Ageless Love

I heard about you as every child had, sitting on my father's lap hearing the story of your heroics. Sitting on my father's lap by the fire, my brothers at his feet. I would watch as wrinkles formed on his forehead as he told of the destruction that came before you saved us all.

I was at the age of fairy tales and happy endings, and I dreamed of you as my Prince Charming. I told myself stories before I slept, lying awake long after I had been kissed good night by my parents. I told myself stories of me, the tragic heroine in deadly peril, and you my knight in shining armor. You would slay the Hungarian Horntail keeping me inside the ruined castle, and fly over the moat full of fire. You would sweep me onto your broom and we would fly off into the sunset.

I never told anyone about my fantasies, not even my mother who always seemed to know everything about all of her children. My brothers would have teased me mercilessly if they had know, I was the only girl and thus the subject of their teasing and yet this breakable fragile thing. I never told anyone about my fantasies just as I never told anyone that I was I no way a weak little girl, but a determined child who snuck out her brother's brooms under their noses, and flew as well as they did.

So when my dad told us these stories, and when I dreamed and kept my secrets I knew that one day you would love me as I loved you, and I believed that you may in fact already love me though we had never met.

I was nine years old.

When I first met you, taking my brothers to the train my heart leapt, I was finally meeting the boy whose face had lived in my mind since I was young, and to me you were the most beautiful person on Earth. You were polite, and quiet, and I did not recognize you at first, so much did I hero worship my ideal picture of you. I was finally meeting the boy whose face had lived in my mind, and I acted like a silly little girl. Although I was young and entitled to such behavior I was angry at myself nonetheless.

I wandered around the house that year, it seemed so empty without my brothers, and waited for each of Ron's letters, which were few and far between, for his descriptions of you. I would read those letters, until they were wrinkled and smudged, and memorize every detail about you. Perhaps I was obsessed, or a bored little girl with nothing else to do, or maybe I only longed for the attention being the only love of someone would bring, and you were my someone. I would read those letters, and I kept them in a box under my bed,

When we were informed of your encounter with the troll I was proud of Ron as my parents were, but I was also proud of you. This added substance to my hero-worship of you, for now you had deeds to your name that happened when you were over the age of two. My fantasies no longer included the dragon, it was replaced by a ferocious evil troll, who (with a power of speech uncharacteristic to trolls) threatened to smash my skull against a stone cave until my brains sopped out. You would bash him over the head with his own club, and fly off with me on your broom. It added substance to my fantasies, which grew as my admission letter to Hogwarts came.

I was ten years old.

Can you imagine my shock when I came down to breakfast that summer morning and you sat at the table, laughing with my brothers? You who had been the core of my day-dreams, and not quite a human entity to me; I almost missed the chair when I sat down, and my elbow met the butter dish. My face, I know, turned a tomato red, so mortified was I at this happening in front of you. My brothers commented on my unusual silence, but when you were around my tongue dried up, and no words would sound from my lips. You, who had been the core of my day-dreams, did not bother to acknowledge your best friend's small mouse of a sister that seemed to be there to knock over the butter.

At Hogwarts I never had the chance to speak to you, if I had I doubt that my words would have been comprehensible, and since I could not have the love I so desired from you I found solace in another source. He told me I was beautiful, and that you were undeserving of my love. Although I did not want to believe this it comforted me, he told me that my life was worthwhile and despite the fact that I still watched you from a far, I was no longer alone. I had several friends at school, and I had Tom. I found solace in another place, never dreaming that it would hurt both of us.

The valentine was a mistake, I knew that even as I gave it to Lockhart's dwarf, but I wanted to do something to defy the ever-growing presence within me. Tom was forcing me to be something I did not want to be and that was a person without individuality. My friendships that were still only in the very beginning stages began to fall apart, as I became quieter and more subdued, trying to fight my possessor. I tried to tell the only people at Hogwarts I trusted, my brother and you, but Percy's over-inflated ego interfered, and I was helpless. Tom was forcing me to be something I did not want to be, and taking the brave determined girl away.

He overcame me that night, forcing me to write my own death sentence on the wall. I fought him, but his presence in my mind for the past year had left my sense of self wounded, and that was what was needed to fight him. I felt my body weakening and as I began to give up the visions of you that I had all but given up came back, and I knew that you would save me. I fought him, but my strength ebbed away and I was thrown into utter darkness.

I thought I was dead when I awoke, but you were smiling down at me, relieved that I, your best friend's little sister, was alive. I did not know what had happened, but my love for you, stifled by Tom's influence, resurfaced and my dreams of you were rekindled, I was frightened and damaged, but one thing remained the same, and that was my desire for your attention. Ron's relief that I was alive, and my parents and other siblings' happiness were worth more than a thousand galleons to me, I did not let my unrequited desire overcome me, but there was a tangible longing deep with in me still. I did not know what had happened, but I did know that you had saved my life and I was in your debt.

I was eleven years old.

That summer my mother fawned over me, her little darling who had been saved from the jaws of death, and I began to become myself again. I became the bubbly girl my family knew so well, but who had disappeared the year before. I wrote letters to my friends at Hogwarts, and they became true friends, apologizing for their treatment of me during the time of procession and fear. I spent a lot of time outside that summer, flying on Bill's old broom over the paddock, I spent time with Ron for the first time in a while, he had not wanted to since he got friends at Hogwarts, but the brush with losing me must had made him aware of that. I became the bubbly girl my family knew so well, until you met us at the Leaky Cauldron and then I was still tongue-tied.

When we boarded the train for the new-year, and the dementors came on as well, I went straight to the compartment you sat in with Ron and Hermione, I had heard my father's horror stories about dementors and although it was probably not conscious I gravitated toward the one who had been my hero. When the vile creatures came into our compartment I found myself facing the memories of the terror filled previous year and you, who had always been so brave, had demons of your own. I think that this humanized you for me. I went straight to the compartment you sat in with Hermione and you became a person to me.

I watched from a far that year as you struggled with the dementors, and became the hero of our house when you won the Quidditch Cup. I did not let my want of you overcome me, my friends and I had a good year, I worked hard in my classes, and was liked by the teachers and was released from the Wesley shadow among most people. I was my own person, who flourished because she was not under the scrutinizing eye of her mother, because little Ginny would never do anything wrong. I did not let my want of you over come me and that was the best decision of my life.

I was twelve years old.

The summer came and I was stifled by my brothers. With all five of their boisterous selves there, I was shunted to the sides, though they acknowledged that I was a mere wisp of a girl no longer, I had learned the bat-bogey hex after all, but I was still their little sister. They shielded me from danger, and for this I was grateful but I wanted them to see me for who I was, I was a Weasley after all, despite the fact that I avoided this fact at school, and a Gryffindor and neither of these titles implies weakness. I had learned the bat-bogey hex after all, and was a girl to be reckoned with, but no one cared to find that out.

That year at school was my year, I was finally totally comfortable with my self, and unbeknownst to me that self was changing outwardly, I was slowly becoming a teenager and boys were noticing. You were still on my mind, though I was reluctant to admit it, especially as you fought your way through the Tri-wizard tournament and beat the Horntail as I always imagined you would, although it was not on my behalf. Neville was not my ideal date for the ball, but I was able to go then, and I met Michel when Neville was getting us drinks, I did not abandon Neville as Padma abandoned you, but Michel held my eye. You were still on my mind, but in a corner of it that I only visited at night.

When you came back from your fight with Voldemort I was shocked to see how defeated you looked. You had faced so many trials, and yet you put up a brave face, you did not allowed your persona of courage falter, but I saw how torn apart you were. You almost cried in my mother's arms, causing me to feel a huge bond of kinship with you as I had done the same thing in many times past, but you would not allow yourself to do so. I wanted to comfort you as my mother attempted to do, to tell you that what had happened could not have been helped, but I did not know you that well, being your best friend's sister. You had faced so many trails, and I was unable to help you, no matter how much I wanted.

I was thirteen years old.

The next summer we were swept up into the Order of the Phoenix, but my mother would not allow us to know anything, and I teamed up with my brothers to spy on them, for the first time they saw me as a fiery Weasley like them. With this surprising appreciation, from them, when you came I was no longer silent, instead I was the true me but this caused everyone to believe that I was no longer interested in you, it shocked me how wrong they were. Perhaps I had convinced even myself that I no longer loved you, but it was deception. You had enough to deal with, and on top of it all you were facing your first love, I was disappointed that it was not me, but I was involved in a romance of my own. With this surprising appreciation, I was able to speak to you and become your friend.

When the D.A. started I was able to spend evenings watching you out of the corner of my eye, and though I thought that I was in love with Michael the part of me that did not wish me to let you go was awakened every night spent in the Room of Requirement. I watched as you suffered, through the turmoil of your story not being believed, and tried to battle the problems that were being forced upon you. I must admit that I was not disappointed when your date with Cho went amiss, especially when I broke it off with Michael. When I had to take your place on the Quidditch team I tried to hold it with honor, while trying not to over shine my brother, who was having trouble with his new position. I talked to you more and we became friends. I watched as you suffered, but was unable to assist.

When you believed Sirius to be in danger I jumped at the chance to help, but you were reluctant to accept it. I had seemed to be a diminutive creature in front of you, and now I was to pay for it. I would not let you leave me, nor Neville or Luna, because I knew that you could not face all of this with only Ron and Hermione. I had listened to my father's stories for years and I knew what destruction and devastation could come from Voldemort's attacks, though you had defeated him as a child I knew you just well enough now to appreciate that you were not all-powerful, but a brave, nice fifteen year old boy, who tended to act rashly. I was not going to be told that I was too young by you, who knew what I had done in my first year. I was disappointed when I was incapacitated and unable to come to your side in the final showdown, and I saw how deeply you were wounded. I had been seen as a diminutive creature in front of you, but now I was breaking through barriers, starting with friendship on the train home.

I was fourteen years old.

I don't know yet what will happened between us, or if anything is to come at all, You have many things to deal with, things that don't seem to involve me in the slightest, but I still hold alight hope, built on things that I am not sure if I have imagined or not. If I have not, well then perhaps I can have your love, and if I have and I am to watch from a far as you love someone else, so be it, for now all I want is for my knight in shinning armor to be happy.

I am almost fifteen years old.