Redemption

Sirius Black was worried. He was worried like he'd never been worried before; his stomach was tied up in knots and his palms were sweating. His best friend, James had gone into hiding with his wife Lily and son Harry. James and Lily had known that Lord Voldemort was searching for them. Someone had been giving Voldemort clues and information about their movements for months, and it was getting more and more difficult to escape each time he came for them. The only way to hide was the Fidelius Charm, and they had asked Sirius for his help. I hope I told them the right thing, he thought. He wasn't sure if he was praying, exactly, but he did it anyway. Please let this work. Keep them safe.

~~~~~~~~~

"Sirius, it has to be you," James said, pacing around the room. "You're the only one we can trust with this. We need you to be our Secret-Keeper - it's the only way we can be sure Voldemort can't find us."

"Please, Sirius," whispered Lily. Baby Harry was asleep in her arms, his dark hair peeking from underneath the soft blanket she'd wrapped him in. He slept on, oblivious to the conversation of the adults around him; oblivious to his parents' fear that hung so thick in the room it was almost a living thing. Every now and then, he'd squirm and make little sounds like all babies do in their sleep, sounds of contentment and unremembered dreams. Whenever Harry stirred, Lily stroked his cheek just so, and a tiny smile would appear on his chubby baby face as he settled into sleep again. It gave Sirius a strange, warm feeling to see this small thing between mother and child, that small gesture of tenderness and love, and he knew he had to do whatever he could to protect them.

Sirius shook his head. "It's too obvious - Voldemort will know, when he can't find you, that you've used Fidelius, and he'll know I'm your Secret-Keeper. It's just a matter of time before he finds me, and..." he stopped, his voice breaking. He couldn't look at Lily and Harry anymore. He turned to James. "You're more than a friend to me James, you're like a brother...I would do anything I could to help you, but.... He'll come after me - Voldemort knows about you, me, and Remus," - he almost choked on Remus' name, as he did whenever he mentioned the friend he suspected of being a traitor - "about our friendship...and he'll know that I know where you are."

"But Sirius, I know you'd never...you wouldn't tell him. You're the best friend I could ask for. That's why we need you to do this," said James.

"I'm sorry...I can't be your Secret-Keeper."

"Why? You said you'd do anything to help us." James' voice was hollow.

"Voldemort is going to come after me whether I'm the Keeper or not," said Sirius. "He'll just assume it's me. We know what he's capable of...and I can accept that when the time comes. I can do that for you. But what if I'm not strong enough? I don't know if I will be able to hold him off...unless there's nothing for me to tell. If I don't know where you are, then nothing he does can make me reveal it."

James nodded mutely. Sirius could see the terror in his eyes, and it was growing. James and Lily had counted on him to be their Secret-Keeper, and now they had no one. There was no one to stand between their small family and the most powerful Dark Wizard that the world had known.

And then Sirius had an idea.

"Listen, James, Lily...I have an idea...what about Peter? What if Peter was the Secret-Keeper?" said Sirius cautiously. "Yes, Peter's our friend, and we can trust him, but Voldemort won't suspect him. He'll think I'm the Secret-Keeper, he'll come after me, but I won't be able to tell him anything, no matter what he does to me. Peter will be able to stay out of the way. He won't betray you, I'm sure of it."

He saw a glimmer of hope in James' eyes. "Sirius! That's a brilliant plan. He'll never suspect Peter," said James, turning to Lily. "What do you think, Lily? Should we use Peter?"

"I'm putting my faith in you two," she said softly, her green eyes shining. "You know Peter better than anyone...if you say he's reliable, then I believe you."

"It's settled, then," said Sirius. "I'll find Peter and send him over." He hesitated. "Lily, you know what to do, right?" Lily had been studying the Fidelius Charm for weeks; it was she who would be performing this highly complicated spell.

She nodded. "I'm ready. Just get Peter here as soon as you can."

Sirius put on his cloak, and then paused for a moment. "May I?" he asked Lily, nodding towards Harry. "Just for a moment."

Lily placed the baby in his arms. Harry was lighter than he'd remembered, and very warm. Sirius kissed him lightly on the forehead, breathing in that sweet, peculiar baby-smell of milk, smooth skin, and soap. He gave Harry back to Lily and kissed her cheek before turning to James.

"James..." he said, fighting the burning lump in his throat.

James pulled him close and hugged him so tight Sirius thought his ribs would crack.

"We'll see you again soon, Padfoot," said James as he let go of Sirius. He ran a hand through his messy black hair and pushed his glasses back up on his nose - a gesture Sirius had seen many times before when he was worried. For a moment, he saw in his mind's eye the eleven-year-old James he'd befriended their first day at Hogwarts; the irresponsible prankster who kept them from taking themselves too seriously.

"Be safe, Prongs," said Sirius, as he left to fetch Peter Pettigrew.

~~~~~~~~

Something was wrong. Sirius could feel it in the air. It was like a strange, barely noticeable tremor, just below the threshold of hearing, like time had skipped a beat and thrown everything slightly out of rhythm. He had expected Voldemort to appear at his door at any time, demanding to know the Potters' location. He was terrified at the thought of facing Voldemort alone, but since he wasn't the real Secret-Keeper, no matter what happened, Sirius could not betray James and Lily. Even if...but Voldemort had not come. Not that Sirius wanted the Dark Lord to come over for a chat or anything, but if he didn't believe that Sirius was the Secret-Keeper, then...

I'll just check on Peter, he thought. I'll make sure Peter's ok...just for a moment. I'm sure he's fine, but once I know, I'll feel better. Then I'll leave before You-Know-Who starts sniffing around.

Sirius' enchanted motorbike landed in front of Peter's house. There were no lights on in any of the windows. He shoved the kickstand down with his foot and went to the door.

"Peter! Open up! It's Sirius!"

No answer.

"Peter!" he shouted, pounding on the door. "Are you there? Let me in! I need to know if you're alright!"

Only silence. Fear began to slither its icy fingers into Sirius' stomach. Where the hell is Wormtail! thought Sirius frantically. He reached for the doorknob - locked. He drew out his wand, whispered "Alohomora!", and opened the door. It was completely dark inside. "Lumos," he muttered, holding his wand before him like a torch.

Usually Peter kept his small house fairly neat - not as much as if a woman lived there, but better than your typical bachelor. Tonight, it was a wreck. Books and parchments were strewn about the floor, cushions were slashed, and cupboard doors hung open. From where he was standing, Sirius could see into the kitchen, where a half-eaten plate of food was on the table, along with an overturned glass of pumpkin juice. He must have come for Peter, and surprised him. Somehow, he knew about the switch and came for Peter instead of me! He's trying to break him, to give up the secret. Damn! Where has he taken him? He walked slowly around the room, surveying the damage and trying to give shape to the thoughts whizzing inside his head.

"Peter Pettigrew! Where the bloody fucking hell are you!!" he screamed - and then he stopped, because he knew.

Peter was gone. And James and Lily...and Harry...

Sirius tore out of the house, jumped on the bike, and jerked it straight into the air. He flew faster than he'd ever flown before...his mind was racing with a million thoughts all jumbled up, screaming inside his head...his heart was about to pound right out of his chest...and that cold dread was colder than ever...he felt sick and hot and dizzy and cold all at once as he raced over the treetops, not giving a damn if any Muggles saw him...

Then he saw it. The Dark Mark, hovering in the sky - over the Potter's house.

"NOOOO!!" Sirius roared, slamming his bike to the ground near the woods surrounding their house - what was left of it. Half of the house had been blasted away, and thin whisps of grey smoke floated from the wreckage. Sirius ran for the open front door and froze as he crossed the threshold.

There was James, lying in the front hall. He was unmistakably dead - his face was frozen in an expression of shock and disbelief, eyes open, glasses askew, but his body was unmarked. There was no blood, no sign of injury or struggle. Avada Kedavra - the Killing Curse - left no mark. Sirius sank to his knees beside his friend.

"James," he whispered, choking on the words, "I'm so sorry...it's my fault...Peter..." The rage that had filled him as he'd flown to the Potters' house was gone, replaced by a hollow, sick emptiness. It was his fault that Peter was the Secret-Keeper...if he'd been braver, stronger, he would have accepted the responsibility no matter what Voldemort might do...but because he didn't have the courage to do it, his best friend was dead.

Sirius gently removed James' glasses, folding them carefully and laying them beside his friend's body, and then closed James' eyes for the last time. And then he heard...

Crying. The faint but unmistakable sound of a baby's cries made Sirius' heart jump into his throat. He drew out his wand, leaped to his feet and rushed up the stairs two at a time, following the sound up to Harry's nursery.

Lily Potter lay facedown on the floor, her thick red hair blocking her face from Sirius' view. He didn't need to see her face to know she was dead. The effect of the Killing Curse was very clear. Beside her sat Harry, in his blue flannel footed pyjamas, clutching a blanket in one hand and tugging on his mothers' robes with the other.

"Mummy, Mummy," whimpered Harry. He'd been crying for a while - his brilliant green eyes were puffy and red-rimmed and his nose was running. Sirius could see a small wet spot on the back of Lily's robes, where he guessed Harry had been resting his head and crying at some point. He had no idea how long Harry had been sitting there, holding on to his mother's body.

"Come, come, Harry," murmured Sirius, kneeling beside the boy and trying to pick him up.

"Mummy!" shrieked Harry, clutching Lily's robes ferociously and crying even harder. The sight of him holding on to his mother's lifeless body was ripping Sirius' heart out - how can you take a child from his mother, even if she's dead? - but he pried Harry's chubby baby fingers off of Lily's robes.

"Let go, Harry. Let go," he said gently, though he knew Harry was far too young to understand what was happening. "It's Uncle Sirius. I'm here." He stood up with Harry in his arms, turning slightly to block Lily from Harry's view, and reached for a blanket hanging off the nearby crib to wipe the tears and snot from Harry's face.

"What's this?" he whispered, pushing Harry's hair back off his forehead. Harry squirmed and wiggled as Sirius tried to get a closer look at the jagged, bloodless, lightning bolt-shaped cut on Harry's forehead. "How did you get that?" he mumbled, half to Harry and half to himself, as Harry continued to cry and try to wiggle his way back to Lily. Sirius touched the cut gently with a corner of the blanket and Harry jerked his head away, screaming.

"It's a curse mark," said Sirius, astonished. "He must have tried to kill you too, but it didn't work! Why? It doesn't make any sense...not even a grown wizard could block the Killing Curse...how did you..." Sirius was jolted out of his train of thought by Harry, who had taken his shrieks to an even higher pitch, wiggling madly in Sirius' arms.

"Shush, Harry, it's alright now," murmured Sirius, holding Harry against his shoulder and patting him softly on the back. There was a pacifier attached to Harry's pyjamas by a piece of blue ribbon; he popped it into Harry's mouth between screams and there was a sudden, eerie silence. Harry's soft, baby-fine hair tickled Sirius' stubbled jaw as he paced the room with a sort of rocking step, trying to calm both Harry and himself. Think, think, THINK! his mind screamed. What do you do now? Everyone thinks you're still the Secret Keeper - no one knows about the switch! I know he wouldn't do it on purpose, Voldemort must have tricked him, tortured him...

Then he remembered Peter's house. It was wrecked, but...something was nagging him about the house. Voldemort was a murderer, not a vandal. Everything in that house said vandalism, not torture - the cupboards, the cushions, the books and quills - there was no blood, no serious destruction - and the door. Voldemort wouldn't lock the door behind him on the way out - because he hadn't been there at all.

No! He couldn't have...not Peter...but he did! I was wrong all this time, I thought it was Remus that was the spy, Remus that was leaking information to the Dark Lord, but it was Peter...I was such a fool. And he'll get away, because no one knows to look for him - except me. And no one knows that I'm not the Secret-Keeper, except me...I've got to get out of here and find Peter before he disappears. I'll get the truth out of him and then...then...I'll kill him.

He was fighting between the fierce instinct to find Peter and rip his guts out, and the desperate impulse to take Harry and run away as far as he could. You can't do both. You have to choose. Go after Peter...or take care of Harry. You can't leave him here alone, what if the Death Eaters return? The Dark Mark...over the house...someone will see, they'll know, they'll come to see what's happened and then...they'll take you! Sirius began to shake with rage and fear, fighting it down with sheer force of will to keep from disturbing Harry.

Harry was calmer now. Though still awake, his eyes were drooping; the crying had exhausted him, and he lay limply in Sirius' arms. Sirius could feel the thump-thump of Harry's heartbeat, light as a bird's; the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and the occasional residual sniffles and hiccups that linger after a hard cry. It was enormously comforting to hold him - tangible evidence that someone in this house had, indeed, survived the wrath of Voldemort.

"I've got to get out of here before someone comes..." he said softly to Harry. The thought of leaving a helpless baby alone in a house where his parents had just been murdered made Sirius feel violently ill, but he was certain that the Aurors were on their way, and they would make sure Harry was taken care of. If you don't get out of here, they're going to take care of you too! He placed Harry in the crib, bumping the owl-adorned mobile with his shoulder, and covered him with a blanket, tucking him in carefully. Harry looked up at him sleepily.

Sirius drew his wand from his pocket, placing it briefly over his heart, though he wasn't sure what made him make that particular gesture, as it wasn't necessary for the charm he was about to perform. He closed his eyes and thought of the sweetest, most peaceful memory he could summon - Lily, the last time he'd seen her alive, holding Harry while he slept, the way she stroked his cheek when he stirred - then pointed his wand at Harry, whispering, "Somnus Pacalis." The Peaceful Sleep Charm. Harry's eyes closed and his little body relaxed into the blankets. It would keep him sleeping soundly until morning.

Go now, before it's too late. If they catch you, you'll never find Wormtail.

He didn't trust himself to look at Lily or James again as he hurried out of the house and across the yard. His motorbike was at the edge of the wood, hidden by a thick clump of wild bushes. He mounted the bike and paused, trying to think where he would go if he were Peter. Surely Peter would know that Sirius would come after him, how did he hope to...

An impossibly tall figure in a patched moleskin overcoat and thick boots lumbered heavily through the yard, his woolly head bowed. Sirius heard him crying softly and mumbling to himself as he went into the house.

It's Hagrid, Dumbledore must have sent him...I wonder if he knows about Harry...of course he does...he knows everything. I'll make sure Harry's safe, and then...

He pushed the bike into the yard and waited. A few minutes later, Hagrid reappeared in the front door with a large bundle of blankets. Sirius saw a wisp of dark hair sticking out of the blankets, and since there was no crying he assumed the Peaceful Sleep Charm was still in place. Hagrid stopped short as he saw Sirius in the yard.

"Hagrid," Sirius said hoarsely, "James...Lily...they're..."

Hagrid shook his head, tears glistening in his eyes. "Don' say it, Sirius. I can' bear to hear it...just don' say it. But...Harry...he's alive."

Don' t let on that you've already been here. If they find you before you find Peter, it won't look good that the supposed Secret-Keeper was hanging around the scene of the crime.

"Harry? He's alive?" said Sirius. "Let me have him, Hagrid. He's my godson, my responsibility!"

Hagrid shook his head sadly. "Sirius...yeh can' do that. Dumbledore sent me 'ere tonight for little Harry...I have to take 'im, yeh see..." he trailed off uncertainly.

"No!" said Sirius fiercely. "It's my job! I'm his godfather! James and Lily told me, if anything were to happen to them, they wanted me to look after Harry!" He stepped forward, pointing his wand at Hagrid.

"Sirius, please...it's for the best. Dumbledore's got a plan, yeh see...he knows where to take Harry, so that You-Know-Who won' be able to get at 'im, ever." Hagrid stepped forward. "I don' know all the details for certain, but I know Dumbledore...he's a great man, he is, and he's not goin' to let anythin' happen to this little one, no sir."

Sirius was very relieved that Dumbledore would be watching over Harry. If Dumbledore had a plan, then that was the best place for Harry to be, for now. But for Hagrid's benefit, he pretended to be struggling with the decision.

"Alright, Hagrid," he said after a pause, lowering his wand. Take Harry to Dumbledore. He'll be safest there. And Hagrid," he said, gesturing to his motorbike. "Take the bike. I won't be needing it anymore."