Stepping over the Edge

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person
is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. - Dennis Wholey

Chapter 6 - Running

Harry ran through the corridors like he had never run before. He needed to get away, needed to get out. He couldn't take it anymore. He hated this so-called life. It was suffocating him, drowning him in misery. Thanks to that damn prophecy he had been cursed from the day that he was born. He could never be normal, never be happy, and he didn't know what to do anymore. So he ran.

He had put his hope in Malfoy. If they prevented him from killing himself then he just had to push someone else to do it for him. It hadn't worked. That fucking coward, he thought miserably. Harry could have been dead by now if Malfoy had just been a little more true to his words. But no, he was just talk and no action. Damn him.

The students and teachers he ran past gave him strange looks and some of them even called for him to stop. He wouldn't do that. He couldn't do that. He knew it was silly of him, but he felt like he could actually run away from it all. Run and leave everything behind; the pain, the grief, the responsibility. He had to get away.

He smashed his way out of the castle and on to the grounds. He had no idea where he was going, and frankly he didn't care, as long as it was far away from here. Hogwarts was a symbol of realisation, a symbol of what a damned life he had. Before he had come here, before he had joined the wizarding world, he had no idea what he was supposed to do and what his parents had died for. If he'd never come here he would never have found out. Sure, he was miserable at the Dursley's, but at least he hadn't known. It was too much to put on the shoulders of a sixteen year old.

So he ran for the gates, the only way out of this place. He didn't care, didn't even share one thought about what was waiting for him outside. It couldn't be worse than this. If Voldemort wanted him, then he could have him. If Voldemort wanted him dead, he could kill him. Harry wanted to die. He wanted that final escape.

He thought he heard someone shout his name but he just kept running. There was nothing anyone could say that would make him want to stay. When he ran through the gates he felt a light tickling sensation and knew that Dumbledore's wards had informed him that Harry was on the run. It wouldn't take long for him to come after Harry.

Like he had almost expected it, a sudden explosion of fire in front of him revealed the arrival of Fawkes, which meant that he was most certainly not alone. Harry found his way blocked and for a moment he thought of the idea to turn around and make his way through the Forest, but abruptly decided that he wanted a word with the Headmaster before he left.

When the fire died away Dumbledore stood before him with Fawkes on his shoulder and a grave expression on his old face. Harry stared right back into his eyes without any emotion. He wouldn't make this easy on the old man.

"Where are you going Harry?" Dumbledore spoke, finally breaking the pressing silence.

"Why do you care?" Harry's voice was quiet, but there was a power in it that made sure the Headmaster would hear.

"Because I care about you Harry," the Headmaster answered and let the sadness of his soul show. "I had hoped you would never doubt that."

Harry snorted, "Care? You never cared about me. You cared about your weapon."

"That is not true; I have never seen you as a weapon Harry."

"Like hell you have!" Harry screamed angrily. "You never once asked me what I wanted! You only cared what the best was for you."

"Harry, calm down. You know I never..."

"Don't deny it! You were probably only going to keep me safe until Voldemort was dead, then you would throw me away like an empty bottle. Used and no more needed. You would only care as long as I served a purpose."

"Please..."

"Well, guess what. I don't give a fuck about that purpose anymore. I don't give a fuck about this war and I certainly don't give a fuck about you!" Harry screamed, letting his anger get control of him. It didn't matter to him that his words were hurting the Headmaster because Dumbledore's words had hurt him so many times. It was only payback.

Running steps were heard behind Harry and he turned around to see who else were going to get their heads bitten off. He wasn't really surprised to see Lupin stop a few metres away from him, but the fact that Ron and Hermione closely followed him did make him raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"And what gives me the pleasure of your company?" he asked sarcastically.

"We... We were worried about you Harry," Hermione said in a whisper.

"Yeah, you were quite out of it in class," Ron filled in, looking more than a little scared.

"And what makes you think I need taking care of?"

"Because you need your friends Harry. You can't block us all out," Lupin said and taking a small step forward.

"And why would I need you? I'm better off without friends," Harry said simply.

"No you're not. No one can live without people who care about them without going insane," Lupin answered.

"So now you're calling me crazy?"

"No, of course not. That wasn't what I meant," Lupin said quickly, cursing his bad choice of words.

"Why not?" Harry asked simply.

Lupin looked at him confused. "Why not what?"

"Why wouldn't you call me crazy?"

They all looked at him, with shock and confusion clear on their faces. "Because you're not Harry," Lupin said after a while.

"But how do you know that?" Harry stepped closer to his former professor. "Neither of you know me anymore. I jumped off the fucking Astronomy Tower remember?"

Ron and Hermione gasped in shock. They hadn't known what Harry had done. Harry didn't even give them a moment's look; he just kept staring at Lupin.

"If you hadn't been there I would have been dead by now. And you know what? That was what I was aiming for. That would have made me happy. Wouldn't you call that crazy?" Harry was now only inches away from Lupin's face and stared him straight in the eyes.

Lupin visibly flinched but didn't break the eye contact. "You're not crazy Harry, just in pain."

Harry stared at him for a few more seconds before he tore his eyes away and started laughing manically. "In pain am I?" He broke in between the laughs. "Did you figure that out all by yourself?" He composed himself again and stared blankly at Lupin. "Since when haven't I been?" There was a hard truth in his simple words that made all of them avert their gaze to the ground, unable to meet his eyes.

Harry turned towards the Headmaster again and said, "Will you let me go now?"

Dumbledore looked back at him sadly. "I'm afraid I can't do that Harry."

"Then I guess I don't have much choice but to try and hex the living hell out of all of you," he said like it was the most normal reaction.

"You're outnumbered four to one Harry," Ron said fingering the wand in his pocket.

Harry gave him a blank look. "I will not return to Hogwarts willingly and I won't let you take me without a fight."

"Harry please, don't make this so hard," Hermione pleaded.

He looked at her for a long moment and then he pulled out his wand and pointed it at Ron in one fast movement. Ron was too slow and before he could pull out his own wand he was hit straight in the chest by a full body bind curse. He hadn't even hit the ground before Harry, with his Seeker reflexes, had turned towards Dumbledore with his wand ready. The Headmaster gave a wave of his own wand and without a word; a curse came flying towards Harry. He dived down on the ground quickly and rolled around before he got up again, this time not caring to take up his wand, just start running.

He might have got away if it hadn't been for the fact that the reflexes of a werewolf could beat Seeker reflexes. Lupin got a tight hold of his wrist and a small groan slipped out between Harry's lips at the fierce treatment of his covered wounds. Lupin looked at him surprised before he pulled up Harry's sleeve and tore of the bandages. To say he went as white as snow would be an understatement. Without caring that Harry kept trying to take his arm back, Lupin stared at the fresh cut with a cocktail of shock, anger, sadness, confusion and regret plaguing his mind.

"Let go!" Harry screamed, franticly tugging at his arm.

"Harry, when did you do this?" Lupin asked without taking his eyes off the cut.

"That's none of your business," Harry snapped back and finally managed to pull free. He didn't hesitate for one second, he just turned around and ran, leaving the others too shocked to run after him straight away, and when they realised he was gone it was too late.