Masquerade

Chapter 5: It Is You That Counts

James's head spun painfully as Lily's words sunk into him. Lily? Out of his

life? Forever...?

'No, Lily! Don't! Please, don't!' James cried, hugging

her tightly.

Lily laughed bitterly. 'Don't be silly. Of course I will. I

can disappear at will. I won't be there at all. You'll see me, but you won't

notice me. It's not that hard. Come, let me show it to you. Let go of me,

please.' Drip, drip!

'No! Because as soon as I do so, you won't come back.

Please, don't, Lily! I- I love you, Lily,' James pleaded.

'You should say that to Jenny. She loves you. Besides, you

love Cerulean, remember? Not Lily Evans. Never Lily Evans,' Lily said

gently. Drip! 'Oh, look, I'm wetting your robes with my tears. It'll be

soggy and salty soon. Do leave now, James. I might want to flood this room soon.'

'Promise me you'll never ever leave,' James said.

Lily shook her head sadly.

'Did I ever tell you that I have a gift from Heavens, James?'

Lily said in a sullen, sad voice. 'I can disappear. I never tell anyone that.

You can guess, I'm sure, but you won't be sure about it. I can disappear

just in your eyes and it'll be your eyes only. I can vanish just like that,

without a single trace. I can evaporate from the face of Earth, do just to do

whatever I want--to live in peace.'

'Lily...' James hugged her even more tightly, not caring if

he squeeze the breath out of her. All the better to keep her from talking,

anyway.

'I can disappear, right now, too. But I won't and I can't.

Do you know why?'

'Because you're staying with me?' James said hopefully.

'Wrong. Because you're holding me. I'll

"bring" you with me, if I do disappear. Please, let me go!' Lily

begged, as a fresh bucket of tears form in her eyes again.

'I won't, Lily, I won't,' James said. 'If I have to

hug you this way the whole night, I will. Do you know why?'

'You want to come with me,' Lily whispered. 'But you can't.

Because Jenny's here for you. She's waiting for you.'

'I don't love her, Lily! I love you! I really, really, do!'

'You love Cerulean.' Flat.

'I do, but I love you, too. There's such thing as chemicals

in the muggle world, which I'm sure - no, I'm 100% positive - that you

know about. Or mathematics, whatever. It's the same way with love. If I love

you, and I love Cerulean, and I find that you are both the same person, I love

you even more than I do before!' James said brightly. Aha! Amen for the

arithmancy classes! Thank you, Professor Vector!

Lily could only laugh bitterly at that. 'How funny. I love

you, I love night. But disappointment overwhelmed me when you know I'm

Cerulean.'

'Because you're not clear,' James said firmly. 'You're

not sure of yourself.'

'This is so crappy... it's nearly three, you're in my

room, hugging me and talking to me about love,' Lily said, sniffling. 'I

should be the dreamer here. What would Sirius, Remus and Peter think? What would

your cousins think? What about your parents?'

'They can think all they like, then. Promise me, my fairytale

princess, that you will never ever leave me,' James whispered.

Lily turned away from him, not willing to make that promise.

James cupped her face with his hands and gently placed a full kiss on her lips,

drinking all the sweet taste in had, mixed with her salty tear stains. Lily

froze before she respond to it...

~ * * ~

'What's wrong with you two? James looked like he's dead

sleepy and Lily looked like she's crying!' Remus said, when he walked into

the living room next morning, where James was reading the morning paper and Lily

staring sullenly at the ceiling.

'Who wants food?' Sirius called, holding up a dish of tarts.

'Hey!' James cried. 'When did you find the kitchens??? You're

not supposed to!'

'Darn easy, James, darn easy,' Peter grinned. 'We took a

wrong turning to the living room and found the kitchens. Your house-elves were

nice.'

'Stupid muggle contractor,' James muttered, returning to his

paper. 'We told him to get it hidden, and what did that idiot say? "I'll

be trapped in it, then!" Haven't he heard of working outside in?'

'What with you, Lily? You crying?' Sirius said, staring at

Lily's blank face. 'Hmm... Let me guess, James had a fight with you this

morning, right?'

Lily shook her head dumbly, still staring at the ceiling.

'He bullied you,' Peter suggested. Again, Lily shook her

head.

'Let's see... did he make you cook him food, but you don't

know how to, yes?' Remus suggested. She shook her head, again.

'This is his house, stupid,' Sirius said.

'Oh. Yeah.'

'What, you all think I'm a big bully?' James shot, pretty

much insulted.

'Exactly,' Peter said.

'Then what is it? Why are you so upset? You look like a

rabbit!' Sirius said to Lily.

'Goo ga goo! Goo ga goo!' little Jason cried, crawling into

the room. Lily turned her gaze at him solemnly.

'Goo goo ga ga!' the two-year-old kid cried, trying to pull

Lily's red hair again. Lily ignored him. The boy tugged at it. Lily calmly

prised his fat fingers from her red braid.

'What's wrong with her today?' Peter whispered worriedly.

'Alright James, what'd you do to her that made her so upset?

You know we won't kill you!' Remus said, pulling the paper from James.

'I didn't do anything! I came down to read the paper, that's

all!' James said. 'If that's even a crime, I'll kill myself!'

Sirius sighed wistfully. 'Unfortunately for us, it isn't. I'd

dearly love to see how you will kill yourself. You hate blood, you hate pain,

you hate heights, you fail at knots... and you still want to live. Wish I could

see you kill yourself.

James snorted before grabbing the paper from Remus.

'Good morning! Up early, boys?' SnowQueen (another of Lily's

fancy nickname to James's cousins) said flirtatiously to them.

'Boys?' Peter choked, uneasily pointing at Lily who's at

the corner. 'She's a girl, in case you forgot.'

'Aw, Peter, you're all boys!' the girl said, batting her

eyelashes at them. The boys eyed Lily nervously. She was playing with Jason

quietly in a hidden corner, her face as lifeless as a stone.

They coughed loudly, so that (in high hopes) Lily didn't hear

that comment.

'James, would you take me out to buy some robes? You know my

birthday is coming, and I need some new robes,' SnowQueen purred silkily.

James and his friends' hair all stood at its ends in fright. A boys' worst

fear - theirs, at least - is shopping. With girls, of all things of

embarrassment!

'Um, you don't need us for that, right?' James said

nervously. 'I mean, you go yourself and we'll tell Cindy that you left.'

'Honey, of course you're coming with me!' SnowQueen

purred.

Ugh!!!!! James mentally threw up with disgust.

'I can come with you, if you like,' Lily said. 'I need

some... robes.'

SnowQueen eyed at Lily's spotless white skirt (she seem to

have a thing for them), the black belt on her waist and the neat, pressed

sailor-like shirt Lily wore. Her two bright red braids were hanging from behind

her ear, a white ribbon tied at the end of each one.

SnowQueen made a face.

'You?' the girl said scornfully. 'Where did you come from?

You weren't in this room earlier!'

'I have been here most of the time, in fact. If you want a

company for shopping, I can be one,' Lily said in a lifeless tone; one with

equal distaste for the other girl.

'Thanks, but I think I've decided against it,' SnowQueen

said, flipping her black hair arrogantly.

'Fine, then. Would you boys like to come with me? you can

point me to a good shop,' Lily said, turning to the boys. 'After that, you

can leave me there. I'll find my way here.'

They were only too glad to agree with Lily. Lily had a

well-known reputation of shopping phobia. Most probably she'll just pick out a

random robe and pay for it at once.

Lily shot a triumph look at SnowQueen, who was looking

absolutely furious at Lily. Pulling a face at the girl cheekily, Lily ran

upstairs to retrieve her broom.

~ * * ~

Just as the boys had predicted, as soon as Lily walked into the

shop, she began to shiver. Hurriedly, the girl ran off to find a dress robes,

ran to the cashier, dumped the right amount of money at the counter and left

hurriedly.

'Are you sure that'll fit?' Peter asked.

'Yes,' came the short reply.

'Don't you want to try it?' Remus asked.

'No. The colour's wrong.'

'Then why buy it?' James asked in surprise.

'To give it to SnowQueen for her birthday.'

'What?!'

'SnowQueen. Don't know her real name. I'll give her this

for her birthday. How suitable: black, evil and cold,' Lily mused, mounting on

her broomstick. 'A perfect match for our beautiful SnowQueen.'

'There's something wrong with you today,' Sirius said,

frowning. 'What happened to that daily humming of "Sing a song of

sixpence" every morning? I mean, it's because of IT that I actually

memorized that stupid rhyme!'

'Yeah, and it's already ten,' Peter said, looking at his

watch.

'Someone took the Lily we know,' Remus supplied wisely. 'Perhaps

James knows. Do you, James?'

'No,' James said. 'Lily, can we talk for a moment?

Privately?' The other boys shrugged and went on their way to James's house.

James landed his broom on the rood. Lily sat next to him.

'What is it now? I've promised you that I won't leave you,'

Lily said stonily. 'I've promised to be your princess. I've promised that

I'll be with you, always and forever. And I've betrayed Jenny's trust in

me. what else do you want me to do? Be your slave? I'm terribly sorry, James,

but I really can't comply to that.'

'No... I just want to say thank you, for saving me from

Brenda,' James said, 'SnowQueen to you.'

'Oh. You're welcome.'

'And...'

'Be your slave? Dream on, James! I don't live to lick shoes!'

'No! I want you to be back your normal self! I mean, you're

not Lily when you're this way!' James said. Lily laughed softly.

'So, you've decided that you don't love me this way,'

she said softly.

'No!! Of course not! I mean, I love you this way and any way

for all the matter! But- it's just that you're not happy this way! I know

you aren't, after knowing you for - what, five years? Anyway, just go back

to yourself, kay? I know you well, Lily,' James said. Lily smiled.

'I guess you still are able to see through,' she said. 'But

I feel I needn't repeat what I have told you the night you declare you

"undying" love to Cerulean.'

'Oh, and one more thing, Lily.'

'What is it now? Is it really is "be my

slave", Potter, you are looking at death in its face.' James ignored that

sarcastic comment.

'Will you be my girlfriend?'

~ * * ~

'We're back!' James said, walking into the house.

'Where'd you two go?' Sirius asked. 'The SnowQueen girl

was hunting for you--so thank goodness you weren't here!' He prodded James.

'Looks like your Divination skill is finally working, eh?'

'And I quote, "Where's James??? With that red-headed

tomboy??? Where did they go???" unquote,' Peter said pleasantly.

'She nearly strangled the three of us, when she didn't see

you. She even whipped out her wand, ready to march out to look for you, when she

didn't see Lily!' Remus laughed. 'We cursed her.'

'I bet, by Peter's face, you turned her into a birdbath and

placed her in the garden?' James guessed.

'Righto!! She look so beautiful!!!!!!' Peter grinned

sarcastically.

'Hello, children!' Cindy greeted. 'The girls are leaving

for a shopping spree. Are you coming, Lily dear?'

'Dear?!' Lily nearly choked. James coughed, Remus sneezed,

Peter gagged and Sirius snorted.

'I was hoping that you will, Lily,' Cindy said

encouragingly.

'Um, I just came back from the shops, Mrs. Potter. Thank you,

all the same,' Lily said politely to her hostess. Cindy's face fell.

'It's okay. Enjoy yourself, children! By the way, did anyone

see Brenda?'

'Birdbath,' Peter sniggered, when she left. The five friends

burst out laughing. Edward Potter popped into the room.

'Ahem. Boys. Oh, hello Lily. I thought you left with the

girls,' Edward said, catching sight of the girl.

'No, Mrs Potter. I've done my, um, shopping,' Lily said.

Sirius and Remus were doing a very annoying dance and whispers of "liar

liar pants on fire~!"

'Now boys, mind if I borrow James for a while?' Edward said.

The boys shook their heads. 'No? Well now, thank you! I will return him as

soon as I'm done with him!'

'Think it's because we found the kitchens?' Peter

whispered nervously.

'Nah! Probably about something else,' Sirius said, jabbing a

finger at Lily, who was pulling her hair from little Jason's clutches.

~ * * ~

'Now James,' Edward said, sitting at his table. 'Who is

this Lily Evans? Is she your girlfriend?'

James groaned. His father sounded like some dad who'd

intercepted the son's letter from a girl. How ironic.

'DAD!'

'Do you like her? What's her traits? Personalities? Hair

colour?'

James rolled his eyes. His father is so... absent minded!

'What is her specialty? Age? Talents? Date of birth? Place of

birth? Parents?'

'Dad, why're you asking all these- these rubbish?'

James cut.

'Why? Oh, why! Well, Cindy could get barely much information

from her last night. I was wondering if it'll be nice to have this girl as my

daughter-in-law. She certainly seem jolly enough,' Edward said, shuffling the

desk parchments.

'We're barely related,' James said, carefully as to not to

disclose the fact that they're an "item" now.

'Do you like her? As in... love?'

'Huh? Oh. Yeah. Why?' James Potter, you're doing an

utterly useless job now. It's amazing how stupidity can get even worse than it

originally was. Might as well tell the truth now.

'Why do you like her, James? Now, honest answers, please.'

His father is sounding like how he always did when questioning those prime

suspects of a case. Judges. Hmph.

'Because- because...' James dug his mind for an answer. 'Because

she's her. She's sweet, dad, and I'm sure you'll like her, too. If you

hadn't already, that is.'

'What does that mean?' Edward asked, spilling his coffee

over his parchment stack clumsily.

'Well, she's got a nice imagination, faith, sweet and, well,

she's her,' James said, ending it with a shrug.

'Explain that,' Edward said, munching on some cookies and

dropping the crumbs all over. James couldn't believe it. His father. A genius.

So downright clumsy. And a high judge, too. Ugh... How can that happen?

'She's not just anyone, dad. She's intelligent, she's

funny, she's pretty, a little mysterious--' James smiled here, remembering

Cerulean--'and has a great imagination (like I'd said). Her weakness, I

think, is just that she dreams too much and can get a little hot-tempered. Also,

she's a little lazy.' He reflected back to the time when Lily gave Professor

Sprout and excuse for not finishing her homework in Herbology. Then he

remembered his excuse: The devil ate my homework, leaving a gash in my

arm as its "Thank You" sign.

'Yes, yes, love is without fault, James,' Edward said,

clumsily wiping the cookie crumbs with his new silk tie. 'But she seem fine to

me. a little over-tempered - yes - and slow and dreamy, that girl is. Run

along now, James. And do call Tibbles and Wiggles to clean up this mess! How did

it come by?'

~ * * ~

'Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,

Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie,

When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,

Wasn't that a dainty dish to set before a king,' Lily sang.

'I was sitting in my counting room counting all my money,

You waltzed in suddenly and drank up all my honey,

Your song is burning up some great gigantic holes,

Oh, how can I ever go play songs with my nose?' Sirius sang in

addition of mockery to Lily's first verse. Lily glared at him.

'Goo ga ba bi boo!' Jason cried. 'Bi bi!'

'He likes it!' Sirius said, beaming.

'Bi bi!'

'Told you that you were bad in singing, Lily,' Sirius

smirked. Remus giggled.

'Lee lee!' Jason cried. 'Lee lee!!!'

'Oh, did you hear that?' Lily said excitedly. 'Lily!!!'

'Lily!' the two-year-old repeated. 'Lily! Lily! Lily!'

'He knows my name!' Lily announced proudly. 'Say Lily,

Jason!'

'No!! Don't say Lily!' Sirius yelled.

'Lily! Lily!' the young boy cried. Lily patted him on the

head, giving him a rattle. He shook it, crying Lily's name all the time

happily.

'What's that noise? Ugh!! Jason! What are you doing

with that rattle??? No!!!!! No!!! Don't throw it!!!' James cried, entering

the living room. Jason's rattle sailed neatly over, hit the sofa and fell

down.

'Lily! Lily!' he cried.

'Yeah, yeah, I'll get it for you,' Lily said. 'Wingardium

leviosa!'

'Hey James, looks like your brother took a liking to Lily,'

Peter said, turning to his friend. 'He even knew how to call her name!'

'Really? Hey Jason, say James!' James said. 'James!'

'Games!' Jason cried.

'No, James!'

'Jay-ems.'

'James!'

'James!!!' Jason cried finally.

'Hah!!!' James smirked at his friends self-righteously.

'James! Lily! James! Lily!' Jason cried, obviously joyful at

learning two new words.

'About time he learn how to speak. He's very slow for his

age,' James said. 'Babies learn to speak at one, not two.'

'Why did you father call you for?' Remus asked.

'Something.'

'Tell us. It couldn't be that important!' Peter

said.

'It is to me!' James retorted.

'What is it about, then? Just the topic,' Sirius said. 'ONLY

the topic.'

'Shan't tell! Find out yourself!' James said, childishly

pulling a face at his friends.

'Shan't!' Jason giggled. 'Find! Shan't!' He tried to

pull his face like his half brother's and failed horribly.

'He's learning quite fast today,' James said in amazement.

'He couldn't even say anything before this but baby gurgles!'

'Thing!' Jason gurgled, pulling at Lily's plaits again.

'Ow! Ow, ow, ow! Lemme go!!! Let me go!!!' Lily shrieked,

grabbing her hair. James pulled Jason's stubby fingers off sharply.

'Lily! Lily!' Jason cried in a rather whimpery fashion.

'I hate babies!' Lily muttered, stomping off huffily back to

her room.

'What exactly is wrong with her anyway?' Remus asked in

confusion.

~ * * ~

'Oh, Lily, what have you done?' Lily groaned to

herself. 'You're now James's girlfriend, you idiot! And Jenny trusted you

and told you her secret crush on him!! You're such an idiot, Lily. I'll be

amazed if there's another human being as stupid as you are! How're you going

explain this all to Jenny?'

Lily buried her face onto the fluffy down pillow, groaning about

how stupid she is, how careless she let her emotion fly and bla, bla, bla.

'You should write her a letter, Lily,' the girl scolded

herself. 'She's you friend, and you hadn't written her a letter yet. But,

I can't!!!! I'll have to explain to her that she's not invited here, and

how I had agreed to be James's girlfriend and all that stuff! You stupid,

stupid goose!' She buried her face onto the pillow again.

Knock, knock!

'Who's there?' Lily's muffled voice called.

'Are you fine, dear? Can I come in for a chat?' Cindy's

voice floated in.

'Sure, Mrs. Potter,' Lily said at once, pulling herself

together with a sharp warning to her other self (the one she's scolding) that

she'll get back to it soon.

Cindy walked into the room in a green hat, purple robes and

yellow shoes. Lily felt like laughing out loud, but controlled herself rather

stiflingly. The lady shut the door and sat on the couch. She patted at the seat

next to hers. Lily gulped before sitting on it.

'I notice you don't mix with my nieces,' she started.

'No, I don't.' Lily bit her tongue to stop it from

slipping off to "Of course not! They're villains! I'm the good

guy!!". Instead, she said, 'I don't, um, I mean, I'm not really fond

of them.'

'Which, I think, makes you an even better choice as James's

girlfriend,' Cindy said, nodding. Lily jumped and nearly forgot her manners.

Not that she has much of those to sing praises of, though.

'W-what do you mean, Mrs. Potter?' she stammered.

'I would really like you to be James's girlfriend, dear. You

look so cute together,' Cindy said. Lily shivered. She really don't like the

way this conversation is turning. She don't even like this conversation

at all!

'Sorry, Mrs. Potter, but James and I are just friends...'

'I know. You've told me that. If you would like anything -

tips, hints or such - dear, come to me,' Cindy said, standing up. She placed

a wrapped box on the glass table. 'Enjoy your stay, dear. Here's a present

for you.'

When Cindy left, Lily stared at the present curiously. What is

it? Why'd she get it? Did those Giggling Gooses receive it, too?

'Who cares,' Lily said, shaking it a little. 'A present's

wrapped to be opened, and open it I must.' She pulled the petite ribbons and

tore the white wrapper. Lily held out a little ring made of a delicate flower

stem, a tiny white flower on it. Lily slipped it on happily before dozing on the

couch sleepily.

~ * * ~

James muttered curses under his breath as he copied the notes

from his Herbology textbook. He hated Herbology. What use is there in learning

how the Venustulla Plant captures its enemy? This subject is soooooo stupid!

And he had to do two rolls of parchment essay on how that

Venustulla Plant captures and digest a ladybird. Ugh!

'Hello, James,' Lily said suddenly, almost in a purring

tone. James jumped up in surprise as his skin pricked with goosebumps.

'Oh. You. I thought it was Brenda again. You know, she always

talks like that. Why didn't you knock first, Lil?' Lily ignored him.

'What are you doing, James?'

'The cursed subject of plants, in which is no use to me except

how to grow vegetables. What are you doing in here, huh? I thought you

were in your room, brooding over babies like Jason!'

Lily didn't say anything. She pulled him into a deep kiss

suddenly, frightening James out of his wits as Lily's warm arms snaked up his

neck, hugging him tightly. She parted her lips to let her tongue slip into his

mouth before playing with it teasingly.

James jumped.

'What- what's happening?' he gasped. 'What went into

you? Are you possessed?'

'I love you, James,' Lily whispered thickly. James brows

formed a line of puzzlement.

'Yeah, well, I know that. But what's making you so sick

suddenly? Something you ate? You're not like- like this.' She just

hugged him even tightly in reply. James yanked her away at once.

'You're freaking me out, Evans!' he scolded. 'What did

you eat anyway? A Venustulla?' Lily shrugged.

'Nothing,' she replied, brushing her fringe aside. James's

eyes traced to the ring on Lily's finger. Smelling a foul prank, he grabbed

her finger.

'What's this? You didn't have this with you just now. You

don't even own any jewelry, as far as I'd known, save a plastic necklace and

a pair or two of earrings!' James said.

'Cindy gave it.' James pulled it out to inspect it.

'Have some sorta smell. Ugh! Lily, I thought you were allergic

to perfume! I'm amazed that this stench didn't make you catch a flu!'

James winced. 'Still, it smelled weird...' Lily stared at him blankly.

'What?'

'Smells like some potion... I think it's some love potion of

some sort...'

'What???' Lily repeated. 'Why'm I in your room? What's

that? What're you doing to me?' Lily cried, shaking herself out of James's

grasp.

'You are asking me?! You came into my room

without knocking and tried to seduce me!' James cried incredously.

'I did not! I was in my room!' Lily protested. 'My head's

a little dizzy... ow... what did I do? Sleepwalk?'

'Do you usually?'

'Nope. Never had, but I did once, when I was seven. Petunia

sorta dragged me back into the room and locked me in,' Lily replied. 'What

happened? What am I doing in- in your room?'

'Does someone sleepwalk with their eyes open? Do you-- I mean,

have you?'

'Gracious, no! I'd be a goldfish, then!' she cried. 'Answer

my question! Hurry, or I'll scream!'

James hurriedly filled her in with all the details. Lily's

line of frown on her forehead arched deeper and deeper.

'Me?! Come into the room without knocking?! That's

ridiculous!!!' she screeched. James hushed her at once. She dropped to a

whisper. 'Sorry, but that's NOT - I repeat, N-O-T - me!'

'I know. I figure that there's a spell to this ring,'

James said, holding out the flower-ring. 'Best is dump it off now.' He

tossed it into the rubbish bin under his desk. Lily stared as he went back to

copying his notes, as if nothing had ever happened.

'Um, James? Do you, er, like me? I mean, when I was, erm, that

way a while ago?' Lily said, blushing feverishly. Her cheeks were even burning

by now. She added hastily, 'You don't have to answer me that, of course.'

James turned to her and stared at her for some time, frowning.

'You could do with that happy look three hours ago,' he said

at last. 'And I'll always like you, because you're you, not because you're

possessed by some potion. I'll like you any way you are because I love you.

Like I'd said, it's really you that count. Come to think of it, Cindy has to

answer to some questions to giving you love potion.'

Lily turned scarlet.