The Secret Diary

Chapter One: Plans

His eyes burned with the feeling of draught; the pain had been particularly acute, and he was beyond exhaustion after another transformation. On the horizon, the moon was setting. Remus had long ago, at the age of thirteen, decided that no wizard would ever understand the abject relief that the waning, setting moon brought to him.

I still stand by that, he thought to himself, nursing a deep gash on his left forearm.

His blood glistened in the early morning light and a fresh wave of pain made the sparse hair on the back of his neck prickle. His spine arched and flung him backward as the last of his restoration to being a human became complete.

Biting his lip, Remus shook his head as a voice at the back of his head told him, Lily would have understood.

He stood up, head convulsing in agony, and had to steady himself as the room spun a few times. Everything surrounding him was in clear, plain view, just as it was when his transformation began some hours before.

The Shrieking Shack was always a name that ironically amused Remus during his Hogwarts days, and even now, he found a smile playing about his lips as he considered it. Being back at Hogwarts brought a feeling of youthfulness to Remus as of late, and despite his exhaustion, he laughed heartily at the name of his prison. Shack. There was nothing shack-like about it, at least not when he first occupied it...

1975

"Hey, Moony baby, nice pad you've got here..." said a fifteen-year-old Sirius Black the first night Remus showed the other Marauders where he went for his transformations. "We really oughta have a party here. We could celebrate our new abilities in addition to having loads of girls over. What do you say?"

"No, Sirius!" chimed Remus, James and Peter in unison...

...Remus chuckled at the reminiscence of the many goings-on that took place in the Shrieking Shack. It was a prison to him, yet it held so many memories.

He strode up to the castle as inconspicuously as he could, although bereaved with fatigue. Morning light had begun to waft over the castle and people would be scurrying about in a short while. The summer dew on the grass muffled the sound of his footsteps, something for which Remus was grateful, as he quickened his pace and entered Hogwarts Castle.

He found a letter from Harry waiting for him when he returned to his chambers. Harry's snowy owl, Hedwig, had apparently helped himself to Remus' breakfast as well. Remus removed the letter from the owl's leg, and allowed Hedwig to finish his breakfast. He'd have something to eat in the Great Hall later in the morning, he told himself, extracting Harry's letter from its envelope.

Dear Professor Lupin,

How has your summer been? Mine was horrible at first. I spent about two weeks with the Dursleys before writing Ron and begging him to have his family come get me. His mum spoke with Dumbledore and they agree that it's a good idea for me to live at the Burrow for pretty much the rest of the summer. Sirius said I should keep you up-to-date on my whereabouts. He mentioned something about him not being the only one keeping an eye on me. Now I'm wondering if every time I cough, half the wizarding world knows...

But that's not the main reason I'm writing you. I'll just get to the point. Ron's mum and dad are going out of the country on some Ministry business for the last two weeks of August. They won't say why, and they won't let us stay at the Burrow without adult supervision. Sirius obviously can't stay with us because he's at your place, and whenever he's not, he's on an errand for Dumbledore. Basically, it's looking like Ron has to go stay with Percy for the rest of the summer and I have to go back to Surrey unless we figure out something else. I don't want to impose, but I have a nasty feeling that the Dursleys are plotting against me and I may end up going to St. Mungo's instead of Hogwarts come September 1^st. Is there any sliver of a chance that I could stay with you for a little bit of that time? If not, that's okay, I'll figure something else out.

And let me know how you're doing! I haven't seen you in more than a year!

Sincerely,

Harry

"Gets right to the point, this one," mused Lupin, folding up the letter. "Just like his mother," he finished with a sigh, picking up a quill and a leaf of parchment.

Dear Harry,

It's wonderful to hear from you again! I'm sorry your summer got off to a bad start, and I hope your coming to stay with me during the last two weeks in August will compensate some for it. I'll make the arrangements and let Dumbledore and Sirius know. Everything should be in order before you even receive this letter.

I'll meet you at The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade; you can travel by Floo to get there. Let me know the exact dates and times that would be most convenient for you. I'm currently at Hogwarts, but I have been planning to return home for a short while before term begins. I doubt you've heard, but I'm returning this year to teach Defense again. Hopefully this year will be a little less eventful than two years ago. I don't know if this old man can take too much more excitement of that kind.

I'll be looking for your owl.

Prof. Lupin

"So sorry to disturb," began Remus, eyeing Harry's owl, "but I've got my reply and I have to get going."

Hedwig, whose head was in a goblet of pumpkin juice, gave a snort, sending an orange spray upwards. She withdrew her juice-stained head, bobbed her it in assent, and stuck out her leg.

Securing his reply to the owl's outstretched limb, Remus chuckled. The owl's eating habits reminded him of those of a child.

Remus sighed as he thought, How I would have loved to have a child. If only...

It's too late. Time has passed on. Opportunity has passed on. Love has passed on. Lily has passed on. It's a shame. I think I would have made a decent father. And Lily would have been an exceedingly wonderful mother to my child...

Remus caught himself. He had instated a personal rule the day of Lily and James' wedding. Any thoughts of what could have been between Lily and himself were traitorous, and were not acceptable.

But the thoughts were there, and a pang of guilt gnawed on Remus' conscience as he watched the owl take flight out the open window, and give what may have been a burp as she flapped out of sight.