the common room and started wandering the halls. She had hoped for a quiet, early morning stroll, uninterrupted. No such luck.

"Miss Granger," came a voice from behind her, "to what do I owe the pleasure of this early morning visit?"

Hermione looked up, surprised to see Professor Dumbledore, but even more surprised to find herself outside of the statue in front of his office.

"I...um...Professor..." she began as tears started welling in her eyes. She was not sure if they were from lack of sleep, fear about Draco's condition or the kindness in her Headmaster's voice.

Professor Dumbledore looked down at his young charge and said, "Perhaps we can continue this in my office over a cup of strong, morning tea." He ushered her onto the spiral staircase and they ascended into his office.

The Headmaster contacted the house elves to bring up English Breakfast Tea, which was one of Hermione's favorites. After adding cream, she was delighted to find that Professor Dumbledore had also commanded some almond biscotti and blueberry scones for their breakfast. He began the task of making small talk with her about her classes and upcoming exams. She knew he was trying to ease into the conversation he really wanted to have with her, and Hermione found herself anticipating the talk with apprehension.

"Well, why don't you tell me why we are really here, Miss Granger," Professor Dumbledore said, watching Hermione as he blew over the top of his tea, trying to cool it.

"I am not really sure, sir. I mean I know I am upset and I know I can tell you anything, but I am not sure why I am here. Well, I know why I am here, but I don't know why I decided to come here," she babbled.

Still looking at her over his cup of tea, the Headmaster waited quietly for Hermione to continue.

"I guess...I guess I am unsure how to handle all the information that has been thrown at me over the last few weeks. First, I got partnered with my worst enemy to be Head Boy and Girl this year..." Hermione began. But the next sentence slipped out faster than her head could process the question. "Why did you do that, by the way, choosing us as Head Boy and Girl?"

Dumbledore remained pensive and replied, "Things are not always as they seem, as you should well know."

Hermione, embarrassed by her slip that could only be due to lack of sleep, continued. "While I am honored and feel privileged to have been brought into the private circle of people that know what is really going on with Malfoy...Draco...I feel I am at a disadvantage because I have no one to confide in myself. I am there for Draco to vent to and explain his difficult choices, but I have no one to share my gut-wrenching fear, my stabbing pain, and my horrible feelings that seemingly choke me as I sit. He has me, and I am happy to be there for him. But who will listen to me when I am scared? Who will listen to me when I need help coping with what is going on?

"Before I always had Ron or Harry. In a pinch I could depend on Ginny. This year, I met Misten Finnegan and I thought...think...we have a great friendship. She knows a lot about me, but I still cant share this major development with even her! Who will help me pick up the pieces of my life when Draco leaves for his revels and I am scared for his life?"

"Again, Miss Granger, things are not always as they seem."

That simple statement caused Hermione to stop her ranting and wonder what he meant.

"Sir?" she asked.

"Miss Granger, remember that Professor Snape is always with Draco during his revels with Voldemort. I know that Mr. Malfoy's confession has brought great stress to you and has even strained your relationships with people you would consider your friends. However, it has also provided you a...relationship...with, your 'former enemy' as you state, that will serve you in the future," Dumbledore said, cryptically.

Hermione's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she tried to decipher what her Headmaster had just said. As suddenly as light appears in the morning sky, Hermione realized what had been said. "You mean someone else knows, other than you and Professor Snape? Someone else knows about Draco, I mean? You are saying someone else here knows what he is...was...is going through?"

Dumbledore smiled at her, but made no move to confirm or deny what she had asked.

"But if someone else knows," Hermione reasoned, "wouldn't that put him at risk? I mean Professor Snape made it crystal clear that Draco was not allowed to tell anyone else. Even you said that there would be 'grave consequences' if word of Draco's position being compromised were to get back to Mr. Malfoy."

Professor Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

"Okay, so who is it? Who can connect to my fear? All I want, all I have ever wanted, is someone to talk to that can relate to me," Hermione said, looking at Professor Dumbledore emphatically.

Looking over his teacup, again, the Headmaster stated, "Just remember, Miss Granger, sometimes what we think we want is not always what we really do want."

~*~

Hermione returned to her private room and listened for any indication that Draco was awake. Hearing nothing, she collapsed on her bed, staring at the ceiling, and hoped he would feel better when he awoke. She hardly noticed as she fell asleep and began dreaming.

Hermione found herself walking down a long hallway with only one door. Although she was inside a building, she could not help but shiver and feel she was cold. Chills threatened to overtake her as they ran up and down her body. She did not recognize the building she was in, but knew, without question that she needed to be in the room behind the door. The door was at the far end of the hallway and it seemed to her that the longer she walked down the hallway, the farther away the door was from where she was located.

She began to run toward the door and although it was getting closer, it still seemed a long way away. Pulling out her wand, she arrived at the door and opened it. Inside, she found a formal sitting room. It was no larger than her personal bedroom, and the main door, from which she had just entered, faced a warm and inviting fire blazing in a fireplace. The room was tastefully decorated in mauve and hunter green. There was a couch, a side table and two chairs, all facing the fire. As she walked to the couch to sit in front of the fire and try and warm up, she was interrupted by a voice from the shadows next to the main door.

"Ah, the elusive Miss Granger. My son's latest play toy," Lucius Malfoy's voice oozed with contempt. He walked out of the shadows and planted himself between Hermione and the only door in the room.

Hermione's eyes widened in horror when she realized she was in a room with Draco's father. She did not comprehend the insult he had just given her, choosing instead to start planning an escape route. Although she had her wand out, she did not think it would be of much use to her in this situation. She had to start thinking and start thinking fast. Her chills once again waved over her body.

"Why are you here?" Hermione asked, trying to think of someway to distract the senior Mr. Malfoy from his post.

A slick, overly false smile slid onto Lucius' face before he said, "The more important question, is why are you here?"

"Um...I think I am here because..." Hermione began before being interrupted by Lucius putting up his hand, much like his son had done earlier.

"Let me tell you why you are here, because it truly does not matter what you think. You are here to clear up a few things for me. For instance, how long have you known?"

Hermione felt her stomach drop. 'He knows! Oh Gods, he knows.' However her fear did not register on her face.

"Um...I am not sure..." she began, but once again was stopped by a hand.

"Do not attempt to insult my intelligence by denying or claiming ignorance about my son's activities," Lucius drawled in an annoyed tone, his eyes closing to slits.

However, Hermione had regained some of her strength from the warmth of the fire and also from the rush of adrenaline at realizing she was stuck in a room with a Death eater. She answered, "Mr. Malfoy, I do not mean to 'insult your intelligence' by feigning ignorance. It is simply that I am aware of many things and I need you to narrow down your inquiry."

Hermione was proud that she could put the ball back in his court, even if it was temporary. Her intelligence had always been her greatest strength and she decided to use it in this situation.

However, whatever strength Hermione thought she had in her intelligence was lost on the senior Mr. Malfoy. "Miss Granger, we both know to what I am referring. I will ask you again, how long have you known?"

But Hermione could not be discouraged so easily. She decided to change the subject and try and put him on the defensive. "What was in the letter you sent Draco?"

Lucius laughed a hollow and dark laugh before saying, "Do you really think you are smarter than I am? You think you can change the subject and I'll forget my initial question? However, I'll play along. Tell me what you think was in the letter."

"Oh, but Mr. Malfoy, you said yourself that 'it truly does not matter what I think.' I did not see the letter, hence me asking you what it contained."

Lucius' eyes narrowed into slits again and he said, "Humor me. You know that I know about your relationship with my son. "

Hermione visibly blanched at his admittance. He saw this and seemed to pounce on her slip of emotion.

Lucius Malfoy looked at Hermione and said the most horrible, cruel words she could think that he could say, "Lovers only love you when they're playing. He doesn't love you. He only loves you when he's playing with you. He's a Malfoy and he will move on to other toys, Miss Granger, it's simply a matter of time."

Hermione tried to hide her pain at hearing his words. Thankfully, she did not have much time to contemplate their meaning before he attacked again.

"I am also aware that you know of my son's...extra-curricular activities," he said, gesticulating his hand in front of him as if to wave away any confusion.

Hermione did not quite understand what he meant and hoped it was not what she thought it was. Instead of admitting anything, she said, "I think the letter was confirmation of what you just said to me."

Laughing a deep but depressed laugh, Lucius said, "No wonder you are the top student in the class. My insolent, pain-in-the-arse of a son has always been a disappointment as far as grades...and Quidditch...and most other things go. He never could get to the number one spot."

Hermione was sickened to hear the father of someone be so cruel to his child, even if the child was not present. She knew Draco had been spoiled, but it was obviously only with material things.

"Never mind," he added, "I always knew he was a lost cause. You, however, are just as beautiful and...pure...as he stated."

Hermione knew of Lucius' hatred of Muggle-borns and knew his words were not true. Her fear of him was magnified by the predatory look he was giving her. The senior Malfoy started to advance on Hermione and for the first time she was scared for her physical safety. As he cornered her behind the couch, she began crying, "No. No. No. NO. NO."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" she yelled, more forcefully, although he did not stop advancing. He looked at her with a lecherous look.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" she screamed, "Malfoy, get away from me before I hex you!"

"All right, Hermione. I am away from you, damn it. Wake up, for Gods sake!" a familiar voice called. Although she knew the voice, it did not belong in her dream and so it confused her greatly.

Hermione's eyes widened in horror as she fought off her dream attacker, before she realized that it had been just a dream. Her eyes wide open helped her confirm she was, indeed, awake and safe in her room at Hogwarts. In front of her stood Draco and she was on her bed, not in the sitting room of her dreams.

Panting for breath she said, "Oh Gods, Draco! He knows! He KNOWS!"

"Who knows what, Hermione?" Draco asked. Then in a haughty tone he added, "You had a dream. No one is here but me and I already know everything."

"Your...your...father was in my dream and he knows about us and he knows that I know what is going on!" Hermione managed to get out before she broke down in tears.

Draco walked over and sat on her bed, facing her. He put his long, strong arms around Hermione. It was the first time she noticed that he was not wearing a shirt. His muscles, chiseled by Quidditch, stretched to hold Hermione as she curled into him. He made 'shushing' noises as he rocked her back and forth.

"Nobody knows anything, Hermione. He can't get into your dreams and he can't hurt you now," Draco said in a calm, reassuring voice. "It was just a dream. It was just a nightmare."

"But...he was there...he said that he knew about us and that it was in the note he sent you," Hermione explained.

Draco pulled away from her and said, "The note? The note that Dixie brought last night?"

Hermione nodded and found the courage to ask, "What was in that note? What did your father write, Draco?"

The mask that Hermione had been so enthralled by, so impressed with because it masked all true emotion, slipped into place on Draco's face. Hermione saw it and knew he wasn't going to tell her the truth.

"Don't worry about that, Hermione. It was just family business," he said and smiled at her.

Anger rushed her like nothing she had ever felt. Shoving him off of her, she jumped away the bed and stormed over to her door. "Forget it, Malfoy. Why I cared enough to ask, I don't know."

Draco jumped off the bed also, and faced her as she pulled on her robe to be decent enough to escape to their common room. All she had wanted was the truth. All she had wanted was to be let in.

"Hermione, please let me explain," Draco said grabbing her arm as she began to walk out the door of her room. "This conversation is going down a far different road than I intended. I need to explain something to you."

Hermione looked into Draco's eyes and saw genuine pain and hurt. She was torn by what she felt and by what Dumbledore had said to her. 'What we think we want is not always what we really do want.'

Even in making her decision to stay, she was not sure it was the right one. She huffed out a breath and went back to sit on her bed. She pulled up her knees and rested her arms and head on them. Draco seemed to lighten at her actions and followed suit, lying on his side, head propped by his right arm, at her feet.

"I am not sure I really want to do this, Draco. I was very offended last night when you did not share your note from your father. When I tried to show you support by hugging you, you pushed me away. That hurt almost more and all I could think of is how disappointed you must have been to be with me," Hermione said, looking at him and making sure he continued to look at her.

Draco never broke eye contact as he said, "I know you understand that it is in the nature of a Slytherin to not share secrets unless they can get something in return. I know this situation is difficult for you, but if you can believe it, it's even more difficult for me.

"I...was brought up in a world where Malfoys' do not apologize. There is no need to do so because we never admit to our mistakes. On the rare occasion that we do err in some way, there is always swift, and often times severe, punishment for our actions."

Her stomach dropped at the insinuation of abuse. Hermione had heard enough about Malfoy's father to imagine all sorts of horrible things happening to Draco when he said the word 'punishment'.

Hermione was surprised to realize that she did not want an apology from Draco. As he said it would be out of character and, besides, she wasn't sure he really was sorry and would not want him to say it out of a need from her and not from the feeling itself. She noticed that Draco seemed to be lost in thought before he took a deep breath and began again.

"I am willing to accept any...punishment...you deem fit, but I ask you to first listen to my explanation. It will be an explanation and not an excuse, I promise. I just have so much to say...this is something my parents never did, allowing me to explain. I hope you can grant me that one...weakness."

As Draco's eyes fell in shame to the red and gold comforter covering her bed, Hermione found her heart going out to the boy in front of her even though her mind insisted that was still quite angry. 'He thinks explaining things is a weakness?'

Draco took a deep breath and turned to look into Hermione's eyes before beginning. "One of the first lessons I learned, being a young Malfoy master, was to always act with dignity and self-respect. A Malfoy always pleases himself first, but he pleases those he cares about next. And that is a very important 'next' as those people are the only ones that can be relied upon, and shall receive great rewards.

"This lesson is to be followed with any relationships that I, as a Malfoy, choose to be a part of, as long as it was my choice to be in the relationship. As you know we are often in relationships with people in which we had no free choice."

Hermione thought about her 'relationship' with Millicent Bulstrode. They were lab partners often and she had to relate to her, but she definitely would not choose to do so, if she had free choice.

"Although my father never stated it this way, being with...someone you could consider an equal...means creating an association you are worthy of...or at least be a partner to where you both depended on each other. Part of it is keeping their admiration and respect, but most importantly, their devotion.

"Both people need to trust the other faultlessly. They both must be able to have confidence in the other to be able to keep all the deepest and darkest secrets of the past, present and often times future."

"A soft place to fall," Hermione interrupted. "Two people in a relationship must be able to depend on each other for a safe place to fall. Everyone falls in their life and they need their partner to create a protective atmosphere and, if you will, a safety net where they can fall without getting hurt. My parents' marriage therapist talks about it as something that is critical for a successful partnership. Do you mean something like that?" Hermione asked.

Draco shook his head, "I am not denying that, but when I am done explaining myself, I am curious to know what a 'marriage therapist' could be?" Hermione laughed.

"Let me try to explain this way," he began again. "My mother and father started dating when they were at Hogwarts. My mother is...was... extremely loyal to my father. She had been from the beginning. He respected her enough to make her a partner, in every sense of the word.

"My Father's power over many things in this world is great, and that included my mother. Their relationship was strong because he maintained that power by doing things like binding himself to her and remaining faithful to her. Many people feel that my mother was innocent and a victim in her marriage to my father, or that she was a pawn in their relationship, but the truth was she was more like the queen. My father demanded things, sure, but unless my mother gave the okay, many times they were not done. He wasn't weak, just aware that they were equals; partners. I honestly believe that a year ago, my parents would have done anything for each other; even giving their own lives in place of the others if they needed to.

"However, sometime in the last year there was a monumental change in their relationship. I do not know why. I am not certain when...no I am sure...whatever loyalty he felt, whatever devotion he had with her died before she did. One of his favorite lines was that 'Having a woman so devoted to you has many advantages for all and no disadvantages for you.'" Draco stopped there and switched his line of thinking.

"We both know that our...friendship...relationship...began long before last night, although I find that one of my favorite aspects began last night. But as I think you misunderstood last night, I have no problems with it either. It is rather fun," he said mischievously. Hermione's face blushed red and warm at the thought of snogging with Draco. He took a deep breath before getting to the heart of his monologue.

Draco's eyes once again dropped to the floor and he began fiddling with a string on his robes. "Hermione, what I am trying to say...what I need you to understand before you...decide anything...is that I want to have a stronger relationship with you."

Draco's eyes returned to her face as he said, "I meant it when I told Weasley that I care very much about you and I want your happiness to be as important as my own. I have already learned that I can trust you; that my secrets are safe with you. I have seen you care for me above your own comfort."

"When?" Hermione whispered, interrupting and not understanding.

Draco smiled at her innocence and said, "The night of my first revel when you stayed up waiting for me to ensure my safe return and then...comforting me when I needed the support. No one has ever done that for me; put me first.

"I'm trying to say that I want to try to take this...and Gods I hope you do too... to the next level. I need us to be exclusive. I have never felt what I feel for you and I cannot bear to think of anyone else having those same feelings for you. I...need you, Hermione. I have never admitted that before to anyone," Draco explained with tears forming in his eyes.

Hermione lost sight of her anger and grabbed him and held him in a fierce hug. She continuously kissed his head, his hair, his ears, and his cheek until she found his mouth and whimpered in pleasure when he kissed her back.

'This is it,' she thought. 'This is what it feels like to be with Draco. He has all of me now; heart, mind and soul.'