Shampoo

Chapter Eight - Snape's Revelation

Harry's world was turning upside down and he could barely keep up with the changes. He had spent a most excellent day in Hogsmeade snogging Ginny Weasley in Madame Puddifoot's and ignoring the death glares sent his way by Cho Chang during the brief moments that she wasn't doing her own snogging with Eddie Carmichael.

All had been going well until Ron tracked him down to inform him of Draco's conversation with Hermione. Astounding as it was to hear that Draco had even spoken to Hermione in a civil manner, it was even more unbelievable that she would actually help the git.

To add icing to the cake, Hermione had come down from the girl's dorm this morning looking... well, amazing. Her hair was completely tamed and looped over her shoulders in stunning honey-colored ringlets. She had even applied some sort of makeup and her lips were a pouty, tempting smear.

A host of Gryffindor males sprang to their feet and clustered about her.

"Add me to your chart, Hermione!"

"My turn!"

"You already had a turn, Finnegan."

It degenerated into a shoving match and Harry debated joining the queue when Creevey popped in to tell him Snape wanted to see him immediately.

Harry sighed. Oh well, if Ginny caught him kissing Hermione again, he'd be wearing donkey ears for a week.

He exited the portrait hole and left the squabbling behind.

To his surprise, Snape wasn't alone in his office. Draco Malfoy lounged indolently in a chair before Snape's desk.

"Potter," Draco said with a sneer.

"Malfoy," Harry replied contemptuously.

"Sit down, Potter," Snape ordered. Though he wore cream-colored robes trimmed in deep green velvet, his voice held the same obnoxious tone as usual.

Harry reluctantly sat next to Malfoy.

"I am leaving Hogwarts," Snape announced. "But, before I do, I have some things to tell both of you."

Malfoy sat up in surprise and Harry held his breath, certain that Snape was playing some horrible prank on him.

"Potter. Dumbledore has been using you as bait for Voldemort since you were born. Do not speak until I am finished. He planted the brilliant idea in Sirius Black's tiny mind to make Pettigrew the Potter's Secret Keeper, knowing full well that the rat was already spying for Voldemort. If you ask Dog Face, he will swear it was his own idea. The old man is clever that way. He intended to lure Voldemort to the Potters, where the Order of the Phoenix would be waiting to take him out. However, the Dark Lord showed up earlier than expected. Damned annoying of him, I'm sure, and the rest is history. Did you never wonder why everyone appeared at the Potters within minutes of the attack?"

Harry glared at him in an icy rage. How dared he utter such lies?

"Next, he conveniently hid the Philosopher's Stone at Hogwarts guarded by spells that eleven-year-olds could decipher. He arranged a 'break in' at Gringott's to make the move more convincing. 'Wise old Dumbledore moved the Stone just in time.'" Snape snorted. "I should know; I'm the one that broke into Gringott's for him. He wanted to see just how strong a wizard Harry was, and judge Voldemort's weakness. It worked, too, as The Boy Who Lived managed to get rid of Voldemort's host, at least for the time being."

Harry glared, but said nothing. Snape went on.

"The Chamber of Secrets fiasco was a lucky stroke for Dumbledore. Draco's father took it upon himself to wreak a little havoc at Hogwarts in the hope of ousting Dumbledore for good. Once again, the boy hero here managed to save the day, and in the process destroyed something precious to Voldemort, something the old man hadn't even thought to look for. It wasn't until the diary was destroyed that Dumbledore realized what he was up against. Unfortunately, little Harry Potter wasn't growing up fast enough. He needed a bit of help."

Despite his anger, Harry was fascinated by Snape's take on things. Even though he was completely mental, his thought processes were interestingly twisted.

"Sirius Black conveniently escaped from Azkaban and the Dementors were sent roaming all over the place, including the school. Isn't it interesting that the school is protected from all sorts of gruesome things, but Dumbledore couldn't be bothered with a simple spell to keep the Dementors off Hogwarts' grounds? Also interesting that they should repeatedly attack Harry Potter. Rather a cold-blooded way to test Potter's mettle, I should say, but no one asked my opinion."

Harry felt a moment of trepidation. He had wondered the same thing, especially the day of the Quidditch match when the Dementor's had swarmed upon him...

Snape continued. "Then, the infamous Tri-Wizard Tournament. You have to be a complete imbecile to believe Dumbledore never noticed Crouch Jr. nipping on Polyjuice Potion twenty times a day. I noticed it the first week just by the smell on his breath. I was, of course, under orders not to mention it. From both parties. The Headmaster let the charade play out to the bitter end. Quite as expected, Voldemort used your blood to return. Dumbledore wants him to be mortal, you see. It's far too difficult to kill him when he's flitting about in a ghostlike state possessing people. At least now he's confined to a single body."

Harry wanted to protest, but his mouth was to dry to even swallow.

"Diggory's death was unexpected, of course. So was Fudge turning the Dementor on Crouch Jr., not that he would have given up anything useful, anyway. This year, in case you've been finding things far too peaceful, Potter, I'm going to let you in on a few things. First, those pesky dreams you've been having about a long hallway and a locked door..." He waited expectantly and Harry started in surprise. He hadn't mentioned his strange dreams at all.

"Voldemort is trying to get you to rush to the Department of Mysteries in order to retrieve a moldy old prophecy. Why he's focusing on that instead of organizing an army to take over the Ministry of Magic is a question he refuses to answer and I have stopped asking, since I'm just a humble peon of the demented Dark Lord. Eventually he will kidnap one of your friends or do something horrible to lure you there, where he plans to take the prophecy out of your cold, dead hand. I suggest you get yourself there and smash the thing posthaste in order to be done with the ordeal. Dumbledore won't tell you any of this because he wants you to, once again, confront Voldemort. You've been lucky so far. Perhaps you'll actually kill him this time. I'm certain you've noticed Dumbledore leaping around corners and scrambling down stairs to avoid you this year."

"That's a lie," Harry whispered, but his words sounded weak even to himself. In truth, he had noticed Dumbledore's bizarre absence in his life. In the few times he had managed to speak to the Headmaster, Dumbledore had gazed off into the distance as if Harry wasn't even present. It had been damned annoying.

"Meanwhile, the Order of the Phoenix sits around reading the paper, drinking tea, and chasing dust bunnies at Twelve... er... that place I can't mention. I've told Dumbledore to wait until the full moon and then set Lupin and Sirius on the trail of Voldemort. They're animals, they can track him. We know he was in the Riddle cemetery. Bloody hell, Lupin could rip Voldemort's throat out and at least he'd have to start over again. He only has so many Horcruxes, after all."

Snape sneered and dragged a hand through his shiny, bouncy locks.

"As usual, no one listens to me. Therefore, I've had it. I'm quitting the service of both Moldemort and Bumblebore. Let them kill each other. I've joined The Weird Sisters and plan to go on tour with them immediately."

Harry and Draco wore the same expression.

"I'm not joking. It's always been my dream to play the chimes in a rock band. No more subterfuge and plots for Severus Snape. I plan to be a star! Draco, you're here because Pansy Parkinson is coming with me. She's my new manager. Also, you might want to know; your father thinks Voldemort is a foul git and he's been plotting to kill the bastard. It's bloody hard to hold a business meeting with the Dark Mark glowing on your arm. He's lost several lucrative deals by donning the mask and flitting off to do Voldemort's bidding. Lucius is getting fed up. He'll most likely be destroyed for his efforts, but I thought you should know. By the way, your mother is quite a dish and your father ought to pay more attention to her before he's killed. I hope she won't miss me too much, but she can come see me in concert."

Harry glanced over to see Draco's face twice as pale as usual.

Snape pulled on a glittering white cloak.

"Well, that's all I can think of for now. Potter, enjoy vanquishing the Dark Lord. Malfoy, kiss your mother for me."

Snape strode to the door and then paused to look back at the stunned boys.

"Oh yes. One more thing. Minerva McGonagall is also coming with me. I needed a roadie and she volunteered. Old Dumbledore will have to scramble to replace two Heads of House."

He chuckled, slammed the door and was gone. Harry and Draco sat without speaking for a long time.

"What's a Horcrux?" Harry finally asked.

Draco turned pained silver eyes on him.

"Go ask Granger," he said in a voice devoid of malice.

Harry got unsteadily to his feet and went out.