Was I Ever Loved By You?

THE QUESTION

Knew the signs

Wasn´t right

I was stupid for a while.

Swept away by you

And now I feel like a fool

So confused, my heart´s bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of Reach

by Gabrielle

* * * * *

Hermione puts down her tea so quickly the cup rattles. "You what?"

I smile and take a sip of my tea. "I´m ready to take us to the next step," I repeat.

She continues to stare at me. "Did Harry say something --"

"Are you kidding?" I ask. "Harry doesn´t know what he wants. It took me over a year to get him to ask me to move in with him!"

"Then how do you know he´ll want this?"

I sigh. "Of course he will," I say patiently. "We´re practically married anyway. I mean, we live together, and marriage is naturally the next step. All I have to do is get him to ask."

"And just how are you going to get him to do that when he doesn't even know that he wants this yet?"

I lean in conspiratorially. "Well, I´ve been dropping hints like crazy. Leaving bridal magazines lying around, pointing at every bridal shop we pass. I´ve even asked him about baby names --"

"What? You´re --"

"No, no, no. I´m not pregnant. I was just asking him what he´d want to name our children if we were to get married."

"Oh," she says, looking relieved.

I take a deep breath and move in for the kill. "You know Harry, though. Oblivious. So I thought maybe...if a friend pointed it out to him..." I pause, looking at her hopefully.

She leans back in her chair, frowning. "Ginny...I can´t."

"Why not, Hermione? He hasn´t picked up on anything and I´ve been working on him for over a month. He just needs some gentle pushing --"

"I wouldn´t push him into a decision like this!"

"Not push," I say quickly. "Just clue him in."

"Can´t you ask Ron?" she says, looking like a trapped animal.

"Hermione, be serious. You remember how Ron was when he found out Harry and I were sleeping together. He´d murder Harry before he´d get him to propose to me."

"Ginny," she says slowly, looking at me steadily. "What if he isn´t ready?"

I look her in the eye and smile. "He is." She doesn´t look that convinced so I go on. "Trust me. We Weasley women just know these things."

She sighs, finally caving in. "I´ll tell him how you feel. If that´s what you want but--"

"That´s all I want!" I say, jumping to my feet. "Thank you, Hermione!"

"But..." she says, standing up. "I really think you should be the one to tell him. Just sit him down and tell him you think you two should take the next step."

I shake my head. For someone so bright, Hermione can be really dim sometimes. "I can´t tell him to ask me to marry him! Where´s the romance in that?"

"But that´s basically what you´ve been trying to tell him for the last month or so. What´s so romantic about this way?"

"This way," I say, "He thinks he did it on his own. It´s better that way."

* * * * *

I leave Hermione´s flat ecstatic. That little meeting went rather well. I didn´t think she would agree so quickly. Hermione has always been rather odd about Harry and Ron when it comes to romantic matters. But then again Hermione is rather odd about most things.

I make my way to the office daydreaming of long white gowns and what our children will look like. I smile to myself remembering the years at school when I thought Harry was out of my reach. All those days spent pining after him and it wasn´t until I had finally accepted the fact that it would never be that fate stepped in.

At the age of 24, I had just started my current position as editor-in-chief of Witch Weekly when I had received the phone call that changed my life.

"Hello?"

"Ginny?"

My heart had jumped into my throat. "Harry?"

"Ron gave me your number at work. Sorry to bother you, but I have a favor to ask..."

"Yes?"

"The Ministry is having a Christmas Party and...I need someone to go with me. I´d ask Hermione, but she´s seeing that bloke, Roger, and, well...are you busy Friday night?"

"No, I´m not busy. I´d love to go."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Great then, I´ll pick you up at seven."

And that was when our relationship began. He called me six times in the next four months to go to public events with him. I knew it wasn´t serious, just something done out of convenience. But then we started spending more time with each other and I felt myself falling all over again for the "Boy Who Lived". I couldn´t help myself. All he had to do was look at me with those eyes and I´d feel all resolve not to get involved melt in an instant.

The girls at work were thrilled for me. They were constantly pestering me for details about Harry, about our relationship, about our sex life. I pretended to be appalled at such questions, but secretly I loved kissing and telling. And when there wasn´t much to tell, I made it up. Not that Harry wasn´t a great lover. It´s just that our relationship was pretty average and I hated for us to lose face in front of the girls...so being in the entertainment industry and a newswoman I embellished a bit.

Overnight, I went from "Ginny Who?" to "Virginia Weasley", successful career witch and love interest of the famous Harry Potter. That was two years ago and I´ve been the envy of every other witch of my generation ever since. And now Harry Potter was really going to be mine. All mine.

"I know you´re the boss, but do you really think that copy is deserving of a full page?" Colin asks, looking over my shoulder.

I look down surprised to find I´ve written Virginia Weasley Potter over and over again. I´m pretty sure I blush as I quickly put the paper away. "What have you got for me, Colin?"

He doesn´t bother hiding his smirk as he places his pictures before me. "Just the usual, celebrities behaving badly."

"Is that Delacour tripping down the runway?"

"Yep. I was thinking `Star Model Falls` as a headline."

I laugh. "Perfect. I can´t stand her. Every time I see her she makes a remark about me gaining weight."

"Oooh, personal vendetta. You must really love this job."

"You know...I do, I really do."

"And what is all this about having Potter as a last name?"

I bite my lip and look at him. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Hey, this is me you´re talking to."

"I think he´s going to ask soon."

"Really? Did you do what the girls told you? With the magazines and bridal shops and ..."

I nod and smile happily. "You owe me ten galleons."

"He hasn´t popped the question yet, though. Has he?

"He will."

"The minute he does I´ll pay you."

"You´re completely broke again aren´t you?"

"I prefer the term `lacking in funds`."

I grin at him and we go over the other pictures he´s taken. My morning seems to inch by and every five minutes I find myself wondering if Hermione has talked to Harry yet. Then a little after lunch my phone rings.

"Ginny?"

"Harry," I say, trying to sound calm and professional.

"Ginny...we need to talk."

"Um...I´m really busy right now. Can we talk tonight, at dinner? We can meet at La Fontaine "

"I --"

"Okay, see you then! Love you!" I say, quickly hanging up. I´ve been practicing surprised looks for the last week or so in the mirror. No need for Harry to botch our romantic moment because he can´t wait to do it in person. I try to concentrate on work, but it´s useless. So instead I decide to take the afternoon off and go pick out a new dress for tonight. As I´m walking through the office towards the door the girls all wish me good luck. Thanks, Colin.

I spend the rest of the afternoon picking out a sexy red number and getting my hair done. I was going to go home, but for some reason I have it in my mind that that would be bad luck. Almost like the groom seeing the bride before the wedding. So instead I leave Harry a message saying that I have to run some errands and I´ll meet him at the restaurant at seven.

* * * * *

Heads actually turn when I enter the restaurant. The dress really is a knockout. I´m led to our usual booth in the corner where Harry is sitting looking adorably nervous. He stands as I approach.

"Ginny...wow."

I smile and kiss him on the cheek before taking my seat.

"You look amazing," he says miserably.

"You don´t look so bad yourself. Have you already ordered?"

"Yes, I got your favorite."

I rub his arm. "Mmm...thanks!"

He takes a deep breath. "Hermione came to see me today --"

"Oh look!" I say, pointing towards another table. "There´s Oliver and Katie."

He looks up and we wave at the couple across the room.

"How was work?" I ask. Doesn´t he have any sense of timing? Proposals should come over dessert. It´s the sweetest thing...

"Fine." He turns back to me. "Ginny....we´ve known each other for a long time and --"

"Is Mr. Billingsley still giving you grief over that Diagon Alley incident?"

He stops and looks at me. "No."

"Oh, good." I say. "Because that wasn´t your fault. "

"You know you aren´t making this easy."

I look at him innocently as inwardly I sigh. Okay, so maybe it won´t be perfect...the important thing is that I will be Mrs. Harry Potter soon. "Making what easy, Harry?"

He takes a deep breath and leans toward me. "Hermione told me how you feel...about us. And I...." He looks at me and seems to falter. "I wonder if you´ll --"

I bite my lip. "Yes. Yes I will," I whisper softly.

"Will what, Gin?" he asks, looking confused.

I roll my eyes and swat him on the shoulder. "Silly man. I will marry you, Harry Potter!" I say loud enough for surrounding tables to hear.

Harry turns a deep shade of red. "Ginny..."

I hug him and kiss him on the cheek. "You know you´re supposed to offer a ring when you ask the question. But that´s okay --"

"Ginny, I wasn´t going to ask you to marry me."

I sit up straighter, my smile freezing on my face. "What?"

He looks miserable. "I was going to ask you if you´ll hate me once I tell you what I have to tell you."

I can´t speak, or move, or even breath. I just stare at him.

"Ginny, we´ve known each other for a long time. And your friendship means so much to me. I would hate to lose that if we... if we were to break up."

"Friendship?" I squeak. "Friendship!"

"I know how you feel about me," Harry says quickly. "I love you too...but I can´t see myself marrying you. I don´t deserve someone like you! You´d give everything and I can only give what I have... and that´s just not enough."

"Harry --"

"I´m sorry, Ginny. I never meant for things to go this far. I never meant to hurt you. A part of me always thought you´d understand."

"Oh, I understand!" I say. "After two years, I´m just not good enough for Harry Potter."

"No! It´s not you, it´s me!"

I stare at him in shock. "You did not just say that. You did not!"

"Ginny...please!"

We look up as a violin player approaches the table playing the Wedding March. Beside him a smiling waiter is bearing a cake. "Congratulations!" he says. Behind them the surrounding tables are clapping, having heard my acceptance exclamation earlier.

I stand up and before I know what I´m doing I grab the cake and I´ve chucked it at Harry´s head. "You WANKER!"

Then I´m walking towards the door, bits of icing in my hair and on my new dress from where it bounced off Harry. I can see the tears clouding my vision as I Apparate home. I stare at our apartment and feel like my heart is gaping wide. Everything I see reminds me of what just happened. His shirt on the couch, his books, his broomstick...

His broomstick.

I grab it and throw it out the window. I watch as it falls twenty-seven stories and shatters into a million pieces when it makes contact with the cement below. Then I grab my things and Apparate to the only place I can go....The Burrow.

* * * * *