Fate's Manipulation

Chapter 5

Lily closed her eyes, silent tears escaping to trail slowly down her face. Her precious baby boy was mere inches away and being told something that would undoubtedly shake the foundation of his life, and where was she? Hiding in a closet! Her eyes snapped open and she reached slowly for the door, but as her hand curved around the cool metal, she remembered that she was doing this for Harry. She had to remain calm and in control instead of racing out to shock him.

Lily clenched her hands into fists and tried to quiet her soft mewing sounds. She had lost so much time. Her little boy was a strong teenager, well on the way to adulthood. She had missed out on so much of his life. Who had been there to celebrate with him as he got his Hogwarts letter? Who had been there when he had purchased his first wand? When he had flown for the first time? When he first learned to read? Who had comforted him when he had had nightmares? Who had nursed him through illnesses? It hadn't been she and James; she knew that much! How hard had it been for him to grow up without his parents? Had he been told how much he meant to them? How many nights had he spent crying and longing for his parents? How long had he mourned for them?

And now she was mourning the loss of so much of her son's life.

"Ohhhh," Lily moaned. The grief had suddenly become too much for her. She sank to her knees, a fist pressed firmly to her mouth, lest her sobs and whimpers be heard to those outside. She closed her eyes briefly, wanting for the moment to capture her precious child's younger years, but knowing that they were gone to her forever.

"I want my family back," Lily whispered fiercely into the darkness, as she slowly stood resolute against the crushing tide of grief.

Harry laughed softly as Sirius' words penetrated. "Sirius." His eyes shone overbright with a sudden film of tears. They stung, but he resisted the urge to scrub at them. "Do you realize what you just said? They're dead. My parents are dead. Don't you think that I know that?" His voice turned harsh. "You know that I live with that every day, so why are you doing this?" He turned away, seeking the comfort of his friends and the anger of his professors.

He received neither. His friends were huddled closely together, a strange mix of curiosity and worry forming their expressions. Harry turned next to look at the comforting presence of the headmaster and Professor McGonagall. They both looked gravely serious, yet misty eyed at the same time. They were not looking angrily at Sirius, as Harry had expected.

He turned his attention back to Sirius, aware of a small flutter deep in his stomach. "Start over. I don't understand. My parents are dead. How can they...."

Sirius placed a gentle hand upon Harry's shoulder. "Not they, son." Harry tried to comprehend Sirius' words as the man wiped almost angrily at his eyes. "We haven't any news about your father. But your mother was found today. Alive. Snape brought her here."

"Here?" Harry looked around wildly. "Here? Where?" He grabbed Sirius' arm. "Where?"

Sirius wrapped a paternal arm around Harry's shoulder. "Relax, Harry. This is very hard for her. She's had a lot of changes in a very short time."

Harry nodded, but he could not stop his excitement and nervousness from stealing away his caution. He watched the professors in the room. Snape was furtively glancing at a small closet in the corner of the room, and suddenly he knew.

"Harry!" He heard Sirius call him as he stepped away and half ran to the door, but the man didn't follow him. As he reached the door, a hush of anticipation blanketed the room, and Harry knew that he would want to remember this moment for a lifetime.

He turned the doorknob and met no resistance.

As it swung outward, Harry's heart felt as if it might burst.

Lily had barely been able to breathe, as it became apparent that the moment was rushing upon her. All she could think about would be how he would feel in her arms. Would he feel familiar to her? Would he find a way to forgive her for not protecting him enough?

The door slowly opened, the creaks of weathered wood the only sound in the room. The silence was oppressive. Lily watched breathlessly as her dark haired, bespectacled son came into view. She had to do this slowly. She had to avoid hurting him any further.

"MUM!" Harry's voice broke on the word and he launched himself into the arms of the emerald-eyed woman that he had only seen in the Mirror of Erised and in wizarding photographs before. His heart swelled as their eyes met.

Lily wrapped her arms around her son in a crushing hug. He felt the same! He felt safe and fulfilling and.... elementally HER SON. She laughed and cried as her arms tightened even further around him. "My baby son...my precious little boy...Harry."

"Mum," Harry whispered the word over and over again. His joy and wonder were palpable to everyone in the room. After a few long minutes of luxuriating in the feel of each other, Harry and Lily pulled away from each other and stood at arms length, gazing at each other.

"So handsome...." Lily touched her son's cheek. "You look so much like your father."

Harry smiled and nodded self-consciously. He had so much to say and to ask, but could hardly form the simplest phrases in his head. "Where is he?" When Lily just looked puzzled, Harry spoke a little more slowly. "Where is my dad?"

"Oh!" Lily gasped, and stood lost for a moment. "Harry.... I don't know. I don't know." She stroked his hair slowly, appealing for help from Remus and Sirius with her eyes.

Sirius got up, quickly strode to mother and son, and wrapped a comforting arm around Lily. "Harry, take it easy. Your mother has had a very stressful day, and you've just had a big shock yourself. Why don't we sit down, first."

"No," Harry said in a low tone of voice, eyes fixed upon his godfather and mother. "Sirius, where is my father? Tell me now, please."

Sirius closed his eyes and pulled Lily closer, as if to shield her from what he knew he had to say, both for her sake and for Harry's sake. "We don't know, Harry. We have reason to believe, to hope, that your dad is alive, but we haven't found him yet."

Lily turned her eyes to Sirius. "Do you really think that James could be alive?"

"We do," Headmaster Dumbledore put in. "We will find him, Lily."

She closed her eyes, a hopeful expression on her face despite the tears coursing down her cheeks yet again. Harry's harsh breathing caused her to open her eyes in shock.

"Are you ok?" she whispered.

He hovered close to her, wanting to help, but uncertain of his function.

"Yes, son," Lily replied, pulling him tight to her yet again. "Sirius is right. We should sit down. We have so much to discuss." Her expression turned wistful. "And you have so much to tell me about you and your life." She caught sight of the three other teenagers in the room. "Are these your friends, then?"

Harry nodded and shared a giant grin with his friends as they came closer in a group. "Mum, this is Ron Weasley." He motioned to the redhead. "And his sister, Ginny. And this is Hermione Granger. They're some of my best friends here."

Lily nodded, and extended her hand to shake theirs. "It is wonderful to meet you all. Thank you for being my son's friends."

Hermione gave Lily a tumultuous smile. "It's great to meet you, too, Mrs. Potter. We...um..." She looked at Ron and Ginny for a long moment, a silent debate ensuing in their gazes. "We'll leave you to it then, Harry. You know where to find us. We'll wait up for you."

"Thanks," Harry replied hoarsely. As much as he enjoyed having his friends around, he didn't want to share his time with his mother with anyone else. He knew that the professors, even Snape, were necessary for whatever was happening with both of his parents, but it somehow seemed wrong for his friends to be present for the moment as well.

Hermione touched his shoulder gently. "You are very welcome, Harry."

Harry watched in silence as they exited quietly, then turned to look at his mother. She was sitting between Remus and Sirius with just enough room left over for him. As he moved closer, Remus draped a crocheted blanket over her lap. "Do you need anything, mum?" Harry asked, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his robes. As wonderful as this was for him, it was also very awkward for him to be standing in front of a mother that he never knew.

Lily turned to look at her son, a tender smile on her face. She stretched out a hand and gently tugged a hand free. "I have you, Harry. I need nothing else for the moment. Sit with me, will you, and tell me about your life."

~*~

Dumbledore inclined his head to Sirius and Remus, as Harry and Lily settled down together. The men got up together and joined Professor McGonagall and Snape in a corner of the room. "Silenceo." Dumbledore waved his wand, and an invisible barrier appeared between the two halves of the room. "They need their privacy, and we need to speak about our next course of action," the older man explained.

Sirius clenched and unclenched his fists. "Is there a realistic chance that James is out there somewhere much as Lily was? We have tried everything, and it is as if he just does not exist anymore."

Dumbledore pulled out a snitch sized crystal ball. "I trust that you all know what this is." The statement was merely perfunctory. The professors and Sirius were expected to know what it was and how it pertained to their investigation of James Potter's whereabouts.

"Yes, the Orb of Being," Remus replied. He looked more closely at the small object. "Professor, may I?" Dumbledore nodded and placed it into Remus' hands carefully.

Remus stared at it for a few moments then looked up in surprise. "This is James' orb. It must have been cast when the Fidelius was cast. I presume that you had one for Lily, as well?"

"Correct, Remus." Dumbledore smiled. "And what do you see in that orb? Does the fire of life burn brightly, dimly, or not at all?"

Remus frowned. "That's the strange thing." He turned the orb from side to side and even upside down. "The fire of life is burning a solid and clear path through the orb, but there is something strange about it."

"What is that?" Sirius leaned in close and gasped as he, too, saw what Remus found strange. "Why is the fire blue?" Sirius turned his attention to Dumbledore. "I have never seen that. What does that mean?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "I haven’t any idea, Sirius. I have never seen anything like it. The light has burned thusly since I reactivated the orb some days ago."

"Days ago?" Sirius asked, surprise coloring his tone. "What about right after James and Lily...did it burn then?"

McGonagall shook her head. "Albus and I observed the Orbs every day in the hopes that they would show some sign of life. When they showed no change, we placed them in slumber, all those years ago."

"And now James' orb burns with a blue fire. What could this mean?" Sirius tried to reason things out.

"Perhaps your friend is in another place. Perhaps the worthy one was resurrected, while the unworthy stayed dead," Snape replied lazily.

"Perhaps you had better keep your filthy mouth shut," Sirius said in a low tone.

"Gentlemen." Dumbledore's voice was steely. He reclaimed the Orb from Remus and looked at it thoughtfully for a moment. "If you desire answers, you will not waste time sniping at each other. Severus, I know your personal feelings for James Potter, and I well understand your point of view. However, when you agreed to work with us, you undertook a great responsibility. This is merely one of your responsibilities, nothing more, nothing less. Please do not let your personal feelings towards James rule you."

He turned, and gave Sirius a long look. "Sirius, I well understand your need and want to defend your best friend from thoughtless statements. That is both loyal and noble of you, but you must remember that we are a team aligned against the dark arts and must work as a team. I must be able to count on all of you to work together. These long past rivalries and jealousies must be put to rest." He turned to Remus. "Can I trust you to mediate if any personality conflict arise between Professor Snape and Mr. Black?"

Remus nodded and shuffled, feeling very awkward all of a sudden.

"Well, then, " Professor McGonagall jumped in. "We have an orb that burns a fire most blue, instead of any color we have previously seen. It must be a valuable clue to James Potter's condition. Have you any ideas?"

Remus glanced awkwardly at Sirius, and then reached forth to take the orb in his hands again. "Perhaps Severus hit upon something very important. Perhaps James is in some other place entirely, a place not of vibrant life, yet not a place of death either. Perhaps he is suffering from the same memory charm that rendered Lily unable to come to us for so long. Perhaps he is in a place like St. Mungo's."

"Perhaps," Dumbledore ventured, "he is living as a Muggle."

~*~

Harry just gazed at his mother for quite some time. He was vaguely aware that the other adults in the room had congregated and walled themselves up somehow, as the cottage was silent except for his and his mother's breathing. Harry grinned; his mother was here, alive, BREATHING.

Lily reached over to brush an unruly lock of Harry's hair back. "You're staring." She gave him a slightly embarrassed smile. "Much as I am, I suppose. You 're so big, Harry. Please..." She met his eyes sadly. "I have missed so much of your life. I need to know everything about you, darling."

Harry bit his lip before he spoke again. "I have so many questions, too. I wanted to know about you all my life. They told me...they told me that you died in a car crash. I never knew how brave you or my father were and..." All out of words for the moment, Harry sat close to her.

Lily frowned angrily, and considered striding over to give Remus and Sirius a piece of her mind. She was still cloudy on the events of that night, but she knew that she and James had been touched by Voldemort's evil, no Muggle machinery had been responsible for what had taken them from their son.

"Did I say something wrong?" Harry's voice was quite tentative.

Lily shook her head rapidly, and reached for Harry's hand. "I cannot for the life of me understand why Sirius and Remus would have lied to you."

"Lied to me?" Harry asked in a confused tone. Then, realization dawned and he shook his head rapidly. "Professor Lupin and Sirius never said anything of the sort. I just met them this year."

"You what?" Lily's eyes widened with shock. "How precisely did that happen?" Harry started to answer, and she put a restraining hand up. "Maybe you should start from the beginning. Didn't Sirius watch after you when your father and I were no longer around to protect you. We made provisions that should something happen, he do just that, and if not he, Peter and Remus."

"Mum, please calm down." Harry let out a huge sigh. If she was the person everyone had told him she was, she was in for a very nasty shock. "I wasn't raised by any of them. There was a...problem. Sirius was unable to care for me, Peter had disappeared, and I was sent to live with Aunt Petunia."

Lily's eyes hardened. "Petunia? She took care of you all these years?"

"Well," Harry hastened to add. "She took care of the basics, but she never cared for me. I was stuck with them until my Hogwarts letter came. It was so horrible, mum. She didn't care for you or dad, and said you were killed in an accident. I never knew magic until Hogwarts."

Lily gasped in horror, guilt and shame. "Oh, sweetheart, that must have been so terrible for you," she managed before holding him tightly to her chest. "I wish that I could change things. Darling, if I could give my life for your happiness a thousand times over, I would have done so without a hesitation. That insufferable woman will have to answer to me about the way she treated you." She ran her hands through Harry's hair and tried to slow her breathing. "How could they have sent you there? I thought Sirius, Peter, and Remus would protect you with their lives." She glanced over at the older men and frowned. "How can they show themselves here with their heads held high?"

Harry scooted even closer, and took his mother's hand in a strong grip. What he had to tell her was going to change her world in ways that she could have never expected. "Mum, they didn't have a choice. Things became very complex, very quickly. I hope that you're ready for this." His half sigh hovered over them for long moments before Harry broke the silence with an awkwardly cleared throat.

"Peter betrayed you, mum. I just learned it earlier this year. He was working with Voldemort all the while and..." He stopped speaking and released one of his mother's hands to wrap a comforting arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry to have to break this to you, mum."

Lily pressed her lips together and shook her head slightly. That was the only movement save the silent tears that ran down her face. She started to reach up to brush them away, but decided not to at the last moment. Her hand hung in midair for a few seconds before falling to her side, but otherwise she sat resolute as her mind tried to process it.

"Of course, Harry, of course he did. That was the only way Voldemort could have known.... we had quite a complex and powerful spell done, and Peter was the one we had entrusted." Her voice wobbled as more tears poured out. "How could he have wanted us dead? Your father.... James.... was so wonderful with him. Peter was sort of a younger brother to him, and I always got on well with him...."

"People change..." Harry didn't know what to say, but he couldn't let her go through this alone.

Lily angrily wiped at her eyes. "Yes, Harry they do, but that man, that coward, held you in his arms as he plotted our death. That is no change, darling, that is pure evil that has taken root in someone who was once a good and trusted friend."

"I know. I just don't know what to tell you. I never knew him as your friend, just as your enemy."

"You missed meeting someone who was, at one point, a member of our extended family." Lily seemed to accept this, but then her mind came back into the present and focused even more keenly on Sirius and Remus. "What kept them from helping you, Harry. It cannot be any worse."

It certainly can be, Harry thought, composing his thoughts. "I am not sure what happened with Professor Lupin, but I know about Sirius. Peter framed him for your deaths and the deaths of a bunch of Muggles."

Lily gasped. "Did he..." She couldn't say the words and they were unnecessary anyhow. The haunted look in Harry's eyes told her all that she needed to know. "Oh no, Harry. Not Sirius. He was punished for Peter's betrayal?" Harry nodded and bit his lip. Lily knew that there was more to the story and hunted for the correct response. "Was he sent to Azkaban, Harry?" The look in her son's eyes answered that question. "Of all of us, he was least prepared to deal with the horror and hopelessness of that place." She let out a soft sob and closed her eyes.

"I know." Harry pulled her close, and rested his head on hers as she sobbed. "Mum, it simply isn't fair. The fact that Sirius is here is a miracle. The fact that you are here, mum.... that's another miracle. Sometimes we have to look at the good things, even when it is hard to see past the pain."

Lily raised her head and gave her son a watery smile. "You sound like a cross between your father and Dumbledore."

"Thank you," Harry said gravely, reminded of another conversation he had just had about his likeness to his father. "Can you....will you...tell me about him?"

Lily nodded, the ghost of a smile whispering over her lips. "I would love that. Your father was...."

Harry flinched. "IS," he emphasized in a low tone.

"Yes, darling, is. He is out there. We must find him, Harry. He is needed here." She gripped her son's hands with an intensity that almost scared him. "He needs to be here with both of us." She shook slightly and began to speak softly. As hard as Harry strained to hear what she was saying, her intense whisper just escaped his hearing. Trembling now, Lily's expression turned to one of intense concentration, and she closed her eyes.

"Mum?" Harry whispered. Her actions were beginning to be upsetting to him. She squeezed his hand reassuringly, but never ceased speaking. Harry felt a tingle where their hands joined and closed his eyes too.

After only seconds, he caused his mind to go blank in some instinctive way and Harry felt the gentle tug and tingle of magic. His mother seemed to be reaching out for something. Harry released one of her hands slowly and slipped his wand in between them. "This might help."

Her voice wavered for a moment, then continued. The warm glow of his mother's words was turning into something almost violent, something that began to hurt. A green mist began to seep in under the door of the cottage, drawing the attention of the others in the room.

"Whatever are they doing?" Remus asked curiously.

"I haven't any idea," McGonagall put in. "But we must get to them now. This could be very dangerous. Albus, please remove the barrier."

Even before the words were out of her mouth, the Headmaster had done so. He stood watching Lily and Harry, stroking his beard and nodding thoughtfully. A slight smile began to break. "Their combined power is simply extraordinary."

The pain became even more intense, and Harry began to shake. "Mum, I think you need to stop now! It hurts!" She was too far into her own world to listen or understand, so Harry began to jerk his hands back. As the tips of his fingers and his wand left hers, a bolt of red lightning shot out, knocking them both to the floor where they lay still and unmoving.