Of All the Stupid Things to Do...

James stared at the scenery passing by the windows of the Hogwarts Express, feeling lonelier than he ever had in his life. Sirius, Remus, and Peter weren't with him, because they weren't Prefects. In fact, no one who liked James was with him for the same reason.

Most of James' friends weren't the sort who appreciated him being a Prefect. It was mildly disturbing.

On the other hand, his best friends, Peter, Remus, and of course Sirius had all been overjoyed at his becoming a Prefect. He supposed he should have expected that. . . they always had been supportive of each other, from Remus' lycanthropy to Sirius' parents' divorce to Peter's inability with the Animagus transformation. . .

They were so close with that, so close. James thought maybe two more weeks and they would have it, Peter included.

"Are you here, too, then Potter?" asked a scathing female voice. James looked up to see Lily Evans, red-haired annoyance extroardinaire facing him from the doorway. "I would have thought there was someone more appropriate to be chosen for Prefect. Lupin, for example."

"Ah, and they decided that it was better to have a snot- nosed know-it-all for a prefect instead of anyone with, heaven forbid, a sense of fun or adventure? I'm sorry, Evans, unlike you both I and Remus know how to take a joke, something you would be well-advised to learn." James grinned. "Remus has his secrets, you know; he just keeps them better than the rest of us."

Evans sniffed. "I don't know why he hangs about with trouble-makers like you. I would think he would have better taste than that."

"Ah, but most of the female portion of our class thinks you should have better taste, yet you still turned me down for the dance last year. . . so I suppose popular opinion says I should ignore you." James let his sneer fade, and hissed, "Sod off, Evans, I'm not in the mood right now."

"Are you ever, Potter? I've never noticed you go out of your way to talk to a prefect. . . in fact, I've never seen you go out of your way to do anything responsible, including study, help younger students, or aide the teachers in any way, shape or form. So why don't you give this up-"

She reached out a hand to snatch the Prefect's badge off the table, and James snarled and grabbed her wrist, hauling hard. She tumbled neatly into his lap.

She looked up into his furious face-he might not like being a Prefect, but it was something that he had earned, whether she knew it or not. She opened he mouth and took a deep breath, obviously preparing to shriek, and James smiled sarcastically and brought his mouth down, hard, on hers.

Her breath hitched in her chest, and her muscles all relaxed for the barest of seconds. . . then she tensed and wrenched herself away. "How. . . dare. . . you. . ." she gasped. "How dare you do that?"

James stood, and snarled, "Never been kissed before? I think you liked it." It was true for him, but not for her; she obviously wanted to remove his spleen with a spoon.

So James was surprised when her eyes welled up, and she stopped wiping her mouth to swipe at her eyes. "Damn you, James Potter; yes that was my first kiss!"

He raised his eyebrows. "So you mean Jack Gudgeon was lying? Fancy that."

He had just time to register the hurt that bloomed anew on her face before she smacked him and vanished into the corridor.

*******

"So, how was the train ride, Mister High and Mighty Prefect?"

"Dreadful. I had to put up with Evans, of all people." James made a face. "Although I did get my first kiss," he added with a wry, sarcastic little smile.

"With Evans?" asked Peter, making a face. It was a rather appropriate response in James' opinion.

"James, I'm hurt," joked Remus. "How could you forget our little snog in second year?"

"Your apologies, Remus; you're right, I had completely forgotten." The incident he was referring to was one where, in order to escape the scene of the crime quietly at a time when Remus was about to sneeze heartily, James had locked his mouth over Remus' nose. James, Sirius, and Peter had all gotten off Scot-free; Remus had gotten detention and lost them twenty house points when word got out who'd given James the black eye. It was a running joke whenever girls were mentioned, and James had sworn he would snog a girl at some point just to prove he was not in fact a poof.

Sirius said flippantly, "And here I was having a hard time covering up my jealously over you being a Prefect. . . thank you, James, for taking the burden of dealing with Evans away."

"Oh, you're welcome, I'm sure. . . There is one downside, though."

"Which is?" asked Peter.

"Now I have to find a girl to snog even faster if I want to prove I'm not gay."

*******

"One week," Sirius fumed, exiting History of Magic. "One week, and already he's grading me lower than I should be graded!"

"I don't know why he dislikes you so," said Remus, frowning. "You haven't done anything to him, have you?"

"No! Although now I'm thinking of it. . ."

"I wonder if that's how he died," mused James. "Just think. . . he still hasn't learned his lesson. Ah, if only there were a way to poison the Brussels sprouts of a ghost!"

Peter snickered, but Sirius looked inspired.

"James," he breathed.

"Yes?" asked James, one eyebrow raised.

"You," he said, "Are a genius!"

"My goodness, Sirius, hadn't you noticed before?"

"Shut it, you. Follow my thoughts, here-"

"You have thoughts?" asked Peter, astonished.

"You shut it, too. Binns has a girl to do his dirty-work for him, does he not?"

"He does," agreed James.

"Which is his only connection to the real world, right?"

"It is." This time it was Remus who nodded along.

"So. . . could we find a way to get rid of her?" Sirius said impatiently.

"Undoubtedly," said James. "But why would we want to?"

"Because then Binns couldn't grade papers!" said Sirius impatiently.

"Yes, he could, though," corrected Remus. "He just has to get a new girl. We know he's done that once already."

"Oh," said Sirius.

"Honestly. . . Sirius, really, I bet we could ask her and she'd grade them more nicely." James felt a little put out with his friend; he really ought to think of her more.

There was dead silence from Remus, Sirius, and Peter for a moment, and then Peter said, "You do it."

"What?"

"You do it. You're the Prefect with an excuse to be sneaking about in the teachers' quarters; you're McGonagall's pet, who can't loose the house points; and you're the one who every lady with a pulse is inexplicably in love with. You do it."

James agreed, and they wandered down towards lunch together. They were halfway there when Remus said, out of the blue, "It's the hair."

They all turned to look at him.

"What?" gasped Sirius.

"It's the hair. That's why every girl falls in love with him; he's got that mussed-up hair that just begs to either be straightened or have some girls hands run through it."

The all looked at him. Finally, James said, "That is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. First of all, a girl is not going to want to run her hands through my hair just because it's messy-"

"Are you speaking from personal experience, James?" asked Peter.

"No! And secondly, not every girl likes me."

"Name one who doesn't," retorted Sirius.

"Mary O' Connor."

"She's going to be a nun!" Remus protested. "That's hardly a fair example!"

"Morgan Lovegood."

"Oh, but she's just evil," objected Peter. "She doesn't count."

"And even if she did," added Sirius, "She does too like you."

"She does not!" gasped James.

"She does. I overheard her talking to Evans before I got on the train. I believe her exact words were, 'He may be a scoundrel and a wretch, but oh, that body!'"

"Ugh. Do you mean to tell me that Evans was thinking about that while he kissed her?" asked Remus.

"Well, I could say the same about both of them, so could we please drop this conversation?" said James irritably.

"I wonder which of them would look better in her knickers," pondered Peter, ignoring him.

"Oh, Lovegood, definitely," said Sirius, and the conversation went in that direction until they got to the great hall.

*******

James rubbed sweaty palms against his robes as he peaked down the hallway. No one was there, and as an experienced mischief-maker, he knew that the best time to go would be now, so he scooted out from behind the stairwell, around the edge, and through the little door on the other side.

Inside, there was a very startled looking woman. Remus, Sirius, and Peter had been right. . . this was definitely not the woman he had seen before. But it also wasn't the woman they had seen. . . Instead of short and curvy, or even tall and curvy, she was small, petit, and slim. Instead of earthy and dark, or airy and light, she was fiery, with mahogany hair that gleamed scarlet and gold when the light hit it, and creamy skin the glowed in the firelight. She had a broad brow and a square jaw, but pointed features. . . she looked like a life-sized Torch Fairy, only without the signature flame-patterned wings.

"Hello?" she asked tentatively, as if wondering who he was.

Well, that was only reasonable, wasn't it? "Hello," he said rather breathlessly, "I'm James Potter. Pleased to meet you."

"Eclypsia Figg. Charmed, I am sure." She had a slight accent, but it wasn't too noticeable, and James couldn't place it so he ignored it.

He took a deep breath. "I've come to ask you about the papers you grade for Binns."

"I grade all of his papers; it is my job."

"Well, he isn't grading one fairly, and I'd like you to correct that if you could."

Eclypsia Figg tilted her head to the side. "Interesting. I would be happy to, if you would tell me whose paper."

James took another deep breath, relieved. She hadn't thrown him out, and she hadn't accused him of being too hot-headed or uppity. Things were looking up. "Sirius Black. He's a fifth-year Gryffindor."

She smiled. "Then I would be happy to grade it better, James Potter."

He grinned broadly and said, "Thank you, very much!"

"You are welcome." She looked at the clock, and then at the door. "Would you stay? I am bored."

James looked at the clock, too. It would be at least another hour before he needed to be back in a class.

"I would love to stay."

*******