The Dark Side of the Moon

Chapter 8 - Some Good, Some Bad and Somewhere In Between

'A good thing about having unicorns as pets is that they're not only easily befriended, but they can protect you if need be. The unicorn's ability to defend is highly underestimated because of their peaceful nature, but really, their powers could easily outstrip ours.' Hermione spoke as if she were reciting a passage from a textbook. She tucked her quill behind her ear, grinned proudly, and took a sip of Butterbeer.

It was a Sunday night and she was discussing an essay the seventh-years had to write on domesticating magical creatures with Remus, Sirius and Lily. They needed to pick out the wild creature they thought would be the safest and most practical to live with wizards.

'Yes, but unicorns are far too flighty to have as pets,' Remus noted smartly. 'Even if they did happen to like you - they'd be gone in no more than a week. They're the drifters of the magical world, never settling down in one place. You'd be better off with a Blast-ended Screwt.' He winked. 'They're defensive, steadfast and too slothful to move, let alone run away. Even if they tried, I doubt you'd have a problem catching them.'

'Oh yeah, it'd be great,' Sirius said in fake enthusiasm. 'You'd be able to take them for runs in the park, snuggle up with them on a cold day -'

'Lose a finger or two ...' Lily added casually, not looking up from her work.

Hermione smiled, remembering the time in her fourth year when Hagrid had gathered up an entire gang of Blast-ended Screwts. Spiky, increasingly growing slug-like creatures, they had caused the class nothing but bedlam.

'You should be a Care of Magical Creatures professor, not a Defence Against the Dark Arts one,' Hermione commented to Remus.

'What?' he said, confused.

'Er, what I meant to say was,' Hermione said quickly, making plans to punch herself in the head the next time she was alone. 'Don't you really hate it when you go to the toilet and there's no toilet paper?'

Sirius put his chin in his hand thoughtfully. 'Remus, a teacher? That's actually not too bad an idea.' He and Remus looked at each other and cracked up laughing.

'What?' asked Hermione, laughing a little herself. 'What's so funny about it?'

'He hates kids!' Sirius spluttered, pointing at Remus who had his head in a cushion and was laughing so hard that he was beginning to make hiccupping sounds. 'He'd probably end up eating them all.'

'D-detention every f-full moon,' Remus choked in between gasps of laughter. 'If you breathe louder than me, report to my office and join me for dinner.'

Sirius was beginning to cry. 'Fifty points off Slytherin for smiling during an exam period.'

'100 points off Slytherin for looking like Snape,' Remus added. 'Twerp.'

'Oh shut up,' interjected Lily, still writing. 'Sirius would be the one smuggling alcohol into lessons and coming on to the pretty young blonds.'

Remus and Sirius laughed even harder, exchanging an enthusiastic high-five in the air. Hermione stared at them in bewilderment, smiling and shaking her head. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited patiently for them to calm down.

'Oh, Isabelle, I just remembered.' Remus said after a satisfied sigh. 'This belongs to you.' He dug into the pocket of his trousers and removed the ring. He held it out to her.

'Er, Remus -' she began charily.

'It's okay, I've stripped it of all magic,' he broke her off, as if reading her mind. 'Oh and sorry, the case belongs to James. You can't keep it.'

She gave him a bantering grin as she took it, wrapping it in her handkerchief and placing it securely in her robes. The portrait hole opened and James came in, looking very pleased with himself. He was dressed in winter robes and his cheeks were flushed from the cold - he must have been outside. He took off his gloves and walked over to them. Without saying a word, he knelt down in front of Lily. She looked up from her parchment, surprised.

'Lily, my love, my heart, my feather'd friend,' he declared melodramatically. 'I have brought thou a gift from faraway yonder!'

Hermione gasped as he brought out of his robes a rose. It was no ordinary rose, but one carved intricately out of ice. The detail was incredible - its beauty, breathtaking. Surprisingly, it had not been damaged nor melted from being in the warmth of his pockets. Hermione supposed he'd placed charms on it to prevent such occurrences.

He handed it to Lily, who, outright stunned, took it without saying anything.

'A pretty rose for a pretty lady,' he said with irrefutable charm, standing up without taking his eyes off hers, and bowing to her as if she were royalty.

'I - I -' Lily began breathlessly.

'Don't speak.' He put his finger to her lips. 'Thine precious lips need not sayest ... er, anything.' And with an evocative wink in her direction, he traipsed up to the boys' dormitories, whistling.

Lily, who stared after him in a bubbly disorientation, started when she realized that Remus, Hermione and Sirius were all looking at her.

'Well, that was unexpected,' she blurted out. Hermione exchanged stealth looks with Remus and Sirius. 'I, I think I'll go to bed,' she added.

Not bothering to get her books, she walked up to her own dormitory with a dazed look on her face. As soon as they heard the door shut, Remus, Sirius and Hermione burst out laughing.

'Those girl lessons really seem to have taken their toll on him,' Remus said cheerfully.

'Yeah, I dunno what you've been telling him,' Sirius said. 'But it looks like it's working.'

'Ah, the secrets of a female Mastermind,' Hermione said in a superior tone.

Suddenly, she couldn't explain it; she was overcome by a spontaneous urge to go out to the grounds. It had been such a while since she had gone out looking, and lately, these impulses always led to some sort of thrilling event. So what if last time she had nearly gotten eaten by a werewolf? The risk of what might happen excited her. What if she actually found something this time?

'I have to go outside,' she said, standing up and putting on her coat and scarf.

'Nooo,' Remus pined. 'Isabelle, it's freezing and it's dark and can't you wait for the morning?'

Hermione tried to hold back her giggles. Whenever he argued lightly about something, Remus tended to flash a big toothy smile afterwards, as if he was using it as a last effort persuasion. As much as it charmed her, Hermione knew she could always win him over.

'Oh come on Remus, where's your sense of adventure?' she quipped, taking him by the arm and steering him towards the portrait hole.

'I hate it when you do this,' he said through his teeth, although not protesting her gesture.

'You love it!' she laughed.

'Don't mind me,' Sirius called after them. 'I hope you both freeze to death.'

'Sure you don't want to come then?' she asked him.

He shook his head. 'Thanks, but I'm sure I'll find something else to do that's nearly as fun as getting a cold arse.'

No sooner said had the same blonde Gryffindor girl who had greeted Sirius seductively on Hermione's first night in the past, bounded across the room and sat on his lap, whispering something in his ear and smiling deviously.

Sirius's eyebrows shot up. In what seemed like one swift movement, he lifted her off his knee, stood up, and began leading her up to the boys' dormitory, grinning back at Hermione and Remus as he went.

Hermione gave him an enthusiastic wave and left the common room, Remus rolling his eyes and letting her pull him out after her.

*-*-*

The two walked along the snowy path in the grounds, the light of the moon -which, thankfully, was not full - shining upon them. Hermione breathed out icy mist and drew her arms around herself - the night was nearly as cold as Sirius had made it out to be. She turned her eyes to Remus who was looking up at the stars. He caught her glance and stopped.

'Isabelle,' he said seriously. 'Are you ever going to explain all this?'

'What?' she said quickly, caught off-guard.

'You know what,' he said in a tight voice.

Hermione did know what he was talking about. He had been following her around all year, helping her look for the ticket back into her own time, but never had she offered any sort of explanation. All she had said at the start of the year was "it's complicated" and he had not pushed it any further. He knew she didn't want to talk about it then so he left the matter alone. She knew she owed him some sort of reasoning - but what would she say? What could she say?

He was looking at her calmly but she could sense his restless need to know more. She stirred uneasily.

'Well, I just - it's so hard to ...' she trailed off and looked over his shoulder. 'I think I see something.' She ran over to a tree and began digging in the snow in fake concentration. Yes, she felt like a coward but it wasn't her fault. None of this was her fault!

He sighed audibly and put his hands in his pockets. After a moment she had a thought.

'Remus?' she called out.

'Wha -' he faltered as a flying ball of snow hit him square in the nose. He spluttered, wiping his face and looked up surprisingly at Hermione who had her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter.

'I didn't expect my aim to be that good,' she insisted, her voice shaking with glee. His look of surprise soon changed into one of determined reprisal.

'Oh, you're going to pay for that,' he said doggedly, nodding and gathering up some snow in his hands.

They broke into a vicious snowball fight amongst cascades of wild laughter. As carefree as a pair of ten year-olds in the park, they ran all around the untouched snow in the grounds: jumping behind trees, digging trenches, and they didn't stop until they were both ready to collapse - as good as dripping melted icicles from head to toe.

Hermione, who was bent over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath, straightened with difficulty and moved towards Lupin. 'Okay - truce ...' she panted, holding her hand out hopefully.

After a moment, he shook it firmly and gave a snort of laughter. She eyed him half with affront, half with amusement. 'Sorry,' he chuckled. 'You've got snow all over your face.'

She elbowed him in the side and started wiping her face with her hands blindly. He laughed again.

'Well, is it gone?' she responded impatiently.

Just to be an irritatingly cute member of the male species, he gave her a notorious lopsided grin that not only caused the snow that Hermione was submerged in to melt more insistently, but showed the irresistible streak that trapped womankind like strangers with candy - the sexiness of someone who was unreservedly oblivious to their own allure and desirability. She felt the hypnotic beating of her heart stretch as far as the tips of her pulsing fingertips, and she quivered.

'Pretty much. There's just a little snowflake right ...' He brushed his hand against the corner of her mouth, causing shivers to run up her spine, 'there.'

He had drawn in closer to her, his eyes looking down into her own, the sky dancing above them and the snow dripping off their robes. She was caught in a world of his own.

And he kissed her.

Hermione went temporarily blind as lightning streaked across her vision. She was taken by such surprise that before she could respond it was over. The kiss was brief and gentle but intoxicating, playful and empowering at the same time. Hermione felt light-headed as his lips left hers.

'I -' she gulped, the hypnotic beat blasting in her ears.

'Isabelle,' he almost whispered, holding her head in his hands and looking at her intently. 'All those months ago when we'd been searching in the dungeons I wanted to tell you something.' He touched her nose lightly with his. 'You are the most intelligent, beautiful and utterly stubborn girl I've ever met. Don't you ever think that nobody would want to kiss you.'

Had he just said that? Hermione couldn't believe it; she was in a dream, she was about to cry; her knees were going to give way.

But this can't happen, said a nasty little voice inside her head. She wasn't in her own world, not technically at least. She was in his. And in his time, this should not have taken place. Dreading what she was about to do, she gently placed her trembling hands on his and brought them down.

'Remus, I - I can't do this,' she said as firmly as she could, although every fibre of her being was shouting otherwise. The spark that had arisen in his eyes was now gone and he looked wounded.

'But, I thought you wanted -'

'This isn't right,' she said miserably. 'I'm sorry.' She pulled away from him and turned around, hastily brushing away the few tears that had slipped down her cheek.

'You - you're lying to me,' he said desperately, as if trying to will it to be true. 'You do want this but - but you can't. There's a reason why. What is it Isabelle, what is it?'

She gulped back a sob and spoke without turning around. She couldn't face him, she couldn't let herself give in. 'There is no reason,' she said flatly. 'All I wanted was your friendship, I never - I - never.' She faltered, drawing her arms around herself again.

'Why are you so afraid to get close to me?' She heard his voice as if it were echoing inside her head. 'Is it - is it because of those friends you had at your old school? Is that why?' He gripped her shoulders and turned her around to face him. She glanced down at the ground.

I'm a coward, she thought.

'I want you to look me in the eye and say that you feel nothing for me,' he said fiercely, his grip unwavering.

Hermione shut her eyes and bit her lip tightly. She couldn't comprehend how fervently she was feeling. Her nails were digging into her palms to try and control the force of her emotions. He wasn't there, he wasn't there. None of this was real. She was alone and safe and still.

'Say it, Isabelle!' he shouted. 'What are you waiting for?'

She whimpered. Just for you to say my name.

Letting a sole tear fall, she opened her eyes and painfully, looked up at him.

'I feel nothing for you,' she whispered.

Out of all the lies she had told, this one felt the worst. She wasn't only lying to Remus but she was lying to herself, to her very own heart. Her skin felt like ice, not because of the weather or the state of her clothes but because she no longer had a reason to feel warm. Without anyone knowing it, he had been her warmth.

Remus stared at her as hard as if he were searching right into her soul, looking for something that he just couldn't find. She stared back determinedly, willing him to believe that what she said was true. He had to believe it, for his own good.

Hermione suddenly felt icy flakes fall upon her - it was snowing. And although they fell down the back of her neck and made her shudder unpleasantly, she didn't dare look away. The pressure on her shoulders soon lessened and he removed his hands slowly, morosely, to his sides. He wasn't looking at her anymore.

'Then I won't do that again,' he said quietly, walking a few steps away from her and pausing to look up at the sky. He turned back to her. 'Not unless you want me to.'

She ran her trembling fingers through her hair. Why was he making this so difficult for her? It was useless. She had to end it here. She had to end everything.

'Remus,' she said bleakly. 'I can't be anything to you. Not - even - your friend. I know you don't understand now, and you probably never will, but I have to do this on my own. I could be gone very soon and I don't want you to try and find me.' She put her hand to his heart. 'Forget me, Remus, just forget about me.'

Not waiting to hear his response, she ran back to the castle, leaving deepened footsteps in the crystalline snow. As she got closer to the steps, she staggered and tripped over her own feet, launching into the slush that lay beneath her.

She'd run away from him twice, she'd let things between the two of them go this far; she couldn't take the chance of letting them go any further. And she was afraid that all her will-power and self-control would be pushed beyond breaking point if she had to remain his friend and forget that anything had ever happened. That tonight had never happened.

There was only so much emotion Hermione could handle before she let herself go completely, and this emotion had been building up for far too long. She no longer felt like the intelligent, mature and rational witch she'd so often been perceived as - she felt like a vulnerable, frail little beetle that had been thrust unexpectedly onto its back and was now thrashing its arms and legs about, unable to get its head the right way up again.

Hermione simply lay in the snow, looking up at the now grey, cloud-ridden sky.

It is official, she thought. I have hit rock bottom. And now I'm stuck there.