The Reason

Chapter 1, The guardian

"Is he okay?" he heard a feminine voice whispering. The voice seemed to come from far away.

"Does he look fine?" a harsh voice answered, seemingly much closer.

"No, but..."

"So, he's not! Look, he's been through a lot... we'll let him rest a bit."

I must be in hell, thought Harry. That's what I deserve anyway. The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers¹, said a little voice in his head. And that IS what I am. I'm a betrayer. I left them with all the problems and I took the easier solution... the easy way out. I'm in hell. That's what I deserve. They will call me The-Boy-Who-Killed-Himself.

Far away, the voices were still talking. They were disturbing his thoughts. He tried to open his eyes to see what was hell like. But it was so hard that he barely saw passed his eyelashes. Everything was fuzzy and white.

This is not like I imagined. It looks too peaceful to be hell. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm in heaven. Somebody finally understands me and sees that there were no other choices left. The white must be the clouds. Yeah, I'm resting on a soft cloud and I have wings in my back. I will fly away to protect people. No! I don't want to help people. I did that all my life, and all I got in return is death. I want to stay on my cloud and sleep.

He tried harder to open his eyes, to get a better view of heaven. He saw someone. An angel, he thought. It was a man. Tall and slim, with a perfect fair skin. He is my rescuer. Nothing will happen to me with him.

The man came closer, a worried expression on his face. His blond hair was falling down and untidily dancing around his eyes. His hair coloring was odd...not a normal blond. It was a perfect pale blond that went with his grey eyes, now filled with pain.

Harry wanted to talk to the man. He wanted to ask him why he was so sad. His lips were moving with difficulty, but no word came out. His throat was dry and he felt weak. All his body was hurting with a pain that was so intense, he wished he could just die. But I already am dead. Why am I feeling so bad?

Suddenly, the world around him appeared like it really was: the hospital wing. On one side of his bed, Hermione, Ron and Dumbledore stood. In front of him, his Gryffindor friends and the members of the Quidditch team. And finally, on the other side of his bed was the man. The angel. Harry glances over him and found that it was Draco Malfoy...his nemesis.

"I'm glad you're back with us, Mr. Potter." The gentle voice of the Headmaster reached his ears.

No! Not me, he wanted to yell. Why did you save me? You really don't understand. I wanted to die. I did it on purpose! He closed his eyes, not wanting to meet anyone's gaze.

An awkward silence filled the room. Everybody was thinking, "Why did he do this?" or "I should have seen this coming."

"Now, now...I would like to have a chat with Mr. Potter. Alone, please. "

Ginny Weasley was the first one to leave. She was immediately followed by the others. They were all giving anxious glances toward Harry. Ron was dragging Hermione out of the room in tears. The last one to turn his back on Harry's bed was Draco Malfoy.

"No, not you, Draco. I want you to stay for a moment."

Harry opened his eyes wide in surprise. Malfoy was standing on the threshold of the room, as much in surprise as Harry. He closed the door behind him and walked awkwardly towards Harry's bed. He sat down in an armchair, avoiding the other boy's emerald eyes.

"I don't know why you did this, Mr. Potter...AND I don't want to hear it right now. You can explain yourself later. I want to inform both of you what the council of the school decided about this situation. Since Draco is the one who saved you, he'll be your guardian, Mr. Potter. That implies that you, Draco, are to follow this young man, here, everywhere. You'll make sure Mr. Potter is fine and that he'll not make rash actions. You have permission to enter the Gryffindor common room; I'll give you the password later. And you can bring Mr. Potter into your own common room. If you have any questions, I'll be in my office this afternoon. Now, if you'll please wait outside, I need to talk with Mr. Potter. Oh, and thank you, Draco."

During all this time, Harry hadn't said a word. He hadn't moved. Hadn't even breathed. He was concentrate on keeping himself calm. He couldn't believe what Dumbledore had just told him. Malfoy was his guardian? There was no way this was possible. What else could Dumbledore have left to explain to him now?

"Mr. Potter, do you want to know why you're still alive? "

"No, " Harry muttered, his eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Do you want to ask me something, then?" The tone of the Headmaster was still soft, even though anger was visible in his eyes. The little stars that were always twinkling in his grey eyes, and the hope that was always kept on shining in his heart... all of that was gone.

"Yes, I want to ask you something." His voice was calm, as if he was chatting lightly with a friend. "WHY THE HELL YOU DIDN'T LET ME DIE? For once, I did something I wanted to do, not something someone told me to do. I hate you so much, you can't know how much! I HATE YOU AND REGRET EVERYTHING I EVER DID FOR YOU! I'm tired, I don't want to be a hero. Let me rest in peace!"

Harry was standing next to his bed, holding a chair to prevent him from falling. And he was yelling everything in Dumbledore's face. The anger made his body all shaky, and his head was aching. But he needed to say these things... all these things he had been thinking in the very depths of his heart for years.

"Mr. Potter, I need to ask you to return to your bed. You're still weak and we all want you to recover as fast as possible." His face was blank of emotion, and Harry was wondering if the Headmaster had even heard him.

Indeed, he was very weak. He sat on his bed and closed his eyes to stop the world from spinning around him. When he finally opened his eyes, Dumbledore was looking at him in a very superior way.

"Ha! I almost forgot your question. There's something I haven't told you. I thought it was very unimportant... until tonight. Surely, you remember the prophecy and all that it says? Because of it, you can't kill yourself... no matter what you do. You can shoot yourself in the head, and your body will still find a way to stay alive. Tonight, it was by chance that Draco found you. You're bound to your fate, Mr. Potter: kill or be killed by Voldemort. I'm sorry."

Dumbledore didn't wait for an answer as he stood up. He looked at Harry as if there were something else he desperately wanted to say, but then he just turned and walked toward the door. He opened it and mumbled something. Malfoy entered and sat on a chair not far away from Harry's bed.

"I'm going to leave with Draco now, Mr. Potter. As soon you feel better, come back to class. "

And he left the hospital wing with a very mad and upset Harry, and a rather clumsy Draco.